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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Mumsnet behaviour-is it a police state?

499 replies

talktalk · 04/05/2006 14:18

Hello, I've been lurking on Mumsnet for some time now but finally decided to post having been horrified at the reception that some people have received.

I always assumed that, within reason, mumsnet would be a place for parents/carers to come and, mostly anonymously, discuss their concerns. Over the last few weeks I have seen some ghastly behaviour from mns against innocent posts.
Are some of you out there assuming the mantle of "mumsnet police" and if so should you not announce that fact?

Why are people so aggressive? I've researched some of the more aggressive posters and it seems that there is a pattern to their behaviour.
If you disagree with a post or challenge its viewpoint perhaps you should just make it known and move on-berating people for their view or concern seems wrong to me.

There are lovely people on mumsnet and its such a shame that there are others who seem to get too busy and bully people into submission when they don't agree with them

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

TaiTai · 05/05/2006 13:57

I can completely see why you are suspicious, but I do think it's worth bearing in mind that we don't all act the same way. Not everyone would feel comfortable asking women they know or their HV - some people might prefer anon of MN. A fair few people responded to that thread with tales of their own son's arousal, so they obviously felt comfortable enough sharing on here. To be fair, you say first off that you didn't see why the name change - you didn't suggest that she could also be a first time poster. As for the abuse allegation, that was silly, you clearly said you were talking about being a troll and not abuse; but that response from the OP didn't make me suspicious, just made me think that they'd got themselves worked up and had misread your post.

And yes, truce.

Rhubarb · 05/05/2006 13:58

Good!

Caligula · 05/05/2006 13:59

God there's no way I'd raise a concern like that with an HV or other medical professional in case they whipped the child off into care.

I'd definitely ask Mumsnet before I asked an HV.

yeahinaminute · 05/05/2006 13:59

See I knew it - you've all gone off in a gang and are having a fag behind the bike sheds ... well I don't care ..... FLOUNCE

Greensleeves · 05/05/2006 14:01

Has the fight finished? Oh, I'll go and do some housework then

Rhubarb · 05/05/2006 14:01

We're having a group hug so feck off!

I wouldn't tell MN just because you never know who is reading it. Same reason I don't post photos on here to stay, I take them off after 10mins.

cod · 05/05/2006 14:01

lol @ greeny

yeahinaminute · 05/05/2006 14:05

Well I'm having a Tuna Crunch sandwich and I'm not sharing that either

nailpolish · 05/05/2006 14:05

god i hate group hugs

very sweet valley high

TaiTai · 05/05/2006 14:06

speaking of photos on the internet (and rhubarb, I'm with you on that one), can I change the conversation completely and ask if anyone knows of the site www.babyvsbaby.com? You put your baby's photo on it and people vote whether your baby is cuter than another. There's a list of the babies who have won or lost the most battles. Charming. Have to say though, I did play for a while.

Rhubarb · 05/05/2006 14:07

Hmmm, do you know where creeps get most of the photos from for their perverted desires? Parenting sites.

TaiTai · 05/05/2006 14:08

just to clarify - when I said I "played", I didn't mean I put dd's photo up (would never, ever do that), just that voted as to which was the cuter baby.

Harpsichordcarrier · 05/05/2006 14:18

just seen that thread
not exactly mumnet's finest hour was it?
actually talktalk you may have a point after reading the way that poster was treated

Jennypog · 05/05/2006 16:40

Gosh what a long thread. I agree that some come over as being very aggressive and very clicky, but I don't really care!!! For all the aggressive posters, there will be some who will be really kind and they are the ones that matter, for me.

I haven't read all of this thread because it goes on a bit, but I was a bit put off mumnset because everyone seems to know each other and they ignore the odd poster who pops up now and again. I can't be on it permanently as I have other things to do, but I enjoy reading the various threads.

Funny, Talktalk, how aggressive and critical some posters have been about your post! I am sure they wouldn't have said those things if you had been standing in front of them.

dinosaure · 05/05/2006 16:52

flamin' 'ell, where did all these posts come from! This thread was dying a death when I logged on yesterday evening!

ks · 05/05/2006 17:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Greensleeves · 05/05/2006 17:01

IMO Jennypog, it's not as simple as that. I think some of the "aggressive and cliquey" posters who might be complained about on some thread might be the same posters who are kind, supportive and compassionate on others. People have moods and foibles and sore spots. Either we take the rough with the smooth because it's worth it, or we decide it isn't worth it and go and do something else. Just like any other relationship.:)

PanicPants · 05/05/2006 19:10

Can't believe this is still going.

Rhubard - how can you check if a poster is a name changer or new?

Didn't know you could do that!

zippitippitoes · 05/05/2006 19:11

You can't.. you can just hazard a guess and wing it..

Rhubarb · 05/05/2006 19:16

Greensleeves, you have something there. Most of the time if you post helpful stuff it goes by the by, but you post something a bit controversial (after all, we are only human and some things rattle our cages) and all of a sudden you are jumped on and posters you have never heard of before are saying how vile you are (not having a go at TaiTai - she at least had the guts to criticise using her own name, fair enough!).

I think MN can be very judgemental at times and once a thread gets into a row, there are links to it and it becomes a bitchfest! Me and TaiTai called a truce and I respect her for that, but I'm sure there were loads of MNers watching, hoping it would turn into a battle so they could join in and have their little say!

Rhubarb · 05/05/2006 19:17

PanicPants - you can ask MNHQ

PanicPants · 05/05/2006 19:33

Oh right I see.

I thought there was someway of doing it.

Rhubard, what you're saying is very true, the most memorable people are ones who clearly voice their own opinions - rightly or wrongly. I t makes it interesting and it's not as if there is only one thread where everyone is forced to 'speak' to oneanother.

Mn is a bit like real life where there are so many different people with differing opinions and personalities. We don't all like everyone in real life so it's no different here.

But on here, you can choose to ignore/go onto another thread/go and do the ironing etc

PanicPants · 05/05/2006 19:41

It's also true about people waiting for things to kick off - and I have to say I'm as guilty of that as the next person. I suppose it's a bit like rubbernecking at an accident.

Because lots of people like a good ruck, but of course some people don't and are sensitive to bad feelings, or will feel picked on.

Overall mn is a great place to be because of all the differences.

Blandmum · 05/05/2006 19:54

I haven't been 'got at' for ages if not years

obviously the MN 'clique' feels I am unworthy of their ire

Goes in fits and starts, does MN, doncha think?

SenoraPostrophe · 05/05/2006 19:56

or is it because you don't care any more mb?

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