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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Mumsnet behaviour-is it a police state?

499 replies

talktalk · 04/05/2006 14:18

Hello, I've been lurking on Mumsnet for some time now but finally decided to post having been horrified at the reception that some people have received.

I always assumed that, within reason, mumsnet would be a place for parents/carers to come and, mostly anonymously, discuss their concerns. Over the last few weeks I have seen some ghastly behaviour from mns against innocent posts.
Are some of you out there assuming the mantle of "mumsnet police" and if so should you not announce that fact?

Why are people so aggressive? I've researched some of the more aggressive posters and it seems that there is a pattern to their behaviour.
If you disagree with a post or challenge its viewpoint perhaps you should just make it known and move on-berating people for their view or concern seems wrong to me.

There are lovely people on mumsnet and its such a shame that there are others who seem to get too busy and bully people into submission when they don't agree with them

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

TaiTai · 05/05/2006 19:58

i think most people are very good about expressing their gratitude when someone has been helpful. unless you use this site a lot though you only see people on a thread-by-thread basis and haven't built up a bank of goodwill with them. being 'jumped' on is a matter of perception - the OP of the thread we won't mention anymore probably thought rhubarb was jumping on her, and rhubarb (probably!)thought I was jumping on her. If you criticise someone I think you have to expect to get it back. Doesn't mean people are saying you are a vile person though, just that they don't agree with you in that context.

Blandmum · 05/05/2006 20:01

SP, there may well be something in that. Been there, done that, smelled the oestrogen sorta thing How many breast vs bottle (or whatever) spats can you do before you think, can't really be that arsed?

Now people will think that sounds like I'm one of the clique

Harpsichordcarrier · 05/05/2006 20:08

yes but it comes in fits and starts though like mb says
I mean you think - oh no I can't be arsed with arguing about Gina Ford again or whatever, and then all of a sudden you see a thread title and you think Oh I'll just have a little peek and WHOOSH suddenly you can be arsed
that's why you need a rota, imho

picnikel · 05/05/2006 20:10

I jst saw \link{http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk?topicid=8&threadid=170606\this thread} appear, mind you and feel a bit suspicious about it....

Tortington · 05/05/2006 21:08

th OP in that post is coming to a meet. so doubt that she would be anything other than genuine. and is not a name changer - for that i give credit.

PanicPants · 05/05/2006 21:17

Funny you say that picnikal, cus I reported that thread the minute I read it. First time I've ever reported a thread.

veNivIDiViCkiqV · 05/05/2006 21:58

i still think yes.

handlemecarefully · 05/05/2006 22:09

Good grief! - fattiemumma has posted quite a bit on here. I hope she doesn't see this thread; if I were her I'd be well pissed at that.

Best idea is to quietly and unobtrusively report a thread if you really feel the need to, rather than openly speculate about it....I did this once only to receive a reply from MN towers to say that they had looked into it and the poster was genuine. No harm was done since she was none the wiser that I had alerted 'HQ'.

(I'm aware I sound a bit preachy - but I do think that is the best approach)

fattiemumma · 05/05/2006 22:09

that thread was about my son. i was genuinly worried becasue i left my XP about a year ago following a very violent relationship which involved rape.

it was concern that he could have witnessed more than i had realised. i didnt put that in the post because, quite frankly i wanted to know if other peoples children did similar things and i was ju8st over reacting.

Thank you for warning me not to bother posting anything serious in future for fear of being classified a freak!

lockets · 05/05/2006 22:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

handlemecarefully · 05/05/2006 22:14

fattiemumma,

Sorry you had to see this...

fattiemumma · 05/05/2006 22:14

thank you handlemecarefully.

what i dont understand is why have you reported the thread?? what did you think? that i was some peadophile? what would i get from hearing if it was something to be concerned about? i am incredibly upset by this.

quite frankly i tried to put the whole matter as delicatly as i could. it took me a good 10 minutes to even decide which board to put this on because i just didnt know what it owuld come under.

im sorry but this has really uspet me.

picnikel · 05/05/2006 22:14

Huge grovelling apologies, fattiemumma - I just saw the thread after reading this one and jumped to conclusions, which I shopuldn't have. Spent today at a child protection course so was obviously in a hyper-suspicious state. Apologies again.

fattiemumma · 05/05/2006 22:15

i didnt see any need to change my name. i was worried not embarassed!

handlemecarefully · 05/05/2006 22:20

Fwiw, as most of the posters on your thread have said, I don't think you have cause to be either worried or embarrassed.

My dd (3.10) flashed her bits to her dad the other day (after her bath before she put her pj's on) whilst declaring "look at me". To an adult that could be perceived as sexualised behaviour, but to a child that age it just isn't! She just thought it was funny and amusing. I'm sure they all do this sort of thing at some stage

UCM · 05/05/2006 22:23

Shocking - for anyone out there who has cried over mumsnet.

Turn your pc off, join a club, do anything but don't be reduced to tears by an internet forum.

Lots of people on here sound very confident but in real life would not be as outspoken as they are. I am being polite here.

Just don't be reduced to tears by a computer based conversation.

handlemecarefully · 05/05/2006 22:27

"Lots of people on here sound very confident but in real life would not be as outspoken as they are. I am being polite here."

Sorry UCM, had to giggle. Am fighting of mental images of lots of timid bespeckled librarians who wouldn't say boo to a goose, hunched over smoking keyboards as they type their latest piece of invective.

UCM · 05/05/2006 22:33

Heh heh

fattiemumma · 05/05/2006 22:35

your right UCM. to be honest i am very outspoken and will say what i think both on a forum and in real life which is why ( as im still quite new) i tend to lurk on threads like this..and i still havent actually read the thread, only saw the link to the other (my) post.

My own post aside, if you feel there is an issue with what someone has posted why not try and private message them (or whatever its caled on here) why put it on the boreds and start a mini war?
everyone has their own opinion about everything including the raising of children. i think that this board in particular is for people who have questions concerns or just comments about their childs development. if you have nothing constructive to say then shut the feck up and go find a different thread!

veNivIDiViCkiqV · 05/05/2006 22:37

Do you know, you are not far from the truth UCM.

I have met a few MNers now and can say that one or two are definitely not as gobby in RL as they are on here.

Some though, are even nicer in RL than they are here too

UCM · 05/05/2006 22:40

Errr

starlover · 05/05/2006 22:41

yep tis true... although, people i have met probably think i am not as gobby as I am on here, as i tend to be quite shy at first.

niceglasses · 05/05/2006 22:43

I take massive offense at the 'besspecked librarian' quip. Oh no, wait a minute I don't. Am too shy and retiring.........

Have got me itchy tweeds on as we speak.

Tortington · 05/05/2006 22:43

i am practically mute - i write far better than i speak. thats becuase writing gives thinking and editing time.

i do swear a lot - but think its a bit vulgar amongth mn friends if i use it too prolifically.

dont mince my words though. if i dont like someone or something - althoug i dont outright say - your a tosser - if asked "what do you think of xxxxx on mumsnet ?" i may say " tosser"

but there is space to think when writing that opening your gob doesn't allow for.

TaiTai · 05/05/2006 22:43

how often have you met these MNers Vicky person? Very few people are going to be as gobby in RL as they are on here during the first few times you meet them. The blessing and the curse of MN (and email) is that there isn't a small talk, nicey nicey phase. But I do think you have a point, UCM.

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