2.5 year old and I am losing it with her big time

[chocolatemummy]

My daughter is totally pushing my wrong buttons at the moment, I have smacked her twice in the last couple of weeks pretty hard, enough to leave a mark anyway and I felt bloody awful. BUT, she is out of control outside the home. She has very good manners, says her please/thankyou's etc, tidies up after herself and eats as sleeps very well.But I cannot go anywhere with her. She climbs out the car seat while I am driving, has already cut her lip open because of this once. She hates shops and has total tantrums, runs off, out the door will not hold my hand or daddy's.The time out thing just doesn't seem to work. and neither does smacking her but sometimes I don't know what else to do. I am at my wits end because I work three and a half days a week and and on my days off I need to get things done but because of her behaviour I can't do anything. I am practically housebound.

And me! I've just hada baby and ds (2.5) seems determined to kill him before he gets a tooth. Today he slapped his poor baby brother across the face and I raised my hand an just stopped myself knocking him across the room. Then of course he wonders why mummy is sobbing. It's so hard. I hate bloody SuperNanny type programmes. Everyone who doesn't have kids now thinks that naughtiness is abnormal and you're just not dealing with it properly. I'd like to shove her naughty step where the sundon't shine.

lol Baggie me too!!!

I agree! Those programmes just make me feel like a failure who is getting it all wrong.
I try the naughty step thing, but DS2 doesn't give a flying stuff if he is made to sit on it & just sits there grinning at me - little beast!

Chocolatemummy, could you lower your expectations? 2.5yos don't have much impulse control and so if she's a nightmare in the shop, don't take her. Or shop online or shop for only a few things at a time and do whatever it takes to get round. Give her things to put in the trolley/let her eat on the way round/talk constantly about things you can see to distract her etc. But don't expect her to behave just because you want her to, it's not in the 2yo nature ime! Have only skimmed the thread so sorry if I'm repeating. Also, don't let it get to you. I do know that this is FAR easier said (or typed) than done but honestly, if you tell yourself you won't let it get to you then maybe you can relax a bit about it and lower your expectations of her. I found it very stressful when my son was 2 and like this but I am finding 2.5yo dd easier because I know it's a phase and will pass and because I do know she's not doing it to annoy me, she's just 2. And it's hard being 2 sometimes, I'm sure. You know smacking isn't the answer, as you've said but you did it because you didn't have any other strategies worked out by the sound of it. I liked Toddler Taming by Christopher Green although I know he's not everyone's cup of tea. He's good at explaining how the toddler mind works though I think. They've got a lot of energy and are inquisitive so they use a lot of that energy to get what they want. Which won't always coincide with what you want of course! Good luck.

Ds is very much the same right now, although saves his worst tantrums for at home. He can be so horrible and then 5 minutes later such an angel that I feel terrible for being angry with him, but...it's just sooo hard. I really, really try the distraction method but today I raised my voice and it got us nowhere and just made the situation worse. I felt like the worst mommy in the world. I think at this age we just have to take it day by day and do the best we can.
I work 2 1/2 days a week and try to do most of my shopping at lunch or after work so as not to have ds with me for that.

I would agree that perhaps you have to lower your expectations a bit? Some children are ok at the supermarket/off doing errands, some find it really boring and misbehave whatever you do. If she's in childcare the rest of the week she's probably used to the day being about play and perhaps it's hard to make the adjustment to a day with mummy? I feel I have this problem with my dd2, who's very active. My ds2 is lively as well- both of them do/did the getting out of car seats bit - they are both very active. I try to think of the days I'm with her as just that - days to play and look after her, and try and do a little shopping/tidying around her rather than the other way round.(Easy for me to say as my standards re housework are rather low.) Some children do thrive on a bit more attention, and may just be acting up as a way of getting it. Not that I'm meaning to imply you don't give her attention, just that I've found especially with ds2 that he needed much more than I thought was reasonable! But if he gets it(even now) he behaves so much better,he's like a different child.

I LOOOVE late night shopping - even Tescos! So peaceful to be wandering around at 9pm, leisurely looking at tins and fruit and stuff. Once I'm there - I can easily spend and hour or more food shopping!

how recognisable ! it's good to hear from other posters that it is just a stage... my 29 month old is also driving me mental at times. fortunately, he doesn't really have tantrums (yet? ), but his is sort of endless I-want-this-don't-want-this behaviour.

breakfast scene
ds1: -I want cheese
me: -Mama, can I have cheese please?
ds1: -cheese pleeeeeeez
I give ds1 cheese on bread
ds1: -want butter/marmite/chocolate/salami/peanutbutter on pleeeez
And we end up with a nice cheese/butter/marmite/chocolate/salami/peanutbutter sandwich... (and happy ds1)