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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Does my baby look big in this?

108 replies

shinyshilling · 06/04/2006 19:38

My baby is 3 months today, weighs 14lb and measures 65cm.She is bottle fed and the HV says she is totally fine and just will be a big baby. I have never been bothered how people look etc and I am quite happy with the way she is as long as she's happy and healthy, which she seems to be. However, I am growing increasingly irritated at people commenting on her size and appearance. It seems as though people can say what they like about babies. Yesterday I took her into work and people said "God, she's massive, what are you feeding her?" Everywhere I go, people comment on her size, so it's not just one or two. I get sick of all the comparisons people make as I think all babies are different. How have other people dealt with this? Does it make you cross and defensive? What have you responded with to fend off the negative comments?

Rant number 2! I'm also sick of my mil going on about how much she looks like her daddy. It's not that I don't want her to, it's that I'm sick of mother in law going on about it. She actually said the other day "You know she looks nothing like you, she's just the double of her daddy and everyone thinks so". I felt really hurt, like I've just carried her for 9 months and now she's nothing like me.She also bought her babygrows which were 6 to 9 months and clearly far too big for her as she's "a big baby" I'm quite shocked at how irritated and hurt I feel about these comments as I've always believed that commenting on people's appearance is shallow. Any tips for coping strategies would be appreciated. Thanks

OP posts:

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Auntymandy · 06/04/2006 19:43

babies tend to look like daddy so that daddy accepts them...or so I've heard..dont worry she will grow out of it!!! I hate it when people say mine look like DH. Someone once said you can tell his daddy loves him..felt like saying its a good job cos I dont!!! :)

Mine were big too, I just used to say well you dont have to worry when they are ill or..yes they look like healthy babies!

SomethingAboutMary · 06/04/2006 19:43

I know how you feel as i also get the same comments not that she big as in chubby but as she is "long" my Dd is nearly 3 months she is about 65cm & she weighs about 13lbs, they come in all shapes,sizes & lengths I just say ignore the people who cares what they think as long as you know that your baby is fine

CHICagoMUM · 06/04/2006 19:46

I can sympathise ss, ds was 10lbs at birth and is now 30lbs (he's 15months). He is happy and healthy just big. I constantly had comments about his size or people disbeliving me when I told them how old he was. I even had comments along the lines of him being "backwards" because he wasn't yet sitting up/crawling etc (which he did early) as people always thought he was older than he actually is.

The only advice is just lt it ride. You can't change people, and you now there is nothing wrong with him, so ignore them and enjoy your baby.

MIL issues are the bain(?sp) of my life. When dd was born she constantly commented on how it was possible to have a blonde haired/blue eyed child in her family when they are all brown eyed and darkskin/olive complexion (I am blonde/blue btw), and then said "that is more like it" when ds was born and has brown eyes and darker hair.

leggymamba · 06/04/2006 19:55

Can't help either - but can join you on both rants!

My ds is 11 months and (when last weighed at 9 months 30lb) - If one more person says he's big isn't he I will scream! He is always being compared with his sister and was asked the other day if they were twins (22 months apart!). I wanted a nice little baby for a long time as not planning on having any more - just wish people would let him stay that way!

MIL - kept going on about how nice it is I got one of each (like they're collectibles!) - finally flipped and said I always wanted 2 girls (that has shut her up so far!).

BettySpaghetti · 06/04/2006 19:58

I've had this at both ends of the scale -with DD it was "isn't she tiny. Are you sure shes feeding enough? Poor mite looks starving" etc.

With DS its "ooh hes a big boy isn't he? He obviously likes his food" etc

It seems that any baby that doesn't fit within whatever people consider "Perfect" has to be commented on with the negative slant (by certain individuals that is!). You know your DD is lovely, healthy and happy as she is and your HV has confirmed this - just ignore people or say "thats funny as my HV says shes fine/normal weight/average size" etc.

As for Rant No2, don't get me started!! MIL has always (with both of our 2)gone on about how they look like their Dad and every member of their family. Not once has she acknowledged that either child could possibly have inherited a feature from me or any on my family -aarrgh! Really winds me up so afraid I'm not much use to you there -sorry! Will watch with interest for tips!

dyzzidi · 06/04/2006 20:02

shiny shilling you honestly could be me. DD is 15 weeks and nearly 15 lb. She is the image of her father and everybody yes everybody comments that she is nothing like me. Even the doctor whilst still in operating room after c section commented well mr x there is certainly no need for a DNA test.

Do you know what I just smile and say well she certainly moans like her father. by the way I have just had my MIL stay for three days while DH is working away and she actaully referred to DD as her little bruiser

As for 6 -9 months my DH is 6ft7 so my dd is very long and has been in 6 - 9 months babygrows and vest for a couple of weeks now.

We should be proud we have healthy thriving babies and not worry what people say.

Piffle · 06/04/2006 20:03

Having had one ds on 99th centile and a dd on 0.4 centile I totally sympathise with the comments you get.
I don't respond now - I explain away dd littleness as she has a heart condition. DS has always been tall and strapping. but at under a year it is good for babies to have a good layer of fat in sotre incase of illness and it all evens out when they start moving - crawling etc
I think you have to develop a thick skin. My MIL has said some unintentionally hurtful things about dd. Oh no she doesn;t have to wear glasses does she, thats awful.
I mean both MIL and FIL wear them FFS

williamsmummy · 07/04/2006 11:51

i can relate to this one, my son n2 was a big baby, 10 lb 80z ( I hate the kilo stuff BTW)
at three months we must of weighed about 22lbs, The health visitor gasped as she saw me wheell him in and asked how much formula was he taking!!

I was deeply insulted, as he was totally breastfed ( I was loosing weight wonderfully!!), and before she could ask how old he was ( I could see she thought he was a bit slow!) I told her .
Its bad enough in life that strangers feel free to pass hurtful comments when your hormones are rife, but the HV!!

IlanaK · 07/04/2006 11:59

I had a big first baby and a small second baby. It seems that whatever you have, people will comment. Both were breastfed and presumably my milk was the same both times so it was nothing to do with how they were fed! But that did not stop people assuming that I was either over or underfeeding them. Ignore them!

lahdeedah · 07/04/2006 12:02

I'm another one with a big baby, my DD has just turned 1 and is nearly 29lbs. All the comments do get annoying - but I just keep telling myself how lucky I am to have such a healthy bouncing baby.

As for your MIL, try and let it wash over you! Actually you are quite lucky that she is buying clothes a size too big - at least your baby will grow into them. My MIL persists in buying things that are the "right" size, i.e. 12-18 months, which are clearly too small. DD is now in 2-3yrs! I've told her many times to buy the next size up, at least - she looks all disappointed when I say it won't fit, as if it's somehow my fault that DD is so big!!

cece · 07/04/2006 12:04

This made me laugh. My ds ws big (over 11 lbs at birth) Can't remember his weight at 3 months. But still above 98th centile.

I however, used to get upset if people didn't comment on how big he was! I was rather proud of myself for producing such a big strapping baby! And wanted people to congratulate me on such a good job!

I wonder if it is becasue she is a girl. I noticed my job share had a big girl and didn't seem to like me commenting on her size much

schneebly · 07/04/2006 12:06

both my boys are big but my husband is 6ft 3 and very broad and people are always commenting on their size/thinking they are older/asking what i feed them. I am used to this and know that they are just healthy strapping boys but was pissed off at playgroup the other week when I was changing ds2's nappy one of the mums started making comments about the size of his legs and laughing and then got all the other mums to 'come and look'! Actually when DH was born he was 10lbs 8oz which was even rarer in those days and he was visited like a circus freak in the hospital by people who had come to see the 'huge baby'

madrose · 07/04/2006 12:09

Hya - heard the same two comments for the first 9 months of DD life - what are you feeding her, MIL suggested that I put her on a diet because she didn't want a fat grandchild - this coming from a clinically obese woman! For 6 months she was exclusively BF (good milk )

At first DD was on the 91st percentile - she was 9lbs and 9ozs at birth, but now a year later she's on the 9th percentile and it looks like she is going to be a 'small' person. DH family are all short.

Now I'm getting comments that 'you'll need to feed her up' and what a shame she looks less like daddy - just as well really.

I just grin and bear and keep out of the way. I know i'll never 'win' with DH family, but they are all freaks anyway.

Your darling baby is perfect. They will be the shape that they are just as we all are.

jambot · 07/04/2006 15:22

Doesn't it drive you mad? My dd was on the 99th percentile for height and weight the whole of her first year. She did go through a slightly podgy stage when she started on solids, but otherwise she's always been totally in proportion. But the number of people telling you "Oh she's such a lovely fat baby"!!! Drove me ballistic. Even strangers in the supermarket. Felt like turning round to them and saying "Oh what a lovely fat bum you've got!" See how they felt.

Kelly1978 · 07/04/2006 15:29

You have tio jsut ignore it. I lost track of dd in soft play when she was only 2 and had a (large) lady come up and said are you the mother of the chubby little girl. I really felt like saying yes and are you the fat woman who found her?

PinkTulips · 07/04/2006 15:30

it's even more annoying when your child actually isn't big trust me. dd has never been more than 50th centile for weight and always tall for her age yet dp's family don't shut up about what a 'fine fat baby' she is. last week dp's dad called her 'a grand stocky child' and at the health check 2 days later the doctor said she was actually slightly below average....grrrrr

as for looking like daddy, mine doesn't, looks just like me and everyone says so. starting to feel quite bad for dp as everyone blurts it out as soon as they see her. it doesn't bother him but i know it would bother me so i defend him and say 'well she's got her daddies eyes' which makes him laugh every time. (she has a weird miss match of both our eyes actually)

purplemonkeydishwasher · 07/04/2006 15:35

I have a mantra that I repeat in my head all the time: He's happy and health. He's happy and healthy.
When someone comments on his size I SCREAM it in my head!
EVERY BABY IS DIFFERENT. I think that's why as a general rule NEVER EVER comment on the size of a baby, big or small.

My MIL constantly refers to my DS (6 months, 23lbs) as 'big boy' drives me frickin' insane!!!

jambot · 07/04/2006 16:14

I live in South Africa and amongst the Coloured and Black communities, the bigger the baby the better! So for them to tell you you you have a lovely fat baby, it's meant to be a compliment! But when yours isn't actually fat, you feel like smacking them!
Also hate it when people say what a lovely 'boy' he is! WHEN IT'S a GIRL!! Ok she was wearing a blue t-shirt, but it had big pink flowers and a fairy on it for heaven's sake.

bubblepop · 07/04/2006 18:02

shinyshilling. when these a&holes are making these comments, just think to yourself 'p8ss off you old interfereing croney'. i promise you you will feel instantly better

moono · 07/04/2006 18:06

Tell her the fat genes must have skipped a generation. That might shut her up.

Nah, really I would ignore her. I get this all the time with my very big ds's. Someone even said he walks like a sumo wrestler once! Which he does but hey that's not the point! If you can, rise above it and try not to let her get to you.

chipmonkey · 07/04/2006 18:47

LOL! My friend had a little boy with blue eyes and was astonished when her SIL said: "You'd wonder where he got them from. None of us have blue eyes."
Completely failed to notice my friend's blue eyes!

DumbledoresGirl · 07/04/2006 18:54

I have noticed that people see in a baby whoever they knew before, ie I see me or my family members in my children and my MIL sees my dh or members of their side of the family in them. This phenomenon is not confined to physical attributes either: my ds2 is the spitting image of me and shares most of his characteristics with me, but even with him, my MIL picks up on certin charcteristics and claims that members of her family were just like that as children too.

I can understand your grievance, but try not to let it get to you. At the end of the day, your dd is yours, not your cooleagues' or your MIL's, and you will have all the pleasure of her (and unfortunately will have to accept all the blame when things go wrong too!)

PutAPeachyInYourSimnelCake · 07/04/2006 18:57

It's just the same if you have a small ojne I can tell you, everyone thinks they have a right to comment. It's an old MN story by now, but I (think?) you're newish so i'll tell it anyway... DS1 was very small at birth (5 lbs and a bit) and normal length so he looked like he was starving. Anyway some old lady asked me in Wilkinsons 'Is he going to live?'

People are stupid and babies seem to be public property. which'd be fine (to an extent) if the same people didn't then write in to Teletext or The Daily mail bleatinga bout how Mums these days get it so easy blah de blah de blah and they don't see why their pubs should have changing mats / shops should have no mums parking / planets should be inhabited by anyone under the age of 65.

I'd also not worry too much about the MIL- they're generally another species anyhow. Trust me, my kid looked nothing like his daddy (oh yeah? so how come complete strangers stop me and say 'that man over there has to be your children's Father')... so much so she asked to see the birth certificate!

it's built into us to be defensivce about our kids. Mother Nature doesn't know wat'll happen in the future: disabled kids, food shortages, pestilence, henceforth she makes us protective, competetive and sometimes very defensive. It's a sign of being a good Mum.

tysmaw · 08/04/2006 01:04

i know how you feel! my ds (11 months) has always been big, he was on the 98th percentile for his weight until just recently but he is long as well. The amount of people who call him big, bruiser, chubby - some of them total strangers!

the worst was dh's family, who decided because his hair was a light strawberry blond, it would be appropriate to call him butch dingle

also, when dh's auntie commented on how wasn't it funny how all the boys in the family look so much like their dads, fil replyed with 'thank f**k for that'!!!!!

i just swear in my head and dig my nails in my palms

OzJo · 08/04/2006 05:22

Ahhh, the joys of family, and in laws....we live in Australia so don't get too much stress from the in laws. Both my kids were/ are off the scale for weight. Dd, now 3, was huge, and breastfed. We had a holiday in Bali when she was 7 months old and the locals kept calling her "Wayan Moglong", which translates as " first born fat baby", lots of amazement that she was that fat, and a girl! ( as if we shouldn't bother feeding her that much, being female)...oddly it didn't annoy me. Ds is 9 months and over 12 kilos, long with it, so doesn't look so huge. I think people think they have some kind of divine right to comment, it used to annoy me to start with , but now I don't give a flying f**k

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