Does my baby look big in this?

[shinyshilling]

My baby is 3 months today, weighs 14lb and measures 65cm.She is bottle fed and the HV says she is totally fine and just will be a big baby. I have never been bothered how people look etc and I am quite happy with the way she is as long as she's happy and healthy, which she seems to be. However, I am growing increasingly irritated at people commenting on her size and appearance. It seems as though people can say what they like about babies. Yesterday I took her into work and people said "God, she's massive, what are you feeding her?" Everywhere I go, people comment on her size, so it's not just one or two. I get sick of all the comparisons people make as I think all babies are different. How have other people dealt with this? Does it make you cross and defensive? What have you responded with to fend off the negative comments?

Rant number 2! I'm also sick of my mil going on about how much she looks like her daddy. It's not that I don't want her to, it's that I'm sick of mother in law going on about it. She actually said the other day "You know she looks nothing like you, she's just the double of her daddy and everyone thinks so". I felt really hurt, like I've just carried her for 9 months and now she's nothing like me.She also bought her babygrows which were 6 to 9 months and clearly far too big for her as she's "a big baby" I'm quite shocked at how irritated and hurt I feel about these comments as I've always believed that commenting on people's appearance is shallow. Any tips for coping strategies would be appreciated. Thanks

No, she's bonkers and so defensive. I bought DD a beautiful coat which everyone commented on how lovely it was. She said "Oh it's gorgeous, what does DH think of it". When I told her he wasn't keen, she said "Well I don't blame him, it's a bit old fashioned". She's one of those Northern working class mothers (LOL like me!!! but the likeness ends there) who thinks the sun shines out of their sons bums! I think we just don't agree on anything although I try to meet her half way I get my fingers burned every time. Last time I went over, she had a photo of DH as a baby up on the wall and had bluetacked a picture of DD next to it and said "I know you might think she looks like you, but she's the double of DH. I can't really see any way in which she's like you". She then proceeded to question individually upon arrival all her old croanies who's come to visit "So who d'you think she's like?" until one staunch husband supporting auntie said "Oh she's a proper little fatty and the double of her Daddy" (thanks, rudeness on every front there!) and DH's mother cackled to the onlooking audience "See, what did I tell you?" Sensitivity is not recognised on her planet!'

I have three big kids and get no end of comments from everyone. I'm 6ft and dh is 6ft 2 so no wonder really all my family are over 6ft with my brother being the tallest at 7ft ! so my kids are bound to be big i do find myself constantly saying there ages though as people expect more. dd2 was even referred to the hospital at around 6 months for being so big (she was way above all centile lines at this point !) They took lost of tests and then generally decided she was just big said they could give her hormones as a teenager to stop her growing why on earth would i do that !thats it rant over.

shinyshilling, you've done really well putting up with the mil...sounds like you know her well enough to know you just won't get anywhere with her. She sounds insecure, but utterly without insight. Best thing is try to ignore her, there will be a point where she won't be able to denie your daughter has some genetic input other than the golden boys, and then she'll make some comment that will be hurtfull in some way. Some people are just unpleasant. Good luck.

My DS is a big lad but not that big - but the amount of comments we get along the lines of he's a strapping lad etc. People really do feel to make personal remarks about babies that they wouldn't do about adults in million years. He is also beautiful - of course. As for the MIL everyone apart from MIL refers to DS as Mini me. He is the spit of me. MIL insists he looks like every distant/dead relative on her side. Just bonkers. Take no notice.

My Ds was born 9pnd 9oz and is now just over 5months and weighs 8.8kgs I think that's around 19pnds.I just get in first and say yes he's a big boy isn't he one of the girls at mothers group calls him the tanker, I just laugh as I know he is a big healthy boy and I'm not worried about his weight.

My DS was tiny at just over 5 lbs and people used to tut when we took him out even to about four months, thinking he was newborn. My MIL used to say my milk wasn't working and all that kind of rubbish. But again she used to say he looked the spitting image of my DH.

DD big girl even now at 20 months. Guess who is the healthier eater but people still think I feed her a load of rubbish and DS on salads. I was happier with a bib baby though as she has had less infections etc and I never have to worry about her missing food through illness.

My little lad is a bit of a thumper too. 8.9lb at birth , hes one month now and probadly somewhere inthe 10lb area, but hes only a little above average statisticly. Todays hes wearing a 3-9 month size vest! and a 0-3 month baby grow... go figure.
I'm used to his size, but when I see other peoples smaller babies they look tiny and fragile.
Its no surprise to us that we had a bigish baby, we are not small people.
unisarah

People are just thoughtless. Every time I take my boys out, people comment on how spectacularly handsome ds2 is. Not that he's any cuter than ds1, just has blue eyes, which is special because we live in Italy. It doesn't seem to occur to anybody that a four-year old might get fed up with hearing his little brother get all the compliments all the time.
The same kind of people also knowingly comment on how disappointed I must be that ds3 was not a dd. He's gorgeous - what's not to like?

i too had a fairly large first born, 9lb 1 oz and 54cm long at birth. he is 18 weks and weighs 16lb 13oz and is still fairly long. has`been in 6 -9 month vests and gros for few weeks. i too get comments like "isnt he big" or "hes nearly as heavy as my 6 month old" or "what are you feeding him?". i just smile and reply yes to the first two comments and then get on with what im doing and to the last comment i proudly say mummys milk!! The other comment ive been getting lately is "arent you starting him on solids yet?", this is getting annoying as around me lots of people are putting their babies on rice at 10 weeks but my DS is still happy and fulfilled on my milk alone and showing no need for weaning yet, when i tell people this they look surprised as if im making it up! GRRRRR

As someone posted, I was rather proud when people commented on DS's size, I mean I didn't go through a 15 hour labour, episiotomy and 3rd degree tear to have a tiny baby, did I? I was happy that people noticed that he was big (98 percentile).
That was until he got my family's big cheeks . Then I started to get those "What are you feeding him?" nasty comments , he was called also "Little Buda"! wish I had taken it with humour "Let's see, he is 6 months old, I'm feeding him MCDonalds and he loves it!"

As for MILs, I just came back from the airport where we left her :o Bliss

I have not been able, after 3 1/2 years of marriage to find a way with her. Cannot help, sorry.

I just really don't get all this thing people have going about size. DP and I are only capable of breeding small boys - but ones who start off as big babies and then turn out small.

There is a chapter in a Steven Biddulph book about "what to do if your son is short." As if it mattered!

And I've heard people talk about men with a "short man's complex". Which DP certainly doesn't have. Every now and then people in the street will laugh at or point at DP as well. And he's only 5 foot 4 - not majorly short.

We're hoping either ds1 or ds2 will turn out taller than us because at the moment we can't use the top shelves in our kitchen cabinets.

And while people constantly comment on how short ds1 is (he's very blond too, so very small and sweet looking), it is quite nice when people are impressed by the way he talks and acts - probably because they are thinking he is 2, not 3. Cheaper for clothes too! He wore the same shorts the summer he was 6 months, 18 months and 2 1/2!

Oh, and I know I've gone on, but one more thing. When people say "ooooh, who do you think ds1 looks like? Don't you think he looks like dp?" We say "no, we think he looks like ds1"

Sorry - just reread that and I'm really rambling tonight. Better go and pour myself a drink with my short man.

I'm due to have my first baby in 2 weeks, i'm over 6ft and my DH is 6ft3 so you can imagine the comments i've been getting already! What does make me smile though is after the "you're going to have a huge baby" comment, in the same breath i get "oooh, you're not very big though are you.....?" They're not carrying it, they havent got a clue!!!

Sorry haven't read all the thread but ds was a big baby (long rather than chubby)so I got all these comments. I wondered whether people say these things cos they can't think of anything else to say. Discussions about size seem to be the thing adults always comment on - just like when you're a kid and your mum's mate who you haven't seen for ages says "Cor, ain't you grown - must've been eating yer veg then!" Stupid adults

I had three "average" size babies so never received any comments about big or small. Did get some on big hands or big feet though. Is it really that offensive?? I am sure people are not criticising an innocent baby just stating the obvious. He is a big baby. Better than saying he is butt ugly or something actually hurtful. Comments on big or small are nothing compared to comments they will get later in the school yard. As for the mil I can't comment. My mil does not even buy my children a birthday card/christmas present so there was never any hope of her buying baby clothes. I probably would have been grateful for huge babygrows.

Ds1 was 4.25ks and gorgeous jersey cream fed prize specimen, so to speak and I was endlessly showing off his fat bracelets etc, however ds2 was 4ks and never really looked as replete and Bhudda-like and I got a little put out at the lack of comments.

However to talk about size of children, dh is not tall and I am not really expecting either of my sons to be much taller than me at 5ft 71/2 but then people aren't generally used to seeing very tall Chinese flavoured kids. We'll see.

'Mymama' I don't think it's the baby that's really under scrutiny here, it's what you as a mother are doing to it - "Oh my god, what are you feeding that child" Errrr, she can't eat crisps yet, though she is keen on jammy doughnuts and toblerone, great food for an unweaned 12 week old, who can't really manage triangles of chocolate with no teeth!. My DD is the size she is. HV says you cannot over feed a new baby. Therefore, I cannot physically stop her being long 65cm, so it's the shock on people's faces when they see her or find out her age that's hurtful. I know I'm not doing anything wrong and love the fact that I have a healthy baby but I object to the fact that people seem that they have the right to comment. When you're a new mum vulnerability can strike at any time and I think it's better to comment on what a good job you're doing rather than on things you have no control over. And I guess in the MIL department, we're all different. I'll swap you mine for a week (LOL)!

shinyshilling - you worded what I feel just perfectly!
SOunds like you have a very supportive HV as well, which is awesome (and rare!) So no comments of LO should be on a diet etc...

I get this all the time, my boys were both big at birth, but whereas ds1's growth slowed and he became'average' weight but very tall, ds2 has stayed on the same centile, 98th, and now at 8 months people are asking me if he can walk, er no, he's 8 months old. I don't seem to have it in me to produce little babies, my boys are both big. I love it though, they are both the picture of health and very happy. I do get sensitive about it sometimes, when people assume they are older than tney are and should be behaving in a different way. I just try and remember that people always feel that they have to comment in some way on your children, if it wasn't their size it would be something else.

What I find interesting about this thread is how sensitive we all are about comments on size and our mothering abilities. Any comment on our children seems to be interpreted as a negative comment on them and specifically on us as mothers.

I am not saying that some people are not being rude - some are but I genuinely believe they are in the minority. Most pepople are just making conversation and not trying to be mean. Try and remember that next time someone comments. Our reaction to these comments is often more about what we feel than the other person's intent (not always I admit but quite often).

I agree to an extent but think that the comments are insensitive....in our society to approach a person and comment that they are 'huge' is unheared of and would not be tolerated but its ok for our babies!?

I do agree that is someone says 'oh isn't he absolutely huge/fat' that is probably rude.

A comment along the lines of 'oh isn't he/she a big boy/girl?' is not in my opinion insensitive.

Size comments do not mean the same when applied to a baby as they do to an adult.

However as we become more and more sensitive about this that may change and comments like this seem to be much more loaded than they once were.

I can see I will have to stop making comments of any sort about the appearance of a baby as people seem to be so sensitive about it.

Autymandy - I heard that too. Most of my pals babies looked like their dad and have grown up to be a good mix of the two parents. My DD is a dad mini-me and it can be upsetting, especially as she is going through the 'daddy's girl' phase where only dad will do! As for the big baby thing - at 11 months she's very tall and sturdy indeed. I have to buy aged 2 and 3 years clothes sometimes. She has always been 75th percentile weight and 91st percentile height. But she's healthy and I don't worry if she has an off-day or two food-wise. The Health Visitors think it's great - they love big babies. I have a MIL who describes her as a 'big boned tomboy' and personally I could slap her for it, but what can you do...?

Hi, I also had a small baby (dd - 2,5 yrs) and a big one (ds - 4 months, wears 12-18 months jammies). People commenting worries me as I am afraid it would bring the kids bad luck (the evil eye - my DH believes in this, and at long last, so do I now)
But it is rant 2 that I want to comment on. Both babies look very much like DH. People commenting on it is sort of OK, but my own mother said so, and repeatedly. She drives me insane! DH says they look like me too, which is sweet. I really truly wish they would look more like me though. Does anyone sometimes wonder what their kids would have looked like if they had them with someone closer to themselves in looks? Or is this madness?

And it will continue..... My daughter, now nearly 5, is still called "big" and "huge" by people, within her earshot. It is LWAYS said in a negative way. For some reason people find it acceptable to comment but I can only imagine the outrage I would face if I called their child "stunted" or "under nourished". I am tall (sorry, "big") as is my husband - so what do people expect? That we'll have children under the 50th percentile?? It is ignorant and idiotic. When faced with such comments, I always just say how lucky she is to be tall. After all tall people tend to suffer less from heart problems and recent research has shown that on average, they have a higher IQ People should think before they speak. With all the problems young girls face these days with weight issues comments like big and huge are totally unhelpful.
As you can probably tell this is something that REALLy irritates me.