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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Does my baby look big in this?

108 replies

shinyshilling · 06/04/2006 19:38

My baby is 3 months today, weighs 14lb and measures 65cm.She is bottle fed and the HV says she is totally fine and just will be a big baby. I have never been bothered how people look etc and I am quite happy with the way she is as long as she's happy and healthy, which she seems to be. However, I am growing increasingly irritated at people commenting on her size and appearance. It seems as though people can say what they like about babies. Yesterday I took her into work and people said "God, she's massive, what are you feeding her?" Everywhere I go, people comment on her size, so it's not just one or two. I get sick of all the comparisons people make as I think all babies are different. How have other people dealt with this? Does it make you cross and defensive? What have you responded with to fend off the negative comments?

Rant number 2! I'm also sick of my mil going on about how much she looks like her daddy. It's not that I don't want her to, it's that I'm sick of mother in law going on about it. She actually said the other day "You know she looks nothing like you, she's just the double of her daddy and everyone thinks so". I felt really hurt, like I've just carried her for 9 months and now she's nothing like me.She also bought her babygrows which were 6 to 9 months and clearly far too big for her as she's "a big baby" I'm quite shocked at how irritated and hurt I feel about these comments as I've always believed that commenting on people's appearance is shallow. Any tips for coping strategies would be appreciated. Thanks

OP posts:

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Jennypog · 10/04/2006 13:31

I found that my first baby looked like her dad. Have another one - it will look the spitting image of you! My second one does in every way.

Jennypog · 10/04/2006 13:34

Actually what I used to find funny (or annoying) was how people always asked whether she was onto the next step - ie, sitting, standing, walking, talking, etc. Also, people in my experience, always wanted their child to be the biggest and mine was only little. They would say, oh my son is in age 3-4 clothes when he was only 2, or he has size 12H feet when he was 2.5. Silly really, because when they are older they want them to be small.

Be proud of your big baby. My second one was really seriously fat!! She had double creases on her legs and cellulite at aged 9 months. At 10, she is a really skinny child who could do with fattening up a bit. You can't go by puppy fat.

Enjoy her.

jamsam · 10/04/2006 13:59

well i can safely say i was the size of a house while expecting both, and they were both huge. ds1 was 7lbs 2 oz..not huge i hear you say...well i was only 30 weeks!
ds2 was 8lbs at 34 weeks so i knew they would be monstrous. thier dad is over 6ft but hardly any meat on him..so it all came from me!!!
they are still huge for thier age, but in proportion now and the only comments i get are about height. thankfully no one has looked at me and commented on having skinny kids...id lamp them if they did!!!

jellybrain · 10/04/2006 16:37

DS1 was 9lb 14 at birth and never lost an oz ,was 10lb plus when he was weigh a few days later. He was always very chubby to the extent that the HV suggested at about 4 months that I should let him cry for longer as i was clearly feeding him too much. Of course I gave up going to the clinic. Conversely I took him to see the GP about the same time and was greeted with "WOW what a fantastic Baby" when I told him what the HV had said he said not to take any notice and that I should be proud to have such a healthy looking baby. Best comment I had was from my sister who said he looked like a Bottecelli Angel!

HE is now a nearly nine year old on the small side of average.

nickyp08 · 10/04/2006 16:41

My little boy now 7 shot off the centile chart altogether when he was a baby (wish i could post a copy of his chart) and my parenting skills came into question.HV thought i was feeding him junk.. quite the opposite.... how much do you feed him etc...i was refered to dieticians and to the hospital as they all thought he had some sort of growth abnormality he used to put upto a pound in weight on a week... people would come upto me when he was in the pushchair (obviously not at the walking stage,or talking much) and because he didn't speak to them they assumed he had some sort of disabitlity.. he is now still head and shoulders above all but one little boy in his class at school at 4'6" has lost all his baby fat and is a fit active healthy boy still eating all the fruit and veg he did as a baby. his older sister is the same height at 10 and they look like twins.... now i got a third on the way and from the scans he is going to be a big baby.... bring it on.... more to cuddle!!!!!

nickyp08 · 10/04/2006 16:53

forgot to say.... the only real problem i had with a big baby was the car seat issue...too young for a second stage car seat but too big for a first stage... the shops said you have to go on the childs weight but second stage meant forward facing when he clearly wasn't at the developmental stage for that!

sweetkitty · 10/04/2006 17:07

There is 18 months between my DDs and only 8lbs, DD1 is a tiny little thing so I've had to deal with all the comments about DD2 being chubby, shes 10 weeks over 14lbs and utterly beautiful! People are always saying they cannot believe she is only 10 weeks and what am I feeding her?

As for the looking like her Dad thing I think everyone sees babies differently, my aunts are always trying to tell who she looks like, it's also the first thing my mother says everytime she sees DD1 oh she looks like X it's different everytime I think they are obsessed that they must look like someone. On her last visit my mother informed us that both DDs have the same father ffs!!!!

Flum · 10/04/2006 17:43

There ain't much else to comment on about babies is there though really. I mean they don't really do anything. They just sit their being big or small. Loud or quiet. etc. At least they are interested.

If you are bothered just lie about her age.

rumtumtigger · 10/04/2006 19:07

Personally I love big babies - they inspire confidence and have better reserves if they should ever need them.

People say insensitive stuff all the time - and it would probably be worse if people said she was small! Turn it into a joke, say you feed her on pure chocolate, not milk and is that wrong?

As for MIL, say "shame she looks so masculine, isn't it, but maybe she will be clever instead"

MadamePlatypus · 10/04/2006 20:29

My son was in the 99th centile. As others have said, in the beginning, the only thing people can really comment on is size and looks. The only negative thing about his size now is that sometimes I wish I could give him a t-shirt saying "I'm not yet 2 and a half" as he could pass for a three year old, but obviously doesn't have the maturity of behaviour to match. However, knowing what friends go through who have small babies - constant worrying about whether an ounce has been gained, pressure to stop breast feeding - I can put up with the odd stupid comment.

UniSarah · 11/04/2006 11:10

i had foot in mouth moment yesterday. opened the door at bumps and babes group to see a tiny baby in mums arms, and said it was nice to meet another tiny baby ( mines 4 wks old, and all the others there were 4 months +) only to be told that he was a 5 monther, but small. My DS and this lad were the same size and wieght. oops.

dazedandconfused · 11/04/2006 13:53

My coping strategy is to keep in mind how much your children can change! Your DD will suddenly start looking like you, and you can rub your hands in glee quietly.

DS was a huge baby (10lbs at birth), and I had loads of people asking me if I was worried, what I was feeding him etc. The only sane person was my Health Vis, who said that everything evens out by 18 months or so. He's now nearly 3, and quite a skinny belinky.

Don't worry about comments. Babies seem to be considered public property, just like pregnant women. Grrr.

fransmom · 11/04/2006 23:13

we went to pay courtesy call (more like duty visit!) to dp's aunt a couple of days ago. she seemed to think it was ok to comment on the fact that dd was a big girl. this is from a lady who would be horrified if any1 dared to comment on her figure.

dd is on 91st centile for her height - my family are mostly tall (apart from my sis)and so is dp. so dd is bound to be tall. (still fuming) - maybe i should comment on her figure next time we drag ourselves round there...

swedishmum · 11/04/2006 23:34

I still get "isn't dd1 tall" from dh's family and she's 12 now. I would never dream of saying to sil "isn't your ds short".
Did laugh in Pizza Express last week - dd is a year older than her brother but shorter and much slighter - he got an adult menu and she got the children's one along with th e toddler... she's 10 and wasn't amused!
No advice really - just remember lots of people are really rude.

Rodeo · 12/04/2006 00:02

Aw, I too get 'isn't he small' comments about ds, we get him in places for free where 'under 3s go free' when he's starting school in September!

Although I'm afraid to say I'm guilty of saying 'ooh, isn't he big, tall, little, etc' I don't know why I say it but I always do, I suppose it's just something to say....sorry!

chipmonkey · 12/04/2006 00:02

jamsam 7 lb 2 oz at 30 weeks!!!! I thought ds3 was big, he was 5lb 3oz at 32 weeks!

Rodeo · 12/04/2006 00:07

"Babies seem to be considered public property, just like pregnant women. Grrr."

Oh dear, I'm equally guilty of launching myself on pregnant tums too, And I've been pg 3 times before and know how irritating it is, I just can't help it

chipmonkey · 12/04/2006 00:25

I've just done it to jamsam, haven't I?

tron · 12/04/2006 11:30

i know how it feels - DS was born at 9lb 3 but at 6 week check was 16lb 3! I got really paranoid he was going to be odese and have problems. My HV just called a big beautiful babe and said not worry. He's 4 now and even though he's still tall he's skinny with loads of energy.

As for looking like DH - well I can't deny that. DS sees pictures of DH when he was little and thinks it's himself!!! He doesn't seem to notice the fact he's never worn brown nylon dungarees with shirts with massive collars!

greengirl13 · 12/04/2006 11:44

My dd1 was born 9lbs 6oz and dd2 was born 9lbs 13oz. I have had constant comments about them being big girls but I prefer them this way to having a fragile little thing that may snap. DD2 is 2 but looks like she is 3 so people always think she should be out of nappies etc!

blobsmummy · 12/04/2006 12:10

Do I win for the earliest comments on my child's features?

I haven't even given birth to my first child yet (am 32 weeks pregnant), but have already been upset by comments people have made by just looking at the scan photos.

We gave MIL a scan photo for mother's day, and the first comment made was - "ooh, doesn't she have a big nose." At this point, all the rest of the family took turns to study in-depth the scan image and tell us individually what a huge honker she had!

I suspect it was probably just the angle of the scan and that she's have a nose completely in proportion to the rest of her face - but how dare they say something like that?! I wouldn't dream of going up to someone and commenting on a facial feature, so where is the license to do it with my baby?

I was sooooooo upset! I've been through many horrible procedures to even get pregnant, I've had an awful pregnancy and I'm under specialist care, so feeling a little sensitive anyway.

The poor kid hasn't even been born and she's already had comments on her appearance.

Didn't think I'd have to be defending my daughter BEFORE childbirth!

sunandmoon · 12/04/2006 12:22

DD is following the 98th centile (weight + height). She is now 8 months1/2, mesure 74cm and weight 10.22kgs. So she is a big girl! I am very proud when people ask me how old she is because they all get it wrong. I think you should be proud shinyshilling when people comment on your DD, you gave birth to a very strong, healthy big baby.
My DD look more and more like DH too, and she is very active like him so friends and family do comment a lot on that. I don't mind it,DH is very good looking and has the most beautiful eyes (I wanted my child to have them, and DD has now!). I keep on saying to the "commenting" people as long as she have my patience and my brain, she will be perfect...

Jennypog · 12/04/2006 12:24

I remember when my first was scanned, the doctor said she had long legs. I thought he was joking, but she had when she was born and still has now and she is 14.

We still laugh over the second one's scan, as it gives her a really big hooter and 3 legs. Needless to say, she was born with 2 legs and a small nose.

Jennypog · 12/04/2006 12:27

Also, my first was off the chart at birth for height, because she was 60 cm long. I think if I had plotted her height, she would be a giant and it worried me a bit. However, being above the percentiles gradually diminished over time until she hovered above the 75th line. Babies change - in my experience, everyone seemed to want their child to be enormous, so you can show off about yours!

sunandmoon · 12/04/2006 12:29

Poor you Blosmummy, people around us are so stupid sometimes. The family around pregnant women get so excited that sometimes they think they are funny and hurt the expectant mother very quickly without realising it!!! It is awful... The scan are showing weird pictures sometime, and thank God your little one will have a nose ... doesn't matter how big the nose will be but she will have definitely one!!!

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