Is this a normal tantrum - regarding control of toilet flushing

[EugenesAxe]

Recently my DS (2.9) has started having worse than usual tantrums; really gasping, making himself gurgle with spit, getting red blotches, not able to speak properly because of gasping etc., visibly shaking.

He's had them about three times really badly and unexpectedly over the last two weeks and two have been when I've flushed the toilet and not him. I normally let him flush his own waste when he's done it on the toilet. The two times have been when he wasn't there and I was just getting rid of his potty contents, and tonight - I put him on before bath; he didn't need to go, so I put him in the bath and because the toilet monged (residue of DH's nighttime wee I didn't know was there) I flushed it. DS then went MENTAL pleading with me to get it back and stuff - I couldn't get him to go back in the bath without kicking off so I just took him out. He was apopletic within about 2 seconds, remained like that for about a minute then calmed down and things were fine.

Does this sound like a normal nearly three year old tantrum or does it sound weird to you? He speaks well, has friends, settled into pre-school fairly quickly.

It sounds just like my 2.9 daughter. I have no advice, but plenty of empathy- she's driving us mad!

DD is 2.9 and the other day I made the fatal mistake of ringing the bell on the door at nursery ('her' favourite job).

Cue a meltdown on the scale last seen at Chernobyl.

I am really hoping it's normal.....

Completely and horribly normal. One day you will look back and laugh...honestly.

DS used to tantrum for England. One day, after he pushed every single button I had then went in to a melt down when I said 'No' to some sweets (back in the day when they were still by the tills in Tesco) I got down on the floor and joined in. "I can do that too!" said I. So I did.

It was weeks before I could go back to that store. And no, it didn't stop him. It just made me feel and look stupid.

My Ds is about to turn 3, in a couple of weeks, he has tantrums like this which, although he tantrums much more than DD did at this age, have increased after a calm period. He had one this evening because he did not want the cup his water was in, and when I caved in and gave him my cup (the one he wanted) he wanted his water in my cup. And when it was not just so, he went ballistic. He also has a tantrum if he did not pour the milk in his cereal, or did not butter his toast (because we are mind readers) and like your DS if he is not allowed to flush the toilet, or rather, if it is done for him (not necessarily not allowed, just not given the choice).

I take it as age related, his communication, ability to assert his own independence, his own mind and to be in some control. I am sure it will pass.

Good, good. I should be able to cope with them if I know it's just about control and very normal. It was when I thought he was deranged I was having trouble...

Thanks very much for replying everyone.

I agree, normal. DS1 at this age had epic tantrums if I took the top off his yoghurt, peeled his satsumas, didn't lift him up to press the 'start' button on the microwave to heat his milk... I could go on. He's 4 now and generally takes the opposite approach - he likes me to do as much as possible for him these days.

It only lasted a minute? That doesn't count as a tantrum! That's a minor hiccup .

Totally normal. You need to read the cutted up pear thread. It must be in classics somewhere.

cutted up pear

Hopefully that will work.

Thanks Piezilla - that is hilarious! Sounds like the same things everyone else has problems with that we do - not on a major scale like they've been recently but earlier on in his twos we would definately have tears for taking the top off the yoghurt.

Pretty much everyone's post has made me laugh - thanks.

It is normal.

It is a phase.

DD was terrified of the sound of flushing toilets and hand driers.
Public toilets were a nightmare.

She was obsessive about pressing the button at crossings and I lived in fear of a tantrum if anyone else (on a public street) dared to press the button.

It will pass.

My son is like this and he is nearly 5. I thought he would have grown out of it by now but he is a little behind in development.
Things that only he must do otherwise it causes a tantrum are switching on the dishwasher, washing machine, TV and any lights in the house. He can be the only one who gets his plate for breakfast and dinner. He has to hold the bottle if I am pouring out milk or juice. He must be the only one who opens the curtains in the morning and closes them at night.
I am sure I am missing out other stuff but it is driving me insane. I can't wait for it to end.

normal, biggest meltdowns come over things that were VERY VERY important apparently, just no-on ebothered to tell me that I wasn't supposed to: open the door, click the car alarm on the key, be the first one in/out of the door, help by getting coat off the hook

can you tell leaving the house used to me a minefield?
dd now at school, still does it sometimes when she is tired
actually dd1 is 7 and still does it sometimes when she is tired

Mind reading is definitely an evolutionary skill that we forgot to develop.

and toddlers can tantrum til they make themselves sick, and hold their breath til they faint and more, all normal, all harmless (physically that is)