If my 3yo had access to AIBU...

(387 Posts)
allhailtheaubergine Thu 15-Sep-11 17:25:24

AIBU to throw my bowl of pear across the kitchen?

Earlier today I demanded that my mother stop what she was doing and immediately get me a pear. She is by nature a difficult woman and she insisted on finishing her wee and washing her hands first hmm. I explained loudly that this was unacceptable but, typically for her, my protestations only made her more stubborn. Then she moved the goalposts and decided that I could only have my pear if I said "please" (actually I worry about her in this respect - she is utterly obsessed with that word, it's not normal) so I stormed around the house for 25 minutes or so and then eventually gave in and said please (so now she'll think if she holds out long enough I'll end up saying "please" every time - made a rod for my own back there hmm).

Anyway, she asked me if I wanted the pear to be cut up or whole. I replied "cutted up" and the utter arse of a woman cut up my pear! shock I was speechless with rage! Obviously, words were not enough to express my fury so I threw the cutted up pear across the kitchen and kicked her in the shins.


I think she genuinely thinks I am BU and it's causing me to doubt myself. What do you think?

Several posts later [dripfeed]:

Oh, and then I weed in my shorts because I was still cross. That'll learn her.

MrGin Thu 15-Sep-11 17:27:00

That is very funny grin

Icelollycraving Thu 15-Sep-11 17:28:23

Yanbu miniaubergine. She sounds a tyrant.

WoofToYouTooLady Thu 15-Sep-11 17:29:01


squeakytoy Thu 15-Sep-11 17:29:51

grin very well written grin

silverfrog Thu 15-Sep-11 17:29:56


Sookeh Thu 15-Sep-11 17:30:11


You should leave her! grin

HowlingBitch Thu 15-Sep-11 17:31:32


Wonderful grin

ViviPru Thu 15-Sep-11 17:31:35

All Hail allhailtheaubergine. I think I love you a bit.

mrspear Thu 15-Sep-11 17:35:11

That is genius!

lostlady Thu 15-Sep-11 17:36:10

grin as a three year myself I am very impressed with the consistent and strong way you have dealt with what is clearly a difficult woman- YADNBU

ripstheirthroatoutliveupstairs Thu 15-Sep-11 17:37:05

Superb. OP, I think you have grounds for suing her for mental cruelty. I would.

InstructionsToTheDouble Thu 15-Sep-11 17:37:51

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

MumblingRagDoll Thu 15-Sep-11 17:38:37


shock What a horrible thing for her to do!

She is obviously a self obsessed OCD type.

Next time you want a cutted up pear, get a stool and climb up to the bowl...then take a bite from every pear in there...that will also learn her!

What would really learn her - is if you took said pear, squished it and rubbed it over the tv!

Byeckerslike Thu 15-Sep-11 17:44:10

Ha ha ha!
Actually quite a few posts on here recently seem to have been written by 3 year olds ;)

All hail the aubergine!

Mishy1234 Thu 15-Sep-11 17:44:43


Very funny. Brightened up my day, thanks OP!

MarginallyNarkyPuffin Thu 15-Sep-11 17:45:13



GUSSETS by the way - fab use of AIBU IMO grin

allhailtheaubergine Thu 15-Sep-11 17:48:44

Thank you, there is some good advice here. I like the idea of taking a bite out of every pear in the bowl because that then gives me scope later on to furiously reject the pears on the grounds that someone has bited them. I think that random inconsistency is important if I'm going to get through to her.

I also like the pear on television plan - it's funny you should mention the television because that is one of our trigger points for disagreement; she has these funny ideas about me not trying to push it over. Once she even tried to stop me from throwing all of my cars at it, even though I was being Spiderman at the time confused.

Fuzzywood Thu 15-Sep-11 17:50:01


SouthernFriedTofu Thu 15-Sep-11 17:50:16

YABU imo

as nearly 8month dd of SFT I would have taken the pear mushed in to nothing then wiped it on my hair in my nappy through my clothes and then threw the rest on the floor. Throwing the stuff seems a bit amature and it is easily swept up. You'll learn.

oh and don't kick the shins- grab mums nipple and turn it like a door knob. She will make a pleasing squeal and cry a bit.

May I be the first to say... Leave the bastard grin

5inthebed Thu 15-Sep-11 17:52:19

You area a genious! I am going to use the "peeing in pants" stance when my mam net tells me to out my willy away in public. I mean come on, who does not want to see my willy?!

TheLittlestInTheBed (aged 2.10)

caramelwaffle Thu 15-Sep-11 17:53:53


Pears are for crushing into rugs, not eating. That'll learn you.

Becaroooo Thu 15-Sep-11 17:59:20

my mother actually dared to tell me off when I picked some berries off a bush and tried to eat them.....they looked very lovely and red and yummy. She marched me indoors, gave a massive lecture (yawn) about only putting good things in our mouths (so, thats why she gets through catering size packs of malteesers???) and washed my hands and made my sleeves all wet and then made me brush my teeth too!

The woman is insane

I got my revenge by tipping my apple juice all over the floor and hiding her hairbrush

<<whispers>> its in the bin!!!

Mouseface Thu 15-Sep-11 18:00:53


I think you need to tell her calmly and in a measured way how she makes you feel when she displays behaviour of this sort.

I think you are very brave and probably living in constant bewilderment as to why she insists on these 'rules'.

Everyone knows that cars are for killing the bad guys that live in the telly, surely?

Have you considered counselling at all? Or maybe going to stay with a relative for a night to give yourself a break? She's obviously unhinged.......

I mean, denying you food just so that she wash her hands, is a bit harsh IMO.

You could keep a diary of events, a chart if you like, then show her when she has been bad, had time out, had to use the naughty step etc but also, when she's good, you could reward her with treats and a nice sticker on the chart so she can see the cause and effect of her behaviour.

And keep posting, we're all here to help you smile

KeepInMind Thu 15-Sep-11 18:00:54

Funniest thing I have read in ages.
Well done op grin

Peachy Thu 15-Sep-11 18:01:19

YABU clearly- had you taken the pear, chewed it a little then hidden as far down the back of their newest sofa as possible you would have had a much bigger effect.

You are also BU for weeing your pants: don't you know that you should have done that three metres in front of her as she was on the toilet, just outside her reach and frustratingly close to the loo? You're such a beginner!.

Pears thrown at TVs as well- what is this, ineffective.advice.com? the best way to deal with a TV (especially one not tuned ito scooby doo) is to frisbee a plate at it. Glasses are useful underneath a table where they are not seen until someone treads on their shards.

There's something horrible about any squished fruit oir veg in a pilow case as well.

Don't worry, keep going and you will get there: I am only the preschooler I am today thanks to my 3 elder brothers.


SmallestPeach (3.5)

kenobi Thu 15-Sep-11 18:02:02

I understand you pain, OP. This morning my stupid mother did not realise that while I was LOUDLY requesting a nappy change because I had done a poo, expecting me to lie down or even stand still for said nappy change is right out of the question.
She is an adult for christ's sake. Surely changing a very full and sloppy nappy while at a flat run should be easy for her?!

Poor You, OP.sad

Your life sounds like a bed of roses compared to mine, however. My Mother reduced me to tears the other day by refusing to let me eat my sandwich with a spoon.

I got her back this morning though, by opening a whole box of what I think were christmas decorations and hanging them up by their pretty blue strings.

MiniBitter 2.8

Mouseface Thu 15-Sep-11 18:16:17

There is help out there for you all. Such a sad thread to read. Maybe you could all get in touch with a local support group?

MiniBitter - your mother sounds utterly vile. Did you not explain to her that spoons are essential for hand/eye co-ordination?


SmallestPeach - maybe you could help others like yourself by sharing your expertise?

I feel for you. It's time more of you spoke up and we heard!

EmmaBemma Thu 15-Sep-11 18:18:47


Although, I doubt my four year old would ever wonder whether she's being unreasonable. If there was a forum called "I HAVE GOT A HORRIBLE MUMMY AND I HATT HER" she would definitely post there, though.

startAfire Thu 15-Sep-11 18:22:41

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startAfire Thu 15-Sep-11 18:24:11

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Lisatheonewhoeatsdrytoast Thu 15-Sep-11 18:24:32

YANBU obviously the woman is mad!!

Mine doesn't understand my "art" i mean drawing all over the white boring walls in the hall is adding colour surely?"
Plus she's always doing that "please" thing, i mean really what is YOUR obsession with it!
She needs to understand that cutting does not mean cutting unless i mean it... got it? I did the same to my mother, she cut my ruddy fajita in half after i said yes to cutting it, i mean...grrr! So of course, i threw it over the kitchen and then poured the cranberry juice onto the floor (which wouldn't happen if she just bought the fruit shoots!)


Mouseface Thu 15-Sep-11 18:28:28

See, this is the kind of thing you should all be sharing, you need to tell people out your mothers.

Free expression of art at this age is essential for expanding the imagination. Lisa. Have you thought about maybe drawing on your dry toast? Would this be possible, expand your horizons, walls and toast?

And SAF - sleeves are for that very purpose........ hankies are so unhygienic. YUK! Fart jokes are the building blocks for social acceptance at this age, what is your mother thinking of?

TidyDancer Thu 15-Sep-11 18:35:43

Oh this has really made my day! Thank you for the shuddering laughs!

P.S. CLEARLY your DM is BU. grin

stinkyfluffycat Thu 15-Sep-11 18:35:50

YABU if you failed to get any on the ceiling.


butterflyexperience Thu 15-Sep-11 18:39:50


startAfire Thu 15-Sep-11 18:40:25

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Mouseface Thu 15-Sep-11 18:43:33

Oh SAF sad Please, remember that one day, you'll be free of her. Keep fighting for what you believe in - fart jokes, snot lined sleeves, Ben 10 on a continuous loop 24/7 denying the viewing of any intellectual TV, sugar on your Sugar Puffs, no fruit before chocolate!

Stand and be counted! You're not alone.

5inthebed Thu 15-Sep-11 18:44:10

Have you tried a Positive Toddlering course?

CardyMow Thu 15-Sep-11 18:44:52

Oh, I have a lot to learn from you all! Today, my Mummy was most unreasonable. I was just having an adventure and squishing my hands into some sloppy squidgy stuff, when my Mummy shouted at me saying something like that's your sister's Homework - she worked so hard to build that WW1 trench out of mud (what IS a trench anyway? It felt nice and squidgy!) and she picked me up and moved me away from the table.

I showed my displeasure by throwing myself backwards and hitting my head of the floor, going a strange shade of puce, kicking my legs a lot and screaming VERY loudly in my Mummy's ear. I'm sure my sister wouldn't mind me playing with the squidgy stuff, even if it was homework.

I have a LOT to learn I see. I am taking notes, and will try harder next time my Mummy IBU.

Yours, LittleKitten4, 7.5mo.

MrGin Thu 15-Sep-11 18:45:51

dadda say 'no more shaun the sheep' . I want shaun sheep. dadda give banana and break banana in two. Who eat broken banana ?!?!! Banana broke, want nother one. Don't care there no other one, want one. an unbroken one . Don't care shop closed. Want new unbroken banana !! dadda tries to put banana back together. banana falls apart. so bang table and make boo-hoo. Want Shaun sheep.! Want new unbroken banana.!

Want Shaun sheep.!

Want pee-pee but not tell daddy.

daddy let me watch shaun sheep. but want one with the funny man not the one with the kite, daddy find one with funny man and put on ..... don't want one with funny man, want one with kite. daddy ask do I want pee-pee. Yes I want pee-pee but watching shaun sheep. say not want pee-pee.

daddy say am i sure i not want pee-pee. ignore daddy. daddy tries to feed me broken banana. NOT WANT BROKEN BANANA !!!!!!!

daddy look at me funny way. daddy say ' i think you need a pee-pee.

i tell daddy i NOT WANT PEE-PEE !

ooh look half a banana. result. eat banana.

do pee pee on chair.

startAfire Thu 15-Sep-11 18:49:50

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fit2drop Thu 15-Sep-11 18:53:24

If I see one more
"stay away from AIBU " I will direct the poster to this thread.

I have been in a shit mood all day and this has cheered me up no end.


startAfire Thu 15-Sep-11 18:55:01

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startAfire Thu 15-Sep-11 18:55:35

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Lisatheonewhoeatsdrytoast Thu 15-Sep-11 18:56:49

My mummy is bad then. because my mummy put a stair gate on the kitchen door, so dog can't come in any more when i get my dinner and so i can't feed him...cruel woman! And i hear you all about broken bananas, i don't eat BROKEN BANANAS, i want a new one!!!!!

Plus she don't let me draw on toast or walls, she said you draw on paper or in colouring books, where is the fun in that?! Honestly you should see her taste in wallpaper, my drawings look soooooooo much better!!!!


fit2drop Thu 15-Sep-11 18:59:06


so funny

Peachy Thu 15-Sep-11 19:04:01

My mummy has no dog she has a cat

She won't let em ride on cat, she says cat is too old but cat only 2 years older than biggest brother and every time he tries anything she tells him he is a child not an adult.

So cat is right age to give ridey on kitty to me no?

And dady amde me wear clothes to nursery, I tried to take off my sweater as we were leaving (trousers after) but they said no too cole. It was a CARS sweater, just becuase I went to see cars why would I want a sweater? I want to wear stripey sweater that is wet in wash. With no coat but nursery lady says I must have coat to go outside, and I want to go outside and find baby snail I stepped on yesterday, or stepp on another one.
Snaily liked it: it oozed, that means snailey like it.
AND mummy ripped cakey wrapper at lunch. She is elarning though; she gets up earlier to open my brekky bar and juice now so she can replace it if I screech, she is almost well trained. It only took 4 bars to get me to eat breakfast yesterday, I was being nice no?

ROFL grin

One from my DS.

AIBU to have just given my mum the hmm look as she snorted pepsi everywhere whilst on the laptop.

startAfire Thu 15-Sep-11 19:15:26

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Mouseface Thu 15-Sep-11 19:17:51

Cats can be your friend too Peachy, you can give your cat those sprouts that mummy and daddy make you eat. Such a vile thing to give to a child......

Please, all of you, make sure with bedtime approaching that you refuse to wear your PJ bottoms on your bottom and wear them on your head, brush your teeth with jam, fill the loo with paper and have plenty of fart jokes at the ready when it comes to story time.

Assuming that you poor little ones will even get a story tonight, EastEnders is on in 15 minutes so make sure you get ALL of the pages read, no skipping!

Oh and as soon as mummy or daddy has gotten downstairs, demand a drink. It's your right to! Then make sure it takes you ages to sip it.

No fruit, no clean nappies and no ice lolly until the sandwiches have been eaten, keep that in the front of your minds.

You will survive, you can get through this.

Keep posting.

Flisspaps Thu 15-Sep-11 19:19:58

0800 1111.

eeyore2 Thu 15-Sep-11 19:21:25

This is brilliant. Was feeling sorry for myself as stuck late at work and just thrown up (14 wks pg) but now in a much better mood! Thanks!

Peachy Thu 15-Sep-11 19:25:08

Sprouts? My mummy gave up on veg ages ago because it doesn't look good on her clothes and she thought in her silly way that if she pulled it I might stop being so petrified of it; carrots, smoothies, apples and home made soups are all I will accept nd the soup goes everywhere and makes a spalsh splash noise when I do <<waves>> with my hands.
Mummy read me Puff The Magic Dragon; I like the bit where the dragon cried best. if he didn't cry I would poke him or bite him, I bit my brother today and he bled but then he bit me waaaaaaaaaaaah.

pamplemousserose Thu 15-Sep-11 19:26:41

My really older sister (5) said we can divorce mummies. She must be right cause she goes to school and is really good at telling mummy who's boss.

Mouseface Thu 15-Sep-11 19:28:56

Oh no! You were bitten Peachy, how awful. Did your mummy give you the emergency ice-cream or chocolate that all mummies keep for such occasions?

Oh Flisspaps (love your name still grin) - great, thanks for posting that. All of you who are stuck in this terrible situation with feckless parents, take a note of that number.

Mouseface Thu 15-Sep-11 19:30:59

Pample - do you know anyone who can help you start the divorce proceedings? Maybe have a look HERE?

They could help you? grin

pamplemousserose Thu 15-Sep-11 19:39:55

If I divorce my mummy will she still cut my Marmite on toast into soldiers and wipe my bottom?

ThePrincessRoyalFiggyrolls Thu 15-Sep-11 19:43:20

You think your mummy is bad...........

AIBU to think that putting my hand down the loo is the right thing to do, especially when my big sister hasn't flushed it and was waiting for mummy to come?

AIBU to let the dog lick my face, I think not, it is especially nice when she has been chewing the dead hedgehog that mummy keeps getting rid of. Infact I think mummy is bu to move the poor dogs toy she is just plain mean sad

AIBU to go around the supermarket in a trolley and launch all manner of things onto the floor into the trolley, I am only helping you stupid fool, I mean I know the my sister drives you to the gin and vodka bottles and they make such a lovely noise when they miss the trolley.

ThePrinceRoyal 13 mo

Mouseface Thu 15-Sep-11 19:46:42

I'm not sure pample. It's a sad day in CBeebiesville if toast is not longer covered in Marmite and cut into mouth sized squares.

DoingMyVeryBest Thu 15-Sep-11 20:04:58

My sister and I have had a fab day today making Mummy say everything (that is EVERYTHING) twice. All day.

Simple, but has quite effective results.

We are much older than you guys though. We're 5 and 6. You may learn at our feet.

pamplemousserose Thu 15-Sep-11 20:04:59

Mouth sized squares? I never get mouth sized squares, she can only be bothered to cut them in to soldiers. I'm definitely sacking her as long as she comes back to read my bed time story

Mouseface Thu 15-Sep-11 20:09:59

Oh yes, great post DoingMy - a wonderful age to learn from 5 & 6. smile Thank you for sharing your experience here.

pample - I'm so sorry that you are being treated like this. I suggest that you come up with some sort of improvement plan. Sit her down and show it to her. Keep it really simple and maybe even implement a star chart.

Show her where it is that she lets you down, but be gentle with her, mummies like her clearly don't understand the need for small mouth sized squares of toast.

DontCallMeFrothyDragon Thu 15-Sep-11 20:24:44


My mummy has been most unreasonable of late. I don't know what's come over her.

My uncle keeps using this funny word, "fucking". I think it sounds great if you stick it in the middle of asking where something is.

For maximum effect, wait til you're in public,and ask mummy very loudly "where's my fucking bear". Works every time grin

And SAF, I sympathise. My mummy is also one of those feminists. I don't know what it means yet, but she told me cbeebies broke because of it

FrothyDragon's DS (3.7yo)

Wafflenose Thu 15-Sep-11 20:52:57

Very funny Aubergine!

My mummy was VU today too. I asked to sit on her lap to read stories, but it was much more fun to wriggle, fidget, stand up, bounce, climb all over the sofa and jump on her. She told me to stop it but I didn't think that was very fair so I didn't listen. The sofa was lovely and bouncy, and so were Mummy's legs. I jumped on her a few times and she yelped. That mean parent told me to sit still or she would stop reading, but I didn't want to read any more and I didn't want to sit still. So she gave up and pulled the laptop onto her lap and went on ButtFace, I think it's called. It made me angry because her lap looked sooo comfy and the computer was in the way. Words couldn't convey my trauma, so I screamed "I want to sit on your lap!" I had to scream it lots of times. This is when Mummy got VVVU and said I'd had my chance and that the answer was no. I flung myself on the very uncomforable floor and screamed, to make her feel sorry for me, but do you know what she did next? She ignored me and went to hang out the washing. So I yelled a bit more and then went and hid my shoe, because I knew it was nearly time to go to nursery. When she told Daddy about this, he laughed. Why is my family so mean?

BabyWaffle (3.4)

Fuzzywood Thu 15-Sep-11 20:58:22

Loving all your work so thought I'd share a few tips on how to get those mummy and daddy people do exactly what you want! All you need to do is come down with some illness or have an accident which involves a trip to hospital. Now ideally this should involve the use of an ambulance in the middle of the night (much running around and dropping off of other children). Make sure you recover quickly, being as bright as a button when the doctors do their rounds is also a bundle of laughs, but I digress. When you get home and are asked which DVD you want to watch answer Beauty and the Beast which you expertly hid, then once this is found wail hysterically that you asked for Cinderalla (also expertly hidden). This also means that you can kick daddy in the shins, through glitter all over the floor, eat your tea on the sofa and spread food everywhere in the lounge without even a mention of the naughty step grin. Be careful though cos apparently biting of younger siblings is a step too far confused
The now fully recovered fuzzyjnr aged 3 grin

Mouseface Thu 15-Sep-11 21:00:01

Well babyWaffle - sometimes mummies and daddies can be selfish and only think about there own 'space' and 'free time'.

Sites like 'ButtFace' are common place for adults. It's appalling behaviour really. Stories should be read no matter your position on mummies knee! What is she, a man or a mouse?

And telling tales is so last week! No wonder daddy laughed at her.

Tomorrow, once you get her alone, make sure you sit on her knee for another story and do the BIGGEST trump possible, followed by a HUGE giggle.

That'll learn her!

cheeseandmarmitesandwich Thu 15-Sep-11 21:05:15

YANBU. Today I asked my mum for a banana. Obviously it had to be the longest one, who wants a short banana? After pulling the bunch apart and inspecting them I selected which was definitely the longest one. But when she opened it and gave it to me I realised it was TOO CURLY!! I didn't want a curly one ffs. I wanted a long one. Duh.

AIBU to throw a huge hissy fit when she then gave the too long, too curly banana to my sister (who has yet to learn the fun to be had in food rejection)?!

Wafflenose Thu 15-Sep-11 21:11:08

Mouseface and cheese - ha ha!

Mouseface Thu 15-Sep-11 21:16:00


cheekeymonkey Thu 15-Sep-11 21:20:19

Well I think YABU.

Your DM is obviously very attentive to you, your keyboard skills are years in advance...you didn't get those skills reading the menu at Greggs.

Some people don't know when they are born!

pigletmania Thu 15-Sep-11 21:22:19

brilliant grin

Sirzy Thu 15-Sep-11 21:31:04


My mummy wouldn't let me playing the cupboard under the sink. Something daft about cemeeecals or somthing in there - they sound fun but she wouldn't let me see them.

I lay on the floor screaming as much as I could but she just ignored me. I mean how rude is that!!

banana87 Thu 15-Sep-11 21:32:54

You think you have problems??

My mummy took me to get a happy meal for dinner and when we got home she would NOT let me have a crumpet! And I even said the 'p' word!

BabyBanana (2.11)

thecaptaincrocfamily Thu 15-Sep-11 21:35:42

I can totally see what you mean op! Mummies can be sooo stupid sometimes. My own one got very stroppy when I didn't eat my breakfast this morning .......well who would when big sis spat in it because it took me so long to eat it! Then I get offered a nasty jam sanwidge with the brown spotty bread! Yuk! Then she complains about me not being dressed (I blame dad) but she was upstairs and I had no clothes. SIBVU IMHO grin

AttillaTheMum Thu 15-Sep-11 21:48:20


What you need to do is find a pot a small paint, (they have screw lids)
You then have to pour it on the carpet, but make sure it is a different colour because that looks pretty. Then you rub it in.

By the way make sure you are wearing a brand new outfit and are just about to go out.

When you have to be washed in the sink shout loudly 'I am not a cup'

Mummies love this

neverputasockinatoaster Thu 15-Sep-11 21:56:15

Is there a crying with laughter emoticon thingy?

I need one.

JjandtheBeanlovesUnicorns Thu 15-Sep-11 21:56:55

Funniest thing I've read on mumsnet EVER I have been crying with laughter, dp looked at me like I was a loon on loon tablets, eventually I was calm enough to read it slowly as I kept laughing again, he said genious.

hester Thu 15-Sep-11 21:59:30

I've got a toxic mummy too. Today she took me to the cafe for a 'special treat'. Special treat my arse: she got me a banana smoothie that looked at me funny and a raspberry jelly that was full of chuffin raspberries shock

I said to her, "gak wee mama", and the daft bint replied, "Is that a lovely jelly, darling? Are the raspberries yummy?" After a few minutes of this I understandably lost my rag and communicated her in the only way she would understand: I threw it all across the room and watched smoothie slime splatter across the bare legs of a not-mummy lady.

AIBU to think that this whole situation was (a) her fault, (b) the raspberries' fault, and (c) not my fault? AIBU to think that I should NOT have been carried out screaming and kicking? AIBU to think that if women are too stupid to understand how unwelcome a raspberry is in the middle of a pink jelly, then they shouldn't be allowed to have children in the first place?

If my 3yr old had access to AIBU his thread would be

"AIBU to have sulked all the way home and tantrumed because I am not allowed to stay in school all afternoon. I told the teacher I wanted to and she said I wasn't allowed and she would see me tomorrow, so I told her I wasn't coming in again"

JjandtheBeanlovesUnicorns Thu 15-Sep-11 22:00:44

Today my mummy wouldn't let me buy cheese, we brought some cheese but I wanted two more cheese. I like cheese. Well not always sometimes I just chew it up to spit out. That makes mummy cross. When mummy put the cheese back I screamed a lot and laid on the floor, I kickted a laydeee. So mummy picked me up so I put my hand in my nappy so mummy took me home. With NO cheese.

I like cheese.

Bean- Jjs dd aged 2.10

Today Mummy took me to the cafe as a treat for lunch before nursery she bought herself a cheese sandwich and me the 2 eggs i wanted doesn't she know I ALWAYS want her food? she should do by now!! So when she went to buy herself another coffee I took all the cheese out of her sandwich and ate it then ate my eggs. She had the cheek to say that it isn't nice, well that'll make sure she buys me a cheese sandwich as well as 2 eggs tomorrow won't it!!!

No no no eat pear, wait for mummy to be ready to go out then do big sick down mummys top. If I'm realy upset I do big sick all over big brothers hand wash only top so mummy has to wash it in the sink

Peachy Thu 15-Sep-11 22:18:19

The aldy at nursery today forgot to give me my sticker so I painted Mummy's shoe red to show her how good my painting is now after a whole week. And I even decorated the clean white washing ready for packing up. And the floor and most of the other clothes she'd already sorted. And the floor is so boring; grown ups floors are always boring. And her red shoes are very pwetty. She said they're not because it will rain tomorow and she will have streaky red shoes but I can't wait to jump in red puddles! Yipppeeee!

pranma Thu 15-Sep-11 22:20:48

this is the best thread on mumsnet smile smile

AllDirections Thu 15-Sep-11 22:24:57


I waited ages and ages and ages for the big fire engine to come and sort out our smoke alarms on Saturday so I got bored and bugged mummy. She wasn't happy cos she was ironing and told me to be patient (what's that mean anyway!) so I cut my hair. It was fab, I cut off my lovely ringlets and put some layers in. Think I want to be a hairdresser when I'm all growed up. Mummy WVU when she found out (just as the fire engine arrived). I kept quiet about the nail varnish smile

LittleNorth, age 4

beautifulswan Thu 15-Sep-11 23:19:55

I'm sorry I haven't had time to read the whole thread and apologise if others have already suggested this.

Your mother sounds V passive aggressive. Is she like this with other members of your family?

You are clearly suffering emotional abuse, please get out now There are plenty of other mothers out there who deserve you.

Please call Toddlers Aid now on 87136928761836173

RubyrooUK Thu 15-Sep-11 23:27:49


My mother is nothing sort of a complete arsebiscuit. For some inexplicable reason, she is not keen to breastfeed me eight times a night and then get up to do her full-time job which she is always moaning is "incredibly stressful". Yawn. Whatever. Lazy slacking swine.

I often have to teach her a lesson as a result. Sometimes I scream at her until I am sick down myself with pure rage. But most effective is when I just crawl on her face and sit there in the night if she is slow to wake up and feed me. This tactic is especially effective if you have a bit of a dodgy belly and have shat yourself quite badly like I did last night. Then she can wake up not only struggling to breathe but with a big glob of sloppy poo in her hair. Then she is really sorry she wasn't just lying there with one nipple lolling in my mouth all night as I deserve.

Smallruby (13 months)

SteelMagnolias Thu 15-Sep-11 23:49:03

gringrin grin

Fantastic thread smile

JjandtheBeanlovesUnicorns Fri 16-Sep-11 00:02:20

Smallruby. Brilliant bravo.

verysmellyeli Fri 16-Sep-11 00:02:26

Thank you for starting this thread. YADNBU.

Today I requested hoops for lunch. Initially (and surprisingly) my idiot mother offered me hula hoops. I made it clear that I needed getty hoops. In a bowl. I was asked to select which bowl, but the stupid woman, instead of ignoring the bowl I chose, actually gave me the hoops in that actual bowl. With a spoon. FFS. Does she not know that the only way to eat hoops is with your hands?

Anyway, I got her back. Not only did I wee on the toilet floor - twice - before innocently announcing that 'I was not quite in time I am afraid' but I also pinched the cheek of my 9 week old sister and then lay down on the floor in Waitrose in front of one of Mummy's new work friends who I was very much aware that she was trying to impress with her (frankly non-existent) parenting skills.

She'll thank me in the long run for teaching her the very important lesson that I am in control. As she always says to Daddy - 'Try and remember who is the child and who is the adult'

Smelly's DD, age 3.5

verysmellyeli Fri 16-Sep-11 00:03:22

Smallruby Noooooooo! grin

worraliberty Fri 16-Sep-11 00:05:13

Love the opening post grin

working9while5 Fri 16-Sep-11 00:10:47

Oh, I hear you OP. Some good tips, though, on dealing with this intransigence. I am taking notes here, as an inexperienced nearly-2 year old.

Anyway, just thought I would share my recent revelation about this behaviour. I have finally worked out what is wrong with my mother, perhaps yours may be similar? This will shock you so I apologise in advance if anyone reading has a particularly sensitive nature.

So, we were in the bathroom last week, she was standing up in the bath with the water pouring on her. She had forgot her jamas. Imagine my surprise when I look up from my trains and realise that the woman is maimed.

"Uh oh", I say with some concern in my voice, "no willy".

And she laughs. She actually laughed about not having a willy. Is it any wonder that she is so difficult? With that level of denial going on, let's face it, she's a bit warped. It explains a lot, don't you think?

piprabbit Fri 16-Sep-11 00:12:47

You are doing a fantastic job - I'm sure that we all feel like you do at times. Please don't beat yourself up (that's what older siblings are for).

You just need to remain really focused and keep consistently inconsistent. Eventually she'll be broken of this willful behaviour. In the meantime just ignore, ignore, ignore - if she asks you to get your shoes, put on your coat or use the potty.

And don't forget to praise the positive. I find that a big kiss and 'Mummy, I do love you' goes a very long way to ensuring that I remain in control of the most difficult situation.

verysmellyeli Fri 16-Sep-11 00:17:04


Having nearly strangled SmallSmelly today this thread has been more cathartic even than wine - thank you all.

piprabbit Fri 16-Sep-11 00:21:09

PS. Hide stuff.

It will keep her questioning her own sanity grin.

DandyLioness Fri 16-Sep-11 00:22:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

helibee Fri 16-Sep-11 00:48:13

This thread is priceless and whilst being bed bound with hyperemesis is a VERY welcome distractiongrin

Mumsnet hall of fame

helibee Fri 16-Sep-11 00:52:03

AIBU to keep repeating what I want for Christmas 100 times a day? My mummy says pregnancy has turned her brain fuzzy and she can't even remember what day of the week it is, so how am I supposed to rely on her 'membering what I want. So I think I'll tell her every day and show her pictures in the lovely book with toys in and then she can't blame me for not helping her remember. . . Parents; can't live with them, can't live without them hmm

SouthernFriedTofu Fri 16-Sep-11 01:44:02

Remember OP, No is a complete sentance!

plupervert Fri 16-Sep-11 05:57:39

Morning all. Just checking in, and I have been shock at some of the stories here. YANBU!

AIBU to throw Mummy's words back in her face? Two can play at that "it's not time for that" game, after all. I only ask because she was all hurt and offended the first time I did it... although it did work and shut her up. I'm thinking of doing the same with her "broken record" technique, but am afraid it might ruin our relationship. What do you think?

SayCoolNowSayWhip Fri 16-Sep-11 07:03:01

AIBU to have woken mummy up at 5.30 this morning? I only kept her awake MOST of the night as I kept thinking she'd disappeared and screamed out for her. Obviously once she was in the room I knew she'd want to play and so was my most charming giggly self. She didn't seem impressed! I thought that was VU. I'm at my best at 2 in the morning.
She kept trying to leave the nursery after giving me cuddles but I knew that really she wanted to play so kept screaming up her until she came and lay next to the cot on the floor holding my hand. I thought this was VU as I wanted her to get in the cot with me so made my protests known until she cuddled me again. Must have drifted off as next thing I know the birds were outside my window and MUMMY HAD LEFT ME ALONE IN THE COT!
Of course I had to make sure she was around so yelled for her in my loudest voice just in case she couldnt hear me. She came in muttering about it being half past 5 but I know she was happy to see me.
Atm I'm spitting my breakfast over Daddy as he should know that Mummy's MUCH better at feeding me, but as a consolation prize I've got his phone in my sticky paws and am waiting for the right moment to drop it into my weetabix.....

Mini SayCool, 11 months.

MsGee Fri 16-Sep-11 07:26:07

YANBU. These mummies need to learn.

I have my mummy nicely trained. If she leaves me alone in the night I scream for hour or two. It's best to upset her too when she is tired and fragile by yelling "you unkind" "I am all alone" "this not fair". If she doesn't come I pee on carpet. Best to take jammies off first though so you can keep warm and just carpet is wet.

Also you need to mess with her mind. All this fruit stuff is fine but to get best effect you need sssycological warfare. Tell mummy she looks beautiful ... Then a minute later say "but you legs prickly. Cos you is old". Throws her for a bit see?

Little Gee 3.5 (ticker announcing not eaten fruit for two years, 1 month and 3 days)
(second ticker announcing 10 nights in a row peeing on carpet)

MsGee Fri 16-Sep-11 07:30:15

Oh and yy to using their phrases.

This week I mummy wouldn't get dolly so I said "you have legs". If her is naughty say "you naughty. I counting 1,2,3". I also tell her to share. She bad at sharing cake. She seems to eat fruit cake a lot though and as I am opposed to fruit on principle I can't eat that. Is it true that a lot of fruit cake looks like chocolate cake?

chocolateyclur Fri 16-Sep-11 07:45:03

When you are playing with Transformers which are frankly aimed at quite a bit older than your 3.4 years, I find it best to throw a hissy fit because Bumblebee isn't transforming "prop-pear-LEEE". This was the case this morning. Was IBU to advise Mummy through my anguish that "and you can't help cos you're just a GIRL?".

Maybe I should ask this on the femmynis board instead.

SeniorWrangler Fri 16-Sep-11 08:20:23

I am so glad to find some company on this thread. I have a serious problem with my parents, who continually defile my poo places. I have a number of preferred poo venues including behind the curtains, behind the chair in my bedroom and under the cot, and I like to think that I manage to work up a good fug in each one, being a bit territorial like that. However my parents continually deny me this small pleasure and clean up after me, insisting I do my poos in the toilet. Where is the fun in that, I ask you? They need help.

MrGin Fri 16-Sep-11 08:29:26

mummy on 'puter all day making tappy tappy on keyboard thingy which she never let me touch !!! I want 'puter, I want tappy tappy.

mummy keep spitting tea on tappy tappy but she never let me put apple juice on tappy tappy. I think this double standards.

where my nom noms ?

mummy bad.

pozzled Fri 16-Sep-11 09:10:45

I've got a bad mummy too. She keeps trying to put me down in cot, or on play gym. Don't want to be put down. Want mummy cuddles. All the time. I'm very reasonable, if she absolutely has to use her hands I will accept cuddles in the sling. But she has to realise that she must NOT put me down and walk away, this is truly unacceptable behaviour. AIBU to scream as loud as I can every time she tries to do this? And then to give her the most adoring smile as soon as she comes back again? (Carrot and stick approach seems to work well).

pozzledbaby (14 weeks)

Like my sister said, bad mummy. She doesn't seem at all pleased that I've just taken all my tops out of the drawer and strewn them over the floor. I think the floor looks much prettier. Mummy then had the cheek to tell me that I can only wear one pair of knickers today- I want three, why shouldn't I wear three? Her ridiculous rules. Then, to add insult to injury, she's just told me that we're going to the really big, fun playground in the big park. Don't want to. Won't go. And she even tells me that I'm not allowed to play roughly with my sister, she likes being jumped on. All these excuses of 'she's too little, must be gentle, blah blah blah'.

WIBU to ignore everything she tells me?

pozzledtoddler (3.1)

TobyLeWolef Fri 16-Sep-11 09:36:06

Is she always this controlling?

KeepInMind Fri 16-Sep-11 09:37:09

Baby Aubergine, have you ever thought of writting a book on how to raise parents??

I think it would be a hit

ToddlersRFab Fri 16-Sep-11 09:42:51

Thank you Aubergine for making me laugh this morning - very funny x

wantingout Fri 16-Sep-11 09:43:19

Gosh, I've clearly got a lot to learn, but there are well-seasoned toddlers on this thread and I have my older brothers and sister to watch too, so there is hope for me.

So, there was trouble here this morning. WIBU? While Mummy was emptying the dishwasher and trying to hear the headlines on the radio (instead of singing me songs. Ruddy woman.), she thought I was eating my porridge nicely. Actually, I was stuffing it down the side of the high chair in big handfuls, and pouring my milk into my jama trousers. I thought she might catch on before I was finished but luckily my sister, who is 6, managed to drop her porridge down the only clean school uniform she had, as a distraction. Then I did a HUGE poo in my nappy just as we were leaving for school and we had to stop to change it and then run down the road.

My sister can teach me lots - last night she had such a big tantrum over her Nerf gun bullets that I stopped what I was doing to watch. She went purple and everything. I can't do that yet, but she has said something about 'holding her breath' that I need to find out about. Come to think of it, Daddy said that too when Mummy said she had eaten the last chocolate biscuit in a desperate attempt to stay awake.

But in answer to your question, your Mummy is clearly BU. You have to show her who is in charge now, or you will have a very difficult time later.

Outlet #4 (aged 15 months)

ThePrincessRoyalFiggyrolls Fri 16-Sep-11 10:19:17

Well I certainly don't think my brother is bu with regards to my silly mother, and I don't think he thinks I am bu either but thought I would garner opinion!

Just wanted to keep mummy on her toes with regards to security (well there is no big daddy around as he has been having a long day at work, thinking about it it has been a very long day as I have been to big school more than once!) so wibu to stand and stare at her to see how long it took her to wake up at 3.30am this morning? I don't think so, but apparently I was as my partner in crime, who usually checks out security, was asleep on the job for once (an unusual occurence for which I shall have to have words with him about!!!!)- mind you he has put in the overtime this week as obviously Daddy is having this long work day and Mummy (the cheeky moo) has decided that she has to go back to work too this very same week! (Shocking but apparently something to do with keeping me in Sylvanian Families? Well I haven't seen much evidence of that which is another thing - but I digress!)

So was I being u? I don't think so, it takes many many hours of concentration and careful deliberation to look scary in the middle of the night don't you think? I mean I am only just learning but I think I am pretty good at it now.

I can also tell you that she was bvu at 7am to tell me that I couldn't watch Nick Jnr, when I finally got her to give in she wasn't remotely sorry! And she was particularly ungrateful when I told her she could watch her television whilst I threw hard toys at the Prince's head. What more can I say? I know my Daddy isn't this unreasonable!

LittlePrincessFR 3.9

SheliaBlige Fri 16-Sep-11 10:36:13

Last night I felt a bit poorly, I have snotty nose but managed to wipe it on my robot jammies so that was okay. But then I woke up at half past four and I knew it was still night time because I had stars on my clock and no sunny face so I yelled and yelled and yelled for mummy.

She didn't come. She is so mean.

She had said something earlier about how I am a bigger boy now and how I need to learn to sleep in my own bed, not in mummy and daddy's bed. I have tried to tell her that I like her bed much more than mine, there is lots of room and I can snuggle between them both and I feel safe.

She is having none of it though. She is cruel and cold hearted. I think that they might be doing noisy things in there, special kisses and stuff, which is why they want me to stay in my bed.

Well, that's not going to happen let me tell you! I'm not risking any baby dancing going on! No siree!

So my plan tonight is to shout and shout until I'm sick. Then mummy will have to come get me and I can sleep with her and daddy.

And if my jammies get too snotty, I can always use daddy's pillow.

Mouseface Fri 16-Sep-11 10:41:39

Oh, you poor little souls. So many sad stories of meany baneany mothers, how can they treat you all like this? sad

KeepInMind Fri 16-Sep-11 10:58:19

This is the funniest thread since the Penguin date one

iliketeabutprefercoffeetoday Fri 16-Sep-11 10:58:35


Your mother should have clearly known that when you asked for pear, you clearly did not want it. I have the same problem - when I ask for pear, I actually mean I want banana or yoghurt, but my mummy doesn't get it until I have bitten each bit of pear and declared "NO" and demanded banana and yoghurt.

That, and she looks at me funnily when I cry because there are no carrots left for eating at dinner time.

AND she dares to give me a biscuit every so often after lunch for a treat - does she not know I DON'T LIKE BISCUITS! I would prefer to nibble bits of celery and then through them at the cats.

We children need support to live with these awful parents.

Littletea (age 23 months)

betterwhenthesunshines Fri 16-Sep-11 11:06:55

IN my experience they just get even more U as you get older. I mean, I'm now 6 so I'm pretty much fully grown up and I do know alot about most things everything in the world universe. But my mother insists on me writing out all these words until I do HER way of spelling. I don't see the problem - I mean if no one else can read it, that's their problem, right? Crazy confused

And she's just sooooo U because she doesn't even have anything to do all day. I mean, we have to go to school and she just does nothing aaallll that time hmm

betterwhenthesunshines Fri 16-Sep-11 11:09:59

And she doesn't like when I take the phone without asking and call my best friend ( who I've just said goodbye too) for ages. WTF. I mean I'm only trying to ease her gently into my rights as a teenager. angry I know that's another 7 years away but she has to learn.

fit2drop Fri 16-Sep-11 11:16:34

poster TobyLeWolef Fri 16-Sep-11 09:36:06

Is she always this controlling?


this thread is every thread/post that mn ever had through the eyes of a child,
class, pure class grin

You all think that you've got it bad? Well, my Mummy can't even colour in properly. Yesterday I specifically asked her to colour in a cake in my colouring book and she did it wrong. And then she had the cheek to ask me I wanted it then! I ask you, what kind of a mother can't even colour in? Even when I started jumping and crying she still didn't understand, in fact, she just ignored me. When I threw all the crayons onto the floor she even made me tidy them up myself!

LittleMissTina, 3

how I wanted it then

thereistheball Fri 16-Sep-11 11:46:49

My mummy not only said no when I asked for marshmallows for breakfast this morning, she wouldn't let me put them in my pocket for later, even when I said they were for my cousins who live abroad! So I dragged my feet all the way to school and when we got there the bell was ringing and mummy had gone bright red from pulling me along. I find it's important to administer the punishment for unreasonable behaviour immediately, so the mummy understands why she is being punished.

ripstheirthroatoutliveupstairs Fri 16-Sep-11 11:48:18

Think yourself lucky, my Mother came to my very first assembly, and in front of the whole school wiped a tear away from her eye. Bloody woman, normally she is as hard as nails but today of all days when the eyes of the most wonderful 10 YO boy in the world were upon her. Honestly.
How will I ever manage to get him to notice me amongst 8 other girls if she is grizzling.

Mouseface Fri 16-Sep-11 11:51:43

Maybe you could all join forces and support one another through these tough times.

Maybe even start a charity?

You could call it the CuttedUpPear society for those with mean mummies and daddies?

You are all so strong. The more of you who post, the more support there will be. You're not alone, you have each other.

babybear77 Fri 16-Sep-11 12:08:16

Literally crying with laughtergringringrin

madmomma Fri 16-Sep-11 12:11:04

YANBU at all. My Mummy is an insufferable dullard who insists on hanging around me all day, which I'm sure keeps my glorious, superior Lord Daddy away. All she ever does is change my napkin, prepare my meals and tend to my neverending whims. She has no imagination and I've no idea what my Father sees in her; he who radiates hilarity - amusing me by his clever use of farts and burps. I despair of the woman.

EllieG Fri 16-Sep-11 12:11:43

I love this thread. It makes me remember my child is normal and that I am not crap. Or maybe I am, but everyone else is just as bad as me grin

SayCoolNowSayWhip Fri 16-Sep-11 12:13:01

To add insult to injury, mummy now hurted me in the eye whilst trying to open the packet of biscuits that I was screaming for asking very politely for. Of course I made my protests known, and was not at all mollified by an extra biscuit. Mummy thinks she can buy my affection with nice food but I know better.

I've been very grumpy and whingy rather introspective today, planning my world takeover, and Mummy was going to dose me up with Calpol but I made a miraculous recovery when I saw Granny who always panders to my every whim. Granny didn't even mind when I sneezed halfway through my yoghurt, and laughed when it went all over Mummy's new jumper. I don't understand the word that mummy said but it sounded like duck.

SayCoolNowSayWhip Fri 16-Sep-11 12:13:52

<Pissing myself laughing at 'changing napkin'>

EllieG Fri 16-Sep-11 12:16:12

My Mummy will not let me thump anyone, not even my big sister. I believe she is trammelling my creativity and I should be allowed this form of emotional expression if I want. I have tried screaming at the top of my lungs as a possible alternative, but she seems not to appreciate that either. AIBU?


bebeballroom Fri 16-Sep-11 12:16:13

YADNBU How very dare she?! If it was me I would in future (should this happen again) carefully eat the pear flesh but leave bits of skin scattered around the house, that way you get to eat the pear, but she has to deal with the consequences of her actions. (Whinging and sobbing noises whilst you eat would help her reflect upon the effect her actions have on you) This is exactly the sort of behaviour my recalcitrant mother exhibits, you are not alone & they will never learn unless we stand firm! (You would think that after 3 years she would have learnt how things should be done).

The tyrant that is my mother restrained me by the hand & picked me up in the middle of Tesco this week while I was meerly trying to express my feelings of despair at her choice of payment method by lying prostrate in the middle of the self serve checkouts. When will she learn that it is unacceptable to pay by debit card instead of letting me put coins in the machine? hmm Why do they always think that they know best?

Stay strong,
minibebe x

Avantia Fri 16-Sep-11 12:22:55

YANBU - but you really need to nip your DM behaviour in the bud , otherwise this could go on for years , I speak from experience.The behaviour progresses from getting you to say 'please' to making you tidy your own bedroom and clean your own guinea pigs out ! shock

Avantia Junior age 11

plupervert Fri 16-Sep-11 12:34:58

I've discovered an important secret which daddies know about. It's called doing-things-so-badly-you-will-never-be-asked-to-do-them-again. My friend's daddy does it with housework. I'm going to try it for reading. Bloody Mummy thinks she's going to make me learn to read just so she doesn't have to do it all the time. Hah!

P.S. I don't know what my Daddy does for his DTSBYWNBATDTA, since the bastard is always home late! angry If he were here more, Mummy wouldn't be so grumpy about reading stories!

APipkinOfPepper Fri 16-Sep-11 12:46:49

I don't understand this obsession with saying please either - and not just that, thank-you and sorry, too.

Only last night, I was sucking toothpaste off my toothbrush, and my mummy said it was her turn to brush. Well, I wasn't finished, so I ignored her and started chewing on my toothbrush. When she asked for the toothbrush again, I turned the cold tap on full so I couldn't hear her and carried on chewing. She still didn't get the message and turned the tap off, and took my toothbrush away - I was so cross I threw myself on the floor and cried as loudly as I could.

Reading all the tips on here to give me more ideas for next time she is U.

piprabbit Fri 16-Sep-11 12:49:17

Form an alliance of convenience with your siblings, even if you are normally sworn enemies.

Mummy and I were both exhausted on Thursday, as I had worked hard all night getting her up, invading her bed, kicking her, pulling her hair and sitting on her head. There was no way I could sustain that sort of pace - so how to maintain the required levels of sleep deprivation?

Simple, hand the baton to my big sister on the understanding that keeping Mummy confused and befuddled benefits us both. So DSis spent last night waking every hour with a variety of health complaints (too hot, pain in leg, thirsty, sweaty head), she is a past master at this and was able to feign sleep while Mummy stroked her back but wake as soon as Mummy went to bed. In the end DSis invaded Mummy's bed at 2am and I was able to join them, rested and refreshed at 5:30am.

Team work can really pay off if used correctly.

SnakeOnCrack Fri 16-Sep-11 12:52:46


WELL, I was out with my auntie yesterday, she took me and my baby cousin to the shopping centre. I was wearing my long socks and they had fallen down!!! I think you can all appreciate how distressing this was for me. I doubt her mental faculties sometimes because she seemed to think that pulling them up would be sufficient.

I quite calmly informed her that I wanted my "little socks" on instead, but she (and this is STILL making me quake with rage) informed me that they were at home and I would have to WAIT (I KNOW!) until we got home to change them. Can you IMAGINE?

I KNOW I was being reasonable when I started screaming "WANT MY LITTLE SOCKS, LITTLE SOCKS, LITTLE SOCKS", but she persisted in telling me I wouldn't get them until we were home.

Obviously by this point I took the only reasonable course of action left to me, I screamed and I pulled a shopping bag from the buggy and threw it to the floor and ran into Boots.

Do you know what she did? She caught me and tried to strap me into the buggy, but I knew her game so I played the "going rigid as a board" game which worked for a little bit. THEN she told me to calm down, CALM DOWN? Good grief woman.

And this is the piste de resistance, she tried to give me some grapes but I threw them on the floor, THAT'LL teach her.

I hope she see's this thread and the replies and realises she's a really bad auntie.

piprabbit Fri 16-Sep-11 12:56:32
RockStocksUrchsomeUrch Fri 16-Sep-11 12:59:28


My wretched mother won't let me paint her face, yet I let her paint mine all the time AND I sit still - she can't.

She tells me that I can't wear my favourite clothes because 'they are dirty' - it's a bit of food and paint FFS, surely 7 days in a row is not too much?

She won't give me her credit card to pay for MY shopping.

I have to eat what she puts in front of me, not what I want - y'know normal stuff like biscuits and crisps - they're healthy and they fill me up.

She even made me have a bath yesterday, spouted some crap about my having food in my hair. Who cares, seriously.

Even worse than all of that, she insists on actually brushing my hair every morning, yet when I offer to do hers she says NO. I don't get it.

She also tried to make out this morning that the laptop is hers. HERS? NO it's not, it's mine because it's got all my Peppa Pig stuff on it. IT's not like she even watches it, let alone enjoys it.

I am thinking of leaving tbh, and I urge you all to do the same.

The absolute worse thing, though, is that she spends all day on that fucking Mumsnet thing, talking to a whole bunch of other dictatorial idiots. Seriously, my mother needs to get a life, she's so dull.

grumpykat Fri 16-Sep-11 13:03:31

Yesterday my mummy said I couldn't have the giant bag of twirl bites next to the checkout in the supermarket.
But I REALLY wanted them. But she still said no. And bought me some grapes. GRAPES?
I was so angry I got out of the buggy straps, out of the buggy and screamed on the floor for ten minutes. I have a bit of a cold at the moment and I actually screamed so hard I gave myself a little nosebleed. Which was brilliant because when mummy finally got me back into the buggy I sat and shuddered and whimpered with blood on my nose and everyone JUDGED my stupid mummy because I looked like she'd beaten me or something.
Result. Bet I get the Twirl bites next time.

Mini grump, 18 months

I really really really like my willy. I’ve just discovered it and it is truly truly marvellous. I love yanking it around while proclaiming loudly and pointing to it. I think everyone should know about it even our lodger while he is eating his dinner.
One good trick I’d like to share with all other toddlers is that I like sneaking it out so it points upwards and then I noticed you get the wee to come out. This is really the best as DM says I can’t have wet jimjams and makes me nude again. I have learnt to run very fast all over the house when DM is trying to put another set of jimsjams on me.

AIBU being to be a naturist?

Little bit Smeared almost 14 months.

garlicbutty Fri 16-Sep-11 13:07:23

This is genius grin

hecklephone Fri 16-Sep-11 13:11:36

My mummy keeps trying to kick me out of MY OWN BED. She seems to think the big comfy bed is ONLY for her and Daddy, and keeps trying to persuade me to sleep in the tiny room with all my clothes and things in. WTF?? Sleep ALONE?? ALL NIGHT?? Whose arm would I stroke to fall asleep? Who would I headbutt in the night, or wake up every half an hour when I'm feeling restless. And WHO, pray tell, would I waken and drag out of bed at 6.30 every morning to watch Peppa Pig?? I CAN'T REACH THE TV ON MY OWN YOU KNOW. AIBU??

BabyHeckle 19months

JumpJockey Fri 16-Sep-11 13:14:52

YADNBU. They just don't understand our priorities and feelings. My mother will never ever learn about how important it is for me to wee in the bath. She always insists that I wee in the loo, then get in the bath. How can she think that's hygienic? So I always say I don't need a wee, but just to make sure she gets my point I then make sure to tell her as I do my wee in the bath. She needs to know that some things must be done my way.

She also always rambles on about 'Don't put your toothbrush in the bathwater, there's wee on it'. I do this every day, why won't she learn and just stop wasting her breath? I mean, we have the same battles every day, I'm starting to worry she's getting a bit forgetful in her old age.

JumpJockeyJunior, 2 and 3/4

Robotindisguise Fri 16-Sep-11 13:16:12

My mummy objects to me hitting my best friend over the head. It's affectionately meant, and honestly, what's it got to do with her? And she insists I'm tired when obviously I'M NOT, and then when I fall asleep the moment I hit my cotbed acts like that shows she knows things better than I do!

piprabbit Fri 16-Sep-11 13:18:24

JumpJockeyJunior - you are the voice of reason. I've been having the exact same debate with my Mummy. Why would I want to sit on a cold hard potty or toilet seat, when I can wee in the lovely warm water? And it's not like you can taste the wee on the toothbrush.

Plus I have the added bonus of causing DSis to go into meltdown when I wee in the bath water we are sharing grin.

ginnybag Fri 16-Sep-11 13:18:47

WIBU unreasonable this morning? I mean, my mummy wanted me to GET DRESSED, of all things!

I mean, I tried for 45 minutes to tell her I didn't want to put my clothes on, getting louder and louder but all she did was tell me I HAD to because she was going to be lateforwork, whatever that is. It didn't even work when I threw myself on the floor, screamed and then kicked her!

THEN, the horrible woman put me back in my bed. I don't like my bed, and now I don't like it lots. She's obviously got anger issues, to do that.

WIBU to pay her back later by refusing to go to bed at all? Or can any of you suggest a better strategy?

19m MiniBag.

MsGee Fri 16-Sep-11 13:23:12

I am stepping things up, having been inspired my the thread. Earlier I was playing with my sooper dooper bouncy ball and mummy was all "not against the windows". So I bounced it very hard. In the house. Mummy was upstairs so I marched around in my muddy shoes to tell her to find it (honestly, it's so hard to find a mummy who knows the job, why should I have to search for her).

So, stoopid mummy did not find ball. She offered me a DIFFERENT ball but it wasn't the same. So no go. I then decided I'd bounced the ball against the fence or perhaps over it. So mummy scrabbled around fence, climbed tree, got stuck, looked like a tit and I remembered it wasn't near fence. She didn't seem happy but as I tolded her, I like being funny.

She eventually tripped over the ball near front door. Clever ball had bounced throughout house! Super ball. I'm now refusing to let go and every so often I look menancingly at tv. It funny, makes mummy looked worriedsy.

DandyLioness Fri 16-Sep-11 13:23:34

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RockStocksUrchsomeUrch Fri 16-Sep-11 13:24:19

yy Heckle - and mine made me sleep in a cage thing when I was smaller too. Her pathetic reasoning behind this was that I would be safe and wouldn't fall out. Well, what the fuck is she for - if I slept in her bed, then I wouldn't fall out because she would be there to hold on to me.

And don't even get me started on the whole buggy/car seat rubbish I have to deal with every day, do you know she actually MAKES me sit in the car seat WITH straps on. Yet my brother and sisters can sit on normal seats. Apparently it's because they're all taller than her, but they still call her Mum. I don't get it.

They are SO stupid these mothers and fathers, they know nothing.

Henwelly Fri 16-Sep-11 13:35:25

My Mummy does not or wont understand that I will NOT drink out of any cup that is not pink, that is the girls colour.

I DO NOT like small plates, knives, Forks and spoons.

I know my little fingers cant manage them but I dont care I will continue to throw any incorrect cutlery & cups across the room until you get it right.

Oh and by the way, I think I am taking a dislike to round bowls so be a dear and find some square ones if you like your walls.

LittleChick 2 years & 6 Months

FunnysInTheGarden Fri 16-Sep-11 13:35:37

YABU to eat fruit. I will NOT eat fruit and the last time DM tried to make me eat a banana, I threw upeverywhere, fell out of my high chair, banged my head and ended up in hospital. That'll learn her. She has NEVER tried to make me eat fruit again.

HummusNKetchup Fri 16-Sep-11 13:41:02

yanbu. Sometimes mothers can be so trying. I tell myself it's just a phase, but still it wears me down. How long till milk o' clock? <sigh>

Today my mother tried to put me in my car seat. Frankly, I had better things to do, so I calmly went rigid and waited until she stopped trying. I repeated this a number of times, as I've heard it's the best way to train them out of this behaviour. The cheeky woman was muttering something like "you, babies, you're all the same, I've spent years wrestling babies into car seats and you're not going to win this one, kiddo". Obviously needs more work, this one.

You think you lot have got problems? My mummy is gaslightling me.

I lose my Mitmit (my specialisisisist teddy). I scream and cry and shout and shout. She says "look in your bed". I go to my room and guess what? I can't see Mitmit. I scream and shout some more and mummy makes me tidy all my friends into boxes in case Mitmit is hiding. She gets all antsy when I choose to perform the putting away of the friends through the art of dance. She's not even impressed by my pretty twirls and jumps. A lot of many minutes later Mitmit is still missing sad. Mummy stomps around saying things like "if you looked after it properly you would know where it is". It it! Mitmit is not an 'it'. She is a Mitmit. Mummy will then storm upstairs to look in my bed. She comes back holding Mitmit claiming she was inside my pillow case hmm. Well she wasn't there when I spent a whole lot of seconds looking.

Don't worry about me too much though. I teach her how wrong she is by example. Handbag goes in the toy cupboard, phone goes in the sink, diary goes under the sofa, and best of all, car keys go in the bin exactly 1 minute before we go to school grin.

DawnTiggaWeirdyBeardy Fri 16-Sep-11 13:44:01


eagerbeagle Fri 16-Sep-11 13:46:31

My mummy is a right PITA. Firstly she insists on confiscating my dummy at every opportunity on the clearly contrived pretext that I am a "big boy" now (she just wants them for herself, I know this for a fact). I am one step ahead of the daft mare though as I have strategically stashed caches of dummies around the house - how do you like them apples mom.

She also takes umbridge when driven beyond all tolerance I have to belt her one for not taking instructions as clearly stipulated, in plain English, by me her Lord and Master. For Christ's sake women, it is perfectly reasonable to wear jammies all day, my nappy does not require changing EVER and I personally view it as an infringement of my fundamental human rights to not be allowed chocolate buttons for breakfast (I'll compromise with chocolate cake at a push).

And WTF is with the prohibition on drawing on the (new white) sofa. Its like living in a bloody police state.

FunnysInTheGarden Fri 16-Sep-11 13:47:34

yy Hummus I've also found that if I don't want to be carried up to bed then by putting my feet against her chest and pushing I can get her to nearly drop me. Not quite escaped yet, but am working on it.

cryhavoc Fri 16-Sep-11 13:48:02

Can I offer strength and support to all of those suffering from this ridiculous, so called 'parenting'?
It helps to remember that you are not alone, we'll get through it together.

I have my own tale to add.
AIBU to tell all the teachers at preschool about my lovely baby brother?

I usually takes him everywhere, and looks after him, but on yesterday Mummy made me leave him in the car because, apparently I was taking to long getting out of mine car seat ALL BY MINESELF.

So I told the teachers all about him, and about how I do all the looking after him, and how Mummy would probably leave him in the car all day. They said I doesn't got a baby brother, but I told them they are silly and I does.

When Mummy came to get me they said,
'Wreakhavoc is adamant that she has a baby brother.' and gave Mummy a look like this hmm, and then, and this is the bit that makes me think the ridiculous woman thinks IABU she laughed and said,
'Oh yes, he's imaginary. She has three imaginary friends and an imaginary puppy.'

As though that makes any difference at all. It's just another example of the mindset that makes her insist on the 'please' and 'thank you' words and get all purple faced when I gets out all my clothes to choose an outfit in the morning. How else am I meant to make an informed decision if I haven't scattered my entire wardrobe over the bedroom. And bathroom. And landing. How?

Make it easier for yourselves by claiming secret victories. She thinks I'm watching Dora while she does work on the puter. I am actually riding Girldog around the living room.


Wreakhavoc age 3.6

YANBU mummies just have no idea! I mean yesterday after i had a yoghurt, grapes, apple and ice lolly after a hard day at nursery, I asked for crisps and she said NO. There was still half an hour til tea time could you believe! So I compormised and asked for an orange ice lolly and she still said no. I gave her one last chance and asked for a yellow ice lolly and she said " no more food". Then she had the CHEEK to put not one but 2 coats away in the cupboard. And when I said ' no want 2 coats away' she said I was being ridiculous!

Then she realised the rabbit was trying to escape so tried to put it back in it's cage and I had to cry to get her attention, I had to cry really loud and shout 'no want rabbit!' she told me to come outside too but it was cold and I don't like having cold cheeks so I had to cry louder. But then the evil woman PUT THE RABBIT IN THE CAGE, just when I decided to play with him.

She did manage to redeem herself by giving me my tea early though so my crying was worth it smile

And then she gets cross when I call her stupid...

Olibean (2.3)

Kveta Fri 16-Sep-11 13:53:35

grin grin grin at this thread grin

WIBU to leave my breakfast this morning then? I mean, I spent the best part of the night awake and yelling, just for shits and giggles, you understand. But because I refused all offers of food at dinner last night, I was hungry at 4.30 am! And for some reason my pissy mother just gave me evils and refused (REFUSED!) to feed me before 6. I wasn't even being fussy - I asked for milk OR porridge, but NO.

Then when she did let me have a feed, and I bit her (just to remind her to be more timely in the future!), she was deeply unreasonable and refused to let me have any more milk.

Luckily daddy is easier to charm, so he took me downstairs until mummy had regained her temper and was able to make me porridge. And then the idiotic woman finally got her act together and presented me with a bowl of porridge, so I had a mouthful and remembered I wasn't actually hungry.

For some reason, frisbeeing a bowl of hot oatmeal across the kitchen table was not deemed an appropriate action at this point.

She then cruelly denied me the opportunity to take my toy garage, collection of cars, and a door stop into the car to go and see the childminder.

Parents, eh.

littlekveta 23 months.

HummusNKetchup Fri 16-Sep-11 13:55:55

By the way, have you tried weeing on the naughty step? I found it worked very well. If you practise hard enough, you can do a bit of wee on the naughty step, then make your parent change your clothes, then do another bit of wee in the clean clothes smile

This technique has really cut down the number of visits I make to the naughty step. Instead Mummy tends to do shouting, which I can just ignore and carry on playing grin

eagerbeagle Fri 16-Sep-11 13:56:48

...i forgot to add. Her latest whim is to try and require ("require" - ha) me to do wee and poo in a potty or even worse the goddamn toilet. Does she not realise that toilets are for adults and not children like me AND they are cold on my bum. This latest development is simply unacceptable.

I have shown some willingness to compromise by agreeing to wee on on the living room carpet next to the potty and even went so far on one occasion as to wee up the back of the sofa. But did she recognise this as a gesture of goodwill on my part - did she hell. In a final attempt at reconciliation I shit on my nan's kitchen floor but no avail - I think she's in cahoots with my mother - splitter.

babybeagle 2.4

HSMM Fri 16-Sep-11 13:57:22

It's not just Mummy either! My Childminder would not let me open the gate in the playground. Does she not know that that's what gates are for? I think she should go on a special training course.

And YANBU - your mother clearly has issues that need resolving

Can not wait to see what Tigga's Cub has to say - his letters/comments are legendary!!!

Gilbonzo's Small Person - I've heard that she is a dreadful one too, I can sympathise with you there.

stabiliser15 Fri 16-Sep-11 14:07:08

My mummy is clearly several sandwiches short of a picnic.

I am currently being weaned and 2 nights ago consented to eating some of the woman's homemade fish pie. It was extremely tasty and to make a point of commending my mummy, I put my hands in the fish pie and then slapped them as hard as I could against my mummy's boobies.

But then the utter fool of a mummy tried to make me eat it the next day. I sealed my mouth shut and squirmed in my highchair and it took ages for the silly wench to understand that what I liked yesterday is not acceptable today.

mini-stabiliser, 7.5 months

GetOffOfMyCloud Fri 16-Sep-11 14:10:36

Oh dear, my DM is crying with laughter which makes my little world shake!! I'll kick her in the ribs a bit harder to see if she'll stop. I'm still all warm and snuggly in her tum so I won't be able to try any of these tricks for about another 3 weeks, but I will remember them for ever and ever and I'm sure I'll try them on my Mummy when I'm Outside. I can't wait, I've heard so much about the Outside.

We should all get our mummies to read us a book called "Diary of a one year old" to us, it's written from a 1 year olds point of view and it is exceptionally funny. I don't think they'll read it to us though, they might worry about how many ideas it might give us all.

OP - YADDDNBU to throw fruit.

DragonsEx Fri 16-Sep-11 14:11:24

Omg you all sound like babies... Wait until you get to my age and then see who has it better, I have to clear up after myself, sometimes make my own snack, YES MAKE MY OWN SNACK, I have to tidy my own room, the Mum doesn't come and do it for me anymore, no way, she's far too busy on her laptop to worry about her little Princess.. I have to strip my own bed, MYSELF, although she does help make it back up for me.. tut... And just to add insult to injury, I have to go to school every day, Monday to Friday, and do sums and everyfing...
I hate my life..sad
Princess Age 15 and 3/4's smile

HSMM Fri 16-Sep-11 14:21:16

Princess Age 15 and 3/4's I know exactly what you mean.

I am 12 and my parents do not seem to realise that they live in MY house. They keep expecting me to tidy my bedroom before going to the park. Honestly, what are parents for, if it is not to tidy up after us?

I got my own back this morning, by making myself late for my bus (by texting, instead of getting dressed) and got a ride to school. I wouldn't have minded getting on the later bus and getting to school at 10am, but they don't seem to understand ANYTHING! They are just so stupid!

meravigliosa Fri 16-Sep-11 14:22:59

Love the original post. Best use of dripfeed I've seen in a long time.

ExpensivePants Fri 16-Sep-11 14:23:25

AIBU to eat the legs off all the freshly baked cake people while they're still cooling? Mummy is cross because they took ages and baking with me is a very frustrating process and she thinks I should have waited until they were cold and decorated before tucking in.

AIBU to think she could just fashion some sort of cake walking stick if she was so bothered about them?

WiiUnfit Fri 16-Sep-11 14:24:10


What is wrong with all these stupid people?! My Mother is also somewhat of a tyrant, I have much to learn from you & other posters.

She is constantly sticking her face over me, making all kinds of stupid faces & noises trying to get me to smile. My response? I give her this look hmm until she looks away, then flash my biggest smile just to wind her up.

This morning she dared to not play with me, even though I was flashing her my biggest, cutest smile. I mean, it was 4am ffs, the lazy wench had had at least 4 hours sleep! Then, when she told me it was night-time & that I had to go to sleep, she dared to not hold my hand in my moses basket so everytime she moved it, thinking I was asleep, I let out a squawk to show my disapproval.

And earlier, I woke up from my nap & had a massive wee so my nappy was huge. The stupid woman decided to change it thinking this was what I wanted when clearly I wanted her to try feeding me FIRST, even though I refuse to feed until I have a clean nappy. So I proceeded to scream until my face went bright red, I was shaking with rage & I couldn't breath. Although I do like my bear stickers by my changing table, so I half-laughed at them between screams, prompting Mummy to look quite puzzled & not take me quite so seriously. hmm


[MasterMiniWii, 14 weeks]

BonzoDooDah Fri 16-Sep-11 14:30:06

Oh you poor fellow sufferers. I too am living with an entirely unreasonable parent.

Yesterday I wanted the cushion she was sitting on but she had the cheek to say she'd share it with me! I immediately went to melt down whereby she offered me ... get this ... an identical cushion !!!! Who was she trying to fool?? No way.
"NO WAY" I said and had a massive tantrum that I managed to string out for 20 minutes. She ignored me so I held up cushions to block the TV but she just moved her head!!!!
So I told her "I hate you for a million years until you are dead!"
Her shoulders started shaking at this point and she hid her mouth behind her hand and these tears started running down her cheeks. So I think THAT showed her who's boss.

Today the stupid woman tried to get me to wear WHITE SOCKS. To school FFS. Does she think I was born yesterday?? I know for a fact that she bought those socks at least a month before she bought my school uniform. So they are NOT, NOT, NOT, school socks.

Some days she even tries to make me wear trousers. Can you believe it?? I am at a loss for words at her stupidity.

Bonzo Survivor (4)

norriscoleforpm Fri 16-Sep-11 14:34:33

Mothers are mad for sure. I'm nearly 6 and mine gets really sort of sniffy and lemon sucking faced when i end each sentence with 'and then we all did a blow off'. Honestly, what's up with her. And what is the problem, exactly with wearing a beautiful pink lace disney skirt (aged 3/4) to school? You are so NBU. Good luck!

Ambernj1 Fri 16-Sep-11 14:39:08

You think that's bad? My DM left me at DGPs and when she came to get me she brought this thing she keeps calling Your Sister.

Now it's all "Your Sister doesn't want that fire engine on her head, she's sleeping" and "Don't poke Your Sister in the eye!" every time I try to play with it - it's too tiny apparently. I've had to put up with 10 weeks of this shit.

Then, get this, the other day (must have been Sunday as DF came to get me out of bed as it's "his turn") I needed DM to look at the fish slice i'd managed to get out of the kitchen drawer all by myself, so I went upstairs to find her. Would you believe the slattern was still in bed at 6.52am on a Sunday, and then had the nerve to take umbridge when I poured a handy glass of water over her! I mean, who left it there?!

OP, this need to finish her wee and wash her hands - your DM sounds like a narc to me...

littleAmber 20months

betterwhenthesunshines Fri 16-Sep-11 14:40:10

Actually, maybe we are all being just a teeny bit U <gets ready to accept flaming>.

It's a big change when we come along and some of them never quite recover their minds properly <looks sideways to see if anyone is coming>. Their judgment just goes all skewiff and their priorities are often COMPLETELY in the wrong.

For example I don't think it's U that whenever I leave the house I have to pack when I go to the park I need her to carry a bag that contains: dog treats, my scrapbook, a pocohontas figure, woolly socks ( in August) 2 spare dresses, 3 handbags, a snow globe, a silver cake slice, old mobile phone, a wind-up hamster, my knitting, a fan, a drawing of Kenya, a reading book and 12 hair clips. It wasn't even that heavy - I mean the suitcase even had wheels confused

Sunray (6)

Matronalia Fri 16-Sep-11 14:43:47


My Mummy still hasn't got the hang of the idea that its only the first bite of a piece of fruit that is tasty. After that the fruit is spoiled and obviously cannot be consumed - unless of course it is hidden behind something and rediscovered at a later date. All these problems would be solved to my benefit if Mummy would just realise that

a)I am always right
b)Sometimes I am wrong but I am still right

This morning for example when I produced a particularly fine poo and I wanted to share it with her, she failed to realise that shouting 'CHANGE CHANGE' at 6 am meant CHANGE NOW. By the time she had sat up the moment had passed and the poo was now mine and part of my body and any attempts to remove it would of course be viewed as a violation.

The same thing goes for toys. Clearly when I patted the heavy see-through box and asked firmly that it be taken down for me I meant the box on the other side of the room that contained superior toys and not the awful pile of rubbish she tried to fob me off with.

I have had some success with repetition of key words and phrases and ahve found that regular applications of affection = biscuits. Also sisters can be removed from the biscuit equation with a well executed bite, followed by a tantrum of epic proportions that contain the keywords 'pushed me over' 'sad LittleMat' 'need a big cuddle mummy'.

Don't get me started on that Daddy man. It was clear that his silver shiny flat laptop thing was much improved with the melted chocolate and I feel that his reaction was totally disproportionate.

Matronalia Fri 16-Sep-11 14:44:19

'LittleMat 24months)

norriscoleforpm Fri 16-Sep-11 14:44:40

Sunray, we're a similar age and I'm actually a bit shocked at your beliefs. THEY need to realise that WE are in charge, not the other way round. You'll be telling me that you sometimes 'do as they say'!!! I actually feel quite sorry for you.

AIBU for waking my mummy up at 6 am today to tell her AGAIN that the stick in the road with the round light on top is called a Belisha Boggin and NOT a Belisha Beacon which she keeps telling me. I am 4 now and so a very big boy I will soon be 6 and I have learned it at school. My mummy never goes to school so I know I am right!

littleone 4yo

AIBU for getting very upset that my mummy doesn't want me to go EVERYWHERE with her? I only wanted to sit on her knee while she was at the toilet and then hold onto her skirt when she was going up and down the stairs! My mummy is so mean to me that she LET the stairgate trap my finger then only gave me a little kiss before telling me that I shouldn't have been playing with it! Well if she won't put PepPib on for me then what else can I play with?! I think she wanted me to play with my toys shock she is definately most unreasonable!

littleone 2yo

Mouseface Fri 16-Sep-11 15:10:33

There are so many of you! I had no idea.

Well, maybe it's time that I stepped in here and had a little chat with all of your mummies and daddies.

<arranges large white vans and straight jackets to visit all of the named and shamed parents>

I am going to start a support group for you all, bless you so so much. There will be free toast, cutted up pear, fruit shoots, Gregg's sausages rolls, crisps, chocolate, wall art, frisbee in the house, ball indoors, late nights and nose picking...... all of the things that you are not allowed to have or do.

Stewie from Family Guy will be on hand for an Express Master Classes in how best to behave to get what you neeeeeeeeeeeeeeed.

Who's in? grin

urbanproserpine Fri 16-Sep-11 15:31:26

Mumsnet - take note. time to start

Thumbwitch Fri 16-Sep-11 15:44:03


Mouseface Fri 16-Sep-11 15:45:16

grin great idea urban grin

Peachy Fri 16-Sep-11 15:58:06

Today I pooed over the nursery ladies. Seves them right, they took away snailey. And Mummy won't l;et me drink the mummy squash rum the nice man from the shop brought her in his white van but it looks like apple juice. And she amde me wear clotjhes two days in a row, I suspect it is now time time to assert my rights as an individual and try some SuperToddler parent training on her.

I am now tight eyes so will go to sleep until 11 when it is time to play unless she cruelly keeps me awake.

WillbeanChariot Fri 16-Sep-11 16:02:10

I am so glad to have found you all. I have been lurking for a while and hearing all your stories of triumph over adversity I have found the strength to post.

Yesterday I took the mean dictator lady with me to toddler group. She was not too bad at first. We have been so many times that she knows better than to make me sit down for snack time. But after a while it was tidy up time and she TIDIED UP. She took all the toys away one by one but I kept finding more that I had put under the chairs just in case. In the end she had the nerve to take the VERY LAST TOY in the whole hall.

Obviously I did not want her to do that so I indicated this by first of all grabbing her legs and throwing my head from side to side while loudly whingeing. She did not respond so I had no option but to go into full on heavy metal mode. I do a mean impression of Axl Rose with the screechy vocals and long hair. This did not work! I had to throw myself to the floor in the middle of the singing circle, roll around, kick and scream. The mean lady and her mean lady friends LAUGHED at me and I have never been so humiliated in my life. I am very small for my age and I can't stop the dictator from picking me up and bringing me home. What can I do that does not require physical strength?


SophieRMumsnet (MNHQ) Fri 16-Sep-11 16:05:13

This is a Classic if ever I saw one.

Mouseface Fri 16-Sep-11 16:08:41

YAYAYAYAY SophieMN smile

Mouseface Fri 16-Sep-11 16:11:01

Willbean - can you hide something of hers? Something that she really needs? Something invaluable? What would drive her mad if she couldn't find it?

Or, you could stuff a cheese sandwich down the back of the radiator for when this evil woman turns the heating on?

allhailtheaubergine Fri 16-Sep-11 16:11:33


DandyLioness Fri 16-Sep-11 16:17:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

betterwhenthesunshines Fri 16-Sep-11 16:18:03

norriscoleforpm Oh I agree: "THEY need to realise that WE are in charge, not the other way round." But as I am the house expert in just about most things, I think something must have happened to make them think like this. I mean, I've just been in to ask my mum WHY ON EARTH I have to be waiting for my friend to finish her ballet lesson before she can come and play, when OBVIOUSLY it would have been much better if she had been on Wednesday instead of me doing my homework and then I wouldn't have to WAIT. Duh! <wanders off, shaking head in disbelief>

Mummy makes me eat colli and broccoli , at first I eat it but today she did it again, I am so so angry I did scream and scream, I did spit it out but she put some more in. I want my bot bot, where is my bot bot? Why does she keep giving me this stuff with lumps.

My big brothers had wotsits, mummy is mean and I'm not aloud , mummy says I'm too little. My brothers arnt mean I know if it wasnt for that mummy i could give big smiles and they would give me one but she says no!!! I am so so angry, I did big sloppy poo, it was all over my clothes . That will learn her

Littlest moomin 6 months

Columbia999 Fri 16-Sep-11 16:37:09

This thread has made me laugh and laugh, but also be very thankful that my son is now grown up! grin

norriscoleforpm Fri 16-Sep-11 16:39:22

well, this is the last straw really. SHE picked me up from school and when i came out and noticed that Meggie was going to play at Sophia's house, I acted appropriately. I went and stared at sophias mum and said 'why is she coming round and not me?' Apparently this is 'rude and uncalled for' and no-one will want to play at our house. All the way home it was 'blah blah blah...behaviour...manners...blah blah...no friends left...' Yeh yeh What.Ever.

FunnysInTheGarden Fri 16-Sep-11 16:40:26

OP YADNBU, this is Older Brother speaking. I am nearly 6 and DM just doesn't realise that the pre school routine is - watch SpongeBob right to the end then spend half an hour looking for a lego Ninja to take to school.

She keeps shouting it's time to go, right I'm going without you blah blah and I just tune out. I mean I really don't CARE whether I'm late or not so why should she. It's my life. Stand up for your rights brothers and sisters. It's the thin end of the wedge.

Insomnia11 Fri 16-Sep-11 16:42:39

AIBU to demand the right kind & number of spoons with my Weetabix?

Shouldn't my mum have known I wanted to use the two pink & yellow weaning spoons falling down the back of the chair and not a single metal cereal spoon?

I mean, doesn't EVERYONE eat Weetabix like this (this morning)?

FunnysInTheGarden Fri 16-Sep-11 16:45:02

Sunray you really need to get a grip. Like norris said we're in charge.

BTW how old are you? I am 5.10 and so obviously quite grown up. You sound a bit immature TBH

CustardIsMyNemesis Fri 16-Sep-11 16:45:50

I am glad I have found this outlet as I am typing almost shaking with rage at what my stoopid Mummy and Daddy people did yesterday.

Daddy person picked me up early, that’s right early from my Grandmas house so I couldn’t see my favourite Unkie. He tried to placate me by letting me eat out in the bestest restaurant in the world (Morrisons café, it’s the only place I will eat at, their chick-chick sandwiches are divine). I returned from there with some of my banana milk remaining. The Mummy person returned from work and attempted to eat her dinner, which I cannot express my displeasure at. I mean she should be playing with me, not eating her food. I demanded my milk be decantered to a cup (who drinks from a straw from the bottle? I’m not some sort of wino). I then insisted it be made ‘frothy’. You are not going to believe what my foolish Father did? He only went and got the milk frother and started frothing the milk!! This lead me to a complete breakdown, which only got me ignored have you ever heard of anything like this?

After sobbing on the sofa/in the hall/on the stairs/in the kitchen, I decided that I had made myself thirsty so went to reclaim my milk, and in the time I was away the frothiness had gone I couldn’t believe that they expected me to drink none frothy milk, so I attempted to throw it at my Mummy to show my displeasure, only for her to be quick and grab it from my hands!! How could she stop this final act of defiance I do not know (but that nice Daddy person did go froth my milk for me before bed – soft touch, at least I have him exactly where I want him grin)

stealthsquiggle Fri 16-Sep-11 16:52:08

You lot have a lot to learn, you know.

To the poster who gave in and allowed your auntie to strap you into the pushchair after only a token about of going rigid and screaming, may I pass on the following top tips:

Firstly you need to convince your mother/auntie/other gullible adult that you are way too big for a buggy and can walk. This may need re-inforcing with a few major strops involving ramming the pushchair into passing strangers, before they accept the inevitable and leave it in the car.

Then pick your moment for a tantrum. My finest moment (aged 3) was in a quiet civilised sports shop (a nice long way from the car park). When faced with a choice of blue or purple swimming hats, I hurled myself on the floor screaming that I wanted both.

My (clearly deranged) mother carried me out of the shop without buying any swimming hats, dumped me on the pavement and tried to reason with me, FGS hmm.

She then pretended to ignore me while I screamed for the next 20 mins (I know she was only pretending because every time some kindly stranger came to see if I was OK she interfered and said I was fine angry)

When she came up with some feeble excuse about having run out of time, and I entirely reasonably refused to walk (see earlier for getting-rid-of-pushchair method) she picked me up in a fireman's lift and carried me through the shopping centre - I mean - how embarassing?! The only possible solution was to scream "I DON'T LIKE YOU. PUT ME DOWN" repeatedly at the top of my voice.

It was days before she ordered a swimming hat and got the postman to bring it.

Her current stupid tantrum is that if I don't stop squawking every time I am asked to do something or my brother goes anywhere near me I won't have a birthday party. Talk about cutting her nose off to spite her face - I know she likes nothing better than entertaining 20 of my friends while I strop about not winning all the games.

minisquiggle (nearly 5)

norriscoleforpm Fri 16-Sep-11 17:23:43

Hi again - it's 11 year old brother here. I know I may be in the wrong place - sort of wanted to post in prepubertynearlykevinnet, but thought you guys might have an idea of how to help....basically the mother and father came to my new secondary school to meet the teacher (so called, I mean what do they do?) and, I'm finding this hard to put down, sorry...the mother Spoke to one of my friend in the corridor. Maaan!! She then talked non stop at the teacher dude and finally, Called Me 'Darling'. I just don't know how to do this anymore sad Any help would be great.

norriscoleforpm Fri 16-Sep-11 17:25:36

Oh and the mother has 'namechanged' whatever that is? she was 'lovecorrie' (spew) but isn't anymore...wierd or what?

My mummy did something right shock. She sent an email to EmEnAitchCue saying something about classics and voila!

However, this does little to make up for her earlier behaviour. I really don't know how to explain this but she took my brother's school book away from me. I know. Shocking. All I did was try to tear out the photo of him so I could kiss it. She won't let me have it back. I've done everything I can think of - throwing myself on the floor, sobbing on the phone to Granny, screaming, etc. I even tried my only-for-emergencies tactic of cuddling her and taking shuddery breaths while saying "want book want book" but she didn't give it back. Bitch (Please don't tell mummy I said the 'b' word)

Then she decided to give us a treat as daddy has gone to drink brown lemonade with his friends at the special grown ups only place. She gave us pizza in front of the tv for tea. Now this is all well and good you might think, but no. She had to go and ruin it by refusing to let me eat my pizza with a spoon. So now I'm not going to eat it until she tries to take my plate away. Then I shall have the meltdown to end all meltdowns. Ha.

stealthsquiggle Fri 16-Sep-11 17:30:04

norriscoleforpm jnr - I think you will find that entirely cutting off all communication (or at the very least restricting it to occasional grunts) is the only way to get over quite how unacceptable such behaviour is. If not nipped into the bud this could move on to touching (maybe even hugging [shudder]) you in public - be warned!

Peachy Fri 16-Sep-11 17:45:41

norris that is sooooooooo embarassing! laos elven here, and I have a ten year old bruvva. That woman still hugs me in front of the school. Now I am at secondry like I go by transport so she cannot come in but she is all like wot did u do 2day and make sure you have some fruit and water and stuff that is SOOOOOOOO uncool. My advise is ditch her man: she is not my muvva she is that woman. Cook, washer, embarasment factor.

U cld ave it worsew tho: woman does this carnival fing and its soon and she is dancing in fishnets. I MEAN FISHNETS? I am soooooooooo unhappy!

Peachy Fri 16-Sep-11 17:47:15

Mu Mummy is lovely she is the most beautiful thing I ever saw and I will never leave and I will love her all days.

CutiePeach aged 8- and he actually said that. Aw. He'll learn.

(don't worry, that's all 4 covered wink)

Sirzy Fri 16-Sep-11 17:48:17

I have come on here while mummy is to busy laughing at your stories to notice!!

Mummy thinks I am being unreasonable for wanting to decorate her phone. I mean black is so boring, green crayon over the screen is much better surely?

norriscoleforpm Fri 16-Sep-11 17:52:35

yer hugging - shit no way no more. Cept in private, maybe when I'm feeling lost and sad about leaving junior school..

Peachy Fri 16-Sep-11 17:53:42

Or at ten o clock when THAT MAN has gone out

When bruvva is sleeping

sorry wot no man like no chance YUCK

jugglingwiththreeshoes Fri 16-Sep-11 17:58:37

Good to see a thread about pears as they are my faverette !
I like dropping the bits from my high-chair and getting Mummy to pick them up and give them back.
I think this is a great game I've invented. You could play it too if you like !
But I have to warn you that, if my DM is anything to go by, mothers do seem to tire of it almost before it's got started. They have no stamina these days, granny will play it for much longer grin YADNBU - AIBU to expect this game to last longer with my DM ?

norriscoleforpm Fri 16-Sep-11 18:02:42

little (well nearly six ackcherly, so shut up!) sister back. Quick question - 'Brown Lemonade'? What is that and why aren't we allowed it? The bloke parent has loads of it in the fridge, right in front of the white chocolate. He was so grumpy when it was there but after it had gone (about an hour or so later) he was in such a good mood! Mummy said something about 'you're such a boring junk' or something..it was really funny. Brother just rolled his eyes and said about 'shut your bedroom door please, I'm doing 'secks' at school so I know what you're doing'. I'm getting more confused by the day - we don't do 'secks', just reading and shit. sad

mummyonvalium Fri 16-Sep-11 18:05:41


Luckily, my mummy is an angel. She is obedient, submissive, lot of fun and does everything I tell her.

The only times I have had problems is when we are out. She has a terrible habit of asking me "are you ready to go?" when I am having the time of my life. I tell her quite forcefully "No, I don't want to go". But then she actually picks me up and takes me out just when I am having a good time. She is learning though - I only leave places for ice cream and apple juice smile.

I have no idea what the 'brown lemonade' is. All I know is that 2 years ago it was considered funny if I tried to have a taste. Now I'm 3 they get all arsey and tell me not to touch it. 'Snot fair.

I wanted to wear my (too small) swimming costume and (too small) spotty pyjama trousers to go to the museum this morning. My heartless mother insisted that I add shoes and a raincoat to my ensemble as it was raining.

AIBU to ask how to deal with her clear lack of style?

MiddleWinkle (2.6)

jugglingwiththreeshoes Fri 16-Sep-11 18:16:26

Yeh, babymov Grown-ups are weird at parties, they get all cross in the car on the way there, then - when we get there - they sit around the edge of the room quietly for ages, and just when the party's finally getting warmed up they leave and usually blame us " I'm sorry we're going to have to get back it's way past babyjugglings bedtime !"- I'm good to party until the small hours me ! grin

WIBU to rub my bottom on mummy's hair? I was just being affectionate but she's being all (no pun intended) pissy about it hmm and moaning about being tired - she seems to have forgotten that, actually, I was up at 6 am too and - IIRC - I was actually leaping about and burning off some energy, rather than just lying there with her eyes closed saying things like "Please be quiet darling" and "It's so early" and "Can I at least have the covers back, I'm so cold" hmm

Anyway, must dash - I need to go and choose which 'jamas I'm going to refuse to put on tonight before throwing a massive temper tantrum in the bath.

Babybel, 3 in ten days, yippee!

Well MY Mum took U to a whole new level tonight. After a whole week of school she insisted on dragging me into town to pick up the new school trousers ordered because my others broke. FFS woman we have a washing machine surely 2 pairs is enough - I don't get that dirty. She even tried to reason with me that she had been at work all week too. But she only teaches the work she doesn't actually have to do it. And then she said to cheer me up I could get some chocolate - but not the huge bag of maltesers I wanted just a small bag - despite my offer to share knowing she doesn't like them.

Being a little older and mature I realise by now the tantrumming on the floor embarasses me not her - she just walks away hmm - I hugged her and told her she was my favourite mummy. The stupid ccaaaww just said I'm her only mummy and did I want the small bag or not?

Does she not realise that the compliments will stop if she doesn't react?

Minikidding aged 7.1 (almost!)

Mouseface Fri 16-Sep-11 18:47:00

Mummy has left me in charge of the shopping whilst she goes for a wee.

I'm biting the cucumber through the plastic and hitting my garage with it so it goes really mushy so she doesn't have to chop it up.

MiniMouse age 2.5

MrsDmamee Fri 16-Sep-11 19:11:20

AIBU to plug out that silly noisy hoover when mummy is walking around the room with itangry..why she do that its so noisyangry..I cant hear all my favourite music tunes on the telly....I mean I have to wait for ages to hear my music tunes and then they only bes on for like 3 minutes.

So I showed her and plugged it outgrin..then she put her hands on me and moved me away..why would I want to move away. I want that silly noisy thing off right now!!!

Then she put her hands out again and brought me upstairs to my room..why would I want to bes here there is no tv in here..I tell her this and she is acting like she has no clue what I say!!

Now I have to close my eyes as I cannot take much more noise....but soon I will go back downstairs after I scream so loud that mummy will run up the stairs so fast she will trip over my big brothers shoesgrin..there's be nothing wrong with me only there is no telly in here.

AIBU to demand that every 15mo has his/her own telly.


MusieB Fri 16-Sep-11 19:15:29

When you little pipsqueaks are a bit older you will need some more sophisticated tactics.

There will come a time when your lazy old mother will try to slope off onto you her responsibility for ensuring that your things are where you need them to be at all times. Don't let her get away with it. She will pretend that now you are big it's your job to remember to bring your homework back from school and all your stuff home from the park or your after school club or your friend's house or wherever you've been. As if you didn't have better things to think about!! As if she didn't have her own time for fun when she was a child and had any right to expect any more from life than to cater to your every need. What else does she have to do FFS? She may even say that she's not going to look for the precious thing (DS, favourite DVD, extra special feather) even though its an abuse of your human rights to expect you to live without it. (I don't mean the homework, obviously).

But better than throwing a tantrum or getting in a huff (liable to result in cruel and inhuman punishment like not letting you watch telly when you really need to), is to smile as sweetly as you can manage (hard through gritted teeth, I know, but its worth it) and say "Don't worry about it Mum, just buy a new one".

BMinor (nearly 9)

Jacanne Fri 16-Sep-11 19:22:53

AIBU to scream everytime my Mummy leaves the room. After all, it's not too much to expect her to carry me on her hip as she moves round the house, she's got 2 hands hasn't she....?

Tell you what though - mine just fell asleep while putting me to bed (I'M NOT TIRED! grin) and, whatever else has happened during the day, they're so gorgeous when they're asleep, you'd forgive them anything, wouldn't you? <soppy smiley>

betterwhenthesunshines Fri 16-Sep-11 20:12:05

FunnysInTheGarden I'm 6 and 3/4 so I am in no way immature. Infact I'm the most sensible one in this houe. My daddy just talks nonsense and makes up embarrassing songs and thinks it's funny ( well, sometimes it is, but do you think i'd let HIM know that?) and my mum can't even hold it together at all. I mean my friends have been to play and they've been drinking ribena again and honestly, the noise shock We had to come down and stand with our hands on our hips at all the giggling, and then they just started up again. Ridiculous - they should be getting an early night because tomorrow morning I'm gonna be up bright and early quite frankly they look as if they could do with it. Hmph

scotgirl Fri 16-Sep-11 20:12:20

My mummy's been so happy tonight. She was drinking lots of red juice at tea time and I think daddy has got more kisses than me - which is just not fair.

and someone is being very funny as I can hear lots of giggling....

but I think something is wrong with my tummy...

oh no...

I'm doing a sicky and, yuck, it is so smelly......!


SkipToTheEnd Fri 16-Sep-11 20:22:52

I cannot believe that I've finally found others who are going through similar things shock

My awful mummy breaks my banana in half and makes me share it with my cousin! WTF!!!!

I'm just gathering evidence so she can't deny it to others and then I am gone!

And she would only let me take ONE car to nursery. ONE? What the hell do I have 2 hands for then women???

SkipToTheEnd Fri 16-Sep-11 20:27:13

Oh and another thing - does she not realise that No, I don't want to walk but of course I don't want to sit in the bloody pushchair. I want her to carry me and push the buggy. Silly mummy needs to learn to multi task better!

mcfee Fri 16-Sep-11 20:32:35

Well I'm nearly 7 now and I think I'd better tell you all that life is just not fair.
It's not fair that I have to put my light off by 8pm.
It's not fair that I can't have my ears pierced
It's not fair that I don't have a tv in my room
It's not fair that I'm not allowed to go on X Factor
It's not fair that every one on in American tv programmes don't have to wear uniform to school
Its not fair that I can't wear shoes with 6 inch heels
Its not fair that I have to do my homework (particularly when I know everything)

I could go on but that's just a very very tiny selection of what you're up against

Love, Mini-McFee age 6 years and 48 weeks

Shroomer Fri 16-Sep-11 20:32:35

AIBU to ask for a lift up the stairs ('arry ... arry'), and then change my mind when I am picked up? And then change my mind and cry when I'm put down?

AIBU to suspect that my mammy will never come back if she goes outside without me?

(17 months old)

mcfee Fri 16-Sep-11 20:36:14

AIBU to be wriggling around and turning my self upside down in my cot? I AM NOT SLEEPY. AIBU to be sitting up in my cot playing with any toy I can get my hands on? I AM NOT SLEEPY. AIBU to keep throwing my dummy overboard and then squawking about it? I AM NOT SLEEPY.

night night Miniscule-Mcfee age 1

WhipMeIndiana Fri 16-Sep-11 21:18:41

my mummy laughed at me when I had my bonkers half hour, so I took it up a notch and headbutted daddy in the face and he blooded! and mummy laughed and laughed and I laughed and daddy didnt laugh.

ShortandRound 3.2

jobnockey Fri 16-Sep-11 21:20:05

its so nice to find out i'm not the only one in this situation. My mother can be an absolute arse sometimes and I'd almost started believing it was me with the problem when clearly it is her... Take today for example. I was totally bored after having to spend the whole morning indoors whilst she did housework. Obviously I didn't even want to watch beebies as she actually wanted me to for once so i just followed her round dropping toys and emptying things on the floor, i thought i'd get everything out of all the drawers in the bedrooms - i was helping, obviously. After lunch, she then had the nerve to ask if i wanted to go and play at the park... I mean, WTF? I put up as much of a fight as i could but eventually gave in once she'd promised to buy me an ice cream when we got there. The silly cow then got all uppity when i didn't want to come home. I don't care if its tea time woman... i'm climbing on logs and jumping off high things stupid. It was fun to run away from her and hide in the bushes. That showed her.
mininockey aged 2.7

acsec Fri 16-Sep-11 21:23:52

I have a good trick for you all that will learn your mummy for leaving you with favourite auntie all day. When mummy leaves me with auntie acsec I don't do a poo ALL day!! Doesn't matter how long I stay and play with auntie I save my poo so when mummy comes to get me I can do a really BIG smelly poo in the car on the way home and ensure it goes all up my back.

Hahaha that'll learn mummy, I will also go down promptly for my naps and drink all my milk when with auntie acsec!

mini-McFee I have to warn you in 4 weeks time it will all be just as unfair but your D Mum will tell you to stop stropping because your 7yo now. I mean do things stop being unfair just because you've had another birthday. confused

From mini-kidding aged 7years and 3 weeks. grin

acsec Fri 16-Sep-11 21:24:26

oh acsec's DN 8 months

Happymm Fri 16-Sep-11 21:35:48

Anyway, have just sneaked on! My mummy got a leeeeetle bit perturbed with me today...
I found this really funny brush thing, in the bathroom, that was covered in stuff, which I thought would be nice to use. So I used it to paint the bathroom walls, towels and bath mat. Then I thought I'd trail down the hallway into my brother's bedroom and on his bed. It made a pretty pale whitey pattern on EVERYTHING!grin Then, mummy caught me shock She didn't appreciate my artwork-she knows nothing. I think I heard the words toilet and bleach, but I don't know what that has to do with art anyway...

Happy junior age 2.8

IDontDoIroning Fri 16-Sep-11 21:42:22

My mother is guilty of the most heinous child abuse.... Buying me school shoes that actually fit my very wide feet and my special insoles cos I've got flat feet and have had 2 years of medical appointments x rays etc.
I actually cried in the shoe shop but she just laughed at me and gave me the number of child line. She wouldn't buy me the men's shoes that didn't fit me and cost over £50.
I decided later not to waste my phone credits.
However instead i decided to grunt and mutter incoherently each time the words school, home work and gcse's are mentioned. How dare she interrupt my x box playing with talk of careers, and jobs.
God forbid I'm ever asked to empty a bin or fill a dishwasher I'm sure I'm being abused.
Master ironing aged 14 1/2 years

Happymm Fri 16-Sep-11 21:43:08

Anyways, I should be sleeping now, that's what she thinks! Ha ha ha! Not blimming likely. Too much fun to be had. Am wondering how many times I can make her come back upstairs to me tonight. I may try and get in the guinness book of records. She said she was going to Supernanny me, whatever that means, but it won't work. She just doesn't realise who is in charge here, and I really have to work so so hard to help her gain this knowledge...
My big sister and brother are already asleep (fools) but they taught me a few tricks earlier that I have up my sleeve...
I think I may need a poo now grin

Mouseface Fri 16-Sep-11 21:43:49

shock at bleach damage, I bet that went down well! grin

Blatherskite Fri 16-Sep-11 21:47:20

Mummy tried twice today to get me to nap but I just stood and screamed and screamed in my cot until I was all coated in snot and Daddy came and got me (he's such a soft touch) I wasn't tired, just a lot bit grumpy.

So we went shopping instead because Daddy's glasses are super fragile and fell to pieces when I was looking at them and while he was busy with the funny eye doctor man, my brother and I took Mummy for a walk. We were having great fun, I was walking really slowly and my brother was walking really fast - sometimes in opposite directions - and Mummy didn't know where to look. I've been working hard all week getting her up really early in the mornings and I think it's paying off now as the exhaustion is really setting in and she's getting easier to confuse.

Then I decided I wanted to ride in my buggy and cuddle my teddy and drop him on the floor and cuddle him and drop him on the floor and cuddle him. Stupid bear is really bad at being in two places at once and even Mummy must have gotten fed up of him because after he'd not managed to be simultaneously in my arms and on the floor about 5 times, she put him under the buggy in the 'naughty basket'. Stupid bear.

We did go out for Dinner though and I made sure to charm anyone around me with my bright blue eyes and my little blonde curls. I find smiling, waving and saying "Hello" or "Boo" to anyone who will make eye contact works a charm. That way, when I misbehave later on and Mummy has to carry me out of somewhere kicking and screaming, it always makes her look like the bad Mummy she is - after all, how could anyone as cute as me be naughty [angelic grin]

Blatherskite Fri 16-Sep-11 21:49:02

Blathersmite aged 21 months

Groovee Fri 16-Sep-11 22:05:18

You lot are doing it all wrong. You behave until about age 8 and then start shouting back at them and make sure that you confuse them as to why their angel is hard work. It's also a tragedy when your mum forgets to give you your packed lunch for school. She's so thick at times. I also don't see what this bedtime malarky is all about. I like to play with my lego at 10pm, it settles me to bed. And why do I need to remember to wash my hands and brush my teeth.

GrooveeLad 8 years 11 months

Jeez you think it's bad at 3, wait til you are 11. They try to pretend they're cool and really they are old foggies. I'm fed up of the fact they think clothes belong in the wardrobe and not in the washing basket on the floor. My wardrobe is to hold the toys I don't want rid off. And why won't they let me on the laptop when they're always on theirs playing Farmville or Garden's of Time. I'm sick of going out to the park to meet friends and then having to be home early and what's with the reminder texts and phone calls????

GrooveeGal 1 years 7 months


I have the most heinous parents. They fail to understand my most basic requirements shock. For example this morning for my breakfast I requested a pancake. I even said "please". Daddy must have understood this but had the temerity to make some kind of pathetic excuse about him and Mummy needing to get to work. Well, I wasn't taking that. So I clung to his leg until he gave up. I had to assist him in preparing the batter to my exacting requirements. Heuristic play is so good for my development but Daddy didn't seem delighted when I demonstrated my developing skills by mixing the batter with my hands and a dog toy.

Anyway the pancake was delicious, well the first bite was. I kindly allowed the dog to have the remainder in a spirit of solidarity with animal kind.

I was still hungry obviously, due to parental incompetance so stated that I "want eggy NOW". My Mother, clearly an ignorant peasant, boiled me an egg and placed it before me. SHE CUT THE TOP OFF THE EGG WITH A SPOON!!!!! Everyone knows you do it with a knife! I was so annoyed by this that I had to leave the table and go over to the rug to throw myself down to express my displeasure. After several minutes of forcibly expressing my point of view I was sufficiently recovered to request a showing of my favourite DVD, Tractor Tom. Daddy put Tractor Tom on for me, the blithering idiot, couldn't he see I meant Little Red Tractor? He took several minutes to work that one out, I'm not sure that he'll ever amount to anything hmm

FontSnob Fri 16-Sep-11 22:38:00

YANBU my mummy took the big girls shoe off me and didn't let me lick the bottom of it again. It was soooo tasty though I wanted more licks. I think she wouldn't have even noticed if the stupid shoe hadn't left black shoe stuff on my nose. stupid shoe. stupid mummy. I am one big year old. Shoes are yummy.

Happymm Fri 16-Sep-11 22:53:12

You will never believe this. That woman has just had the cheek to tell me, that I am being silly now, and should be asleep already! What does she know. Tried being cute, with "want cuddle" and "luff you mummy".

Anyway, it worked, and I'm in! The BIG bed! Night allsmile

FunnysInTheGarden Fri 16-Sep-11 23:00:12

OMFG norris I am sooo with you. Although I am 5 and loved my DM kissing me good bye when in Reception, now I am in Year 1 it so isn't done. So when DM tried to kiss me bye the other day I had to drag her down the corridor and say 'you can kiss me here'. I mean DM's have no clue, a GIRL could have been watching shock

FunnysInTheGarden Fri 16-Sep-11 23:03:10

sorry sunshines didn't realise you are in year 1

<bows and scrapes and does a coy but endearing smile>

kipperandtiger Fri 16-Sep-11 23:15:59

Great thread grin

CardyMow Fri 16-Sep-11 23:24:18

Well my mother IBU yet again. She is insisting that I do not 'need' to feed for 3 hours solid, or that I am not being kind and showing her my gorgeous toothy-pegs by scraping them on her mik-miks. She keeps yelping and saying 'ow'. AIBU to think that if I do not want my horrid sandwich at lunchtime, or my yukky sweet potato (I only pretended to like it last time) at dinnertime, that I am entitled to at LEAST a 4-hr bf?

My stupid mother also keeps trying to catch me when I let go of the sofa. Can she not see that I am trying to walk? And she should move the floor further away from my head, to enable it not to ouch me when I am being clever? Because when she doesn't catch me, if she moved the floor further away from my head, I wouldn't feel the need to kick it and scream when it purposely HITS me when I am being big and clever and walking? She keeps claiming that I am too little to do walking, and I should 'slow down' because my legs aren't strong enough. I mean WTactualF? I am a big big boy now, I am 7 AND A HALF months old, and I want to do walking because then I can break more of her things. WHY does she not realise this??!!

I have decided to punish her by waking the very second her head hits the pillow and INSISTING on another bf. Then I will loudly insist she plays patty-cake with me for at least another two hours. I will then fall asleep and, just as she is falling asleep, I will noisily demand another bf. I have an agreement with my very big brother who is shock NEARLY 8YO and has had LOTS of practise with training our wayward mother, that he will wake up JUST as I have finished that last bf. And he will loudly demand his weetabix, he can't pour the big-boy mik-mik in the bowl cos it goes on the floor so Mummy has to do it. And if Mummy doesn't, he will cry until my EVEN bigger brother is woken up and very grumpy. Do you think that will learn her not to try to feed me such disgusting offerings as a sandwich and mushy sweet potatoes?

Machin11 Fri 16-Sep-11 23:25:14

I hate to say it fellow comrades, but it does not get any easier!! If anything they get much more u as we get older! I don't understand now I'm 13 how I can possibly be expected to have a reasonable bed time or actually remember who I am talking to, I know exactly who I am talking to in that sarcastic voice!! That is why I'm talking to you slowwwwwllllllly, I mean when they ask stupid questions like that, is it any wonder you give them the "look", if they weren't so stupid they'd know you were talking to them like that!
And at 13 why do I have to ask permission to do stuff, I mean I can leave home soon and everything, but no, you must ask!! But you try forgetting ANYTHING!! Oh no, then it's you should be more responsible, make your mind up!!! And why oh why can I not have grand theft auto four, I know I get to be a pimp in it, but all my mates have got it, but no it's got some stupid age rating thing (that some old fogey who has obviously never played it has set) and I can't have it, and get this, they've even turned the whole family against it!!!! I've heard them, on the phone saying DO NOT BUY THIS GAME, under any circumstances, it's just not fair, and then they wonder why I stamp up the stairs shouting about how stupid they are!! I have tried to educate them, but it seems not to work, I wish when I was younger there was a help group like this set up that would have given me some pointers! Maybe my life would be soooooo much better now! Any tips would be gratefully received.

Mini Machin Age 13

FontSnob Fri 16-Sep-11 23:32:14

Dear HuntyCat

You must work harder to stay awake for longer, it's the only way to break them. If you want my advice I would say you should do one of those big poo poo's that squishes out of the sidey nappy bit so that she has to choose between big brother milk and poo poo explosion. time it so big brother gets really really cross with being ignored. Ha that'll teach her to give you squashed frog sandywitches.

love from baby Font one big year old.

FontSnob Fri 16-Sep-11 23:33:39

Dear mini Machin

what is a pimp?

thanks you
baby font one big year old

Machin11 Fri 16-Sep-11 23:50:23

Yo BabyFont

Apparently its this thing where they have prostitutes, although I'm not really sure what that is, and they send them out to earn money, and if they don't get enough you get to beat them up (in the game of course). I did explain to Mum and Dad that I Know it's only a game, but they said get this, "it's not appropriate" I mean of course I'm not going to become a pimp from playing a game that everyone has got it at school, but they just will not see sense!! I just don't know what to do!!!

PelvicFloorsOfSteel Fri 16-Sep-11 23:56:13

I can't believe you are even asking this AIBU question. I have never been unreasonable. Ever.

I do love my little bro, as he is my teammate in keeping DM constantly sleep deprived (which makes her more malleable to my wishes) but I find using him the easiest way to keep DM on her toes, one minute I will hug little bro the next minute I will push him over. I give no warning when I am suddenly going to turn so she is constantly waiting for the next shove and often carries him round which gives me the opportunity to knock my drink over/grab the car keys/hide the ipod/etc while both her hands are full.

My DM uses a pimp to blow up the paddling pool but she laughs at me when I call it that. She is a weirdo. hmm

PelvicFloorsOfSteel Fri 16-Sep-11 23:57:18

SmallSteel 3.4

MrsFriskers Sat 17-Sep-11 00:40:19

I am 15. My mum is watching the Pink Floyd night on bbc4. What an utter philistine, she knows nothing of culture or art. I want to watch x factor redux. I do secretly admit I have googled images of Dave Gilmour but he is the same age as grandad.

Shipscat Sat 17-Sep-11 05:21:37

AIBU to shout 'wee wee' very loudly whenever I want to get down from my pushchair, highchair or carseat, so that Mummy has to stop whatever she's doing to sort me out, just in case I do actually need a wee?
AIBU to keep her on her toes by occasionally managing to squeeze out a couple of drops of wee wee, so she can never be sure if I'm bluffing or not? FGS, she had the nerve tonight to tell me my potty had gone night-nights after I'd broken off my last feed 3 times to have my jammie bottoms and pull-ups off and sit on the potty, then escape and go and see my big brothers in their bedroom, before refusing very loudly rationally to have anything put back on so I could finish my milk.
I think she was wanting her special juice, bless her smile

Shipskitten 21 months (but really 5 like my brothers, so of course I can do everything they can - why does no-one believe me?!)

AngryGnome Sat 17-Sep-11 07:45:55

AIBU to campaign for more Parent and Child parking spaces grin

Have you tried shopping with these parents? Honestly, I'd do it myself but my mother is very controlling about the food that comes into the house (actually, she is very controlling about food generally, and has some very odd ideas about nutrition - "petit filous and breadsticks do not constitute a balanced diet", "this banana is exactly the same as that banana", "why won't you eat cauliflower, you loved cauliflower yesterday", "Gravel is not food!" hmm. I think she has ishoos).

Firstly, have you seen the SIZE of these parents - usually at least 5-6ft! We need the extra parking space just to get them out of the cars. And then they always have to being an enormous bag of "essentials" with them - nappies, wipes, toys. If I have told her once I have told her a thousand times that I am happy to sit in my own poo - the fact that she isn't says more about HER than about ME. I have voiced my displeasure at being changed in the ladies loo on more than once occasion (most memorably causing a passerby to purse lips, tut loudly and say " never had this trouble in my day") - yet still she insists on changing me when out and about.

Also, she deliberately selects my most hated toys. She will claim that "You love Captain Caterpillar yesterday". FFS, I KNOW that I have always hated Captain Capterpillar, and only love Yellow Duck. Gaslighting, much?

And once you are in there, my god they shop for hours! I have tried to speed things up by helping them - getting tins off the shelf, throwing extraneous items out of the trolley - but they rarely appreciate this. I have resorted to explaining to them how stupid they are being in a VERY reasonable tone of voice, but rather than listen rationally they tend to just rush around ever more frantically and erratically whilst weeping "please be quiet, we're nearly finished, please be quiet."

Then, when we finally get back to the car they actually TIE ME DOWN IN THE CAR SEAT before unpacking the shopping.

The whole sorry situation is such an affront to my dignity that the provision of a Parent and Child parking space provides at least some comfort. So more of them. NOW.


Avantia Sat 17-Sep-11 07:59:54

I am going to be late for football training because my Mum is on the computer laughing at a webiste for Mums and fishing ? bizarre - Mumsnet ? confused

Avantia Junior age 11

FontSnob Sat 17-Sep-11 08:05:19

OH okay I get it, mummies have a pimp to blow up stuff so a prostitute must be a big blow up thingy that makes money...like a bouncy castle. Cool, I wonder if my mummy has a pimp.

I want less parking spaces so no mummies can go shopping cos they won't fit in the normal people spaces.

I have a great way to help mummy put me in my car seat. When she picks me up I pretend like I have no bones grin I make me all floppy. Tee hee. Serves her right for buying me food when I want shoe licks.

CardyMow Sat 17-Sep-11 09:08:59

I discovered shoe licks too - I don't have my own shoes yet (just how unfair is that? Big brother, even more big brother and even even more big sister ALL have their own shoes, and I haven't got any ). So I found a muddy pair of big brothers and was giving them shoe licks. When Mummy found out, she stole them away and said they were dirty. Well DUUUUH! That's why I wanted shoe licks. <<Shakes head in despair>>

Mercedes519 Sat 17-Sep-11 09:30:37

minihuntycat I hear you. I think my mummy is a touch OCD about dirt. I mean she makes me wash my hands EVERY time I do a wee, she makes me have a bath like almost every day and she wipes my face all the time when it's only food and pen and mud and stuff on it. And she shouts at my baby sister for putting her hands in her poo when she is having a new nappy or eating gravel.

I'm quite worried really. Do you think I should seek help for her?

MiniMerc aged 5

SkipToTheEnd Sat 17-Sep-11 09:39:55

Apparently, I can't eat biscuits for breakfast but my mummy can because she has a throat infection and noisy cough which woked me up in the night. She says that those rich biscuits dunked in her 'hot hot' cup are soft for her poorly bits. She never gave them to me when I had sore gums..... and she moaned last time I put my toast in her hot hot cup. She had the cheek to tell my aunty that you need to be consistent with children. I don't think she knows what that means!

FontSnob Sat 17-Sep-11 09:40:30

Yum yum gravel is sooooo tasty, like shoe licks but crunchier.

skgnome Sat 17-Sep-11 09:48:39

Shoes are awesome! I don't get why my mom insists on putting them on my feet, I mean, obviously they are meant for licking! and HuntyCat, I hear you, what's her obsession with not letting me lick her shoes??? I'm just trying to help her look prettier with clean shoes.

And by the way why does she never lets me lick her mobile phone? I mean it's always near her mouth, and what's this excuse about I need to speak with your daddy? you can play with it later.... I know my daddy ringed so I could find her mobile, and I'm sure he'll rather hear the sound of my licking that her voice

Almost forgot, when is she going to understand that I want need her laptop, I don't care that she's buying groceries or paying a credit card, I need to figure out how to take out all those tasty black bits with white drawings, I need to eat them!!!!... off to try to distract her by chewing on the cable...

Mercedes519 Sat 17-Sep-11 10:00:18

I love the taste of gravel and the sound it makes against my teeth. I have even learnt to open doors and climb steps to get to it.

MiniMerc2 aged 1

Happymm Sat 17-Sep-11 10:11:45

Baby skip, am hearing you with the need for consistency.

All week, I have been helping mummy by having a lie-in in the mornings. She said this was making her stressed and late as she had to do something called "the school run" (there was no running involved so not sure what that was all about), and then dash back for "work"-ha.

So today I thought I would be helpful so she wouldn't get stressed on the run thing and get up at 5.40. Only for her to get upset as why couldn't she have a lie-in on the weekend? Gah! And then she wouldn't play!

Do you think if I use the puppy's clicker thing that would be better in her training programme? smile

WiiUnfit Sat 17-Sep-11 10:26:23

Me again. My Mum was BU yet again, she wouldn't play with me when I woke at 3am even though I flashed her my biggest, cutest smile! Even DADDY wouldn't play with me & he's usually a soft touch! angry Although she did hold my hand until I fell asleep, I'm slowly getting through!

She has redeemed herself slightly this morning by letting me watch Saturday Morning Kitchen in my bouncer. I don't know what it is about it but I find it very funny. I think it may be the colours? Pretty, pretty magic picture box... <3

Anyway, I digress... I have another question - WIBU to follow my Daddy with my eyes all round the room whilst taking Mummy's nipple with me in my vulture-like latch last night? She let out a yelp & that makes me think I may have been BU but I just wanted to see where Daddy was going?

WiiUnfit Sat 17-Sep-11 10:27:19

[MasterMiniWii, 14 weeks]

BibiBlocksberg Sat 17-Sep-11 12:04:43

grin crying with laughter here, 'I am not a cup' -ah ha ha ha! And the rest smile

TottWriter Sat 17-Sep-11 13:47:38

Today Mummy told me off for not changing my pull-up pants. They were only put on last night - I certainly do not need to change them just because she says they are full of wee and are stinky. I did the only thing anyone could do in such an unjust siruation - I screamed and said that I would not change my pants, and I would not go to the toilet or wear big boy pants - does she think I don't know that's only a sneaky way to try and get me to take my lovely, squishy pants off?

Anyway, she knows now that if she makes me change my pull-ups I only take the new, horrid one off and run around with a bare bottom and my winkle wobbling around, so she has stopped doing that. I screamed and cried for a couple of hours just to tell her how cross I was though.

Then Grandpa arrived, and told me it was twenty to eleven, so I let him take the pull-up off, and smiled at him while mummy got a wipe and cleaned off the fluff - do you know, it was stuck all over my legs and winkle and everywhere! I call that bad Mummying. Then I chose my nice big boy pants with stars on, and leaned on her head while she put them on so that I could sit on Grandpa's lap.

She still keeps asking me to put a clean tee shirt on though. Honestly, will her demands never stop? AndDaddy is in the kitchen making dinners (does he not know it isn't dinner time for ages yet?) and won't play on Super Mario Galaxies and let me collect the stars. It's neglect, I tell you.

Oh, and Mummy told me off at lunchtime, too, for "pestering my little sister". I was only standing in front of her high chair entertaining her by dancing and making silly faces while she ate her sandwich. How is it my fault that she wanted to watch me and not eat anything at all? Maybe Daddy should have given her marmalade sandwiches like mine, and not peanut butter. She'd have eaten that.

Honestly, do I have to think of everything around here?

jugglingwiththreeshoes Sat 17-Sep-11 14:28:58

Wow TotWriter - You have great stamina keeping that bawling session going for a couple of hours - that really showed her just how unreasonable she was being grin
Really sweet to read about what a great relationship you have with your Grandpa. But maybe sometime you might throw him a bit of a curved ball too - Just to keep him on his toes, and show them all who's boss !
After all, when you carry all the responsibility, it's only right that you be given due respect grin

jugglingwiththreeshoes Sat 17-Sep-11 14:32:17

babyjuggling obvs. grin
- Mum is looking at lots of paper with writing on it hmm

FontSnob Sat 17-Sep-11 15:31:24

Don't tell anyone, but whilst they think i am innocently playing with my bigest sisters wellies.....im actually filling them with her crisps (which she was saving for her to eat later). That'll teach her for hiding them from me.

Blatherskite Sat 17-Sep-11 15:53:00

I wanted to do the no nap/grumpy screaming afternoon thing again today but Mummy said "no way" and left me till I fell asleep!

It only took a couple of minutes but She's sooooo unreasonabl-zzzzzzzzz

BlathersTike 21 months

sarahtigh Sat 17-Sep-11 17:30:12

not so much AIBU but I am under appreciated i do all the chores round here

mummy never has time to put things away so i help, nothing left on floor onions in daddy's work boots , mummy's half of baby monitor in spare fridge in laundry, her cash cards are now having lots of spare place to play in my lego box instead of being cooped up in tiny tiny slots in her purse.... how can anything live like that. mummy does not like handwashing so i have carefully handwashed her slippers and silk scarf in toilet bowl........ why oh why is she not happy

now the AIBU mummy wants to put loads of good play stuff on ebay as free listing day I have tested some things to see if suitable for the royal mail, they are not they break when dropped , now she will not need to list the vintage china I have saved her so much time but is she grateful is she heck!!

why do mummies think now means immediately when any sensible person knows it means when i have finsihed all i intended to do first? I am only 21 months so do not know all answers yet

I like to save mummy money by making things multi-purpose I can eat yogurt it is rather yummy but it makes excellent shampoo hand cream and body butter especially the blueberry one it has all those special fruit acids to make your skin look younger not that I need to look younger ( cos that would make me a baby) but I love my mummy and know she needs it so I brace myself and go with it.

why is mummy so slow? I can remove all the wet wipes from a packet in about 30 seconds but it takes mummy a long time to get them back in and sometimes she can't get them all back in .... then I here her muttering funny words Daddy says mummy is quite clever but i am not sure!

Mummy thinks i need watched all the time especailly when i walk down stairs holding teddy blanket and book, why does she feel I can't manage walking down without holding on, I am 83cm tall mummy thinks i should only climb stuff shorter than me, what fun is a slide that you can touch top of while standing on floor, I prefer ones with 12 steps up so then I am taller than mummy

life is very very hard

PercyPigPie Sat 17-Sep-11 18:47:26

I speak with the voice of experience OP, as I am now FIVE, but I found the best way to get my own back was to steal things like butter from the kitchen and eat the whole block. It was like watching a firework going off gringrin

Look, I haven't read the whole thread, - well i can't quite read as I'm only four, but I'm most upset at Mummy today as she insists that screeching when I don't get my own way is 'not good behaviour' hmm.

I cannot believe that she would suggest this, I find it particularly effective for getting full attention especially in the conservatory where, when accompanied with the sound of scattering Duplo, the acoustics are perfect.

Now, she seems to have pulled the wool over the eyes of my big brother as he quietly wanders over to her to tell her what's wrong in calm way, ffs, <rolls eyes>

No, I tell you, I don't care what they did in her day, screeeeeeching is the way forward.

sNoring Junior - age 4.

GossipWitch Sat 17-Sep-11 19:55:39

Op YANBU at all, my mum has been really shouty at me today too. All because I wanted to run, what is so bad about running anyway! I like running, and I was running in town to see if I could beat mum to the umptmean-mean-man-choclat,(ice cream man) I did but then she wouldn't buy me one because I was being naughty for running off!! I wasn't running off at all I was racing her and I beat her because she's too slow.

So then she wanted to go to a boring clothes shop to have a look around, so I went in there with her and I realised that actually those boring clothes shops aren't actually boring at all, they're only boring when your in a buggy! so first off I ran right down to the bottom to play hide and seek in the pj's bit and when I saw mums legs, I jumped out and said "bound you", but she had her cross face on, so I ran to the front of the shop and mum was trying to find me again, and I found a really good hiding place, the window thing and there's really flat ladies in the window too and a big screen thing too, that mum cant see past unless she's outside, I bumped into one of the flat ladies and ran to the other end of the window and jumped out, mum caught me and I had to tell her that the lady fell, she had a cross face on again ! so then she wanted to look at the pj's so we went all the way to the bottom again, and on the way there, were boobies, you know those things mum's put boobies in so I wanted to tell mum about the boobies because my mums has lots of boobies and she might want more, so I was squidging the boobies and saying "look mum, boobies", mum turned pink and took my hand and walked out the shop, she didn't even buy anything.

We went to mamas house after and I fell asleep for a really long time. When I woke up I was hungry, mum wanted to go home but I wanted to stop at mamas house because I was hungry, mamas made me some cornflakes, but I found a chocolate in the drawer and wanted that now, so they let me eat it but then I wasn't hungry any more so I didn't eat the cornflakes, mum put on the cross face again and said "well that was a waste, there are starving children in Africa". what's Africa? my mum has been really unreasonable today too, maybe its that cycle thing they talk about, but I cant see what a bike has to do with any thing.

GossipWitch Sat 17-Sep-11 19:56:13

mini gossip wizard - 1 week away from 3

GossipWitch Sat 17-Sep-11 19:59:35

Oh and she put those reins on me in town, well I learned her, I lifted my feet up the whole time, so she either had to carry me by the reins, or had to stop completely, and I made her face turn pink too by screaming really loud smile

Aibu to do my poos in the bath, it's so much nicer and I like to see mummy and daddy's faces when I do it, it makes me laugh a lot. Oh and I hate getting dressed so aibu to do my rolling off the mat and screaming every single time mummy takes my nappy off or changes me?
don'tneedtosleepzzz 7 months

tinkbig Sat 17-Sep-11 20:43:20

what a great

aubergine so funny grin

aibu to want to watch teletubbies over and over again i am sure that my mum luvs it really

MrsKwazii Sat 17-Sep-11 21:42:29

I love this thread! Mr K had to pause the TV to find out why I was convulsing with laughter and crying grin Thank you v much!

Kingsroadie Sat 17-Sep-11 22:15:38

Well my mummy tried to make me eat some homemade chicken pie this evening - it had vegetables in it and everything - why would I want to eat that? I had only chips for lunch as I refused to eat anything else and Mummy and Daddy couldn't do much about it as we were out. Hahaha. But anyway I didn't want the chicken pie I wanted the coconut ice that the adults were eating and so I screamed and screamed until Mummy gave me a tiny bit then said it was "all gone" so that I would then eat my chicken pie knowing there were no sweets left. But I knew she was lying and she didn't fool me. So I refused chicken pie then cunningly had a meltdown in my highchair which was actually surprisingly easy as I hadn't had a sleep at lunchtime as I had decided that I didn't need one and my buggy was far too uncomfortable. Then she let me eat two fromage frais as she knew that I was too tired to eat (ha - more fool her) and that if I didn't eat I wouldn't really be terribly keen to go to bed. But really I was maybe just playing her up. She knows nothing. And then she said it was time to go to bed not watch tv - I should tell someone about this - it's just cruel.

Then I screamed and didn't want to get in the bath, got in , promptly weed and then wouldn't get out when they said I had been in there long enough. I then made mummy sing songs to me as I was so tired. I bloody well deserved them after the day I had! She is sooo unreasonable sometimes.

PS. This thread had had my crying with laughter - amazing grin

Kingsroadie Sat 17-Sep-11 22:16:08

PS - miniKings, 21 months

duchesse Sat 17-Sep-11 22:39:19

You know what really gets my goat? When I want to do the things my mummy does and she say "No no baby, you're too little to do that". Like for xample I like to phone people. She does it all the time but when I do it, no sooner have I started to chat than it's "Ooh no, baby who have you called now?". Mostly it's Daddy cos he's first on speed dial but sometimes when I'm dialling numbers I like to do really long ones that start with some zeroes cos the phone beeps every time you press a key and everyone gets really uppity! I sometimes talk to people on the phone even though there's no-one there and mummy gets really stressy. It really cheeses me off!

Also, what is with the car double standards? They can get in and out when they want. But I have to be "stuck" in a baby seat? I keep telling them I'm stuck but they just say, well that's good cos it means the seat is working. It makes me really cross, so when I've got bored with saying Mummy, stuck! over and over again I just get my arms out. I can manage to get my arms out of my straps however tight they are now. I know it's a bit naughty so I just say "uh-oh!" when I've got both of them out and my mummy says what have you done now baby? and then she stops the car and puts my arms back in and off we go again.

And and and I like to drive. I like to get the key with the funny buttons on it out of the key plate in the hall and get my sisters to let me into the car and then I sit in the driver's seat and try to put the key in the lock and my mummy says that I'm too small and I think well I just did it so how can I be too small?

I ask you, is any of this reasonable?

Armi Sat 17-Sep-11 22:49:36

I shat in the bath, too. Fuck 'em, that's what I say. I am 10 weeks old and fed up of being treated like a chuffing baby.

blackeyedsusan Sat 17-Sep-11 23:04:45

mummy threw the wet wipes at the spider when I was looking at it. it was a really big one too. then she shouted at me when I got out of the cot to cuddle the spider. I WANT SPIDER

jugglingwiththreeshoes Sat 17-Sep-11 23:08:23

LOL Armi - And the rest (as someone else said upthread blush - but share the laughter hey ! )

blackeyedsusan Sat 17-Sep-11 23:19:33

mini gossip witch... you amature, you have to lift your legs up in the middle of the zebra crossing right outside your big sisters school in front of the head teacher.

hopefulgum Sun 18-Sep-11 01:45:06

I'm so glad I found this thread. Now I don't feel so all alone.My mummy says I am unreasonable, but I think I am not.

When she was busy helping my older brother start his car the other day, she left me alone with the red paint. She set up the table with newspaper and paper, brushes, paint pots and water. Why was she upset that I made myself so beautiful with red paint? My arms and legs and face looked so pretty. Then she put me in the bath, but I didn't want to have a bath.So I cried. Then the water wouldn't get hot, because the gas run out. Why is mummy so useless? I got very very cross with her because I couldn't have a nice hot bath, and she cleaned me up with COLD water and soap. What is wrong with her?

And what's with all these mothers who won't let us pee in the bath? I really like to watch it puddle in the soap dish before I get into the water to finish off. What is so wrong with that? Obviously she is BU because I'm not the only one who likes to do it.

And why, why, why, does she get that cross face when I bite my big sister? My big sister is mean and will not let me draw on her dolls. So I bite her, because she needs to learn a lesson. Then mummy gets cross and has that cross face. I don't know why she's allowed to have that face because when I do it to her, and growl, she puts me in my room for "time-out". But she is stupid, because I have toys in my room and I can throw them and kick the furniture when I'm in time out...

Littlegum - 3.1 years

BoffinMum Sun 18-Sep-11 08:15:52

I hope you have all asserted yourselves and made sure your parents got a nice early start this morning? It's very important for their training.

I personally left it a bit late, until 6.30am today. Mummy came in and told me it was night time and everyone was still sleeping. Despite the fact it was clearly light in my room, I pretended to agree with this and for five minutes lay quietly in my cot, giving her just enough time to go back to her room and nod off again. Then with impeccable timing I yelled "Mummmmmmmeeeee! Dadeeeeeeeee! Buggar Buggar!!!!!!!!!!!!! Mummy's bed!" She then had to supply me with not one, but two bottles of milk, whilst trying not to wake Daddy up as well. I then gave her a bit of a cuddle and some very cute kisses, just so she wouldn't get complacent, and then just as she was nodding off yet again, I started bouncing on the bed and demanding CBeebies. She is now lying prostrate on the sofa moaning quietly while my big brother feeds me chocolate brioches. What she doesn't know is that my pull ups have reached saturation point, resembling a codpiece off her Blackadder videos, and any moment now they will leak all over the sofa. She's really not at the top of her game this morning.

I am good at this. She should appreciate my efforts more.

MiniBoff, aged 2 years 5 months.

Sirzy Sun 18-Sep-11 08:33:57

This morning I told my mum I wanted toast for breakfast and she insisted on putting bread into some funny machine which takes aaaages before letting me have my toast! I sat on the floor screaming but she just laughed!

GossipWitch Sun 18-Sep-11 09:00:22

I failed miserably, last night I gave mum the cross face because I kept coming downstairs and getting the chocolate biscuits for her to open for me, well I was hungry... I think, well she told me to put them back I said "no" she said "put them back now, its bed time", then she actually put the laptop down and took my hand and put me back to bed. I got her to do this three times grin then I came downstairs the final time and fell asleep on her before she could do anything, but then the cow put me in my own bed and when I started crying about it, she bleeding left me there to cry! WTF, which meant I was then too tired to wake up an hour later and climb in her bed and start digging my toes into he legs, and dribbling in her hair while she's sleeping. and I got up late too 8.30 I'm supposed to get up at that time when its school run days gggrrrrr!!

My mum is BVU this morning.

She is running around filling up the washing machine, she says it's hard work but I know it does the washing for mummy. She asked me to take the bedding from my bed and then hers shock What, surely that's her job, she wants to play with the spinny machine she needs to get the things out herself - I have to get my own toys out. I tried making a fuss but she just started using long words such as reee-spons- ab-ill-it-teee. But I know her game, she's trying to confuse me with long words so I'll just do what she says.

Good work mini on getting up when it was light. I also failed this morning with a 7am start. I did better yesterday with 6.15am. wink I was very proud of that because Mummy let me stay up until 10pm on Friday thinking it would make me lie in. Will the woman NEVER learn. grin

Minikidding aged 7yrs and 1 month (tomorrow!)

MrsJamin Sun 18-Sep-11 09:19:15

AIBU that mummy doesn't know my thoughts? I mean, why do I have to learn these things called "words" when I can scream and in the end she works out what I mean anyway?

On Friday, she had the audacity to get me out of my cot from my nap when I'd woken up?! I mean, WTF? Of course i just screamed at full pelt, lying prostrate on the floor. She went on to offer me biscuits, my favourite grapes, a drink, Baby Jake on TV, but why the hell didn't she just know what I wanted instinctively? She meant to be my mummy FGS. Nasty mummy lady. She even went as far as offering another cuddle when I had been screaming for 30minutes. Well that sent me over the edge and I stamped my feet furiously. Nearly an hour later I just gave up screaming and we had a Duddle. Perhaps I need to go for longer than that so that she really understands what I mean. I just know I do not want to say these things called "words". Advice?

LittleMasterJamin, 19months.


Yesterday I was sleeping and being quiet FOR HOURS. I mean, I'm not even due to be born for 9 weeks so surely now is my time to get some 'me time'? But no. First of all my heart rate starts going up because of stupid mummy's heart rate was going up, then she has the audacity to send thiscold liquid down and lie on her left! Well, if she thought I'd fall for that she has another thing coming and why would I move into the cold liquid?! So I stayed well away.

I managed to stay still as a mouse for the first 30 mins of being monitored (they KNEW I was ok; what did they think that heartbeat was?!) and was very funny listening to people talk about why i wasn't moving! Not one mentioned because I was playing sleeping lions and practicing being stubborn for later!

Well, when mummy fainted I thought I'd better move a bit (see, not at all BU) and was she grateful?! No! She started crying and sent my heartrate funny again! At least that daddy person was there telling her to calm down because i was ok.

Am going to stick with him when I come out. He seems ok. She seems like a nutter.

MiniPottering - not due til November and already very hard done to.

allhailtheaubergine Sun 18-Sep-11 10:01:40

Hi again everyone. I am so pleased this thread has become a safe place of support for all of us battling with unreasonable parents to share our stories.

I'm afraid my mother has been at it again.

I ordered her to get me some toast, but not cooked toast, and in a sandwich, and naked with nothing on it, but with marmite. I couldn't really make it any clearer. The bloody woman brought me an uncooked cold not-toast with marmite in that was a sandwich! FFS! I honestly think she does it to wind me up. I am in a pretty good mood today so I just burst into tears and angrily hid all my dinosaurs so she couldn't play with them because I hate her and she's not my mummy any more, and left it at that.

Fast-forward 10 minutes or so and I decided to have another go, so I pulled her skirt until it stretched all the way to the floor and laughed that I could see her bumbum to get her attention, then whined angrily that I was hunnnnnnggggggrrrryyyyyyyy. She asked me what I would like to eat (hmm) so I told her (^again^) that I wanted toast that was a sandwich but cold and not cooked with nothing in and with marmite. By some miracle fluke she actually got it right this time... except that she brought it to me on the same plate the wrong sandwich had been on!!! angry.

And THEN she tried to swap the plate for a different one! I promise I'm not making this up. I think she genuinely believed that I was going to eat the sandwich that had been on the plate that the wrong sandwich had been on.

I have been explaining to her very loudly and clearly that I expect her to make a NEW right sandwich to put on the right plate for about 20 minutes now, but it's just not getting through to her. In fact she's pretty much ignoring me.

Any suggestions?

bundle Sun 18-Sep-11 10:11:42

Btw was it a comice or a conference?

bebeballroom Sun 18-Sep-11 10:26:41

Hmmmmmm LittleAubergine, it's a tricky situation! Have you considered refusing all food for the rest of the day so that she gets so panicked & provides you with crisps & chocolate in a desperate attempt to tempt you to eat something/anything?! This worked for a while with my Daddy, although I think mummies are tougher to crack on the food front! Maybe you could try deconstructing the sandwich & distribute the pieces around the house for her to reconstruct & learn how it should be done?

My mummy has also BU this morning! (What is it with Sundays, it's like they think it's a day off or something?!) I respectfully requested special pancakes for breakfast but the silly woman was taking too long to make them & my poor tummy was feeling very hungry. So I cried & said that I 'absolutely must have a yoghurt' but she was all like 'if you have a yoghurt you won't eat your pancakes they'll be ready in 5 minutes'! 5 whole minutes!!! I mean, I ask you, what planet is she on?!! So I cried at Daddy & he got me a yoghurt which made my tummy feel all better and full & I just didn't fancy the pancakes beacuse I needed them when I woke up & not after my yoghurt. I don't know why she is so cross, she now has a kitchen full of lovely plates, bowls & a big frying pan which she gets to play around with in lovely bubbly water! How is that so awful?! hmm

wineoclocktimeyet Sun 18-Sep-11 10:58:08

I'm so glad I found this thread as I've been a bit worried about my mummy's development and need some advice.

She's my first you see and when I meet my enseetee friends, their mummy's seem so much more advanced, one has already learnt to give her son everything he wants, he only has to start to whimper and even if she has said no, she changes her mind and gives in. My mummy is nowhere near so well trained. Granny says she can make rods as well, (although why her back needs a rod, I'm not sure).

Another mummy knows ALL the words to The Gruffalo, without looking at the book! My mummy sometimes tries to skip whole pages, especially when we're late for bed.

Do you think its something I'm doing wrong?

She's 36 1/2 btw, Gruffalo mummy is nearly 3 years younger.

milko'clock nearly 21 months

FontSnob Sun 18-Sep-11 11:44:16

Dear Little Aubergine,

The bestest thing what you can do in this situations is to take the sandwich and a shoe and mash them together. SLAP! then you get shoe licks on your not toasted sandwich toast with marmite. Then you eat it very very fast so that she can't take it off of you. then she will know not to use the wrong stupid plate next time!

My mummy is well stupid, she thinks I am sleeping up in my cot. little does she know that i am writing this from her iphone thingy and when i have finished i am going to lick it then throw it at the wall. HA that will make it work much better, and make her say hello,hello, can you hear me? Bloody phone! I don't know who bloody phone is though but they keep ringing her.

vezzie Sun 18-Sep-11 14:12:34

Thank goodness for this haven of sanity.
I think my mother has NPD. She is always saying "x, or y?" and refuses to understand that "NO!" is a perfectly good answer to this question.

"Shoes or sandals?"
"toast or cereal?"
"hoodie or cardigan?"
"apple or banana?"

GRRRRRRRRR she is just saying these things to confuse me.
The only reasonable answer to all of these is "NO!" and then, 12 seconds later, "I WANT BANAAAAAAAAAAAANA!" What is wrong with her?

mcfee Sun 18-Sep-11 14:16:34

My mummy sat me down in front of the TV yesterday so she could take that lovely Henry who lives in the cupboard for a walk round the house. Something called Supernanny (??) was on and she muttered something about "watch it yourself, may as well cut out the middle-man this time" Don't know what she was on about but there were lots of children on it acting a bit like my big sister (Mini McFee nearly age 7)

Miniscule McFee age 1

Sirzy Sun 18-Sep-11 14:23:38

What is it with our parents and food!!

Mummy has just given me some spaghetti and tried to feed me - I mean I am nearly 2 does she really think I can't feed myself??? Then she started complaining my White top was orange (looks much better now!) and then, you won't believe this she tried... To clean ... My face! I mean how dare she!

tethersend Sun 18-Sep-11 14:31:29

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GossipWitch Sun 18-Sep-11 14:31:58

That's nothing, my mum was really mean, she picked me up from my tractor outside and took me in, she said it makes the neighbours look down their nose at you if your kids are running around half dressed, well she's the one insisting that I do wee's on the toilet, but I learned her, I did a wee on her path outside, in front of the neighbours, and I threw a really big tantrum when she got me in I even bited her minnie when she was trying to walk with me, trying to push her back outside grin

mini gossip wizard-3 in a week!!

tethersend Sun 18-Sep-11 14:32:09

^By DD, 2.9

She actually makes a good point, and one I hadn't considered before.

DooinMeCleanin Sun 18-Sep-11 14:46:15

My mummy has been and is still being very unreasonable today. She won't let me go and look for my bestest friend in the world. She is not at home and I don't know where she has gone.

Mummy says I have to wait for my big sister to come home if I want to play out. She said I am not big enough to play out on my own and I am certainly not big enough to go wandering the streets alone. A car might get me she said. Or I might get lost. I have tried telling her that I will just stop the cars like the lollypop lady does, but she said that would be very silly. If the lollypop lady can do it, I don't see why I can't. And I am big now, I go to school now. She won't even let me go to the shop on my own. My sister is allowed. I have tried telling mummy I am nearly as big as my sister, but she still keeps insisting I am too little.

I can take the dog, the dog is as big as my sister. But no, I am too little to be in charge of the dog. And the dog is not allowed out without mummy.

How come my sister is big enough to go out but the doggy isn't? The doggy is bigger than my sister confused. These rules make no sense. I tried to let the doggy out to show mummy she is big, but mummy shouted and the took the keys out of the door. Now if there is a fire we will all burn. I told her all this, but will she listen? NO!

And at lunchtime she asked if I wanted pizza with daddy. I said "no pizza, play out, don't like pizza" She didn't make me any pizza shock. I had to have spagehtti! How am I meant to get bigger if I am not allowed pizza?

Now she won't even talk to me about it. She said she is not spending her day arguing with a four year old! I'm going to go and sit in the hallway and scream my bestest friends name untill she comes back, that'll learn mummy.

DooinTantrums, aged 4.

allhailtheaubergine Sun 18-Sep-11 14:54:15

Oh Sirzy, I am so sorry to hear that. No one should have to endure their face being cleaned. I do understand a little of what you are going through as a similar thing happened to me - my mother tried to remove the crusty bogies from around my nose before going out today. With a damp... cloth... I can't really talk about it, I'm still emotional just remembering. I shall talk it through with Lord Wonderful Daddy The Marvellous this evening and see if something can't be done about this mother woman.

Mini-Tethers, you know I have often thought along those lines myself but you have put it into words in a way that I have never managed to. Thank you.

BoffinMum Sun 18-Sep-11 17:10:10

You certainly should take it up with Lord Wonderful Daddy if you have one. I only have a Daddy that I have to share with my Mummy, and they don't understand my Mummy is mineminemineminemine and nobody else's Mummy so hands off. I told a little boy words to that effect last week, and also all my siblings and Grandad. You have to make these things clear.

I tried to clean Mummy today. She had been cleaning the bathroom and stopped to sort out a cupboard. I took advantage of the hiatus to pour Cif onto her hair and face in an attempt to win her approval. She said rude words and rushed into the bathroom to wash it all off. I could have done that for her! She is so ungrateful.

BoffinMum Sun 18-Sep-11 17:11:10

PS I weed on her antique rug to show her who is boss.

Shipscat Sun 18-Sep-11 17:57:56

WIBU to have to give every bollard on my walk today a big cuddle?

OK, maybe they didn't all need cuddling, but I got such good feedback from passers-by that I thought I'd better do them all (funnily enough, I was getting completely different feedback from Mummy!)

Shipskitten x

plupervert Sun 18-Sep-11 18:08:52

Daddy is being a boring bastard today, and SLEEPING (well, we all know how boring sleeping is). AIBU to kick his laptop so he will wake up and spend some time with me?

P.S. I can't ask Mummy; I'm bored of her.

hardworkOP Sun 18-Sep-11 20:17:44

I know this will be an unpopular view point, but I think YABU. Why so confrontational? You have to try to understand this challenging behaviour from your parents, they are obviously crying out for attention from you. The solution is to spend more quality time with them.

Now, I know we all have busy lives, but I find late, late evening and very early morning are free in my busy schedule and I always try to fit in a good quality hour or two at these times.

It helps of course, if you have sibling to share the burden, if you need a lie in one morning you can arrange in advance so you know they will be getting up at 4am to look after the parents, you can sleep in safe in the knowledge that they are in safe hands. If you are a single child, perhaps you can fit an extra nap in during the day, so that you can still spend this special time with your adult(s).

Since me and my brother began this special attention to our parents things have improved no end in our house, we can now eat whatever we like whenever we like on the sofa with CBeebies on and only get shouted at if actual milk is spilled, crumbs don't even get noticed these days (their eyesight seems to be deteriorating, perhaps another welcome byproduct of our new routine?). They don't seem to care what we wear anymore, so none of this take it off it's on backwards malarky any more, what a relief that is! We don't have to tidy up our toys - they just stay out on the living room floor which is so much more sensible, why spend time putting them away only to get them out again? And bedtime routine now only consists of nappy change and teeth brushing - no bath!! Well, hardly ever, and only if we say it's ok... of course this teeth brushing thing is still a sore point, but I'm confident that if we persevere they'll learn that we love them whatever they do and they don't have to keep testing our affection.

All in all I can't recommend this quality time approach enough.

hardworkToddler (21 months)

LillyTheMinx Sun 18-Sep-11 20:17:56

My mummy has been laughing at this thread, but I don`t see what`s so funny. She even woke daddy up when she was suffering from a bout of insomnia on Friday. You were so not BU mini aubergine.

This morning when mummy was changing my nappy I did a wee on the changing mat. I then dipped my toothbrush in it and mummy was really mean and took it off me when I tried to put it back in my mouth . She said we would have to buy a new one. I tried to tell her that wee wee is sterile, but she wouldn`t listen - she never does.

I cried, but she laughed and said my fake crying needs work.

Was IBU or was she?

li`l lilly
21 months.

Inflames Sun 18-Sep-11 20:49:29

Ooooopppss thank you so much for this thread! I have just started crawling an am soooo pleased to see that my Muma is evidently very unhinged - she won't let me play with the Sky box even though I'm just trying to find that nice Scuzz channel we watched when I used to fee for 3 hours at a time on yummy Mum milk. Now she says the drums and screaming are too much for my little eyes but I want to see the screeeeeaaaaaammmmmiiiinnnngg.

So I have in the last 2 days:
- started holding my breath until I go purple. This REALLY freaks her out an makes her get me up for big snuggle, then have long chat to Daddy InFlames while I crawl to Sky box ;-)
- Started grabbing my Boy Bits right as mummy takes my nappy open and discovers Biiiiiggggg Pppppoooooooo - then I roll over and crawl off with my little pooey hands and usually knees. Inconsistent witch - she normally claps hands and giggles inanely when i crawl but when I do it then she says 'Nnnnnnooooooo' in a rather dramatic tone so then I match her drama and raise her by one breath holding incident :-)

More tips please - I need them - love BabyBoyInFlames aged 9 months...

P.S is breath holding normal at my tender years or am I super advance and destined to a lifetime of tantruming?

Tortu Sun 18-Sep-11 21:40:26

AIBU to be furious that the geese swam away and mummy was unable to find more? It fills me with rage just thinking about it and makes me want to strain at my buggy straps and scream for 15 minutes in memory of the trauma.

And don't even get me started on the later indignities meted out to me. Just a few examples of what I have been made to suffer include being cruelly made to get out of the bath just because 'the water has gone cold and it's time for bed now'; and then being made to get dressed instead of eating the talc and climbing up the chest of drawers as I would have preferred.

AndiSF Mon 19-Sep-11 06:11:25

AIBU to not want to talk about what I did at school all day? Honestly, I've just walked in the door and she's at it again with the questions! Is it my fault that her life is so uninteresting that she has to live through mine? I don't think I'm being U when I just want to ignore her and stare at the TV! She doesn't do this to Daddy, when he talks about his day at work she looks thoroughly bored! Well she can't have it both ways.....
what happens in the playground stays in the playground!

Mr fed up (6.10)

ProjectGainsborough Mon 19-Sep-11 07:43:09

Try the following - ideally performed at 5am to ensure that your jailors are too weak to oppose your demands (sorry, completely reasonable requests) throughout the day.

MiniProject: Blue car! Blue car!

MummyProject: <<mumbles from down the hall>> 'Smiddleofnight. No car. Sleepy time. Back to sleep.


DaddyP: <<mutters>> can't you just give him the sodding car?

MummyP: if we give in now, he'll only...

MiniP: <<...continue with futher comments to the effect that ^I really must have the blue car immediately^>>

DaddyP: can you just give him the feckin' car, I've got to get up in an hour

MummyP: i don't see why I'm the one who has to... ohhh forgeddit <<stumbles down hall, rummages sleepily in toy box>> Ok, MiniP, play quietly. Mummy and Daddly sleeping.

MiniP: <<waits until snores are heard>> Red car! RED CAR!

Thumbwitch Mon 19-Sep-11 08:11:48

I am incandescent with rage at Mummy's utter unreasonableness today.
I mean, I know she bought me two new animal toys and a milkshake, but I didn't want all of it, I wanted some of hers and she drank it all, even though she gave me half the icecream in hers, but it still wasn't fair!

Anyway so I wanted this toy truck, it looks like MAck from Cars and I neeeeeeeddd it so much, I love it, it's my best friend and I told Mummy I neeeeeeeeddd it because it's my best friend and she said I would have to wait until Christmas. So then I said "can we go to Christmas now?" And the bloody rude woman just laughed at me!! shockangry

Kingsroadie Mon 19-Sep-11 10:06:36

These bloody bath times are really annoying me at the moment - everyone knows that it's much more fun to wee in the bath than in your potty just before a bath. I mean, I know she is trying to "get me used to the potty" or some such nonsense - she even tries to bribe me with food to get on it so that I learn to like it. Anywaaaay, it's much better when you wee in the bath because then you can drink it. And we all know how tasty it is don't we? She's lucky I didn't do one of my special poos in there cos then she really would have been buggered.

Mine also laughs and tells me my fake crying needs work - I'll teach her.

I feel so sorry for all of us - what is wrong with these parents?!

piprabbit Mon 19-Sep-11 10:21:33

I know you are all going to say that I'm just being PFP - but my Daddy is really fantastic. He is sooooooo funny, much funnier than Justin Fletcher. And when he blows raspberries on my tummy!! He is the best. I could kiss and cuddle him all day (even though I know he's not that keen when I suck his nose).
I feel so sorry for him having to share a bed with that woman. It's not fair on him to expect him to get a proper night's sleep when she is hogging half the bed.

AIBU to expect her to sleep on the blow-up mattress on my bedroom floor, while I get to snuggle daddy in the big bed?

Peetle Mon 19-Sep-11 10:47:05

Nobody gets me up in the morning. They think they're safe because I can't open my bedroom door but some mornings I have to lie there saying "Dadda, dadda" for half an hour before anyone comes in.

DreamsOfSteam Mon 19-Sep-11 11:36:04

I have not felt the need to post here before as for the most part mummy and daddy are quite well trained. But The Incident that occurred yesterday has left my badly shaken and I feel I may need some advice from you, as you are much more wise and advanced in training of your parents than I clearly am.

Okay so yesterday I demanded mummy and daddy took me to play with the big messy steam engines so I could smear myself from top to bottom with the black stuff that makes it very hot. (mummy thought she was very cleaver by buying me extra clothes to wear over my other clothes to keep me clean (she called it boil suit I think, sounds disgusting to me, thats a whole different threadconfused) but I showed her by peeing my pants as to much clothes to take off!) Anyway when I was dirty enough that mummy was abit embarrased to be seen with me, I decided that it was time I got to jump on the funny bouncy castle thing. I was having SO much fun you can't imagine. That is until The Incident. Daddy thought that just because it was raining very hard that the funny bouncy castle thing wasn't fun any more and I sould come off! I didn't want to get off! More fun in the rain not less! I kept jumping in the funny bubbly puddles. Daddy still wanted me to get off. I didn't get off. Then daddy took his shoes off to join in on the funny bouncy castle thing. But than he grabbed me and took me off and ran back with me to mummy.

You think thats bad don't ya, Well it gets worse. Mummy made me wear daddys fleace as my clothes were a bit wet which covered up most of the dirt that I had spent so long getting just right. She put my socks and wellies by the fire to dry them out. But the stupid inefficient woman left my socks there too long and melted them! I mean come on! My favorite socks! Of course they were going to melt. They were 2 inches away from a massive fire. personally I think she must be a moron to not realise they would melt.
Please help me with suggestions of how to avenge this blatant incompetents. So far I have left this un-punished, but I need advise so not to go down this slippery slope. TIA

MinatureSteam 2.2 yrs

mamalovebird Mon 19-Sep-11 13:21:27

Things my mummy has done to me this weekend;

-Left me in my cot for half an hour until 6am before she came to get me both mornings. She claims she was tired having worked all week, but I think she’s putting it on as she up for two hours after I go to bed at 7pm. She can’t be that tired.
-Didn’t let me climb over the railings at the park to get closer to the ducks
-Wouldn’t let me charge at the deer in the park
-Told me we would go home if I didn’t stop whingeing in the back of the car. Cheeky cow, she couldn’t even work out why I was whingeing so why should I have to suffer and go home?
-Tried to get me to go to sleep. In the afternoon. In my cot. On my own.
-Couldn’t magic another jammie dodger out of thin air when we were out.
-Insists on this teeth brushing thing.
-Had a tantrum when I bit her on the leg.
-Tried to get me to eat kedgeree when all I bloody wanted was beans. What’s wrong with beans? I really only like beans. I have no idea why she keeps trying to get me to eat other food. It’s such a waste of money. She mutters on about starving children but I don’t know what she’s on about. Think she’s losing it.

Also, she can’t seem to understand that when I say nana and she goes to get the nana that by the time she’s come back and unpeeled the nana, I don’t want the nana anymore, that ship has sailed. Daddy tries to trick me by ‘unpeeling’ the same nana when I request nana 3 minutes later but I’m on to him. Who wants a 3 minute old nana? Fools!
Thanks for this thread, I thought it was just me in the situation but we’re clearly all suffering

Notinmykitchen Mon 19-Sep-11 15:07:43

I am so relieved to have found this thread, I thought I was alone in having unreasonable parents.

AIBU to think at the age of very nearly 4 I am quite old enough to be left at home by myself. My Mummy just will not accept that I have grown up now, I am a big boy, and I don't need her to follow me around the whole time! The cat is the same age as me, and she leaves him at home on his own all the time, so why not me? I have even tried suggesting the cat could look after me when she goes out, just to keep her happy, but she won't have it.

Lttlekitchen, almost 4

Wafflenose Mon 19-Sep-11 15:57:53

Hello, it's me again, and I'm so upset (and hungry). This morning, my mummy asked me what I'd like for breakfast, to which I said "toast!" Does she really need to ask by now? Not only did she then insist that I said please, but she confused me by asking me what I wanted on my toast. So I shouted through to the kitchen "jam! Please!" When I saw Mummy get out the jam, I realised I didn't want it any more and yelled "Marmite!" Mummy said "Which do you want, BabyWaffle - jam or Marmite" so I yelled "MARMITE" even louder so that she wouldn't get it wrong. Then my awful, horrible mummy spread Marmite on my toast, cut it up and put it on the table. Of course she should have really known that I actually wanted the jam, so I sulked for a bit and then burst into tears. Here's the really cruel bit - she then told me I would have to eat it or go hungry because she didn't have time to make me anything else before we had to take my sister to school. So I asked Daddy to make me a NICE piece of toast, with jam on, that wasn't going cold, and he said "No, BabyWaffle, you need to learn". AIBU to leave my breakfast, and get my sister into trouble too by encouraging her to mess about while she ate hers?

BabyWaffle (2.4)

Wafflenose Mon 19-Sep-11 15:58:29

oops 3.4. I'm so upset I can't even type properly sad

QOD Mon 19-Sep-11 15:59:24

Well stomp hair flick you lot are just clueless! My mums SUCH an idiot, she just LOOKS at me!! I mean ffs!! She even wants to kiss me sometimes and and <<get this>> she thinks that now I am 12 I shouldn't need someone to be upstairs with me when I am in bed.

I mean, I am 12 years old and know EVERYTHING but EVERYONE knows 12 YEAR olds are allowed to have someone upstairs with them at their beck and call

right? I mean, AM IBU??

BoffinMum Mon 19-Sep-11 18:18:21

They're my armpits and I shall do what I like with them. I don't care how much Lynx she buys me. Let that be known.

BiggerBoff, 13 and 3/4

Fuzzywood Mon 19-Sep-11 19:28:22

Right that's it, first thing in the morning I'm packing my Gruffalo Trunki and going back to Nanny and Grampy's house. I specifically requested warm milk and that mummy woman brought me hot milk. What on earth is the matter with her. Apparently it's now my fault that the previously hot milk is now cold. I said warm <wails> how can I get through to her!
Also apparently she can't make me 2 again, what's that all about?!?! I liked being 2, 3 just brings too much responsibility.

Fuzzy Jnr 3.1

SeaShellsOrDaveTheHairyTrucker Mon 19-Sep-11 19:29:58

grin grin

AIBU to have just screamed, sobbed and lashed out at my (not so) dmother? She has just sent me to bed. But do you know what upset me? SHE FLuSHED MY POO AWAY! I want my poo back.NOOOOOW. In fact, I tried to climb into the toilet to get it back, but she had FLUSHED IT AWAY.

Parents angry

Kingsroadie Mon 19-Sep-11 19:39:15

I am just so fed up with her tonight - she insisted one me not wearing a nappy after my bath when I was watching In The Night Garden and the bloody woman kept interrupting my viewing to ask if I wanted a wee wee and try and get me to sit on that hard white thing she calls a potty. Well, I tell you what - I wasn't going to do a wee on that, despite her trying to persuade me for the best part of 40 minutes. So to serve her right I waited until she left me (she wouldn't leave my side the entire time as she didn't want me to wee on the floor) for approx 30 seconds while she did something to do with that washing stuff she is always doing. Then I weed all over the sofa. A massive wee! hahahahahahahaaaaaa. Cannot believe how unreasonable she is, trying to get me to wee in the potty. Ha.

BoffinMum Mon 19-Sep-11 19:58:51

I feel your loss, SeaShells. sad

However tonight I feel a personal sense of victory. The Mummy person allowed me to have custard on my green beans. I still didn't eat them anyway, so a double victory really. grin

BoffinMum Mon 19-Sep-11 19:59:21

Was it a River of Sweetcorn type of poo, SeaShells? wink

SeaShellsOrDaveTheHairyTrucker Mon 19-Sep-11 21:10:20

wink Boffin, if she had flushed away a river of sweetcorn I'd have moved out to the play house. Mothers <rolls eyes> she even tried to wipe my bottom - sacrilege <wails>

sixtiesqueen Mon 19-Sep-11 21:37:10

nunchy nut cornflakes. FFS. Waaaaaaaah!

I got my own back this morning. grin

After managing to sucessfully wind my Mum up by spending 10 minutes avoiding putting on my shoes I got her cross.

So cross in fact she said she was leaving NOW, so I put my shoes in in the time it took her to grab her bags, wink, she told me to look what I was doing, I may have put them on the wrong feet in the rush, blush, she turned around fell over one of her bags and has broken too fingers. They are a lovely colour of purple, blue and black and all big and squishy.

BoffinMum Mon 19-Sep-11 22:04:25


BewitchedBotheredandBewildered Mon 19-Sep-11 23:37:56

Well I'm getting a lot of mixed messages, maybe some of you can help. I'm nearly 3 and going thru' the whole " let's be a big boy and poo in the loo" thing. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. Anyway, we're having a new stension, whatever that is, and it will have an on sweet, which I like the sound of. For some reason that meant we had to go to a HUGE shop yesterday that sold stuff for bathrooms. Nanny and Grandad came with us to sit in the car with my new baby brother.
So, me and Mum and Dad and my big brother went in the shop. It was quite boring so I went for a walk round and found the big window at the front, I could see Nanny and Grandad in the car and felt a bit sorry for them so I was waving and dancing to make them laugh. All that dancing made me feel like doing a poo, well, there was a really nice loo just there in the window, so I pulled down my own shorts all by mineself and climbed up. Nanny and Grandad were still waving a lot but I couldn't wave and poo at the same time.
I did a really good, big poo and called Mum to come and do the wiping bit. By now Nannny was all red in the face and I couldn't see Grandad, I think he must have lost something on the floor - hope it wasn't the baby.
And then the weirdest thing happened, Mum found me, gasped "O mi God", picked me up and ran out of the shop calling Dad and BB, she didn't even wipe my bottom, usually she bangs on about how important it is. So we all get in the car and drive off - very quickly. And all the grown-ups are screaming with LAUGHTER ffs, and they didn't even buy a bathroom.
My question is what's so blasted funny about poo?And should I do them in the loo or what?


Thumbwitch Tue 20-Sep-11 08:38:06

(Kingsroadie - I feel your pain!)

ouchie to the broken fingers and shock to the poo in display loo!

Kingsroadie Tue 20-Sep-11 09:07:43

Thanks Thumbwitch grin I may in fact give up on the potty thing for now - she's nearly 22 months so not massively old or anything - it's just that my mother keeps banging on about how my brother and I were potty trained by 2 blah blah (well, I was at about 18 months apparently) and how if I "miss the window" it'll be much harder... But perhaps she just isn't ready yet! Although she does tell me when she wees and poos - not sure really - surely no nappies can actually be more hassle too when out and about?

Which brings me on to Bewitched's post - shock - that is hilarious! One of those nightmare - "oh god what on earth do I do" moments. See this is why potty training perhaps isn't all it's cracked up to be - maybe we should leave them in nappies forever?! grin

My mother is definitely BU . If SHE wants to get up at 7.30 and SHE hasn't got a deadline , who's fault is that ? SHE should know by now that by getting up at 8 I still have plenty of time for a long shower , put my uniform on , put my toothbrush under the tap and still catch the school bus at 8.25.
I don't need any of the breakfast stuff that's in the house when I can buy some overpricedrubbishnice snacks at the spar. Cos I am a sixth former !
And SHE only works part time so has loads of time to pick up my wet towels , soaking bath mat used clothes and the rest of my stuff.
Why won't she put the heating on when she gets up in the morning ! It's September , she's so unreasonable.
Touristsboy age 16

DreamsOfSteam Tue 20-Sep-11 10:05:11

BewitchedBotheredandBewildered shock shock I am sad with grin

festivalwidow Tue 20-Sep-11 10:13:49

Has anyone else found this with their DPs? I fear my DM is suffering from a severe language comprehension delay.
She seems pleased when I say 'train', 'bird' and 'book', yet has a complete blind spot when I say 'eh! eh! eh!'. It seems incredible that she has no clue this can mean 'I want raisins', 'I want to go outside', 'pick me up immediately' or 'where is the Lego', among countless other derivations. The constant "I don't understaaaaand" is driving me crazy!

WIBU to take her to a speech therapist?
festivalorphan (17 months)

plupervert Tue 20-Sep-11 10:28:29

What did the speech therapist say about your Mummy, festivalwidow? Did s/he understand your Mummy or did s/he then ask you exactly the same questions and then just start talking to you? If the latter, maybe the speech therapist couldn't understand your Mummy either, but you have to think that this is probably a rather lazy therapist, who won't take the trouble to engage with your Mummy and teach her to speak and listen properly. Maybe find another therapist and see what happens.

HelenDamnation Tue 20-Sep-11 10:58:05

Just checking in with you, OP, and making sure you're ok.

windatmytail Tue 20-Sep-11 12:47:23

At 2.30 this morning I was quite upset as for some reason my PJ's and sleeping bag was all wet, I coughed a bit and eventually my DM came to my room. She didn't even notice that I was wet and cold but tried to hold my hand shock I soon put her right and thought I'd sing her a lovely tune while she changed me, do you think she appreciated it? she then had the cheek to put me back in my cot without any milk shock a quick rendition of the banshee song and 5 seconds later I had my milk smile I couldn't get back to sleep though as the whole house seemed to be up and about for some reason - 2.30 am is too early even for me, they have no consideration.

windybabe (2)

MrsBloomingTroll Tue 20-Sep-11 13:03:43

My new baby brother cries and my Mummy a) goes running and b) always knows what he wants (usually boobs) and gives it to him.

I cry for whatever reason and am told to "use words" to tell her what's wrong. Surely she should know, instinctively, that I want to carry my nursery bag myself/wear my dirty t-shirt from yesterday/watch a DVD/some other random demand just from the tone of my crying?

I don't get why it's one rule for my brother and another rule for me! AIBU?

MissBloomingTroll. Aged 3.

piprabbit Tue 20-Sep-11 13:45:15

DM collected me from pre-school today and asked me to help her buy some milk. I was, like, OK - but I want some sweets too. She joked around with me and told me that there were sweets at home and I didn't need any more. Ha ha ha - as if sweets at home are the same as sweets at the shop hmm, good joke.

We got to the shop and I helped with the milk and everything. Then I reminded DM about the sweets. She said "No" shock.

I made it clear that we would not be buying anything at all in that case, but she simply told me that the millk wasn't for me shock (who else could it be for???).

I lay on the floor in the queue and screamed. She stepped over me.
I shook the basket. She ignored me.
I tried to remove the milk from the self-serve checkout.
I swung my weight on the bagging area so the funny voice got all hot and bother about removing something from the bagging area.
I kept up the crying and repeated my very reasonable request.
I kicked the checkout. Then I kicked DM.

DM went very pink and muttered that everyone was looking. They were not, they were looking at the ceiling, at each other, at the floor - everywhere except looking at me.

I really am concerned that, having used a variety of verbal and non-verbal communication techniques, she is still failing to understand something as simple as "I want sweets" should result in me actually getting some bloody sweets. WWYD.

BoffinMum Tue 20-Sep-11 14:01:38

Personally I would poo on the bagging area as that obviously works when out and about LOL grin

piprabbit Tue 20-Sep-11 14:11:56

Thanks Boffin - definitely worth considering. Perhaps I could have put the copious amounts of snot I was producing to better effect, by wiping them on the bagging area.

You guys are an inspiration.

mumwithdice Tue 20-Sep-11 16:38:01

You mean it gets worse? I am 9 months old and you won't believe what my mummy did today!

She put a blanket on me! In my buggy! Because she thought it was cold! Naturally, I kicked it off every time she put it on and made sure to wail whenever there were passersby. That'll teach her.

babywithdice 9 months

missorinoco Fri 23-Sep-11 20:19:54

I've halkf cracked it with my mother. I had to refuse to leave school to go home with her for two days i a row until she realised I did NOT want a hug in public. FFS - I am four! People might see. But then she laughed when I told her to "chill." I think there's still some work to be done.

plupervert Sat 24-Sep-11 10:21:53

My mummy isn't grateful for the help I am trying to give her with her pelvic floor exercises. Doesn't she know she's meant to be able to interrupt the stream? She's getting all arsey with me because I'm enforcing this with demands for the loo once she's sat down (and no, if I said I wanted to go beforehand, you wouldn't do this p.f. exercise, would you, you lazy cow! I know you!)

Megfox Sat 24-Sep-11 15:06:04

You want to tell me what AIBU actually IS.....?

Megfox Sat 24-Sep-11 15:08:06

What's a DPs or a DM.....?

plupervert Sun 25-Sep-11 20:02:56

Am I Being Unreasonable
Dear Parents
Dear Mum

HarrietJones Sun 25-Sep-11 21:54:32

My Mummy was very cruel this evening. She has started rationing the oranges. She said I had to eat tea first and not just oranges. I repeatedly told her but she didn't let me have any so I asked for a bath instead. And she said 'No' . What can I do with her? I know there's still oranges left as I only ate 3 yesterday and 2 today.

Daddy is just as bad he wouldn't let me bite each apple on the tree to see which was nicest.

Baby jones aged 11months

plupervert Sun 25-Sep-11 22:15:04

Baby Jones, did your mean Daddy stop you from biting the bees and wasps on the tree, too? angry

HarrietJones Sun 25-Sep-11 22:17:43

Mummy won't let me chase bees. She says they like the flowers but not getting grabbed. How does she know they don't want to play?

plupervert Sun 25-Sep-11 22:24:19

She won't let you chase bees?! shock


HarrietJones Sun 25-Sep-11 22:33:17

I have considered it but where would I get my milk from in the night? It's so handy when Daddy puts me in bed next to Mummy so I can help myself, though she did have the nerve to stop me holding on all last night shock

plupervert Sun 25-Sep-11 22:50:26

You are suffering from a rather unhealthily co-dependent relationship, then. Can you get downstairs and find the big cold box, and then the big lighting-up-ping box which heats things? If you can work them both, you will be able to limit contact with your parents who are, frankly, setting way too many boundaries for you.

HarrietJones Mon 26-Sep-11 18:25:46

The ping ping is too high but I have mastered the cold cheese box

plupervert Mon 26-Sep-11 19:26:20

Well, I suppose the ping ping box can wait. There's a lot you can do with the cold box.

First, you have to satisfy yourself about the little light. Make sure that it is properly turning off when you close the door.

Once you have made sure of this, you can get on with stocking the cold box with supplies such as Mummy and Daddy's mobile phones, any slippers they leave lying about (slovenly big people!), that controller they use to turn off your CBeebies.... things like that.

Please help, I am completely at the end of my patience with DM.

She is absolutely insistent that this thing called "three" comes after "one" and "two" even though EVERYONE knows it is "four". I have tried being patient, I have tried gently correcting her, recently I have had to get quite cross with her, shake my head and stamp my feet but she is STILL getting it wrong.

How can I help her get over this error and why won't she listen to me?

Babyskier (16 months)

3doorsaway Fri 02-Mar-12 16:28:46

If you think she is being unreasonable now wait till you hit your teens your in for a treat then..

All mentle health conditions have been triggered by then, despite your best efforts to be a supportive and caring child, she will be probably self medicating with alcohol and probably either smoking secretly or may even be completely blatant about it while telling you how stupid you are to smoke!!

She will constantly moan about how good school was in her day! (clearly a spoff) and how she had a size 8 figure before you were born!! (well mum it wasn't me who ate my leftovers was it fatty!)

I'm an unpaid slave I HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING!!

She feeds me crap food every night like lasagne, spag boll or mac and cheese. only giving my pot noodles when she is far to lazy to cook rather than to be kind!!

She will make jokes about how the last time she had a good night sleep was 95 ( in my case)

I think I have probably scared you enough kid but tbh if she is BU now you better try and get her in line now or it will just get worse!!

RabidEchidna Wed 21-Mar-12 16:21:34


edpen Thu 21-Jun-12 12:02:14

Thank you OP!! This makes me laugh every time I reread it!! grin

bogeyface Sun 23-Sep-12 00:08:37


Another happy customer, thank you smile

fidelma Sun 23-Sep-12 07:42:30

Down in History!

Am fairly new to MN, so only recently found this thread. I thought my pelvic floor had recovered - clearly I was a bit optimistic. Not laughed so much in ages. Thanks!

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE Sun 21-Jul-13 16:03:09

Literally cry every time I read this grin

MiniMonty Mon 02-Sep-13 00:18:30

Yeah, like I'm nearly 14 yeah and like I've just got to tell you that you're all really old and stupid yeah. And anyway I hate you. Can I have some money ?

DizziDoll Fri 04-Oct-13 17:43:41

Hey OP, how did this turn out for you? Did you learn her?

I could use some advice from any others on here who have been in my situation. My DM was getting really fat a while ago. I mean, she just couldn't seem to stop eating and she got such a round belly. It was bigger than mine!

Then one day she sat me (i'm 3.6 years old) down and told us about the OC. I couldn't believe it! Was I not good enough that she needed to look for another child? To top it off, she actually brought the OC home and expected me to love her too. Is she nuts? I mean, this baby is crap at everything! It can't jump off things, it can't post coins in DVD players or anything!
I would throw her in the bin but my dm seems to be watching her all the time! Lately I have been pinching my older DSis (6). I mean, she should be old enough to look after herself. Maybe if she left, I could have more attention. Plus, her reaction is GREAT!

Any other ideas?

ZingDollyChops Thu 17-Oct-13 10:10:50

My mummy gives me a bottle of apple squash when I have a nap.
But a few days ago I drank some of my juice which meant that my bottle wasn't full anymore.

I found that very distressing and threw a tantrum. I mean wouldn't you? If I drink from my bottle just why oh why does it not stay full?sad

But the real problem is my DM. This incident revealed a disturbing truth about her lack of understanding and empathy.
She kept on asking me why I was crying and even after I told her several times that I was crying "because I drank from my bottle" she did not understand why I was upset about that!
The woman is logically challenged!
She was warbling on about that the juice was missing from my bottle because it was in my tummy, which I know <rolls eyes>, but she failed to see why I was upsetting that I did that!

I can't reason with her. <sighs>

And you know what the bitch did? She laughed! She actually laughed! She tried to hide it, but I saw what happened.
I see nothing funny about being upset about drinking my juice and finding out that my bottle had less juice in it because I drank some.

Good thing she made a nice cake later, so I forgave her for being thick, but I think I'd better keep an eye on her.

ZingBoy5 (aged 3.5)

SophieBMumsnet (MNHQ) Wed 23-Oct-13 15:12:51

This is my favourite thread on the whole of MN. Such a funny OP!

Heathcliff27 Wed 23-Oct-13 15:23:48

I am so glad I have found this thread. Only yesterday mummy was having coffee with my best friends mummy and we decided to have a look through the bathroom cupboard. I mean, whats the problem, after all mummy puts cream on her face and arms and legs so why was it so funny when we did the same with the tub of sudocream, I didnt expect it to be so thick though and I dont think i'll be able to wear those leggings again.... I really thought mummy was going to pee herself she was laughing so much

bouncingpenguin Sun 01-Dec-13 00:29:08

Parents don't know anything do they? My mum says I don't need a new mobile phone - what does she know? She still classes me as a child when I'm 12 for God's sake! I'm practically an adult now.

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