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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

The taboo of cosleeping

47 replies

Penny2012 · 31/10/2012 22:46

I'm just finishing cosleeping and have mentioned to a few people that he's in his own bed and I'm in mine now (8 weeks old). Everyone says how brilliant this is "what good news" "we'll I was a bit worried that you were doing that"... No-one's said "are you sure he's ready to sleep on his own?" or "oh what a shame. Are you missing it?"

There are enormous benefits to cosleeping in terms of feeding/safety etc but the best thing about it is how wonderful and snuggly it is to be cuddling your new baby all night. It's heaven. You wake up to their beautiful face and melt every time. I loved it and I really miss it.

Did you avoid mentioning that you were cosleeping to people to avoid criticism? Did you miss it when you stopped? Do you still cosleep now?

OP posts:

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HappyAsASandboy · 31/10/2012 22:53

I started co sleeping with my twins when they were about 3 or 4 months old and still cosleeping now (they are just 2).

I love waking up in a bed full of babies I didn't really avoid talking about it, though I was aware that most people thought it was dangerous and I've always thought I'm doing it 'at my own risk' IYSWIM. It does sometimes feel 'risky', maybe because its not the norm, but it has helped me to survive. I started cosleeping because it was safer than falling asleep propped up in bed breastfeeding, and now I do it because my babies, particularly DD sleeps better and resettles more quickly if cosleeping and breastfeeding in the night.

Most of my friends think I'm daft still having my 2 year old twins in our room, never mind in our bed! But I love it, and it feels like such a fleeting time that I don't want to miss a second of it :)

HappyAsASandboy · 31/10/2012 22:55

Oh - will I miss it? I suspect so, but then maybe not as I'm not going to move them into beds in their own room until we're all ready, so unless they're well ahead of me, it should just happen when it feels right :)

Welovecouscous · 31/10/2012 22:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Welovecouscous · 31/10/2012 22:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

claraschu · 31/10/2012 22:59

We co-slept for at least three years with each of our three. It was great, and I never felt embarrassed to mention it, in fact, my problem was trying not to be too smug.

My daughter (11) still climbs in bed with me sometimes if her dad is away, so I don't have to miss it, but I will when she stops, which will be soon.

VerySmallSqueak · 31/10/2012 23:02

I co slept with DD1 for a while.
I have never once been reluctant to mention it and have been aware of disapproval.
I wholeheartedly believe it was what made sense at the time and I applied all safety precautions,and we ditched the duvet and used sheets and blankets.

But I have to admit that I was ready to stop when I did.

BertieBotts · 31/10/2012 23:03

"oh what a shame. Are you missing it?"

Funny because this is what I always think I would never say it though, I suppose it's a bit of a taboo, but also because I tend to assume if they have moved their baby out of their bed then they wanted to do so and I wouldn't want to imply that I disapproved of their choice.

I sometimes make a comment like "It doesn't harm them at all" or mention that I had DS in my bed when he was a baby and I never had any issues settling him into his own bed later on in case what they're looking for is reassurance.

RyleDup · 31/10/2012 23:03

Noone critisiced me for co sleeping, well not in rl anyway. I did miss it when I stopped, but its nice to have more space in the bed these days.

VerySmallSqueak · 31/10/2012 23:03

Sorry,I meant to say I have never been aware of disapproval.

ThePathanKhansWitch · 31/10/2012 23:07

Still have our 5yo in the bed.Love it tbh.

TrinityRhino · 31/10/2012 23:07

I've been aware of disapproval so didn't mention it. Co slept with gecko till she was just over 3.

Rhubarbgarden · 31/10/2012 23:13

Most people I know who co-sleep are full of it. They talk about it all the time as though they think they are doing something a bit clever. I'm the one who gets raised eyebrows when I mention that mine were in their own cots in their own rooms when just a few weeks old. Horses for courses.

MrsShriek3 · 31/10/2012 23:13

Have just had a lovely co"sleeping" hour with ds2, who's 9yrs+ 3 weeks

He wanted snuggles. So he got it. I'm more settled now too. Win-win imho

shuckleberryfinn · 31/10/2012 23:14

I didn't realise there was a taboo really. I realised there were some people who thought it was wrong in some way but since they weren't me or part of my family I wasn't really bothered either way what they did or thought. My 19 month old has slept in my bed since birth, at first my choice (I like sleep) and lately hers, my nearly 8 year old sleeps wherever he asks to. Today I built a treble sleeper for the two of them, 5 beds, ish for 3 people. we can all sleep where and with who we want.

I know its an often used phrase but I like it, why do we expect babies to sleep alone when adults dont want to?

ThePathanKhansWitch · 31/10/2012 23:22

Well it is the best contraception method going Rhubarb..

Rhubarbgarden · 31/10/2012 23:32

I don't doubt it!

jellybeans · 31/10/2012 23:48

I have coslept with all mine at various times from few weeks (put them back in cot when asleep next to bed till 12 months as worried) to 5 yrs ish although from school age they usually started in their own beds. I don't admit it to people unless they are a similar type of parent. I once heard a family member compare cosleeping to incest! We would have got no sleep otherwise with twins and a refluxer. I don't care what people think really it feels fine to me.

Goldchilled7up · 31/10/2012 23:54

I've had a friend saying about the contraception, when I mentioned co-sleeping. I find that an odd argument, since when you can only have sex in bed?

GwendolineScaryLacey · 31/10/2012 23:54

I co-sleep with my 4.9yo and 9mo and I love it, even if they do completely hog a super kingsize bed!

RubyrooUK · 31/10/2012 23:59

I think most of my friends have co-slept when necessary or because they like it or because it's how everyone gets most sleep. We co-slept with DS in our bed for 10 months and still do if we go on holiday (he's two). Otherwise he sleeps in his own bed and one of us gets in for cuddles with him when he wakes up each night. We will do whatever gets us most sleep and DS is a very cuddly child so never took to a cot.

Co-sleeping has never been that controversial among people I know.

RubyrooUK · 01/11/2012 00:03

Equally I couldn't care less if people don't want to co-sleep and their babies are happy in cots etc. It's all a personal preference.

OVOntToSuckYourBlood · 01/11/2012 00:05

I don't usually mention it in RL as even my own mother is all arsey about it. Apparantly she, "doesn't believe in it." Don't even get me started on what a daft sentence that is!

My DS3 is 5 next month. The older he gets the more eyebrows raised some people get by it.

CocoPopsAddict · 01/11/2012 00:11

Oh well... we sometimes co-sleep with DS. His cot is still in our room but he quite often just ends up in the bed with us. He'll be two in December.

I don't see it as a big deal - it feels normal to us. Isn't it what most of humankind have done for time immemorial?

Each to their own, I say.

PerryCombover · 01/11/2012 00:25

Wasn't aware it was a taboo

Inneedofbrandy · 01/11/2012 00:29

My ds (5) gets in sometimes still and I love it! My dd usually comes in for cuddles on a morning and sometimes we all sleep together who cares what anybody else thinks.

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