The taboo of cosleeping

[Penny2012]

I'm just finishing cosleeping and have mentioned to a few people that he's in his own bed and I'm in mine now (8 weeks old). Everyone says how brilliant this is "what good news" "we'll I was a bit worried that you were doing that"... No-one's said "are you sure he's ready to sleep on his own?" or "oh what a shame. Are you missing it?"

There are enormous benefits to cosleeping in terms of feeding/safety etc but the best thing about it is how wonderful and snuggly it is to be cuddling your new baby all night. It's heaven. You wake up to their beautiful face and melt every time. I loved it and I really miss it.

Did you avoid mentioning that you were cosleeping to people to avoid criticism? Did you miss it when you stopped? Do you still cosleep now?

Spot on iNeed
I need a bigger than king-size tho. And kids with fewer elbows

If you told me face to face that your 8wo has started sleeping in his own cot then I'd assume you'd only been cosleeping out of necessity and wanted him in his own cot. Otherwise why wouldn't you continue?

I moved ds to his own room in desperation at 2 months and we both slept better. Tried cosleeping various times since and he's never slept! Even at 4 he prefers his bed, blankets, and mountain of toys. And bouncing on me in the daytime.
Dd is still in my room at 9mo, and have tried cosleeping recently as she has horrible cold and the room is cold. Doesn't seem to help - I just get cold fingers and pins and needles in my arm. So enjoying her falling asleep while feeding & me typing and now back to her bed. She can get her snuggled in the day - heaven to me is my own bed. Even DH is in a separate room - now that does seem taboo!

Still co sleep with ds who is 2.4, but need to start thinking about kicking him out now as am 14 weeks pregnant...... He has a lovely cot that I currently use as a clothes horse it's wonderful having them snuggle up to you, DH has recently been looking at bigger beds though

My 13 yr old DD got in with me last week when DH was away for the night. She stole all the covers, but it was still lovely. When she was little I found people either thought it was lovely that she was in with us, or that we had made a 'rod for our own backs'. She progressed from our bed, to a mattress on our floor and then to her room.

My DSIL coslept with her newborn. She accidentally smothered him and he died at 5 weeks. That's the "taboo".

Someone quite rightly asked why I'm stopping. As I have to lie very still and be very aware of him I find I don't sleep deeply and wake with very sore hips. I'd be lying if I didn't feel under pressure to stop from other people. I shouldn't but I do. Also my husband is fed up of not being able to cuddle properly.

I'm really glad to find so many people do cosleep happily and don't feel the need to keep it private. I'd encourage anyone to do it, as safely as they can.

From now I'll still relish feeding lying down and morning snuggles in my bed as he grows.

Thanks everyone for your responses.

I have to lie very still and be very aware of him I find I don't sleep deeply

Penny - I totally get where you are coming from with that one. When DS1 was born I just couldn't sleep with him next to me (in cot with side down). I was really in tune to every noise he made, and would wake up with a start several times a night even when he was fast asleep. He progressed very quickly into a cot in his own room.

DD didn't manage any time in our bedroom. She came straight out of hospital into her own room. Although she was exclusively BF for as long as she could manage (due to medical condition) I had learnt from experience that having a newborn in my bedroom did not work for me.

I actually felt I was treated like a second-class mother by other co-sleeping friends of mine for not having my baby in bed with me. My ability to EBF as well as form a 'bond' with my baby were both questioned as a result of having my baby in a different room.

As far as SIDS is concerned, there are a number of factors that make co-sleeping dangerous with newborns. Apart from the obvious ones such as alcohol/drugs, 'severe fatigue' is also quoted. As I most definitely suffered from 'severe fatigue' with both DCs, I would not have made a good candidate for co-sleeping.

I don't get why so many new mothers seem to feel it is acceptable to make other new mothers feel bad about their parenting choices over matters that are so unimportant in the grand scheme of things.

I was worried about SIDS so moved them back when they were very small to a cot or hammock. I only coslept all night from about 10 months or so. Still a few times I fell asleep with them and they were OK, I kind of crooked my arm round them (hard when it was the twins!) and put my leg out so they didn't slip down. But a few times i woke up and they had gone down the bed. I had a nappy breathing monitor on though which was reassuring.

When mine were babies I usually slept with one on my chest and would wake up freezing due to no covers. I never really planned it just sometimes they came in and sometimes they didn't. Mine both slept really well going down after their 6pm bottle CS usually happened when teething. I then used to have mini heart attacks thinking they had slid down the covers when they were actually in their cots.

Mrs shriek I get woke up with them complaining about my elbows now HA.

TBH every baby is a risk for cot death or SID and everything you do or don't do carrys a extra risk. The link on CS statistics have all the accidential fell asleep with baby on the sofa, in the pushchair statistics lumped on. Skin to skin does help them remember top breath so it's outweighing the pros and negatives.

We shared the bed with our daughter for 18 months and never hid the fact. Even though we were the only ones, I never got any negative comments about it. Absolutely not a taboo in my opinion.

It's good to see this being talked about. We co-slept with baby for the 1st week as we knew he wanted to be close to us after 9 months in me. My husband keeps talking about it to midwife/health visitor/ friends who all hugely disapproved & told us it's dangerous. Baby is now 6 weeks old & not a good sleeper in his cot-up for 4/5 hours with me feeding & soothing him, putting him back in then him crying & I have to start all over again- I'm wondering if I put him in with us again if he'll sleep better & then I will? I'm on my own with him all day with no family around & do the night shift as my husband's working 13 hours a day & he feeds most of the evening so not much chance for a break/naps

We still sleep with our 10 year old ds, having co-slept since birth! Although the end is nigh - his choice. This summer he spent 2 weeks away with his grandparents sleeping in his own room the entire time. Since coming back from that he has been spending more nights in his own bedroom at home - which has always been there for him. He tells us that come Christmas he is going to "move in full-time" to his own room. He says he feels to big to be in our bed now. It's fine by us, 10 years is a long time but now it's drawing to and end it feels like a fleeting experience.

It's not something I ever thought about doing before ds was born or ever read up on. It started fairly fluidly and it seems to be ending in the same way. We don't advocate co-sleeping for everybody and I don't discuss it very often with others. The only negative comments have come from my own family who did all the 'rod for your own back' bit. It's never felt like that. It's always been a pleasure and never a chore.

I co-sleep with dd4 who is now 18 months and has never slept anywhere else. I sometimes have 2 year old dd3 and 9 year old dd2 in the mix as well. I love it but I'm ready to evict her now with mixed feelings. I'm not sleeping well and she is all over me in the night, shes getting so big! But there is nothing like going to bed and snuggling up with your baby.
I have no idea how ill get her into a cot though!

I must add that I'm generally considered nuts by my friends for co-sleeping but I've never had criticism.

Is there a taboo ? Odd. Some people frown on it and are obnoxious, some people think they are superior because they do it and are equally obnoxious. For most people its a non conversation, they do what works for them and aren't that interested in what other people do.

Am aware of some people being pitied if they still have the baby in bed after several months, even though they might be happy to do so, but its not really a taboo is it ?

And if you loved it so much and felt it was better for the baby why not just carry on doing it ? 8 weeks isn't very long at all and I'd assume if you'd now put the baby in your own bed, you'd been doing it because you needed to get some sleep and were wanting to stop rather than being commited to co-sleeping and needing some reinforcement.

Generally in RL alot of people say what they think someone wants to hear, or they don't even really think about it. Your sleeping habits are small talk to most people I'm afraid. Its possible to make very heavy weather of parenting nowadays.

I think the co-sleeping conversation is a lot like the 'politics' one actually - once you get to know people and speak to them about raising children you realise that co-sleeping is actually more common than you're given to believe. Same as finding someone who votes the same way you do iyswim?

Anyway, initially yes i was always a bit reluctant to admit that i did it because of the holier than thou attitudes you hear about second hand. But then i quickly discovered that people with children know that you will do anything you can to get a good night's sleep when they're tiny. I co-slept out of desperation (but ended up enjoying it immensely) until DS was 12 weeks because otherwise we were kept awake all night by him grunting and snuffling and generally sounding uncomfortable. Sleeping chest to chest made him sleep so much better and more comfortably. Co-sleeping was like magic for us when we were so sleep deprived. After 12 weeks he stayed in our room in his moses basket until 6 months when he went into his own room. And yes, i did miss him and was quite but it gave us our time and space back as a couple

Even now (he's 2 yo), i love it when he comes into our bed first thing in the morning, all snuggly, and we're always quick to bring him in bed with us when he's poorly.

I still co sleep with my 4.4 DS sometimes (usually when dd who is 13 has a sleepover as they share a room) ds and I love it. I'm a single parent and have been for 2+ years. I will miss having cuddles with my baby big boy when he doesn't want to sleep 'in mamas comfy bed' any more.

I still co sleep with my 4.4 DS sometimes (usually when dd who is 13 has a sleepover as they share a room) ds and I love it. I'm a single parent and have been for 2+ years. I will miss having cuddles with my baby big boy when he doesn't want to sleep 'in mamas comfy bed' any more.

I coslept with both mine till 8 weeks ish, like you. Then after that for periods when they were more unsettled (am in one of these periods at the mo with my DS who is teething, has a rotten cold and is on the cusp of walking, all of which mess up his sleep !)