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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

What do you do when the refuse to eat?

48 replies

SusieR · 27/02/2006 16:56

Hi,

I know the recommended rule to follow is not to give in and give them something else, but its very dificault to send DD to bed without any tea inside her. What does everyone else do?

Sue

OP posts:

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meowmix · 27/02/2006 17:04

DS goes to bed with no tea, just his night time milk. He's got a lot better about eating since we started the zero tolerance approach.

onefootinthegravy · 27/02/2006 17:12

I have to echo meowmix, I used to fret about it but now I just go with it. My dd 2.11 always makes up for it the next day and mealtimes are a lot more chilled out I have to say.

Original poster

SusieR · 27/02/2006 17:23

Just what I wanted to hear guys. I'm going to stick to my guns.
Thanks!!

OP posts:

wannaBe1974 · 27/02/2006 18:05

yep DS goes without, he knows how it is, you eat what you're given or you don't get anything else. I'll make an exception if it's something I haven't cooked before, as long as he tries it.

Lacrimosa · 27/02/2006 18:09

My childrens not eating problems were solved very quickly I simply took their food away without any fuss then put the next meal down same as usual and repeated it until they were hungry enough an d realised that I would not give in to them . It worked for me but I am a cruel and heartless mother so it might not be the route that you would like to take. Im sure that no child will starve themselves for very long . Good luck, let us know when she starts eating xx

QE2 · 27/02/2006 18:14

Absolutely zero tolerance. Just very camly say, "Don't you want your tea/dinner, sweetheart? No problem, maybe you will be hungry when it's breakfast/tea/dinner time."

Absolutley do not give in and don't give sweets either. You have to show you aren't bothered in the slightest (even if you are inwardly).

Give smaller portions so it doesn't overwhelm them when they see a huge plateful in front of them.

GDG · 27/02/2006 18:15

What do I do? Send them to bed with no dinner! They eat what's in front of them or they don't - but if they don't, there is nothing else. It's as simple as that.

Radley · 27/02/2006 18:16

I've just really lost my temper with dd2 (3.11), i've cooked her tea and as soon as she saw what it was she started screaming and is still screaming now.

I am FED UP to the back teeth of cooking for them dd1 is nearly 7 and nearly it all going uneaten. I'm getting to the point where they live off bread and water, I NEVER cook a meal without one or the other complaining.

Lacrimosa · 27/02/2006 18:16

Im beginning to see Im not the only mum who reacts this way, maybe im not such a bad mum?

Radley · 27/02/2006 18:16

Also, if i went to send either of them to bed with no dinner dh would go up the wall and we would end up arguing.

QE2 · 27/02/2006 18:18

Forgot to say, ds3 went through a phase of refusing to eat his dinner. Made me feel awful sending him to bed hungry. It paid off though - he eats tons now. Tonight for instance he has polished off veggie shepherds pie made with quorn mince, onions, courgettes, lentils and gravy with mash on the top and also carrots, butternut squash, cauliflower and broccoli on the side.

See - it works!

Lacrimosa · 27/02/2006 18:18

I did once make a video of ds having a mad hissy fit at his dinner plate and when I p[layed it back to him another day he was so embarrased he never did it again!!!!

Radley · 27/02/2006 18:22

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted

juliab · 27/02/2006 18:25

Agree with QE2. Ds3 just ate pasta for the first time ever - after over a year of refusing it! He also ate broccoli 'by accident' yesterday - and actually asked for it again today. Wished I'd stuck to my guns like this with ds1 and 2!

velcrobott · 27/02/2006 18:25

I too use the "that's dinner... nothing else" works a treat!
I do think bread will stuff a child Radley... what about nit giving bread ?
Children will push as long as they know they can. I think supernanny proves it again and again

velcrobott · 27/02/2006 18:27

Radley - deffo no snacks for children who can't sit and have a decent meal!

Radley · 27/02/2006 18:29

whatever i try with them, they are never satisfied, i think it comes from a very very fussy dh, tonight for instance he is having potatoes, mince and potatoes, boiled in water with a couple of oxos and that is it.

the youngest has now just snuck in with a biscuit, i am so peed off i could cry.

Radley · 27/02/2006 18:31

I'm not wanting to blow my own trumpet, but I am a damned good cook, i especially like making things from scratch,

my yorkshire puddings are about 7" high
I have a pasta remedy, which, when i make i have to make extra to give to two of my friends.
My stews are legendery
As is my quorn stirfry with noodles
caeser chicken
german potato salad etc

the list can go on, though i do spicy food, I don't do it too spicy for the children.

Radley · 27/02/2006 18:33

velcro

I understand what you are saying about bread, they don't usually have it with a meal, but i can't move very well with a bad back at the minute(DH got everything ready,tin out, pans etc so i don't have to bend) and gave them spaghetti on toast (which they love) but they have hardly eaten any.

mrsdarcy · 27/02/2006 18:47

I generally follow a zero tolerance approach with my DS2 (4.5, reception) but he's not getting any better. He frequently goes to bed with no suppoer and I often don't give him bedtime milk either as he will load up on that. There are a few things that he likes but I refuse to provide them every day as the list is so limited.

He eats a good breakfast (porridge, toast, cereal) and an ok-ish packed lunch (peanut butter on wholemeal bread, and fruit which often gets left behind). He's been like this for as long as I remember and there is no sign of him getting any better.

Is there anyone else for whom this approach hasn't worked?

sidey · 27/02/2006 19:08

i'm going through the same with my ds. He won't try anything new only eats sausages and chick nuggets - no veg no fruit. He is only 2 but i am going to start the zero tolerance approach but not sure if he's too young to understand

velcrobott · 27/02/2006 19:12

MrsDarcy - not sure if I can help but have you looked at what someone like Tanya Byron suggests?
From what you describe your child has a carbs diet....

I have to say that I am damned lucky with my two and they will everything except they both hate milk! But I have always been firm - from start... food is never an issue but then DD (4) who just went to bed said she was "whinging" that she was hungry and she had a big dinner! I just refuse to feed her again at 7PM though. She needs to eat more at mealtime... I suspect she isn't hungry but trying a tactic to get out of bed. If you don't give in they don't try for very long.

velcrobott · 27/02/2006 19:13

Sidey just do not buy nuggets EVER. If you only have healthy food - you can let him choose from healthy only.

colditz · 27/02/2006 19:17

Kids are always old enough to understand that if they don't eat they will be hungry. I think that is the default setting.

The learned response is "Well, mum got me something else yesterday, so maybe I don't have to eat what is in front of me if I cry long enough, I'll get to eat yoghurt instead!"

Radley · 27/02/2006 19:20

my kids do have nuggets, but, they are either homemade by myself, or homemade at your local farm

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