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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

What do you do when the refuse to eat?

48 replies

SusieR · 27/02/2006 16:56

Hi,

I know the recommended rule to follow is not to give in and give them something else, but its very dificault to send DD to bed without any tea inside her. What does everyone else do?

Sue

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Nightynight · 27/02/2006 19:21

sigh
my children went through this phase (refusing supper and asking for food just before bed), and I didnt let them go to bed hungry, I always got them a snack before bedtime...

they did grow out of it eventually, and it doesnt seem to have done them any lasting harm.

muma3 · 27/02/2006 19:22

just t let you all know i have found this thread extremely useful . i always feel guilty if dd2 doesnt eat and then tells me she is hungry . i hardly ever give in but i must admit that i cook the same things all the time as i know she likes them .

she also wont eat fruit , veg , sauces, spices, anything with herbs or bits. feeding her has become a big issue and she isnt a well child as it is . she is on vitamins due to her having an extremely bad immune system and has severe asthma. she is always ill . i know alot of it is due to her not eating properly but i dont know how to get her to eat healthy.
it doesn thelp that her nan will give in to her regardless of what i say and thinks im awful if i tell her not to give her any pudding if she hasnt eaten but thats a whole different story
i just would like her to eat salad and quiche or veg lasange or stew but i cant get anything down barr boxed and bagged frozen crap .
velcrobott- i know that you are right in saying buy only healthy then she will have to eat only healthy but its easier said then done plus i have to admit that boxes and bagged frozen is so much cheaper too

egocentriczebra · 27/02/2006 19:30

If they don't eat (or nearly all) their tea, then no pudding, and no alternatives except fresh fruit (and maybe a little milk).
They're allowed to dislike certain veggies and not specifically eat them.
DD (now 4) still usually doesn't eat her tea. We will let her have an apple and a little milk at bedtime if she's insisting she's hungry (she rarely finishes either, so I reckon she just doesn't want much for tea, most nights). I'd rather she had something before bed because in the mornings she's a nightmare if she hasn't eaten anything at all the night before.

DS2 is only 20m and he's allowed a lot more leeway, he got away with eating just rice & chicken tonite, (ie, no veg) but he won't have pudding or anything besides milk tonite.

Funny enough, DS1 (6) was in the doghouse for making a watery mess earlier, and was trying to get back in our goodbooks by asking for extra veggies tonite.

sidey · 27/02/2006 19:30

muma3 i agree totally. My son will only eat crap and i have tried endlessley to give him healthier foods but they end up on the floor. I would love him also to eat stews etc but he will only eat what he cn pick up with his fingers. I did some veg rissoles today and he never touched them. I am finding it hard when i spend ages cooking something and it goes in the bin

ecj · 27/02/2006 19:36

Sympathize with you muma3. Have just had hellish dinner with ds and dd. DD eats very well and copies my telling off of ds coz he sits and moans. so dd winds ds up and end up with me coaxing spoonfuls down ds's screaming mouth.... aaaaaaarrrgh! eventually sent ds to bed with no pudding and very little supper in him. unless it's something he adores like pesto and pasta he whinges until he cries. and I can't give him just food he likes - i think that would make him ill! seems like it's getting worse not better. Any advice..........?

NotQuiteCockney · 27/02/2006 19:38

From when DS1 was about four, we added a new rule: no moaning. He can like the food or not like it. He doesn't have to eat tea (nothing else will be offered though). He does have to try things. But he can't moan and groan, he can't say it's disgusting. If he does these things, he is sent down from the table, no dinner, no dessert, no nothing.

We sent him to bed with no food once, and since then he's been much better.

The thing is, sometimes they're just not hungry, like when they're ill. Not eating is fine. But whinging is just not on.

NotQuiteCockney · 27/02/2006 19:39

Oh, meant to say, adding the "No whinging" rule has turned DS1 from a good eater into an excellent one. Some foods (cabbage, leafy salads) he never used to eat, he now eats quite well.

muma3 · 27/02/2006 19:39

no advice but when you find some please let me know because she is getting worse to
dd2 is 4.8y by the way

Radley · 27/02/2006 19:40

zebra, that is what i've just said to dh, IF they eat their breakfast, lunch etc they can have fresh fruit in between, if they don't eat it, they will not have a snack until the next mealtime.

On an evening if they eat their dinner, then they then can then have a pudding (fruit, yoghurt, custard and fruit or home made puddings etc) AND a couple of biscuits (rich tea, digestive etc) and a glass of milk before bed.

Honestly, what do you all think?

DH is surprisingly in agreement.

ecj · 27/02/2006 19:46

Thanks for that NotQuiteCockney,will definately try the no whinging rule - like it alot. Ds is 4 so should be able to comply. Wot about my feeding him - it feels a bit like a slippery slope but sometimes it seems the only way..

sidey · 27/02/2006 19:48

would the no whinging rule and zero tolerance work for a 22 month old?

RedRidingHood · 27/02/2006 19:55

dd loves bread - for a while anything new especially sauces, meat and gravy etc was spread onto a bit of bread - helped her at least try stuff - not had bread for a little while now and she does try most stuff (as long as its not green!) will work on that though!

yesterday she ate her 1st mushroom and wanted more!

NotQuiteCockney · 27/02/2006 19:58

I think no whinging and zero tolerance is tricky for a 22 month old. But you could take whinging to mean, it's time to take the food away?

I highly recommend introducing no-whinging with a bang. We did it while one of DS1's friends was over, a friend who eats very well. She had tea and dessert. He didn't.

mrsdarcy · 27/02/2006 20:00

Thanks Velcrobott

Is Tanya Byron's technique something about only giving them the thing they like once they have eaten "your choice" first? It so, that works with fish fingers/chips/peas - I leave the chips in the oven until he's eaten the fish fingers and peas.

RedRidingHood · 27/02/2006 20:00

dd also loves her yogurt so i have on occasions brought 2 out when she has been refusing to try stuff and eaten one in front of her - you should see her eat her tea then - only done it twice but problem has really improved and quickly!

velcrobott · 27/02/2006 20:01

I know this is sound horrible but why did you start with feeding them the not so healthy foods? if they never had it they would not ask for it - of course fat and sugar tastes "better" and is addictive.... very sad but true
Grown ups of You are what you eat seem to say that when they get away from the junk addiction they feel better and would not go back to crap!
What if our little ones also feel bad (without knowing it - looks like grown up don't even know how bad they truly feel until they swap too!)... I know this sounds very moralistic but isn't it our role as a parent to help them discover healthy food as a pleasure ?

RedRidingHood · 27/02/2006 20:03

unfortunately my childminder's kids only like pizza nuggets etc - the only fault she has was giving dd that kind of stuff while they were on summer hols - after that dd wasn't interested in other stuff.

velcrobott · 27/02/2006 20:04

Mrs darcy - my p[ost below was not specificly aimed at you
I don't know what Tanya suggests on foods but she usually makes sense.

To all of yuou who struggle?
Do you involve your kids in cooking (regularely!)
Do you ask them to pick their dinner (giving only healthy options)
Do you reward good... and do not give in if food is not eaten
Do you sit with your child and possibly eat with them (even if small meals as you might eat later with DH/DP)?

I find all these help...

Frizbetheexpansionset · 27/02/2006 20:05

celery

ecj · 27/02/2006 20:13

strangely DS ( the one with the problem) is the one who desperately wants to help make stuff in the kitchen but that doesn't stop him from having a paddy about eating it.
Yes to rewarding good.
picking dinners mmmm... he would choose but not necessarily eat once he sees it and before you ask I am a good cook.
Occasionally eat with them

CaptainDippy · 27/02/2006 20:20

No eat , no more - That's it. That is my approach. "Tough." DD1 is STILL a fussy little so-and-so even though I have always had a zero tolerence approach. I live in the hope that one day she would learn to love her food and eat what she is given. I only keep healthy snacks in the house (grapes, rice cakes etc) and is ocassionally might have one of those inbetween meals, but that is it. Can't stand all that fussing and all that waste - Grrrrr!!

paolosgirl · 27/02/2006 20:24

DS will eat pretty much anything, so I'll let him off if it's something he doesn't like (so rare, though). DD is a picky eater, and always has been, so I'm afraid I'm not so lenient with her. I always insist she eats most of it - not all of it, as I have childhood memories of having to eat everything on my plate and feeling miserable.
If she doesn't make a good attempt, she gets down from the table - but she doesn't starve, because that's what children in Africa who haven't eaten for days and weeks do (I am turning into my mother).

muma3 · 28/02/2006 17:33

went shopping today and the top priority was to get food for dd2 pack ups .
i got as recommended the following-

crackers
fruit - grapes apples kiwis oranges and bananas .
cereal bars opposed to choc biscuits
pizzas
pitta breads
pancakes
tortilla wraps
cheese
ham
salad
i will make a pot of different fruit for her to take (like a few grapes and some segs of orange chopped apples etc)
pittas with salad and tuna
crackers and cheese
pancakes with jam
pizza slices
i havent brought any crisps and i got some cereal bars with friut to have as an alternative to chocolate
she may eat none of itbut at least i have tried . i might be suprised as she doesnt have these things for lunch she may just eat them because its different. i would love it if she starts to eat salad especially as in the summer the rest of the family eats loads of it with every meal.
wish me luck

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