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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Upset by lady saying dd has autism

101 replies

Chirpychick2010 · 20/04/2012 15:09

I have a wilful 2.4 year old dd and today we went to baby trampoline club for the second time today and the first was two weeks ago! While on the tranpoline the woman running the club was askung dd to jump on the criss and look at her she kept calling her and dd was not responding she said to me shes nit hearing you and ill talk to you after the session. She then went on to say i work with children who have asperges autism ect and i know the signs not listening zoning out not having fear being willful exspresions and a list
of other things and now im worrying sick about all that she has said im so so upset and feel really tearful. I have phoned hv and she said to go and see them tuesday! Cant get it all out my head and now im looking at everything she does. Feeling phiscaly ill :(

OP posts:

Original poster

Chirpychick2010 · 20/04/2012 15:10

Sorry about the spelling as on my phone and keeps changing x

OP posts:

NenNen · 20/04/2012 15:12

Well unless she is like it all the time I'm sure you have no need to worry. That woman was really put of order to 'diagnose' your DD like that - I would be fuming! My DS1 does have ASD and I can assure you it was very apparent to me what was wrong from around 12 months so I really wouldn't pay any attention.

ToffeeWhirl · 20/04/2012 15:16

What a silly, insensitive, thoughtless woman she is. She should never have said such a thing. There is no way that she can tell such a thing just by looking at your young DD - that's why children go through extensive diagnostic procedures to get a diagnosis.

I was a childminder for a two-year old who was later diagnosed with autism. Because I was looking after him for extensive periods of time (whereas this woman hasn't looked after your DD for any time on her own) I did realise something was different about him and that he fitted the criteria for autism. I did not tell his mother because I felt I wasn't qualified to say such a thing to her (as this silly woman is not qualified to say to you). Instead, as the mother was having difficulties coping with him, I suggested that she see her HV. She did and the HV, as I expected, picked up on the signs and referred him to a paediatrician.

I hope your HV will be able to put your mind at rest, but I'm sorry you have to wait till next Tuesday.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 20/04/2012 15:16

Some people should keep their noses out really... remember one nasty woman sympathising with me over my 'Downs Baby' because DS happens to be blessed with 'Mr Spock' eyebrows. It was highly inappropriate of trampoline woman to land you with a snap judgement based on very little evidence. If you don't personally think there is anything wrong with your daughter you don't even have to see your HV. However, it's probably worth going along, asking the questions, seeing what a professional thinks and taking it from there. If there did turn out to be a problem I suppose it's best to know. My guess, however, is that your DD was being a perfectly normal toddler.... just ignoring the silly woman. Good luck

2ombie5layer · 20/04/2012 15:17

My DS has autism and we are wondering if DD23 is displaying some signs too. I would never just come out and diagnose a case of someone else. I would maybe ask them questions to find out if anything has been suggested elsewhere, but would be in a very roundabout way. This woman runs a club I assume to give mums and children a place to go and maybe socialise, she's not there to diagnose or look out for any issues.

I do know how you feel because when DS was younger he had to go to speech therapy and the woman running that was convinced he has Dyspraxia which upset me as I didnt think he had. In the end he was diagnosed with Autism.

2ombie5layer · 20/04/2012 15:18

Sorry DD2 not DD23, I dont have 23 girls

ToffeeWhirl · 20/04/2012 15:19

I was just thinking how busy you must be .

2ombie5layer · 20/04/2012 15:20

Extremely, its why Im sat on MN

insancerre · 20/04/2012 15:20

silly, silly woman
I work with children and have worked as SENCO and it is impossible to diagnose autism on the basis of 2 observations
How bloody stupid of the woamn. Have you considered complaining? Does she have a superior or does she run the classes? I hope you have told her where to stick her classes?

ANTagony · 20/04/2012 15:36

To her credit she, from what you say, didn't announce her diagnosis to the whole leisure centre. Autism is a spectrum disorder which is why it's so often referred to as ASD. I have a very lovely intelligent, charming and fascinating ASD son. He does have the traits, along with many other pointers, you mention she picked up on but diagnosis took several years from initial visit to the health visitor to school psycologist and community paediatrician followed by a lot of CAMH's sessions. The more you read about autism the more you can identify traits in those around you. My father has a theory that everyone is in fact on the spectrum it's just how far along we each are that changes the way we interact. I had many pointers from DS before he was your DDs age.

It isn't something she could possibly diagnose in a few minute session but you could also say that her need to express her findings as fact is an ASD trait shes portraying in itself.

Please try not to worry your daughter is still your lovely will full little girl no name calling or attempt to label her can change that fact.

duchesse · 20/04/2012 15:39

Ah, yes, the unqualified diagnosis of autism. People read one book (at best) or see Rain Man and suddenly they're experts . My son was diagnosed autistic by his reception teacher on the basis of not wanting to play football with the other boys at break time.

saintlyjimjams · 20/04/2012 15:45

Well clearly the woman hasn't a clue, but do you have any concerns?

lynniep · 20/04/2012 15:47

OMG stupid woman. My DS2 is 2.5 and is everything on that list (not listening zoning out not having fear being willful ) Its because he's 2! its not because he's autistic. They are asserting their independance at 2.

And what everyone else said :)

thisisyesterday · 20/04/2012 15:49

hang on a minute.

she didn't actually say your daughter has autism did she? she said that she feels she may be showing some signs of autism.

this is surely a good thing? someone watching out for kids? Imagine in 2 or 3 yhears time your daughter did happen to be diagnosed with autism (not sayin i think she will btw) and this lady said "oh yes, i saw signs when she was 2 but didn't want to say anything"

it isn't a bad thing for someone to point stuff like this out to you... she is obviously concerned about your daughter and it's nice that she cares.

if you are not concerned then say so and think no more of it. if you think there is anything in it then get her checked out and see what HCP's think...

Codandchops · 20/04/2012 15:49

She met your DD for all of a few minutes so she is VERY wrong to have made the judgement she did.

My son is autistic but you wouldn't know just from him zoning people out when he is on a Trampoline - it's the little things when he is NOT distracted by all that fun which tells everyone he is autistic.

TheLightPassenger · 20/04/2012 15:51

I think jimjams has got to the heart of the matter - do you have any concerns? Agree that this woman dealt with this inappropriately, there are all sorts of reasons a 2 year old may be uncooperative in an unfamiliar setting

thisisyesterday · 20/04/2012 15:51

another example, a friend of mine had a son who had incredibly unclear speech.

i did the opposite of the teacher, and said nothing. figured that she knew his speech was delayed and she didn't want to mention it

turned out she had no idea, she could understand him and thought he was just a bit slowl

he has ended up having speech therapy into his first 2 years of school and it has really affected him. I wish I had said soemthing to her when he was 2/3 yrs old instead of keeping my mouth shut.

sometimes it's ok to approach peoiple with your concerns... isn't it?

ReallyTired · 20/04/2012 15:52

I was told by my son's community paediatrian that she did not make the diagnosis of autism on her own. It requires looking at the child in a range of setting and input from SLT, audiology, a pychologist as well as the community paediatrian. Autism is a triad of impairments ie. speech, social skills and flexiblity. It sounds like as if your dd has a case of a terrible twos rather than a major disablity.

What is your dd speech like. It might be worth testing for glue ear as that can cause all kinds of behavioural problems.

I think the woman running the club has the best of intentions. I agree that at least she has not humilated you by saying that your child is autistic infront of all the other parents.

tak1ngchances · 20/04/2012 16:01

To be fair though, my nephew is autistic and it was only because a quite random person said something to the parents that he was diagnosed. He is their first born, and they thought he was just quite a headstrong little boy who didn't want to listen to instructions.
They came over to see us for a holiday and a friend's CM took my SIL aside and said pretty much what that playgroup lady in the OP said.
SIL really wasn't happy but when they got home she had him checked out and sure enough he was on the spectrum. He has had a lot of help, his parents have learned loads about it all and he is doing brilliantly.

Just to give an example of a time when advice from a stranger, although uninvited and unwelcome, was the catalyst for something good.

HotheadPaisan · 20/04/2012 16:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

helpyourself · 20/04/2012 16:07

thisis, it's difficult, but I'm guessing you weren't the only person they socialised with, she had HV etc... IME 'things' do get picked up if they're there, and many a friendship has been buggered through well meaning suggestions.

Actually I don't have any experience except strongly advising my lovely parents not to share their diagnosis of a relative's DS's autism- which didn't exist. He was just a spirited badly parented child.

None of the trampoline ladies business and crass of her to voice her concerns.

BigBoobiedBertha · 20/04/2012 16:07

I agree with thisisyesterday I think. I don't think there is any good done by being quiet. Presumably this woman has worked with 2 yr olds before. She knows what they are like (if she hasn't then maybe she was out of line) and she can see your DD is different and if you have worked with children on the spectrum you do spot the signs.

She didn't say anything in front of other parents and she didn't diagnose ASD she was just warning you that to her, your DD is a bit different and it might be worth getting checked out.

I have a DS with AS. He didn't start displaying symptoms until he was 2 or 3 and his nursery actually said something although I had been wondering myself if something wasn't right. Truthfully, if I hadn't thought there was anything wrong with him I wouldn't have worried about what she said, I would have nodded and let it go. She wasn't qualified apart from having dealt with similar situations before.

I am sorry that you are clearly shocked by it. It isn't very nice thing to hear whether it is true or not. If there is a problem she might well have done you a favour by pointing it out now, rather than waiting until school. And if she isn't right, I would just be inclined to think her heart was in the right place for mentioning it.

helpyourself · 20/04/2012 16:08

But after 2 sessions BBB?

Pagwatch · 20/04/2012 16:11

Yes. Jimjams has the pertinent point.
The woman was daft. But do you have concerns?

The prospect of a child having autism is obviously not one most would welcome but it is not an insult. For the suggestion that a child may be showing signs of autistic behaviours to be incredibly distressing and prompt an immediate call to a HV, I imagine that you feel she may have articulated a worry you have been having.

I hope the HV is of some help on Tuesday.

EdithWeston · 20/04/2012 16:15

I think this is simple misunderstanding.

You said: 'She's not hearing you. I'll talk to you later'.

I think it's totally reasonable that the coach interpreted that as an indication that there was an additional need (physical hearing or attention issues) that you wanted to discuss privately after the session. Her response might genuinely have been intended to reassure that she had relevant experience, an whatever you said later it was likely that DD would be able to continue.

Did you actually talk to her after the session?

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