Upset by lady saying dd has autism

[Chirpychick2010]

I have a wilful 2.4 year old dd and today we went to baby trampoline club for the second time today and the first was two weeks ago! While on the tranpoline the woman running the club was askung dd to jump on the criss and look at her she kept calling her and dd was not responding she said to me shes nit hearing you and ill talk to you after the session. She then went on to say i work with children who have asperges autism ect and i know the signs not listening zoning out not having fear being willful exspresions and a list
of other things and now im worrying sick about all that she has said im so so upset and feel really tearful. I have phoned hv and she said to go and see them tuesday! Cant get it all out my head and now im looking at everything she does. Feeling phiscaly ill :(

I was to mortified to tell her anything to be honest. I think if you started looking your bound to find "signs" even if there not there. She had seen dd on two 5 min session today. she said her brother has Asperges she said to come next week as her friend also works with children full time and she will take a look at and know straight away. She runs the class on behalf of Birmingham city council be active scheme she said she can tell just by looking after a child has been in the room for five mins she knows and that she said she was telling me to help me! But now i just keep assessing all that dd does and wondering. Im not sure about signs i thought she was just a bright energetic child! I wanted to go back as dd seemed to be enjoying it but not sure if i could stand to have another conversation with her telling me shes not normal! She is the head coach for trampoline team in birmingham apparently!

My DD has autism and isn't "wilful" people do have some strange misconceptions about what it is

yes.."not normal" is not my preferred term for my DD

Lordy. I mean, her heart was in the right place but really. She could have taken more than 2 sessions to get to know the child. And she could have put it a million times better. There are so many things that look like ASD and aren't (including sheer bloody mindedness, which isn't exactly rare at 2, whereas a diagnosis of ASD in a girl is). So though tbh I can't blame her for mentioning it, she should also have made clear that it's not probable, so it's more a question of ruling it out. And that's partly because if your child does tend to ignore people a bit, then this won't be the last time people wonder if it's ASD, and at least you'll have a bit more info on what does and doesn't make for a diagnosis, and won't be worried again.

Go to the HV on Tuesday and talk it all through with her (though bearing in mind that the HV is not going to be qualified to diagnose ASD either). The odds are definitely that it's nothing, but you need to have your mind set at rest now. Don't panic if the HV refers you to someone else to check it out - whether she passes you on will depend more on her experience and how the local process works than how your DD behaves.

Edith she was talking to dd. asking her to look at her and i said dd. your not listening she said its not that shes not listing to you just she cant hear you ill talk to you after the session. We spoke after and she said shes in her own world and cant hear you shes blinkered have you had her looked at for asperges or autism as i see the signs ect. And no I'm not insulted but what mother wants ti hear your child has x, y or z when you go to a group out of the blue like that I'm a worrier at beat and have always watched out for problems as ds had hearing loss and they would not listen until he was 13! But if you start thinking that you will find signs in any child and I'm no doctor so i don't know what to look for anyway,

Well then I am sure the HV will be helpful. And if you want to go back to the trampoline club just say 'thanks, but I am in contact with my surgery and if anything relevant arises from that I will let you know'

"She runs the class on behalf of Birmingham city council be active scheme she said she can tell just by looking after a child has been in the room for five mins she knows and that she said she was telling me to help me!"

Diagnosis of autism is not easy, there is no one on earth who can diagnose autism in five minutes. Not even my son's lovely community paediatrian who has a specialist interest in autism and years and years of experience.

Glue ear is really common in pre schoolers. 80% of children have a bout of glue ear before the age of five. It usually clears up on its own. Autism is rare in comparison.

Reallytired dd speech is brill she is as bright as a button potty trained and very independent cant say i have noticed anything tbh granted she wont hold eye contact for long when on her level but other then that she seems the same as her playmates.

She was possibly quite tactless but on the whole I agree with TIY

Can't help thinking if somebody had flagged up a concern about me when I was younger, my life would be a lot better now (age 25 and waiting for ASD assessment after years of wondering what the fuck was wrong with me).

It may well be nothing and this woman was just being overenthusiastic (the whole 'been on a course' phenomenon...) - but I really would take every opportunity you get for a professional opinion. They are really hard to get hold of and take a very long time. So on the tiny chance that there is something going on, you will be glad you got on that road early. And otherwise, if there's nothing to worry about, then you'll be reassured. Win win. :)

It is worrying though, I know. DS has been referred for a developmental assessment too, he is 2.7.

People who say "I can tell if someones autistic by just looking at them" annoy me. .

If they can, why do those who professionally diagnose have to observe for so long?

I have had DS "diagnosed" with aspergers by one of his headmasters. I have had several (I've lost count, actually ) psychologists rule it out.

chirpy thanks for the clarification: it sounds as if she was somewhat more pointed than I'd thought (hoped?). I hope you have a productive session with the HV.

Just to say "not normal" i didn't say that she did!!!!!

Crikey, that's sad. Even if your DD had very obvious signs of autism that is so not the way to suggest anything about it.

chirpychick I know how it feels when someone says to you out of the blue that your child is autistic. When DS was 3 nursery called me in and told me they thought he was autistic because he didnt like changes to routine.
I contacted my HV who was fantastic. She referred us to community paediatrician (who was dreadful) and because DS refused to sit on a chair she said he was showing autistic traits. She asked me to detail at length in front of DS any concerns we had about him and any of his bad behaviour. He, of course, was listening intently...
She referred us for full assessment at child development centre. While we waited for that, I was incredibly stressed. Constantly analysing DS's behavoiour, how he acted - whether it matched up to my googled lists of asd traits. Every single other person who knows DS told me it was all rubbish, which is was I thought, but I couldnt help wondering.
child development centre were FANTASTIC. SALT, play speicalist, consultant paed, ed psych... several sessions of play/ interaction/discussion. They were HORRIFIED that nursery had called me in like that and emphasised that only after full assessment by all these different experts could someone be diagnosed with ASD.
It turned out (as we thought) DS does not have ASD. They gave me great advice on dealing with his problems with change (all now passed) and I know that if we ever had to go back to the child development centre they would be nothing but supportive and helpful.

Whatever happens with HV and after, you are fully entitled to be upset by the trampoline person. It is upsetting and worrying to be told something might be different/wrong with your child. Your DD might be ASD in which case - best picked up early - she might not. Either way - take care of yourself and wait to see what the HV says.

sorry thats really long

Well she's way overstepped the mark and shouldn't have said anything after 5 mins whether she can spot it or not (and I think sometimes it's possible - but you don't go shouting out to people you don't know after 5 mins, and you have to realise you could just as easily be wrong).

Have you seen the M-CHAT test? If your dd passes that (which basically checks whether she is showing imaginative play, following a point and able to produce a point to share objects of interest with you) then I would imagine she's fine.

Have you had a hearing test btw - always worth doing as it can be easy to miss, and mild hearing loss can explain all sorts.

Yes she has had hearing test and she is fine and i have looked at the googled signs and although one or two fit such as tantrums and the eye contact one nothing else seems to fit but I'm just not sure of my own judgement now! I will go to hv and will do all that needs to be done but I'm just shocked tbh that after ten mins she has said all of this bearing in mind we have been going to all sorts of groups including ones run by the children's centre a lot and no one has ever said anything other then how bright she is so thats why i was so puzzled!

I think I would be very cross that a stranger decided to make such a comment ! It is totally different if a good friend voices a concern but a complete stranger ? Some children just develop later and that does not mean that there is a problem. I know children who have had very unclear speach up until the age of 3 or 4 but then suddenly have blossomed. Go and speak to your hv and see what she says but 2 year olds are not always known for their listening skills :)

I think it is really innapropriate for a sports coach, after two sessions, to make this suggestion.

I havent got anything else to add really.

What she said was totally inappropriate. She has no right at all to say things like that. If she was concerned she could have said "I'm a bit worried she isn't hearing me, has she ever had a hearing test?"

I think I would tell her employers. She should not be saying she "can tell within 5 minutes" if a child has special needs.

Sainlyjimjams just found that m-chat test and done it came back low risk put my mind at rest a little thanks x

My DD has severe ASD and people still can't always tell within 5 minutes btw

Well, every 2 year old girl I know (including DD 2.9 and DNs 1.11, 2.3, 2.8 and 2.10) shares every single one of the 'symptoms' your trampolining-autism-expert identified in your DD. Indeed, they're all listed in one of the middle chapters of what to expect: the toddler years. Obv if you have any concerns then see someone to put your mind at rest but if a diagnosis is made purely on those particular behavioural traits, then the majority of 2yos would appear to be autistic, which is clearly not the case.

"No fear", my arse!!! Why would she want your dd to show fear? She's in a safe environment, her mother close by, and she's bouncing up and down. She won't show fear of potential hazards of which she knows nothing. My dd shows no fear of climbing onto the kitchen worksurface in order to reach the biscuit shelf, despite having fallen off and hurt herself numerous times. Reward outweighs risk and the word 'consequences' isn't in a toddler's vocabulary...

I'm sure she was trying to be helpful but a little knowledge is a dangerous thing.

I do think Pagwatch has a point - I was going to say the same myself. For you to act on her concerns so quickly, knowing that the woman hardly knows your DD, I do wonder if deep down you have concerns that maybe you aren't even conscious of, something that doesn't feel right. I don't think if somebody came to me and said that DS2 had ASD traits I would do anything but laugh it off (he is very NT) but maybe that is with the benefit of 11 years of knowledge of DS1 with AS and some general understanding of psychology.

I think you are doing the right thing getting it checked out though, if only to put your mind at rest. Do bear in mind that the HV can't diagnose either and may feel the need to refer your DD on if she has any doubts at all. Better that than have something missed though.

I hope it all goes well for you.

Bigboobiedbertha who would not have concerns as she seemed so adamant and not having any knowledge i wanted to do the right thing asap thats all, I'm sure id be chastised if i did nothing and it was something. Plus failing to check things concerned or not could be construed neglect or negligent in which case I'm neither. Thank you for your support one and all x x x