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Original poster

Upset by lady saying dd has autism

101 replies

Chirpychick2010 · 20/04/2012 15:09

I have a wilful 2.4 year old dd and today we went to baby trampoline club for the second time today and the first was two weeks ago! While on the tranpoline the woman running the club was askung dd to jump on the criss and look at her she kept calling her and dd was not responding she said to me shes nit hearing you and ill talk to you after the session. She then went on to say i work with children who have asperges autism ect and i know the signs not listening zoning out not having fear being willful exspresions and a list
of other things and now im worrying sick about all that she has said im so so upset and feel really tearful. I have phoned hv and she said to go and see them tuesday! Cant get it all out my head and now im looking at everything she does. Feeling phiscaly ill :(

OP posts:
saintlyjimjams · 20/04/2012 19:47

At 2 the CHAT is a really good screen. My son is severely autistic but very sociable, and at 2 I was told he 'definitely isn't' autistic (he's13 and still can't speak) by so called professionals but the CHAT picked him up - and classed him as high risk, ie he failed it. so if she's coming back as low risk I wouldn't worry at all - mention to the HV that you looked at it and she should be able to go through it with you.

Original poster
Chirpychick2010 · 20/04/2012 19:52

Saintly thank you Smile x x

OP posts:
daytoday · 20/04/2012 20:45

I think its appalling and I would complain

How on earth can someone share such information and not expect it to be completely disorientating, upsetting. Stupid comments with like this can massively affect your relationship with your child. Yes, they shouldn't but comments do.

You went there for frigging trampolining -

festi · 20/04/2012 20:57

I think after 2 sessions it is pretty silly and ill adviced for her to come to announce such a judgement. she would have been better placed observing any further signs she may have noticed and tackled it in a far more sensitive mannor.

just to make a slightly slightly off topic queerie, but are you sure the group is insured and registared to teach tramploining at such a young age? AFAIK, the british gymnastic association do not registar or insure for tramolining under the age of 7 years. I may be wrong but that was certanly the case with my dds gym club.

Original poster
Chirpychick2010 · 20/04/2012 21:07

Very upsetting and has made me ill today with worry and you can bet your life that it will be on my mind constantly now. Dh said buy her a trampoline for the garden but it was the social aspect for dd and myself to be fair. Feel i cant go again as i don't want to get into discussion with her about it and i don't want the other woman's opinion on my dd. Going to try to find something or somewhere else to go on a friday morning Smile will make a call and explain to the council after talking to hv. as much as i appreciate what the lady tried to do it had a bad affect on me and im a strong person so id hate to think how distressed someone else may feel if i feel this bad. But ill be very nice about it!

OP posts:
Original poster
Chirpychick2010 · 20/04/2012 21:09

Festi i haven't asked tbh but being on council property i would imagine so. Will ask tho.

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pamelat · 20/04/2012 21:12

Silly silly woman

My children at 2 never listened to me!! My dd at 4 zones out if she's more interested in something else. That's just children!!!!

I know nothing about autism but I think it's ridiculous that someone would suggest that a child displayed signs on the second time of meeting them??!! And at such a young age?????

festi · 20/04/2012 21:12

how awfull she has left you feeling this way.

Mannah · 20/04/2012 21:36

I think I agree with thisisyestterday. I wish someone would have been forward enough to point out my DD differences; everyone I spoke to just said she was fine and probably headstrong/independent - 'nothing to worry about'. It was only when I asked my childminder if she had any concerns regarding behaviour that she told me that there was a complete lack of eye contact! Personally, I would prefer it if people were more direct and did not beat about the bush. Nobody likes to hear bad news, especially when it pertains to our children. It seems to me that this lady at the trampolining was just trying to help. She did stick her neck out, but I think her intentions were honorable. I would rather they be crass than pretend a problem doesn't exist - that find frankly quite insulting. Good luck with the HV.

OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 20/04/2012 21:45

But Mannah your CM would have had the opportunity to observe your DD closely over a period of time.

The trampoline woman simply has not had the time to make a judgement nor the the experience to make an assessment.

I have a child with ASD and I work as part of a specialist childrens team.

I would never, ever make a comment like that. Not with so little evidence.

I think there are far too many people about who think they know about ASD. The more I learn about ASD the more I realise I need to learn.

If one more fecking person tells me 'He [DS] cant be autistic he gave you a cuddle!' double Hmm

Original poster
Chirpychick2010 · 20/04/2012 21:58

Yes her intension probably was good!!! but after 5 mins session on the trampoline where dd was excited and was looking at her feet half the time then to say what she said after another two more 5 min turns and because she wasn't or wouldn't look at her or listen to her and go on to say what she thought i think is amazing! Who needs professional opinions? we could just ask this woman to visit each child and say yay or nay then?

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CecilyP · 20/04/2012 22:12

she said she can tell just by looking after a child has been in the room for five mins she knows and that she said she was telling me to help me! ...She is the head coach for trampoline team in birmingham apparently!

There's obviously no end to this woman's talents! Actually, what she said to you was outrageous. Totally inappropriate. By all means see the HV to put your mind at rest, but please try not to worry.

festi · 20/04/2012 22:52

just to add to what Cecilyp has said that is also why this woman is a trampoline coach and not head psychologist specialising in the field of autism.

daytoday · 21/04/2012 09:16

There is a massive difference between a child minder / nursery approaching a parent about development concerns - presumably they've got to know the child - and a lady who runs a trampolining club, having seen a child twice - and really, how many 2 years olds would be interested in talking whist bouncing on a trampoline? Do you think any professional would use a trampoline to assist them in any sort of diagnosis? Hmn? Me thinks not.

Does she know the mother? Maybe mother is suffering from PND? (I am not suggesting you are) etc. Can you imagine how emotional crippling such an exchange could be?

Does she know the child, in a normal context? Jeez, my son would have gone awol at a trampolining thing at this age. All he would have cared about would bouncing bouncing bouncing.

Does she know if the child is perhaps already diagnosed? Does she know anything?

Just because she's running a toddler club doesn't make her an expert.

daytoday · 21/04/2012 09:22

I would complain because EVEN if a child is exhibiting ASD - a trampolining class is a trampolining class. And surely, if she really had concerns the best thing to be would be to encourage you to come, make it a really great experience for you both and develop a relationship. Get to see the child over time, and then, having established some sort of rapport - maybe then say something. I reckon someone who really has experience would use a slower more considerate approach.

First - she is two
Second - she is trampolining
third - this woman only met her twice
fourth - this woman doesn't know you
five - what if you already through a diagnosis?

Original poster
Chirpychick2010 · 21/04/2012 18:38

Had a very bad night sleep still cant get it out of my head and feel very tearful so yes someone suffering it would be detrimental to them Sad trying to put it out my head until ive seen someone worth speaking to Smile

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ragged · 21/04/2012 18:58

Oh Chirpy, do not give this matter another moment's thought.

  1. Even if she did have autism it wouldn't be the end of the world
  2. Nothing you've described remotely suggests she has it, anyway!

You've really gotta toughen up. People say stupid things. They even say them about your kids. Those people are the ones with a problem. Not your DD.

helpyourself · 23/04/2012 09:48

ragged that's very good advice. Hope you feel better after your meeting chirpy.

Original poster
Chirpychick2010 · 23/04/2012 11:52

Have seen gp this morning and she said she sees no concern, we have an appointment with hv team they said they would do some tests later on this afternoon! Have spoken to leisure centre manager this morning and just said i was upset and he said its inappropriate for her to say such things and will have a talk with her!

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insancerre · 23/04/2012 11:58

good, I was really appalled that she even thought it was appropriate to say this to you.
I have extensive expereince of working with 2 year olds (over 20 years) and have been SENCO for years and even then i wouldn't dream of saying what she did in those circumstances.
I would write a letter of complaint to the leisure centre so this woman realises that she cannot go round midiagnosing children.

droves · 23/04/2012 12:16

OP your child sounds normal 2 or 3 year old .

My dd4 has ASD . I KNEW something was off with her from the begining . It took
years for her to be dx . And it was done by a team of specialists , who all had to be in agreement that it was Autism .

Its never diagnosed by ONE person ...ever .

The woman in the leisure centre is a loon who has got an overblown sense of importance ....shes not a specialist asd peadiatrition .Dont listen to her .

droves · 23/04/2012 12:24

Oh and we had a nursery teacher who thought ds4 was autistic too , on the basis that his twin sister was undergoing testing for asd .

Because twins are always identical , even if theyre boy-girl pair.

DS4 is normal child .
She told the nursery children that tomatoes are veg , and that only birds lay eggs.

SHE also had 20+ years experience of working with children .

DH said she was needing retired , on account her mind was going . I thought she was just thick.

Firsttimer7259 · 23/04/2012 15:33

Sounds like she was just trying to give you the benefit of her experience with children who have ASD and noting some behaviours that were ticking boxes for her. Thats a long way from diagnosing anything - but if you have concerns pursue it with the relevant professionals.

Original poster
Chirpychick2010 · 23/04/2012 18:08

Have been to the hv who did her 2.5 year check and she said all seems fine to her and dd passed with flying colours the only thing she said was she seems to flit from one thing to another and asked if she settles down with one to one activities which she does but as I'm a born worrier i still keep wondering and analysing think i need to try to move on just have to find how! Thank you for your support Smile

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helpyourself · 24/04/2012 07:54

The trampoline lady was out of order. You acted on her concerns and should not give her words another thought.