Upset by lady saying dd has autism

[Chirpychick2010]

I have a wilful 2.4 year old dd and today we went to baby trampoline club for the second time today and the first was two weeks ago! While on the tranpoline the woman running the club was askung dd to jump on the criss and look at her she kept calling her and dd was not responding she said to me shes nit hearing you and ill talk to you after the session. She then went on to say i work with children who have asperges autism ect and i know the signs not listening zoning out not having fear being willful exspresions and a list
of other things and now im worrying sick about all that she has said im so so upset and feel really tearful. I have phoned hv and she said to go and see them tuesday! Cant get it all out my head and now im looking at everything she does. Feeling phiscaly ill :(

Acually, I wish people had been more forthcoming about DS. At least three people have said they noticed his lack of eye contact as a baby (I wish they'd told me as I hadn't noticed)

Most of his 'odd' behavoir I put down to just 'being a boy'

devil unless the people concerned are HC or teaching professionals, or have children with the same Dx as your DS I'd be quite wary of their saying that- it smacks a little of 'I'm clever, I noticed but I'm sensitive'

Would an earlier diagnosis have helped you? Or just given you more worry?

I think in the majority of cases of asd, the earlier you know the better. Every possible therapy available works better the earlier it is started.

I can't imagine anyone would think 'well I lost 6 months/1years/2years therapy and potential support but at least it reduced my worries' would they?

The more im reading the more im seeing! We left playgroup today because she was not playing nicely and i was watching the other children thinking she is not like that i broke down crying i cant stop crying worrying i feel so alone dh says nothing wring you have been told by two people nothing wrong but im finding more and mite signs. I know its not the end of the world but it feels like it to me

You're right Pag, my only experience of autism spectrum disorders in toddlers is of people mislabelling non professionally and wasn't sure what Devil's son's Dx was. ( I taught older children with aspergers)

Chirpy in the nicest possible way you need to disconnect your feelings of upset, enjoy your DD and disregard an off the cuff diagnosis that has been rejected by your HV.

Sorry you are still upset Chirpy. It is good that the HV wasn't worried. The likelihood is that there isn't anything to worry about. We all have some ASD traits just that most of us have very few and certainly not enough to justify a diagnosis. Just somebody notices things that would fit with a label (and that includes you) doesn't mean there is one.

My only concern is that HV aren't experts either. The first HV I spoke to about my DS couldn't see anything wrong - apparently he was just a bright little boy. It wasn't until we moved house and saw our old HV who hadn't seen DS since he was 10 mths old that anything was picked up. She observed him at nursery and saw what the problem was and referred him on to the GP. I am not saying that is what will happen to your DD, just that it can. If I were you I would put it to the back of my mind as much as possible (that is really hard I know) but just be aware so that if your DD's development does diverge significantly from other children you can do something straight away. They vary so much at 2 and you could have a completely different little girl on your hands in a year's time and everything will be clearer.

Ive spent the afternoon with a friend and her little girl who is a few months younger and she shows the same signs that i picked up on after that woman said what she did and talking to my friend an listing the signs i found she says her dd does to! So i think i was looking to find and i feel better about things now.

Chirpy - I have a wilful five year old Today we went in to M&S and she wanted to go up the escalator to the first floor. When we got there and looked round she wanted to go back down again but when we got to the top of the escalator she freaked out and said it was too high. Ok fine so we went to the other one which she also didn't like the look of but I insisted and held her hand and we went down with a few anguished squeaks. When she got to the bottom she was fine. I could hear the woman behind me chuntering though. Apparently refusal tp get on an escalator has never been done by any child ever
They all do stuff that you look at and think 'aaargh what is going ON!' but then they do lots of perfectly unremarkable stuff. We only see the big flash weird stuff a lot of the time. YOur dd is 2.4 - it's a miracle she plays nicely at all ever I remember leaving my friend's house with dd1 at that age and feeling like I had spent the whole day firefighting and of course her dc was perfect. Her dc ate SANDWICHES - mine would only eat toast.

Northenlurker i know what you mean lol i had a lady say look at that little girl being mean to those babies to which i told her im on my way to sort out! Dd is big for her age. I feel a bit like a yo yo at the mo as i came away feeling ok but now had time to reflect and think think think grrr she has a short attention span i noticed today and thats now bothering me! Im sick of this tbh cant eat as i feel so upset and im trying hard to push past it but im shit at that and im stuck grrrrrrrr not looking for pity just trying to keep my head by putting down how i feel. Hope you all don't mind x

I am sure nobody minds Chirpy.

Nobody likes it if somebody suggests our little darlings are anything but perfect (I know mine aren't but woe betide anybody else who agrees with me ).

Despite the woman's comments, your DD is still the same little girl she was before you went trampolining. You didn't think she had any problems then so try to remember that - nothing has actually changed. Try focussing on the good stuff, what she does well and her more loveable attributes and hopefully, the negative stuff won't matter so much.

Oh honey, these stupid bloody people and their comments. I think its perfectly understandable that you are upset. Smaller comments have got under my skin so many times. They do and they destabilise us all!

But - look at you little one. Give her a cuddle. She is fine. You are fine.

Two year old are absolutely nuts anyway. Give yourself some time and this comment will fade.

But do complain about this woman.

Sorry if it's been asked already OP but do you know if this trampoline woman has her own dcs? Just asking because I am a SALT (not working since dcs) and I have to say that when I go back to work I will be a much better practitioner with the experience of having my own dcs. I remember so-called red flags with toddlers who were referred to me - maybe lack of eye contact, playing with toys at eye level, only eating chicken nuggets, whatever - I voiced my concerns about these kids at the time. Then I had my own 3 dcs and hey presto, they did/do all manner of odd things which have turned out to be nothing.

I remember DD1 aged 2 refusing to come off a bouncy castle after her turn was up and DH having to take his shoes off and get her, amid much screaming. That's kids!

I would ask for her to be referred to a paediatrician, actually at my GPs they would already have referred her. Because they almost all have kids and know that once this idea has been put into your head you need to be reassured by someone who really knows. My DS was assessed for epilepsy after a nursery manager said something.

However, when I studied a psychology course and we studied Autism, we were warned that thos of us with kids under 5 would go home and start to see signs in our own kids. It was true. Everyone in some circumstances does something which could be a sign of Autism. Young children naturally exhibit behaviour which in someone older is a sign.

So please press for a referral, but don't worry yourself silly.

I spent all morning in an ASD assesment with pead, SALT and pyschs.
We still did not diagnose based on a TWO HOUR assessment plus notes and observations.

The (gorgeous) kid had a lot going on. Even with all that we wouldnt diagnose.

So you really need to stop worrying based on what this unqualified, underexperienced and innapropriate woman said.

Thanks all, its just so up and down at the moment she can seem fine to me and then today some one said at playgroup oh shes very hyper reminds me of my brother and he has asperges and adhd so thats two people in the space of a week! Maybe im missing something! She starts playgroup monday, lets see if they say anything as im So bloody upset again now all thoughts are back and i just got rid of the buggers

Don't get upset by what someone who has only met your DD twice said.

What is more important is what you think. You know your DD. Have you had any worries or concerns that might make you think she is different?

DS is Autistic Spectrum & whilst I wouldn't wish it on anyone, it is not the end of the world. The earlier the diagnosis, the more you can do to address the difficulties ASD kids experience.

Chirpy, breathe!

To quote my favourite child psych, 'Kids are weird. Kids do the durndest things.[she's Canadian] That's normal.' This was after she'd asked us about our ASD son's siblings and whether we had any concerns, and I'd reeled off a list of truly bizarre behaviours...

I know but i just don't know my own mind now I'm so confused i truly don't even remember what i felt or thought before as ive been so overwrought and the only things in my head are things ive read or someone has said ect she is my world and i feel so emotional about everything im wondering about every squeel sound and conversation we have ie should she be able to tell me about her day without me reminding her and i keep telling my self remember she only just two but as she is big and quite independent i forget or then think well thats another sign. Think i need prozac or just a smack in the head!!

You don't need a smack in the head, it is all very understandable to be upset by it. It will get easier. As I say, nothing has changed. Your DD is still the same and you were fine a couple of weeks ago. Keep telling yourself that until it sinks in. You will begin to deal with this even if, in the end there is something actually wrong which is highly unlikely.

If I were you now, what I would do is wait and see how she gets on with nursery. Don't say anything to them about what has been happening in the last couple of weeks. Just let them get to know her and if they suspect something isn't right I am sure they will tell you. I would be trusting their judgement over the trampoline lady and the HV tbh. Unless you know your HV very well (I assume most people don't as I didn't), I doubt she has spent that much more time with your DD than the trampoline lady. Forget the HV comment and wait and see what people who really know her say about it. Probably they won't find anything they haven't seen 100 times before and you'll forget all about it.

Id waited 15 years for her and id fretted about what could be before she was even here and as a friend lost her baby at 6 months just as i was having her its made me well cautious and i still cant get thoughts of her passing away aswell out if my head so it just seems like its another thing now for me to fight.

First morning in play and stay today! Worried to death she will be a problem and there going to say they don't want her back! All the other children were well placid compared to dd!! have also phoned gp for a referral who basically said i was being neurotic as id been told by her and hv no concerns and she has unwillingly referred dd worst bit is i do feel neurotic!

I could slap that silly trampoling woman for all the anguish she has caused you!
It seems that nobody else has any concerns about your daughter but she has now planted that seed fo doubt in your mind.
Have you complained about her yet? As what she has done is completely unprofessional and she needs stopping, however well-intentioned she might be. She has caused you so much worry.

I'm sending a virtual slap to the trampolining lady. All that bouncing up and down has clearly damaged her noggin.

No wonder you feel anxious, silly moo that she is.

My DS encountered similar when he preferred to dance around the sports hall instead of chasing a football. No amount of gentle persuasion worked.....

He's now nearly 16, off to sit his Physics exam today and his football team won a Cup Final yesterday.

You would not believe the heart ache and i know i should not give it another thought but now i see signs everywhere. Yes i have complained and have been told she is sorry for any offence and upset! Like that helps. Cant do any more although i did think about writing her a letter to tell her how sad i feel now.

write her a letter and print this thread for her too
You could thank her for showing concern for your daughter but tell her she has acted unprofessionally and caused you anguish and worry and she should stick to bouncing.