DS was a normal baby, did the normal baby things. Wasn't particularly sunny or particularly grumpy, just shades of baby.
Then at 5.5 months he was poorly and developed bacterial pneumonia. We were in hospital for a week and he was really very unwell. There were times when I had to hold him down while they put tubes down this throat or stuck needles in him trying to find a vein. The worst night was when very unwell and they tried for half an hour to find a vein (he really needed iv abs). He couldn't even cry, had an infection in his throat and just made this pitiful woo woo woo sounds whilst staring at me reproachfully with silent tears. I hated myself for standing there, for even helping to hold him down. But he needed treatment.
Apart from showers and having a wee, I didn't leave his side or put him down for a minute longer than necessary and apologised over and over again for putting him through it.
The thing is that since he has recovered, he's become ridiculously clingy. He only likes me. To the point of not liking even being put down for a nappy change. If anybody else even tries to hold him, he screams in anguish until I take him back and he will be a sobbing, sweaty, gulping, shaking mess. His carseat is refused and he will sob and reach out to me until I rescue him. Not whimpers, full blown sobs. He smiles at other people, reaches out to them, plays games with them etc but I must be holding him while this happens
I know all about separation anxiety and object permanence etc. It's just that at the time he realised we were separate, it feels like I really flipping let him down by standing by and letting people hurt him. And he's a bit too young for proper separation anxiety at 7 months.
I don't think he trusts me at all.