Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Original poster

3YO rejected from every school

88 replies

prepschoolreject · 24/03/2012 18:36

My 3Yo has been rejected from ever prep school he was on the list for.

Chances of getting a place at the over subscribed (and late application) state school are minimal.

Reasons given from prep schools are (i) DC will not listen to advice (ii) DC will not complete activities 'on demand' (iii) DC will not adhere to social rules.

None of this is really new information for me. I already know all of the above, but I am struggling to get help because DC is patently extremely intelligent.

What on earth can I do now?

OP posts:
faeriefruitcake · 24/03/2012 18:40

he's 3 and won't listen to advice, won't perform on demand and doesn't follow rules. Sounds completly normal to me.

Surely you want him to go to pre-prep first.

LadySybilDeChocolate · 24/03/2012 18:41

As faerie says, he's only 3. He needs time to learn these skills. Look for a pre-prep.

clam · 24/03/2012 18:42

How do they know he "won't" do these things? He's 3, fgs!

Original poster
prepschoolreject · 24/03/2012 18:42

Oh, no, he got rejected from pre prep too...

OP posts:
LadySybilDeChocolate · 24/03/2012 18:43

They are the wrong schools for him if they are expecting him to behave like this then.

mummytime · 24/03/2012 18:44

Send him to a good state school?

ReallyTired · 24/03/2012 18:44

I'm sorry, its feels heart breaking when our children are rejected.

Your lo will get a place at a state school, certainly by reception. In the meantime has your lo got a place at a nice nursery or pre school? In most areas you have to reapply for state reception when your lo is four years old. Its a long time until September and some of the children offered places at a private school will turn down the state school place.

"
Reasons given from prep schools are (i) DC will not listen to advice (ii) DC will not complete activities 'on demand' (iii) DC will not adhere to social rules. "

That sounds like 90% of three year olds. I don't think the private schools you have applied to understand children's development.

Original poster
prepschoolreject · 24/03/2012 18:45

But, what's the right school? I'm really scared that he will just get lost in state school. We are obviously not a case that they need to help, but we are patently going to need it.

I'm feeling lost.

OP posts:
faeriefruitcake · 24/03/2012 18:45

Mine got into the Hogworts day care, have you thought of an application. I'll lend you my owl.

Dustinthewind · 24/03/2012 18:46

Have you considered taking him to obedience classes?

Moomoomie · 24/03/2012 18:47

Have you posted this before? It sounds familiar.
He is still very young. You have plenty of time to look around the local state schools before the application deadline.
Sounds like he has had a lucky break.

Original poster
prepschoolreject · 24/03/2012 18:47

reallytired - yes, it is. Heartbreaking.

We weren't offered a nursery place and I'm not at all hopeful for this year either. Too many elder siblings etc.,

I appreciate they have to offer 'soemthing', but it doesn't mean it's somewhere I want to send my DC.

OP posts:
TheLastHappyHop · 24/03/2012 18:47

What aspect of state school do you fear is going to cause him to get lost?

LadySybilDeChocolate · 24/03/2012 18:48

What's his personality like? An artistic or sporty child wouldn't necessarily cope well in an academic school. Boys tend to be more energetic then girls also so you need somewhere that understands this. If he's just turned 3 then he needs time to grow and learn these skills.

Original poster
prepschoolreject · 24/03/2012 18:48

Dust - no, on acccount of him not being a dog. Senco, though, yes.

OP posts:
ThePathanKhansWitch · 24/03/2012 18:48

Sorry, but Military School is the way to go. Sandhurst? Westpoint?

Dustinthewind · 24/03/2012 18:51

I thought this was a joke post, why on earth would you send a small child into a system that can't cope with him?
Send him to a state school with experience of a range of behaviours and a love of children. Preferably when he's a bit older.

madwomanintheattic · 24/03/2012 18:56

just look for nurseries round your way and apply to state by oct/ nov this year for next sept start.

if he is likely to have ongoing behavioural difficulties (it sounds as though the schools suspect underlying sn) then to be absolutely frank, he will get way more support in state anyway.

you can move him at 7 once he's settled down and matured a little, or continue where you are if he needs more support.

not sure what the problem is? other than that you wanted him to go private?

state schools can do v well with gifted children if you find the right place. (i'm only mentioning that because you used his potential as a reason for him to have to go private. by 7 you can get him tested and if he's well up in the 140s or higher you'll be able to use that fact to help. trying to claim he's a genius at 3 probably won't cut it unless he's doing quadratic equations and redesigning the car for greater fuel economy of a weekend).

if he is freakishly bright (and i mean freaksihly) then there are specialist psychs who will glady take your money and evaluate him at this point. bvut generally speaking, the more run of the mill 'gifted' assessments can be unreliable before about 6 or 7.

MerryMarigold · 24/03/2012 19:01

I feel a bit Hmm, although I do feel for him.

I can't understand why a private school would say this if it was 'normal behaviour'. Many kids are on the spoilt side, but he sounds like he has no boundaries.

Dustinthewind · 24/03/2012 19:03

If he's very able, perhaps he's bored and doesn't see the point in complying to the norm required.

madwomanintheattic · 24/03/2012 19:08

later on, dust. unlikely at 3.

StarlightDicKenzie · 24/03/2012 19:11

The schools you have applied for obviously want a particular type of child and are narrow in their selection criteria in order to not have to differentiate the curriculum and enable them to focus on the one size fits all efficient approach. There really is no point in getting upset about your child not being accepted as if he doesn't fit the criteria and they way they teach he won't get anything out of it.

RosemaryandThyme · 24/03/2012 19:13

Being very able does not excuse a child from being well behaved and adhering to adult request, quite the opposite, those who are truly bright know they will get much more of what they want be being sweetly co-operative.
It's the three year olds who say "please mum, if I clean my teeth really well could I have some chocolate when we get to the counter, I really wont mind if you say no", who get the chocolate - those who demand, grab and then pester and scream haven't got a hope of getting a treat.

ReallyTired · 24/03/2012 19:13

prepschoolreject

I suggest you visit the state schools that you are interested in and discuss your fears.

Some of the posters have been very silly. Its not a joke when your child has been rejected. It hurts like f*ck!

The only thing I can think of is whether your lo has had his hearing tested. It might be that he has glue ear. What is the rest of his development like? I can imagine that glue ear might be a reason for a bright boy to have problems with following instructions in a crowded room.

Original poster
prepschoolreject · 24/03/2012 19:14

It's not normal behaviour. I'm happy to accept that the range of prep schools that have seen DC couldn't have all come up with the same conclusions. I'd love to work out why... Yes, lack of boundaries is a real problem. Lack of authority (but fine with me / DH), lack of any sort of discipline (again, outside of me / DH)

manwoman - he is freakishly intelligent. Freakishly so. but only on his terms, so the assessments we've tried to look at so far haven't really been great, as when he refuses to comply, he seriously just refuses to comply.

I don't know how to help him best right now.

OP posts: