3YO rejected from every school

[prepschoolreject]

My 3Yo has been rejected from ever prep school he was on the list for.

Chances of getting a place at the over subscribed (and late application) state school are minimal.

Reasons given from prep schools are (i) DC will not listen to advice (ii) DC will not complete activities 'on demand' (iii) DC will not adhere to social rules.

None of this is really new information for me. I already know all of the above, but I am struggling to get help because DC is patently extremely intelligent.

What on earth can I do now?

If the private schools have such narrow criteria, then a good general-entry state school would be your best bet by far. They would have experience of a much wider range of personalities, abilities and behaviour patterns.

Why have you not applied for any state schools as a safety net? Have you ever been to look round a state reception? My son is thriving at his.

Could you give example of why you think he is so clever ?

You seem convinced he is super bright but might he actually be just a regular kid who needs a consistant routine ?

reallytired - I just want to say thankyou for your kind posts.

I am trying to get in touch with state schools I 'like' but they are all over subscribed, I'm late in getting in touch with them and I don't have anything to offer apart from a hard to deal with 3YO.

DC is hard work. Why do I worry about him 'getting lost'? Well, actually, quite simply because he will just leave. I mean, seriously, he WILL just leave, he will work out how to open a lock / door / bolt and then leave.

It scares the bejeasus out of me that, in a class of 30+, he could be missed and it wouldn't even strike him to leave if that's what he wanted to do.

I suppose my mind is already made up that home ed. is the only way.

he's been rejected because he isn't considered suitable for a pre-prep, the OP needs to consider what is best for her child, and limiting her options to the private sector for what appears to be little good reason.

'I'm really scared that he will just get lost in state school. We are obviously not a case that they need to help, but we are patently going to need it. '

What does that mean exactly? As a teacher in a state school, with two children, one of whom is G & T and one of whom has Asperger's syndrome and both of whom were state educated, I am mystified.

what assessments have you had done?

usually 1-1 testing with good psychs who are used to working with children get great results, as the kids relish 1 on 1 time and perform well.

has he been screened for aspergers etc? there are some reasons why a child might find the testing difficult, and social communication disorders usually raise their head in those types of discussions.

did the psych do any screening for sn as well the wpssi etc?

Rosemary - do you know many 3Yo who can give you a run down on the internal combustion engine? Or give a definitive list of the differences between the Flying Scotsman and a pendolino? Or directions over a 250Mile journey? yet, struggle to name the road they live on?

Who can do 50-100piece jigsaw puzzles, but can't deal with being told they have to stack the blocks before they can do that?

still confused as to why you have completley ruled out state. if his needs are so complex, he could potentially qualify for 1-1 support in any case. is he at nursery at the mo?

Aspergers has been mentioned. The spectrum is a definite possibility.

ds1.

except he could name the road he lived on as well.

There are 20 children in my son's state reception. I am extremely happy with it, you really ought to visit. Your comment about having "nothing to offer" demonstrates a clear misunderstanding about admission to the state sector.

Oddly enough, I know a few with similar abilities. Several are on the spectrum.

But many state primaries have G&T specialists, even subject streams so if he is gifted then he will be supported; at the same time the teachers will focus on his behaviour issues. Please don't rule out state primaries until you have visited them and discussed your DC's issues.

mm, sounds entirely possible.

ds1 has aspie traits, and some anxieties and phobias. he's 8 now. (and a working dx of adhd)

has he been referred to developmental paed for dx? (or at least to keep him on the books whilst they ponder future dx?)

I think you are imagining a problem where there isn't one regarding him getting lost. When I was at primary, class sizes were at around 40, there were no TA's, some children's behaviour was on the challenging side and yet, strange as it may seem, not one actually tried to escape. (Even with no locks or bolts on the doors.)

Do you think that state schools only offer support to less able children? Or poor children? Or ethnic minority children?
I'm still puzzled by
' We are obviously not a case that they need to help, but we are patently going to need it. '

State schools can't choose their pupils, they have to take the ones who match the admissions criteria (often siblings and distance from school).

Private schools sometimes aren't as interested in very intelligent pupils as those who are easy to teach.

State school have to deal with the pupils they get. Also saving your money may mean you have more to stretch him and encourage his interests outside of school.

Honestly there will be a state school that will be great for him. However if you can get him referred for assessment now that will help you gain a place at the school that could be best for him. Any pre-schools nearby he can go to in the meantime?

Most pre-preps and preps don't take children with SN, not even Apergers.

They used to, but for some reason most have decided that it isn't worth the risk of potential trouble and parents often refuse to pay for the additional resources in TA time, EP time etc.

Where in the country are you? There are a few private schools that specialise in ASD.

i have three gifted kids in state.

two have sn as well.

honestly? where sn is a possibility, state is a better place to be. once the early years support is in place and coping strategies are learned, then you can look at the private sector again.

Madwoman and dust - I absolutely haven't ruled out state schools.

The more I am learning right now, the more I appreciate it might be his best hope.

It's just not a sector I know a thing about and I know I've messed up thinking that prep school was going to work.

If I could be sure of a nice school close to home, that would be fine, but it worries me that we will get a sink school (sorry, please don't flame me, this is so far from the situation I thought I would find myself in) and, while I'm certain there is more to this, I have no statement to present to a school.

If you have a child in class with additional needs, such as being an escaper, you have an IEP and plan accordingly.
A good school is one that caters for all the needs of all their children, whether it's a state or a private one, and there are crap schools in both groups.

If he can be assessed quickly, and in particular get a statement, you can almost guarantee him a place at the ms school of your choice.

HOWEVER, the assessment will have to be private if you don't want to wait years and the statement will be dependent on his need for resources in addition to what a state school can provide.

Op, it must be awful for you.

But something like that happened to a friend. Their dc attended the local school and a nice and sensible childminder. Dc sorted itself out, parents got in tutor to supplement teaching where they weren't so happy, dc offered places at all schools applied for at secondary and is thriving.

Don't panic. As others have said, work on the happiness and socialization. You've got time on your side.

Op, it must be awful for you.

But something like that happened to a friend. Their dc attended the local school and a nice and sensible childminder. Dc sorted itself out, parents got in tutor to supplement teaching where they weren't so happy, dc offered places at all schools applied for at secondary and is thriving.

Don't panic. As others have said, work on the happiness and socialization. You've got time on your side.