3YO rejected from every school

[prepschoolreject]

My 3Yo has been rejected from ever prep school he was on the list for.

Chances of getting a place at the over subscribed (and late application) state school are minimal.

Reasons given from prep schools are (i) DC will not listen to advice (ii) DC will not complete activities 'on demand' (iii) DC will not adhere to social rules.

None of this is really new information for me. I already know all of the above, but I am struggling to get help because DC is patently extremely intelligent.

What on earth can I do now?

Blimey! If I get fed up with my kids I'll know where to send them

Hope you figure it out. You do have time, - lots of time, but you're still right to be proactive and think about all the possibilities.

Not helpful in any way but. . .

When Ds1 was 2.5 I had community nurses coming out 3/4 times a week to Ds2 who was on Oxygen (prem baby)
Nurses asked if they could refer Ds1 to a specialist as they had been coming round over a few months and believed him to be a tad 'different'.

He saw consultant just after he was 3yo. Consultant said he was very intelligent and his behaviour was because I was a young single Mum struggling with my situation.

Ffwd to school age, identified as clever but challenging. Juniors arrived and he was really struggling with the whole classroom environment. Aged almost 9 after a very lengthy process he was diagnosed with ADHD.

This boy is the light of my life. He is an absolute joy. He is demanding and challenging at times. I have fought a thousand battles both with him and for him over the years. I have struggled. I have cried. I have wondered at some point every single day where I am going wrong... But I have given my all for that boy.

I took on the education system and so far I'm winning. He is 10yo now, above average statistically and settled in a mainstream school (with the help of medication).

My advice for you is to fight like a lioness for your cub. If you want him in a particular school you sell him to them. You have to aknowledge his character and you have to throw yourself at their mercy at times and swallow some bile... But you make them see all his positives and you keep knocking on that bloody door until they listen and take note.

Good Luck!

Just want to agree with a few posts.
Private doesnt sound right for your son. The do not have to follow statutory procedures for children with SN.
You really need to push for a statement. Schools have to keep a number of places for children with statements.

I am not anti private school as such. I have no issue with people sending their children to private. I would NOT send my child with SN to a private school.

I work with pre school children with SN and we have problems with private nurseries following guidlines. For children with mild SN its not always a problem as small class sizes can go a long way to addressing their needs. For children with higher needs the drive for academic excellence is far more likely to 'lose' them than a good state school would.

FWIW I went to state school until 11, then took an entrance exam for secondary. Think this was a good option as I was able to develop in an unpressured environment until I was mature enough to cope. The state secondarys in my area are diabolical so my parents made the right decision for me.

Hope all works out for your DS. Do lots of extra activities with him to keep him stimulated and encourage his particular interests. With a mum who's so clearly got his welfare at heart, he'll be fine :)

Oh and my DB is autistic, went to an awesome specialist state school in Brighton and functions so much better now for it. He got better activities than me at my private school - horseriding, swimming, music - so depending on your DS's assessment, the state could offer you an awful lot. My parents had to fight every step of the way for his education, but you sound well able to cope with that. Good luck!

Your DS sounds a lot like mine at that age - he has eventually developed some ability to follow instructions but at that age he was noticeable for the fact he had no motivation whatsoever to do what everyone else was doing - whether that was watching the clowns at a party rather than playing with the hosts cars, or joining in a game, or sitting on the carpet during circle time. You don't notice how much most children do follow the herd until you have to cope with one who doesn't.

Look carefully at the entrance requirements for every local state school and understand them. It doesn't matter how oversubscribed they are, if you happen to live next door to them then you will get in (unless it's Catholic).

Apply to the schools you want most in the order you want them, if you don't get offered your first choices then stay on the waiting list. And if the only school that you get into really doesn't suit your child then if you expedite the statementing process you may be able to move to a better option when you've got a statement (and when a place comes up, but there's normally a couple of movements each year).

How did they know so much about his behaviour. Did they have him in for interview, day placement?

Thankyou all for taking the time to reply:

To answer your questions:

1. Yes, all the prep schools he has been considered for 'assess' prior to offering a place. In all cases, we have had similar feedback (which I am not disagreeing with - they sum him up to a T).
2. Yes, I have applied for our local (well thought of but massively oversubscribed) school and two smaller village schools (but we are not desperately close to either, about 5 miles in both cases)
3. Dilys - YES!!! Noticable for zero motivation to stay 'with the pack'. And completely unpredictable!!!

It's the unpredictability that worries me most. If DC decides he is going to cross a road / leave a room / read a book, he IS GOING TO DO IT. I remember a while ago, getting stressed because a woman got in my way when I was trying to catch DC (he wanted to cross a road to see a shop). She got very huffy with me (literally less than a few seconds) and then I heard the car beep... And (at this point, I'm practically in tears) I shouted at her: 'See! All I can be grateful for is if the car BEEPED, then the driver saw DC and stopped. You have NO CLUE' I remember that quite vividly and it was the turning point in accepting that DC is not like other DCs. There is quite simply no reasoning, no bartering, no compromise. Nothing.

And yet, he told my DH all about superconducting magnets this morning and the work they are doing at Dresden University

Plus, we did Sports Relief 1 Mile walk yesterday - a lot of the kids seem to think they deserved a medal for walking a mile, whereas DC would happily run 5-10 miles per day.

It's like there are little chinks of brilliance in a sea of fog... I just need to know how to unlock the brilliant bits, before the fog gets me

Take him to your GP and start the route to NHS assessment. Your son will be fine, but may need a very different school to other children, including your own. I would start with a state school, and just because it isn't a glowing MC one don't write it off, you want the best one for your son.
It may be that when he is older the best school for him might be a highly academic selective one, on the other hand I know boys just like him who are pretty much in the top of the top sets at my DCs comp, and will probably go to Oxbridge if they get through the interview.

I would just like to say don't despair at this point.

There is no way my ds would have got through an interview at 3. But when he was 5 I took him for a primary school interview (he already had a place - they just like to meet the children) and he behaved beautifully. Followed instructions, did all the tasks he was asked to do very nicely. Some children just take longer to be socialized.

no idea where you are, but The Drive Prep in Hove/Brighton great for SN.

Bit far from us, sadly.