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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

How do I manage this? Toddler hurting baby as I drive.

39 replies

BagofHolly · 04/10/2011 20:55

DS1 is 2.5, and has a slight language delay, and some trouble communicating. My twins are 9 months, and when I'm driving, especially if I'm talking to DH/any other passenger, DS1 pinches/hits/pokes whichever baby is next to him. They are all is rearfacing seats. I've tried tightening his straps so he can't lean right round but he has long arms and can still pinch their feet.
I've tried bribery, explaining, threats, shouting, rewarding good behaviour, all to largely no avail. What do I do if he's attacking the babies whilst I'm driving???

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

TheRealMBJ · 04/10/2011 20:59

What about a forward facing seat for him?

RuthChan · 04/10/2011 20:59

Rearfacing seats are safer, but 2.5 is quite late to turn your DS around.
Do you think he might find the driving more interesting if he was turned forwards?
That might be enough to distract him and stop him attacking his siblings.

cottonreels · 04/10/2011 21:03

Well, if you disable the airbag, he can go in the front. But presumably you still want the safest way of them travelling...

Original poster

BagofHolly · 04/10/2011 21:07

His car seat will keep him RF till he's about 4! If he was Ff ( as he is in Hs car) he's even worse as he has full face-access to whatever baby he's next to - the babies are still in Rearfacing size 0 carriers.

If I put him in the front I can't fit my H in.

OP posts:

Loopymumsy · 04/10/2011 21:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheRealMBJ · 04/10/2011 21:09

Would your DH not be able to squeeze in the back with the twins?

littleducks · 04/10/2011 21:10

I am not sure switching to forward facing would help, he may ne able to reach better then depending on seat design.

I would put one of the children in the front, and then they should not be able to reach each other.

Technically the rear passenger seats may be saafer but you have to weigh that up against the risk of distraction to you when he is doing this.

littleducks · 04/10/2011 21:12

If you can fit two baby carriers and a rear facing seat in the back are you sure you couldnt fit your dh in the back? Maybe two car seats in a row and dh on one side would work better than him in the middle

Original poster

BagofHolly · 04/10/2011 21:12

No my H is a BIG bloke - think rugby-forward/second row shaped. He complains about being squashed in the front, he'd tolerate about 5ins of being pushed up against a car seat and the door, in the back.

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Original poster

BagofHolly · 04/10/2011 21:14

I've even thought about belting in one of the twin's maxicosi seats into the third row of seats, but then I can't get the pram in.

OP posts:

QueenOfFeckingEverything · 04/10/2011 21:15

Could you try audiobooks while driving? Maybe distrcting him would work, and then explaining that he can only hear the story if he keeps his hand/feet to himself...?

EldonAve · 04/10/2011 21:16

it's attention seeking
why can't your passenger intervene?

IwishIwasmoreorganised · 04/10/2011 21:17

If your Dh's with you do you have to drive?

If he drove could you get in the back with one of your dc in the front?

DeepLeafEverything · 04/10/2011 21:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

spottypancake · 04/10/2011 21:21

I have to say that I would consider smacking for this.

I don't smack my children, but have done probably once or twice each for extremely bad or very dangerous behaviour. Safety in the car is something you can't compromise on.

Your other option is to get a people carrier and have the kids on separate rows. Rather expensive though!

bonkers20 · 04/10/2011 21:24

deep Do you really think a 2.5 YO could work an ipod? Would they even keep the ear buds in their ears?!

How often are you all in the car together? Is there any way you can put a pram on the floor behind the front seats, freeing up the back row? I'm thinking you've probably got a large double affair so probably not.

I feel for you.

DeepLeafEverything · 04/10/2011 21:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

littleducks · 04/10/2011 21:33

MY ds could operate dh's iphone at 2.5....I was watching him do it but the touch screen meant he could quite happily!

Original poster

BagofHolly · 04/10/2011 21:35

I'm thinking of investing in a DVD player strapped to the seat in front of him. He's too little for an iPod/nintendo - I've tried in desperation in giving him my iPhone and he invariably drops it or messes with it. Am about to look into audiobooks.
The passenger is usually my husband or mum and they absolutely intervene as much as they can.
I drive my car, DH drives his, dunno, we've always done it that way. And it's a 7 seater but I use the last row as a bigger boot to accommodate our enormous pram.
And I've pulled up and smacked his hand, twice. Both times I could see him stick his thumb in the baby's eye. Both times he gave me the other hand and said "Another smack?" He wasn't bothered. He had my attention.

Am just about to investigate how tricky it is to put his seat in the front for when there's just me and the kids. When we got the seat, it seemed like a royal faff to fit it. If it's simple and easy to move then that might be a possibility for at least some of the time. It's annoying though because I changed my car to this enormous mumbulance just cos it took 3 car seats across the back. I never took into account unprovoked attacks from a toddler!

OP posts:

QueenOfFeckingEverything · 04/10/2011 21:38

The Guardian is giving free audio CDs of children's books every day this week :)

Original poster

BagofHolly · 04/10/2011 21:39

Bonkers, we're all in together daily. Our pram is a huge triple, or a less huge double but they're all boot jobs.

Not sure how I feel about letting DS have headphone wires where I can't reach him but he can reach the babies.

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Original poster

BagofHolly · 04/10/2011 21:40

Cheers for Guardian tip! Smashing!

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zdcgbjm · 04/10/2011 21:44

My ds has been happily using the iPod Touch since before he was 2. We had some Thomas episodes on there and he could find and choose and stop and start them quite happily. By 2.5 he was playing simple games on there as well. Not sure I would buy one for a child that age, ours belong to dh and I but since we now have smartphones the kids are the only ones who use them these days. They're invaluable for long journeys, waiting rooms and hanging around for siblings at activities. I think something engrossing for him to play with like that would help. Or a dvd player maybe.

I agree forward facing would give more access not less.

Is it out of the question you could find a way to fit the pram in with one in the back? Or just awkward?

littleducks · 04/10/2011 21:44

Maybe go and have a fiddle with carseats and the pram, if its a seven seater there may be another way, maybe babies in boot and dh/ds in middle with pram?

3cutedarlings · 04/10/2011 21:45

Would you you not be able to use just one seat in the 3rd row and also fold down a seat in the back to accommodate your pram? or would buying a smaller double buggy be an option? or possibly a roof box? but tbh the roofbox would be a last resort for me as they are a PITA in some car parks.

Or and another idea for when, could the twins go in the 3rd row seats? do the back seat fold down individually?

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