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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Routine for very little one

28 replies

speffles · 15/08/2011 19:59

Sorry if this is the wrong board for this. I'm canvasing for opinions about a night time routine for my DS.

He's only 15 days old but DH is very keen on getting him into a night time routine that I think is a bit too advanced for him. DH would like us to be able to put him down at seven and leave him alone to sleep until his next feed. I would be OK with it if DS regularly slept at seven but he's only small and his internal routines vary a lot. At the moment he's wide awake in the evenings. DH thinks we should leave him to settle himself for 10 to 15 minutes before going to him (it worked for us once when he was obviously over tired). I think he is too young for this. We are not trying anything like controlled crying but I am still worried that we could miss something important. Could just be my pfb anxiety kicking in though.....

OP posts:

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BananaPie · 15/08/2011 20:05

I agree he's too young. Go with the flow and he'll settle into his own pattern eventually.

Besom · 15/08/2011 20:06

Best to go with your own maternal insticts. You are right, he is very little and you'll be on a hiding to nothing trying to impose a routine at this age. They don't know the difference between day and night for a few weeks. 6/7/8 weeks is my recollection of things settling down into a bit of a routine with dd (although one she came up with herself, rather than one we had).

Congratulations!

Firawla · 15/08/2011 20:17

I think you're right he is a bit young for that! Perhaps your dh is worrying that if you don't get the night time routine 'sorted' now that your ds will get in bad sleeping habits but really he is not going to, you have plenty of time to get to a 7pm routine and rather than so strictly enforcing it, its probably easier to just gently encourage it? for eg start giving him a bath around that time nightly and then putting into a sleeping suit and feed and try to settle him down and gradually he would just get the idea that its night time, but at this age he's still quite normal to be waking up a lot in the evening to feed which can be important for building milk supply anyway..
also 10 -15 min is quite long to leave such a tiny baby to settle, if you are not happy with doing that then don't, cos you will resent your dp for it later if you feel that he's making you leave him to cry against your wishes.
If you're keeping him with you in living room (or wherever) in the evening maybe just make the lights a bit dimmer after 7pmish or whatever time you chose if you want to help him learning about day and night time?
Normally a lot of babies gradually fall into a routine for sleeping, so you don't have to force it too much at this age and he will still get there before too long. That was the case for mine anyway, and i have ds3 a similar age to yours (9days)and at the moment im just doing the bath thing some nights (will try and do it most nights though to help him get the association) and i just keep him to sleep in his cocoon with us in the living room in evenings, and moving him through to bedroom when we go to bed

Flisspaps · 15/08/2011 20:21

Oh no, no routine yet - he's tiny! He's only just arrived in the world and needs to be with you as much as possible, so he'll sleep when he needs to sleep, feed when he needs to feed and be wide awake when you want to sleep-- he needs to sleep :)

Self-settling isn't something you need to think about for months yet - we didn't try until DD was 13mo! Tell DH to enjoy these tiny moments because they really don't last long, have DS in his basket/on your lap/chest/in your arms in the living room with you and have the lights down low.

girliefriend · 15/08/2011 20:22

I think def trust your instincts but in theory I don't think there is anything wrong with starting a gentle routine from day one. If you're not ready for the full blown Gina Ford approach then something like Baby Whisperer might work.

Congrats

StrandedBear · 15/08/2011 20:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Moulesfrites · 15/08/2011 20:57

He only been out of your body for 15 days. He was in there for 9 months, hearing your heartbeat, your breathing etc. And your dh now wants to put him in a dark quiet room on his own? My ds was about 12 weeks before we started putting him down in a travel cot in our room. Up until that point he was downstairs with us on an evening as he was a cluster feeding. We just went with him and when it felt right to move on to the next stage we did it - he went into his own room at about 5.5 months. A routine did sort of naturally evolve without us really forcing it to. Trust your instincts and enjoy the cuddles with your newborn!

RitaMorgan · 15/08/2011 21:02

Far too young - even 10-15 minutes being left to cry is forever for a newborn.

I found at around 6-8 weeks ds started falling asleep around the same time in the evenings (about 9-10pm I think) so then we started doing that as bedtime with a calm hour of bath, pjs, feeding to sleep in a dark bedroom beforehand. As time went on bedtime became earlier and by 3-4 months I think he was going to bed about 7pm.

LittleSarah · 15/08/2011 21:09

I got mine into night time routine about 3 months (sleeping in our room), before that they just didn't seem ready. A newborn should be coddled, they've got no idea what is happening, they just want cuddles/affection. I think like Rita says you could start a later bedtime earlier and then bring it back. With this kind of attitude we had a 7/7.30 bed time around 3 months.

Kiwiinkits · 16/08/2011 04:50

Perhaps try starting the day at the same time everyday. For example always have the first feed at seven am. Then the rest of the routine will start to fall into place on its own.

moules I imagine a dark quiet room for a baby is no less strange as a brightly lit room w-the a TV blaring...

Kiwiinkits · 16/08/2011 04:53

Sorry typing on my phone. Damn auto correct

MoonFaceMamaaaaargh · 16/08/2011 07:29

kiwi it is not advised that babies are allowed to sleep on their own (ie in a dark quiet room) till 6m as there is a risk of them falling in to a very deep sleep and not waking up. this is why the sids guidelines say to keep them in your room. Even your breath can be enough to stop this happening.

Op your dh needs to relax and go with the flow a bit. Often men want to "fix" things and you really can't do that with a tiny baby. (sorry for the generalisation) Congratulations and follow your instinct on this one.

Bunbaker · 16/08/2011 07:38

I agree that 15 days is way too young for a routine. If you try to set a routine you will both end up so stressed because small babies just don't follow a routine. You don't say how you are feeding your baby, but if your son is breastfed you can forget about routines anyway.

Just go with the flow and allow your baby to set the routine. I agree with MoonFace that you shouldn't leave your 15 day old baby to sleep on his own for hours on end because it increases the risk of SIDS.

emsies · 16/08/2011 08:51

Way to young. I think if you just focus on lots of cuddles, and comfort close to you you will eventually see what sort of routine the baby naturally falls into. In the early months there is no way they can self-regulate, they just cry when they are hungry/tired/wet and just want attention straight away. They can't understand being left at all or being put into a "routine" - they have no concept of anything other than the immediate.

CareyHunt · 16/08/2011 08:57

I agree, WAY too young for a routine.

However, if you decide that 7 is bedtime, you can do bath, pyjamas on and quiet cuddling from that time, which would gently lead into a bedtime routine when baby is older.

You don't say how you are feeding, but BF babies often cluster feed in the evening, particularily during growth spurts, so I always found it was easier to get them ready for bed and then cuddle up on the sofa and feed for the evening, with the hope of getting a long stretch of sleep when I first went to bed.

milkyjo · 16/08/2011 09:25

We tried this when DS was also very tiny because 'the books' tell you to! But after two nights we gave up. We still gave DS a bath and put him in his sleeping bag then brought him downstairs and just breastfed him on and off until we went to bed, then he would usually only wake up once or twice in the night for a feed. He is now 8 months and he started getting into a routine at 6.5 months. He started going to bed at 7pm at about 4 months and he had no problem staying asleep for many hours once he was put to bed, there was no sleep training or controlled crying so he didn't ever rely on us being there all the time. I always used to question whether my actions would 'make a rod for my own back' but they never did so just go with the flow! Good luck!

YaMaYaMa · 16/08/2011 09:33

Echoing everyone else - he's too young. We did a very rough 'routine' from about 8 weeks; at 6.30 we did bath, cuddle, bottle in low-lit room and eventually at about 12 week dd started to recognise cues and then started to sleep for longer. Then suddenly she started sleeping from 7pm til 5am.

As someone said above, babies have their own needs. Being left on their own at such a young age is not one of them.

DuelingFanjo · 16/08/2011 09:38

yep, I agree. too young. definitely don't leave a young baby to cry. If he's crying he needs you.

I started a bed-time routine at around 15 weeks. He still doesn't sleep through at almost 8 months. Also with growth spurts, teething etc there's very little chance that a routine would stay the same.

BunnyWunny · 16/08/2011 09:39

I started a very gentle routine at about 3 weeks. Instead of giving feed downstairs I always fed evening feed (can't remember what time it was) in our room where she slept, and when baby fell asleep put her in her crib and left her there. When she woke for next feed I fed her there, in the dark and returned her to her crib as she fell asleep. I made sure I didn't bring her down until the morning. It worked a treat! She has always been happy to go to bed since (6 now) and understood that bed time is just that!

BunnyWunny · 16/08/2011 09:40

BTW she wasn't left to cry- routine doesn't mean leaving to cry, just means a set pattern of events.

Romilly70 · 16/08/2011 09:42

As all other posters said, way too young to consider a routine.
I would also add, that at the moment, your DS really doesn't realise that he is a seperate being from you IYSWIM....
They are no trouble when they are so young just feeding and sleeping; it is such a precious, short-lived time. I would keep DS with me most of the time when he was so small.

I would guess that your DH may be be feeling a tiny bit left out now that your couple has become a family of 3. This is normal and a part of the adjustment new dads seem to go through. Or maybe he has to go back to work and wants your DS to fit into that routine so he can get sleep.

Just make sure that you are being looked after by your DH and anyone else who can help so that you can spend time with your DS and get to know his natural rythms...

plantsitter · 16/08/2011 09:43

If it helps to know, dp and I used to have this argument too.
I'm with you and everyone else on his thread. However it did help ME in the early weeks to have a vague bed time routine at my bed time, even if the baby had no intention of going to sleep then!

ThePippy · 16/08/2011 09:46

I think routine is a great idea, even at that age. I don't think leaving a 15 day old to settle by themselves for 10-15 mins (which I assume means crying) is a good thing. At that age they don't understand why you are not there, so helping them to get into the routine you want them to have is essential. I think doing a routine is great, if it means bath, dressed, bottle, cuddle/song etc at the same time every night is fine at that age, with the intention to get them to sleep straight after, but don't sweat it if the sleeping bit doesn't happen consistently straight away and definitely don't leave a tiny baby that old to cry for 15 mins as you could just be setting yourself up for worse problems down the line.

Good luck, I know how tiring and frustrating it can be with a newborn. Don't beat yourself up no matter what, be kind, to your baby AND to yourself.

HandMini · 16/08/2011 10:00

I followed a pattern close to Bunnywunny from around 6 weeks - bath and low light feed around 7pm and then moses basket in our bedroom from that time. If she fell asleep, great, if she didn't, rocking, cuddles, soothing, more feeding, but all in darkened bedroom. We would then go to bed around 10, popping in on DD every now and then between 7 and 10. She is now 10 weeks and I think she may be beginning to understand that the 7pm routine signals bed. She usually sleeps through to 6/7am with one waking to feed. That waking can be any time from 1am to 5am.

Original poster

speffles · 16/08/2011 16:23

Thanks for all the replies, I can get a bit anxious so it's good to know I'm not alone on this one. To be fair to DH he's never made me leave DS actually crying for any length of time, just wants him to learn to settle by himself.

Last night I insisted on us bringing DS back down with us (he was obviously not going to sleep at 7.00) and we had a chat about it. DH isn't feeling left out but he is worried about future behaviour. He has a friend whose kids are still running about at 10.00/11.00 at night and he really wants to avoid that by getting a bedtime in place asap.

I think DH is coming round to the idea that he will have to put off having a set bedtime for a while. I'm going to carry on being strong about keeping him with us in the evening. We can compromise by keeping the pre-bedtime routine going and then bring him back down with us until I go to bed.

OP posts:

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