Support thread for speech and laguage delay toddlers...

[Orangeflower7]

Hi, I have a little boy of 2.5 and we have just today had our first speech and language referral appointment as he is not saying many words yet. I thought maybe other parents might be in the same position and would like to share experiences for support?

It took a few weeks for the appointment, which we were referred to by the health visitor. The therapist told us he has a moderate language delay and has given us ideas of some signs to use with him, she has advised us to keep language clear and simple and we will get a place at a toddler group run by speech and language therapists who will observe and support us. Not sure how long that will take as they only have 6 children in a group but there is an option we can go to the next town if necessary. He also had his hearing tested by the hospital audiologist last week and they said his hearing was fine.

thedudesmummy snap! Dd2 is very much about physically showing you what she wants, she will touch your face to get you to look at her. she is very much a visual learner. Today She saw a boy at the park side down the "fire mans pole" on the climbing frame, she'd never seen it before, next minute she was up there doing it herself. and scaring me half to deaf as she's only 3
How old is your DS? The words will come, with dd they seem to be painfully slowly, we have less than 10words since she had her aids in december, but over 100signs. I think it depends on DCs age, you may have to teach them the words by continuous repetition.

Welcome hollysmam keep persisting with the hearing tests. Have you been referred to audiology for the hearing tests?
They (nursery and hvs) were adamant that dd was ASD before she finally got her diagnosis. No eye contact, not interested in other children, in a world of her own, horrendous meltdowns/tantrums, and just plain "oddities" as the HV liked to describe them.

My DS is 2.2. I obviously worry a lot about ASD but he doesn't really seem to fit the diagnosis as he is at present, although he does do a bit of toe walking occasionally and does not point, he is also sociable (with adults though not with other kids), makes great eye contact and loves a joke and a laugh (eg hiding behind something and then killing himself laughing when you find him or chase him). I don't know what to make of it all but worry myself sick some days that he will never talk.

thedudesmummy we've been advised to make sure we teach turn-taking and Play games where we have to take turns in doing something.
Also helping dd make the mouth shapes for the sounds, so insuring we sit opposite her when playing so she can see our face/mouth, and having certain "special toys" in a box of "sounds", toys include
A train - ch ch ch sound
A snake - SS SS SS sound
A mouse - ee ee ee
A car - bbb bbb bbb
A candle - pp pp pp (blowing out)
And a pot of bubbles to teach her how to blow them, important for mouth shapes.
And lots of other toys that alternate, with different sounds.

Dd did not point until about 2-3 months ago, and will now only point to things like planes or helicopters.

Also, if he says anything, however random, that even vaguely resembles a word, (might not be a single word, dd says "car-where-go?" as one word) make a huge fuss, and repeat it back to him, often. He may not say it again, at least not straight away, but he will.

Thanks for that, yes that is also a lot like what our SALT has said, the turn taking is not going so well yet though, as he gets cross and even has a tantrum if you try to take a turn when he does not want you to! We are working on it though.

Today a new "word"!!!!, it is arf arf arf arf (the sound made by a sea lion in a noise making book we have). He seems to specialise in going for the least obvious things to try and say. He can reliably say "di-dah" for spider in the "Vey Busy Spider" book (although won't say anything about the cow, horse, cat etc), and spiders are the one thing I am terrified of, and now it is a sea lion, something he has never seen or heard of anywhere else but in one book! Oh well, little steps...

The sharing/taking turns will come. With persistence and praise.

Hi lingle

thanks for the details about the book, I'm going to order it today.

In the last couple of days he's been trying to copy a word of the song wind the bobbin! he tries to say pull, pull - I'm so pleased!

I think most people feel scared by ASD at the stage when the child isn't talking. It took me a long long time before I could use any resource or book that turned out to be aimed at kids with ASD. That's why I always recommend "It Takes Two to Talk" - they steer clear of talking about syndromes.

But there isn't really any true divide between developmental language delay and ASD - ASD is just what they call it when your communication problems persist in such a way that it's always going to affect you and you'll always need to compensate as best you can. It's not like the difference between having a virus or not having a virus. It can be as trivial as hayfever or as serious as the worst asthma.

But there is a huge group of children whose communication problems won't melt away completely but who have the potential to be fully independent and sometimes even outperform their peers in many ways - to be head boy of a leading public school - to take an example I got from a teacher at that school the other day.

And it's worth being aware that the best work on communication problems tends to centre around kids with ASD.

So if you can muster the courage to look at books intended for kids with an ASD diagnosis, your child will almost certainly benefit (because almost any child will.). Hanen publishes "More than Words" which is quite superb. One of my regrets is that I was too scared to buy it when DS2 had serious problems - maybe I thought buying the book would somehow give him ASD!

Yes lingle that is what I really like about Two to Talk, it doesn't label syndromes or talk about ages for milestones or anything, just addresses the issue rather than the cause or when it occurs (I had the Babytalk book but threw it away as its constant lists of the "when to worry" type were freaking me out). I may well get More than Words (which I have heard about) in a while too.

PS I have held back on getting anything labelled autism or ASD mainly because of my DH, who, although very supportive and working with the SALT and the Two to Talk principles, does NOT want to hear that DS has an autistic disorder of nay degree (it has caused arguments when I have suggested this).

"DH, who, although very supportive and working with the SALT and the Two to Talk principles, does NOT want to hear that DS has an autistic disorder of nay degree (it has caused arguments when I have suggested this)."

we used to debate this a lot on the special needs board because it seems such a common pattern.

I think the number one requirement has to be a DH/DP/grandparent who is engaging with the child in the way the SALT/(or you!) has advised. If he's doing that, he's doing what the child needs. these men may not be fulfilling the mother's need to talk through all the possibilities but hey-ho I guess that's all part of putting the child first. DH used to say to me that he wanted to be DS2's daddy not his therapist. I went with that because I knew that I needed to keep his engagement with DS2 as joyful and spontaneous as it could be. (see Stanley Greenspan on this).

Then I went on to mumsnet to talk about the hard stuff for hours at a time!
but you do what works for you as a family.

I'm relieved to have found this thread, it makes me feel a bit less alone. DS2 is 2.3 and has about 6 words, although they come and go. Things he said a few weeks ago he now can't/won't say. And nothing he says is very clear.

I am surrounded by toddlers of friends who chat away beautifully, and also DS1 spoke very clearly when he was 2.

DS2 wants to talk - constantly babbles and is generally very expressive - but he just can't seem to form the words.

I've been offered a place at a "toddler talk" nursery from September, but I have my doubts about it. He's very out-doorsy, hates being confined in a room, and went loopy when he went for his 2 year check (in the same room that the toddler talk sessions are held).

I alternate between thinking it'll all be fine, to wondering if he'll ever talk clearly! I imagine him being one of those kids at school that no-one can understand.

And the stigma is awful isn't it. I just know that people think it's my fault, assuming I don't talk to him enough. And maybe I don't. I'm a single mother who works, and I have a very chatty DS1 who dominates conversation most of the time. So one-to-one time with DS2 is limited, and non-existent in school holidays.

It's a huge worry.

Yes Rebecca my DS is like that too, babbles all the time and is constantly trying to express himself, well he does express himself, but not in actual words that we can understand. Lots of chuckles and laughs and "HA HA"s, but it gets frustating for him and us when he is clearly trying to convey a message and we just don't get it.

I do feel that I have noted some subtle changes since his grommets were put in 2 weeks ago (although not the sudden massive improvement I dreamed of!). He looked up yesterday to the noise of a plane, for example, whereas before he did not notice planes, even when you pointed them out he was totally oblivious.

Lingle I have also taken ther tack that I want DH to stay engaged and happy about interacting spontaneously and not have a lot of arguments about diagnosis etc at this stage. I will get that book however if things are nort markedly improved in a few months.

PS Rebecca I am sure it is not caused by anything you are doing or have done wrong. I understand what you mean about the huge worry though.

yes it's a good book. the overall feel is still that happy positive "journey" approach but it delves into things like your child's sensory profile and on visual bridges/scaffolds to communication

Rebecca What is a toddler talk nursery?
DS 2.2 still has yet to say a single word. The Makaton is just so good. We watch Mr Tumble everyday on Something Special. DS loves him and joins in with it all.

I can't tell you how happy I am to have found this thread. I had actually done a search for ear wax (BIL really suffering) and this popped up in the results.

I will read the whole thread tomorrow when I've got the pc on. Only on iPod Touch at the moment and the tiny screen doesn't lend itself to reading long posts/threads, especially important ones!

My DS2 has a speech/language disorder/delay as well as a few other issues. He's 4 and starts school in September. But he is progressing.

To think a search for ear wax led me here. Serendipity I think that's called!

Hi, another newbie here. Great thread. DS1 is 3.9 and been seeing a SALT since 2.5. His language has come on loads in the last six months (up to 9 word sentences, which is just amazing). But, his pronounciation is still very difficult to understand at times (it is getting better) and he's developed a stammer in April time, which comes and goes, but again so frustrating to hear him not be able to get his words out. I sort of try not to worry too much, but when he has an occasional playdate with a child his own age (most of the kids he knows are either younger or older), it becomes blindingly obvious he is still quite behind.
MIL seems to just not get it either. On Skype yesterday, she says 'don't just sit there grinning at me, you've got to say something' to him, despite numerous conversations about no pressure to talk, try not to ask him questions, put him on the spot language wise etc. Makes me so mad. I know conversing with a speech delayed child goes against the grain of normal language (i.e. don't ask questions, talk about what's happening, don't finish sentences for them), but blimey. Last week she said in a really grumpy voice "oh, don't say anything then" to him. Seriously, I've had serious words with DH. If she doesn't buck up her ideas, I am going to have to tackle her head on and sternly.

DS2 is 16 months and says one word 'rara', which I think is his 'hello' as he says it whilst holding his toy mobile. But I'm starting to get worried about him too. Makes me feel shit to have two children speech delayed, what have I not done or done wrong? I can definitely see improvements in DS1 in last 6 months (he was saying 3 or 4 word sentences by then), but still heartbreaking that it comes so hard to him. Really hoping DS2 doesn't follow the same path speech wise.

Sorry for self-indulgent post

Hi sheep

Your ds1 has done amazingly! You should be proud. Don't worry about him not talking to mil, my dd won't sign to just anybody, and especially won't if you demand a sign.

I also find it frustrating that despite telling people, they still speak to my dd2 like she is a "normal" 3yo, which she just doesn't understand, it's too advanced for her.

Do you involve ds2 With practicing salt things with ds1?

Do not blame yourself.x

Thanks for your post Vera. It is so frustrating isn't it, with other people especially. Some family members have been great, my sister in particular is fab and just comments what's happening, doesn't ask him questions, just states her own opinion to him a lot of the time. But he adores her and obviously feels very comfy in her presence. It's a self fulfilling thing though with MIL, the more she demands of him language wise, the more he goes back into his shell, and then she gets more frustrated he isn't talking as she thinks he 'should' be. So hard not to be so defensive of him.

I am trying a lot with ds2 to speak in 1 - 2 word combinations with him and using lots of over-the-top intonations and signing and lots of nursery rhymes. He says babababa and mamamama and 'rara', but that is it. I'm really hoping he'll pick up speed.

In all seriousness though, they are well and healthy and I shouldn't moan about it. It's just worrying that maybe DS1 won't have the same opportunities, because of his language (i.e. socially, with adults and with other kids, in expressing himself and his emotions to me and making himself understood).

Thanks again for posting, it's lovely to get some reassurance from others in the same boat. Thank you

sheep I do feel that other people always make me think the situation is worse than it is.
Dd2s speech is painfully slow, she has 10words in 7months.

Dd2 signs 100+ words, and is starting to join them together into basic sentences, which I think is great considering we've only been signing 8mths. But one of our professionals said last week "I struggle to see her signs" and I went on a complete downer about it. but at the park yesterday dd2 was signing to complete strangers.

Her Comprehension of speech is about that of a 7-8 month old. (unless accompanied by sign) And other than my sister, (who talks to everybody like a small child), nobody really seems to "get it". Although i'm not sure that a head-on approach will work with everybody. I generally just repeat myself over and over again, and hope that sooner or later they'll get the message.

We are working with her over the summer to get her asking for things, She gets majorly rewarded when she asks for something. usually by getting what she asks for (lucky for us she doesn't "ask" in shops, except for either a drink, ice-cream, or an apple, -odd child that one).

When you show her an animal and ask "what's that?" she won't answer, but if you show her the animal and don't ask, she will tell you what it is.

Um, think i got a bit self indulgent. Sorry. Just meant to express that you are not alone.

littletrees You are not a useless mum. Most definitely not. How is dd's hearing? (sorry I tend to ask everyone that).