Hi everyone
I have not logged on for a couple of days and this thread seems to have kind of spiralled into all sorts from when I last looked at it. Perhaps I need to elaborate a bit more on my "smacking" policy. Basically there are rules on behaviour in our house which as far as is practical are clearly laid out. For example, if you don't eat your vegetables, no desert, and no telly before bed if homework in not complete. Similarly the rules on when they will be smacked are also laid out. Usually, it is for things like running out onto the road, using dirty language, and hitting one another. So it is one of a number of different methods used and like any other can only be effective if the child knows you mean what you say (so do not say it, if you are unlikely to use it). Also, I do not smack if I did not say I would do it so there is no confusion.
Needless to say, my rules are adjusted as the childs level of understanding improves so for example, my 7 year old now values his pocket money and can reason better so the smacking option is used less now and only for extreme offences. And witholding pocket money is now more effective for the offences that were previously "sorted" by smacking. My 5 year old on the other hand does not for example value pocket money so witholding his has no effect at the moement. The psychololgists amongst you will probably say that witholding pocket money is also damaging and perhaps damaged you in some way!!
Lastly, some of the ages mentioned are horrifying to me (but then so is my smacking my boys horrifying to some of you!!). Smacking 2 and 3 years olds, in my opinion, is not effective as they often do not necessarily relate the smack to the action, and at this stage ,in my experience, it is counter productive (in the nappy changing situation, a pat on the hand to me was more of a distraction rather than a lesson in smacking, and I'm sure was effective!).
I also disagree with whoever it was that said that how can you teach children that violence is wrong when you hit them. Was it you sas2? Like you all, I love my kids dearly. I do not use dirty language but they have learnt dirty words somehow (I blame a child at school). My kids are learning to follow rules - not learning how to hit. You could use the same arguement for taekwondo, judo or other similar lessons. Isn't that violence? My boys attend classes, and have learnt alot about respect and discipline, and kept fit at the same time!! Should these classes be banned?
My boys are older than many of your kids so I suspect you may change your views in a few months/years. However, the rules in our house on smacking are so clear that often my sons tell each other as a warning BEFORE the other one commits the "crime" that is punishable by smacking. I DO NOT smack out of anger, and I do not break the rules. So it is as much an exercise in demonstrating to the kids that action A will always result in punishment B. And I do this consistently, i.e. the rules do not change if we are out so whoever suggested that people who smack in public are likely to be close to be murdering their kids in private is barking up the wrong tree!!
My advice is,if you are unlikey to use any method consistently, cannot recognise when your child has outgrown a method, or feel uncomfortable about a method, then DO NOT USE IT. Smacking is but only one option. I use it in conjunction with other methods, and I do not expect to be smacking my 7 year old for much longer as his sense of reasoning and logic has developed to the extent that smacking is no longer necessary. Hence the explanation for our not smacking/hitting adults. It is illegal yes, but even if it weren't in my opinion it would be unnnecessary as there are other methods that are effective at this age.
Hope this clarify a few points. And Bloss, if it works for you in a way that you feel is helpful, then hang in there. It is child abuse when it is misused. Never smacked my kids in anger.
Bets regards all