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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

My 13mo is so unhappy - and so am I

34 replies

WikiSpeaks · 07/01/2011 10:54

He was a mad baby - relux - didn't settle well. He BLW well, and is meeting all his milestones but man alive he is so miserable. He just crawls/staggers around 'shouting'. I'm so stressed about it as our neighbours have complained.

I thought it was teething. He was unwell before xmas. Nappies still loose. I'm just so fed up. His sister 3yo is pertty high maintenance but at least I can reason with her.

He goes nuts if he doesn't get his own way (which I accept), but it is prolonged and frequent. I've just given him my iPhone just for 5 mins peace. Even now he's still moaning. I just can't really remember a time when/if he was content.

FFS -

I'm going to take him on the trailer bike now, so will be happy to read responses when I get back.

thanks for reading.

Oh and yes - I do have PND (on Citalopram), and loads of good family support. Thank-god!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

kitkey · 07/01/2011 11:26

Hi - I feel for you - my DS2 is now 20mths and has been like this since he was born too - he is just getting better a little but I dread being in with him as I feel so tense with the constant whinging and him not playing with any of his toys. He is much better when we are out and about though. I also have a 3 year old DS who seems so easy compared to DS2. I don't have any advice except that I know what you are going through. MY DS once has a perforated eardrum and I didn't spot that he was worse than usual as some days he whines non stop anyway. Hope things improve -just try to do one thing that he does enjoy each day for some peace from the siren.

Original poster

WikiSpeaks · 07/01/2011 11:35

Thank-you :)

He was fine whilst we were out on the bike. as soon as we came in he started up again. I'm going to collect his sister from pre-school in a bit so he'll be ok in the puschair. I however will get drenched!

i have wondered about lactose intolerance/ear infection... My GP is really nice but I fear I'll just sit there with noo real evidence about the problem. I really hoped he'd be better once he was on the move.

OP posts:

Original poster

WikiSpeaks · 07/01/2011 21:03

A little self indulgent bump.

OP posts:

NeverlandOfFun · 07/01/2011 21:32

Do you think he could be frustrated? My ds was a real whinge bag with an explosive temper until he could talk. He's 3 now and even now he still argues a lot, is very strong willed but he's a lot happier and is lovely really! He was far better and still is easier to handle and less manic out and about then being stuck inside.

Original poster

WikiSpeaks · 07/01/2011 22:35

I think he is very frustrated. If he was in pain he'd still moan when out and about, but it's the few times he's chilled out today. I hope he learns to talk soon - if only to start complaining. At least then I could act upon it!

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Greenwing · 07/01/2011 22:47

Get your doctor to check to be on the safe side. My DS1 was a right royal pain but when he was 2yrd 10months and went to nursery they identified in the first week that he was a bit deaf. It turned out this was caused by glue ear and his adenoids also needed removing (he did not sleep well and snored.) The frustration and discomfort must have affected him and we never knew all that time - I felt so upset.

Good luck with coping. I am out of the tunnel now and he is often good company.

MadameCastafiore · 07/01/2011 22:48

Sounds like you are trying to placate him all of the time rather than deal with his behaviour.

bibbitybobbityhat · 07/01/2011 22:50

Its extremely tiresome, but I do think little children like to be out and about a lot and seeing lots of people and doing lots of different things.

I swear on the bible I only spent a couple of full days at home (and then due to illness or terrible weather) until both dc were about 3 or 4.

Is he walking yet? As soon as he can walk a bit be prepared to take him out on lots of (slow) walks, even if just to get a paper or go and see the ducks.

CarGirl · 07/01/2011 22:51

I would try a craniel osteopath if you haven't already. He may well have a headache or similar that bothers him far more when not distracted.

My dd that had undiagnosed silent reflux until 6 months old turned into a cheerful toddler eventually!

Megglevache · 07/01/2011 22:53

Yep I had all that too.
YOu are not alone my lovely.

May not seem like something you want to hear but I decided to take the bull by the horns and I taught my son to sign.

Within a month he was a changed little boy- everyone commented on it.

Turned out he hated noise and crowds and was able to tell me that he was in pain/bored/he didn't want to go to grannies at 13 months old and when I got a two way communication going on MY LIFE CHANGED.

Might be worth having him checked over to see that he doesn't have any ear probs etc as friends have had similar problems and this was the case.

PS Wiki you sound like a lovely, lovely mummy!

CarGirl · 07/01/2011 23:00

Signing is great, first one my dd2 learnt was "more food" to her childminder half an hour before lunch. DD2 has always been very food focused

Original poster

WikiSpeaks · 08/01/2011 19:15

Thank-you everyone. I really appreciate your help. Today was much better. We were hardly home AT ALL. DH was around but we did 3 different things which meant we weren't at home. DS was really different. we were at a party this afternoon and he was still pretty clingy - but I can deal with that as I knew what he wanted (me!)

I wondered whether to take him back to the chiropractor who I think really helped when he was younger. I need to speak to my CM to see what he's like with her, and make some decisions.

Interesting about baby signing. I had a friend who did it with her DS and we both thought it possibly delayed his speech progression for a short while. Love the thought od demanding "more food though" He definitely would. He ate more at the party than my 3yo DD!

This week I'm going to really notice what he's doing and then perhaps book in to see GP next week. If I do take him, I want it to be with some definite symptoms. Ear problems would be top of my list.

megglevache Thanks for saying I sound lovely - it's a really nice thing to read (even if i know different )

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CarGirl · 08/01/2011 19:18

I think the evidence about signing is the opposite they actually overall learn language quicker once they learn the speech sounds then they have already mastered language - creating sentences etc.

It's so worth it as the age at which they start to talk can be fairly late and save you another year of frustration at not being able to communicate!

Original poster

WikiSpeaks · 08/01/2011 19:20

Interesting. I'll have a look. If there are any classes I can do when DD is at preschool I will - I will do it!

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CarGirl · 08/01/2011 19:23

There are books you can borrow/buy that's all I did, I just focussed on the most important ones - food, drink, sleep, rabbit, cat, daddy oh and of course "more"

I think with the cm the first time she crawled under the high chair and signed more - made her point loud and clear and she must have been under 14 months old then as she was walking at 14 months.

SummerRain · 08/01/2011 19:27

dd was the most miserable baby on the planet... she had reflux too and even once that eased she was cranky and miserable all the time.

It turned out that on top of the milk intolerance we knew about she also had a wheat intolerance.... we cut wheat out of her diet at 22 months and she was a changed child overnight... happier, calmer and her nappies weren't loose anymore.

I felt so guilty for not realising sooner

Original poster

WikiSpeaks · 08/01/2011 19:33

Oh so you never went to classes CarGirl? That sounds much more do-able!

Summer - did you have advice about cutting foods out of the diet? I'm reluctant to do anything that might mean he's missing out on nutrients. (scaredycat emoticon)

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CarGirl · 08/01/2011 19:46

Presumably you'd only have to cut wheat out for several days - a week, an improvement would be fairly obvious I guess?

SummerRain · 08/01/2011 19:46

When i (finally) developed suspicions about wheat i simply trialed cutting out wheat products for a few days and when there was a marked difference i brought her to the GP immediately and got a paeds referral and her PHN (HV) referred her to a fantastic dietitian who encouraged us to keep a food diary, gave us tips on food substitutions and places to buy and also harassed the hospital to bump up her appointment (we were waiting 8 months even after being bumped up the list twice!)

The biggest problem with wheat was the fact that it's in everything... most stocks, most oven type meals and lots of other things you wouldn't expect to find it. Even most brands of chips fgs! It took a lot of patience while shopping and cooking. She was able to have spelt after a year or so which helped a lot as i could buy her (massively overpriced) fresh bread and could bake for her more easily. She grew out of the wheat intolerance just in the last few months... she was gradually reacting less over the last year or so and finally the last few weeks i was able to reintroduce it completely with no side effects.

Cow's milk was easier... she had one sip of formula at 6 months and was hysterical for hours afterwards and had nappy rash so bad she bled. I tested a couple of other times to be sure (this is the worst bit tbh, knowing it'll probably hurt her but having to check) and the reaction was consistent so luckily i was still breastfeeding and could continue doing so til she was 12 moths and could have goats milk. She loved goats yogurt and cheese so her calcium and protein needs were being met easily enough.

SummerRain · 08/01/2011 19:51

Forgot to say, she grew out of the cow's milk intolerance at 4... funnily enough her younger brother had it too but grew out of it before she did!

The dietician told us that most children grow out of food intolerances by 3, the vast majority of the rest by 5 and most of the tiny remaining cases by 8... it's very rare for it to continue to adulthood.

In dd's case eating wheat and cow's milk damaged her gut in such a way that she no longer absorbed other food properly... at 22 months she weighed the same as she had before i introduced wheat at 10 month, within 2 months of cutting it out she'd gained 2kgs and was developing fat reserves by the time paeds finally assessed her. (she was tested for coeliacs and had a few other bood tests too as a precaution)

Original poster

WikiSpeaks · 08/01/2011 20:35

Wow - thank-you for taking the time to write that.

Were there certain times of the day when she was worse? As I said earlier - i'm not sure DS could be in constant pain as he's fine when out and about. This leads me back to square one that he's highly strung and frustrated.

OP posts:

SummerRain · 08/01/2011 20:53

dd was always better if she was being kept busy... she was too young to tell me but i got the impression that it was a low level discomfort that she was bale to 'forget' about if she was occupied but which she became more aware of when stuck in the house without too much stimulation.

She is also by nature quite highly strung which probably accentuated the mood swings when she was uncomfortable. The lack of nutrients being absorbed probably caused similar affects to not having had enough to eat too, she's still quite a handful if she's had too much junk or hasn't eaten well.

Original poster

WikiSpeaks · 08/01/2011 20:58

Mmm yes - maybe being busy actually distracts him from being in discomfort, but it's still there IYKWIM.

i just don't know what to think now

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SummerRain · 08/01/2011 23:38

My youngest, ds2, is highly strung and frustrated too (23 months, non verbal)... notorious for his tantrums and frankly irrational at time behaviour. However despite his demanding behaviour once he gets what he wants he's content, until he decides he wants something else anyway.

Speaking purely as a mother, not as any sort of expert, the constant complaining and shouting, even when you've gone out of your way to placate him, you describe would worry me tbh

MumTumAndBum · 08/01/2011 23:42

Sounds exactly like my little boy, he had reflux too, bad sleeper, whinger, bad teether, always on the go, a general nightmare.
I would say he is still on the more 'difficult' end of the spectrum but he's way easier now (he is 19 months) I think a lot of it was frustration, even at 5mo's he needed constant amusing he's a bit slow to start talking but I think once he can tell me what he wants and when, things will get easier again. I found myself wishing away a lot of his baby times because he was such a difficult baby and I regret that now, it all passes so quickly, I wish I had treasured every second, even the bad ones! It will get easier x

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