Sexual behaviour towards another child need advice urgently

[Worriedmum34758]

My DS (5) has came to me with something very worrying. He had a few friends over to play and he said that a girl (4) had "licked ***'s winkie". Im not sure what to do about this without causing a fallout (the girls mum is a friend). I do realise something has to be done but im not sure what. Please give me your advice.

OFGS give it a rest you lot

I hope the OP has got the info she needed to deal with it - I hope I'm never in this situation. It could be innocent but unfortunately I know of a case where it wasn't :(

What's really sad about this is that someone was asking for advice. It's turned into an "I'm right, you're wrong" facade. Can't you just set up an aside thread instead of hijacking a thread like this!!! Nobody else is interested in your petty ,, pathetic, arguments. You have completely ignored and buried the comments of people who actually have experience of this. As someone who has been through a very similar situation, I find you (the ones who see the need to air their views more than 5 times in one post and write pseudo sociology essays) completely unrealistic and ignorant. You appall me. There - put that in your pipe and smoke it. I hope you bog off now and let the OP have some advice from realistic people. But I know - none of you can ever let it lie....

mathanxiety I simply meant that the way in which you both word your posts is very authoritarian and dismissive of any other point of view. And sometimes just plain rude tbh.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!

Don't worry anonom, I'm sure op read your original reply.

I don't care - I just can't bear this analysis any more.

I'm sure the OP gave up reading this long ago.

I still want to know why the boy had his willy out in the first place!

FWIW, a few years ago, I posted on here about one of DD's friends (she was 5, her friend was 6) displaying inappropriate sexual behaviour. Opinion was divided between oooh you must tell social services and how could you think of splitting up a family, this could all be so innocent.

But on this occasion, the behaviour was very definitely sexual. The child concerned was "dry humping" my DD, and also, according to DD, told her that "this is what she does with her Daddy, and that she also licks her Daddy's willy."

I wasn't quite sure where to go, so I spoke to the woman who ran the after school club. She said, oh yeah, she's always dry humping the littlies, we just tell her to get off. I then spoke to the headmaster, who agreed with me that it was a problem, and called social services. The father was abusing his daughter, she was taken away and put into foster care. Social services just rang me once, to confirm what I had said. My DD was not involved.

This is clearly not in the same league as a little lick...but that might have been how it started? I don't know on this one, really not sure.

From NSPCC website :

Help for adults concerned about a child:
Help and advice
0808 800 5000

Sometimes, I worry that I am out of touch with reality. Because I have re-acted in a totally diferent way to many.

I remember when I was young, not sure what age. maybe 1st year of primary. My mums friend with her two children came to stay. And i got naked with her ds. Like playing doctors and nurses. I think we may have kissed. maybe rubbed eachother. not much more. we both came from totally loving families. not abused. and this was not considered abnormal. both our mums caught us and we were all embarrassed.

Recently ds1(6) took photos of his friends bottom. ds1 encouraged his friend to pull apart his bottom cheeks and show his hole - anus. Vile. ds's friend is in his class . ds1(6) and also his ds2(3). my ds2(2) was also there.
these were the children of my closest friend. and we were all so ashamed.. and horrified. they were upstairs for all of 5-6 minutes.
And I did mention this episode to paeditrician and the child pyschologist, last month, when I had ds1 assessed for aspergers. And neither said this was cause for concern.
Never occured to me to phone ss. or nspcc. and the doctors never suggested to either.

I wonder where the line is between calling ss and not. I was not abused. neither are my children. and I would bet money on my friends 2 ds's not being.

Maybe the difference here is the licking ?
Sometimes i worry about these threads. That i worry that I do not see these things the same way as the majority.

Oblomov - fear not, there's nothing wrong with seeing the world from a sane viewpoint.

Aitch - I'm with you 100%

Mamatomany - it is scary that having other children around or letting yours go to friends houses can have SS knocking at your door over something so completely normal.... this is one of the down sides of being on MN :(

MathAnxiety - You have been incredibly rude to Aitch (and others on this thread) I hope you read this thread again tomorrow and are suitably embarrassed at the way you have read things out of context and attacked people. Aitch, if you knew anything about child protection protocols here, you would not have posted this. Attempts at factfinding by untrained people can seriously muddy the waters of an investigation Once again you are completely missing the point - there does not need to be an investigation - merely a word to the parents.

OMG - FINALLY I get to the end of this thread - for now any way!

My overriding feeling is that mathanxiety surely, MUST be posting these things to get a response.

But if not, I'm not surprised the second part of her nickname is 'anxiety'. I find it hard to believe that anyone can get so het up, and generally unreasonable about this. This is the real world, where kids play this sort of thing fgs.

Aitch - me too, with you 100%.

And again - where oh where has the OP gone?? Is there not something slightly wierd about the fact that she has not responded AT ALL to this VERY long thread considering she was the one who asked for advice in the first place? Strange....

Poppyella fwiw I don't think it's weird at all. I think I would have disappeared too in her shoes, under the circumstances.
Careful what you say though, you might bring math back and it will all start over!

MrsSchadenFreude I think most people who have read the OP think along the same lines as you, including myself.
With the lack of info from the OP (who has dissappeared ) we can't know.

Therefore it's the certainty of thelibster and Aitch that is confusing me. Do they know something we don't about the OP's situation? If not then they should step back and consider other POV.

Sakura Once again, I AM NOT CERTAIN ABOUT ANYTHING!! That is why I am saying speak to the mother first. If you are going to comment on other people's points of view please make sure you understand them first. It's only polite after all. The really silly thing is that you and I actually agree as to what our next course of action would be given the evidence, or lack thereof, in the OP's position! Can't speak for Aitch but I wouldn't have come to the conclusion that she is certain either.

"AitchTwoOh Tue 23-Nov-10 16:45:35
what i am saying, and what i have always said, is that there is in no way enough information on this one teeny OP to establish whether or not this is behaviour in any way related to sexual knowledge, or anything to worry about at all."

x-post.

the weird thing is, sakura, like i said before, we three all agree with each other.

I wasn't talking about you - I was talking to you - but with your inability to read what is actually written I'm not suprised you came to this conclusion. I'm equally unsuprised that you have no regrets about having been so rude.

Poppy - the OP asked for advice, she got quite a lot of it then it turned into an arguement - I'm not suprised she hasn't posted again - although if she's still reading, it would be good to have an update when she has sorted this out.

ChippingIn I think Math was referring to me and Poppyella rather than you. It's true that this thread has become something of a dog fight and for my own part I'm sorry. I

originally waded in in response to this:

scurryfunge Sun 21-Nov-10 18:58:38

Make a referral to social services. It is obviously inappropriate behaviour for children that needs investigating.

scurryfunge Sun 21-Nov-10 22:24:05
A disclosure has been made, do not question the children concerned any further. Leave it to people who are trained to investigate such a disclosure.

scurryfunge Sun 21-Nov-10 22:42:34
A disclosure has been made, it is not up to parents to decide what caused it.

which seemed to me then, and still does now, ott. when I got this reply:

scurryfunge Sun 21-Nov-10 23:20:23
oh fgs, thelibster, you are talking rubbish.

If you knew anything at all about child protection protocol then you would shut up.

I became angry and so it went on.

I never actually said don't ring NSPCC anonymously. Just "I wouldn't ring SS yet"

Got angry with Math as a result of this:

mathanxiety Mon 22-Nov-10 07:24:39
TheLibster, are you drunk?

You seem to be unable to either read or write.

People who want to be able to cry "rude" and kick up a fuss at their own perceived ill-treatment should, perhaps make certain
their own "house is in order" first, no?

Worried I'm not surprised you haven't been back. Unfortunately your thread has been hijacked by a few as some kind of personal crusade . Going back to your OP .... you have to be very very sure that how it was described to you was how it exactly happened. If it were me (and I have experienced something similar in the past) I would talk to the parent of the girl telling them exactly the words used by your child to describe the event. If you report this to SS at this time, you may cause irreparable damage to all concerned. Children don't always use the correct language and it will be restricted to words they know (iyswim). As adults we would automatically assume the worse and think it was sexual and inappropriate behaviour. In my experience this was not the case and turned out to be totally innocent. All I'm saying is don't put all your adult fears and anxieties into assuming one child actually licked another's penis. It may have never happened like that

thelibster, if you want to be totally honest, you waded in because of a previous thread. None of my posts have been rude, just stating fact and being blunt due to your apparent lack of knowledge.

Math hear hear!!

That is a ridiculously obsessive attack and I have reported it.