Friend's behaviour causes concern

[E11a]

Hello,
About half a year ago my husband befriended a couple at antenatal class, and ever since we have been keeping in touch with them as our children are the same age (5 months) and they live locally.

Up until recently we only met in cafes, restaurants and once went to their place, but yesterday my husband insisted that we should reciprocate and invite the other mother with her daughter to ours.
I had my reservations but did invite them. As soon as these people got to my place, the mother decided to swap our childrens' teething rings without even asking me. She simply gave her daughters ring to my son and he started drooling and biting it immediately. She also took his teething rings and gave them to her daughter. During her short stay at our place she never asked for my permission to use any of our toys and got her daughter to drool and bite all of them she could find!
I wonder if anyone experienced anything similar and what's a tactful way to explain the other mother that you disapprove of such behaviour?!
I was so shocked yesterday that I watched her making herself too comfortable with our toys and possessions without saying anything...

Play date guidance for the future :-

Put away any toys you dont want the other child to play with/chew etc ..... this is more important when your child is a toddler as they will freak out when another child grabs their favorite ones!

Secondly, be sure you like the other parent - because if you dont there isnt much point in inviting them to your house when the kids are so young. It should be you who enjoys some adult company too!

I would have no hesitation in saying something along the lines of 'would you mind if they kept to their own teething rings as my LO is prone to tummy upsets so I dont want your child to catch anything' (lie lie)

Definately try to go along to some soft play, or a childrens playgroup or childrens centre for some social time for you and your child.

nicky I knew it, jeezo is a particularly lovely little bit of language that I must remember to use more often. I am from Ayrshire.

the1smrsdveer I think your wonderful, I have read your other threads, how are feeling these days?

Did you really ring the health visitor about it??

Do you really class this couple as friends?

Tethers - you are so funny

E11a - just relax - it'll be fine. What do you think would happen if your baby was in nursery - stuff gets shared. In fact encouraging your child to share is a good thing.

But as you sound ummm rather ummm well you know - perhaps meet in a neutral setting in future.

Oh FGS, get a grip, woman!

God, I just realised that you called the HV especially about this!

They must love you!!!

Oh my thats you do make me

I am not too bad today. I am planning a mass burning of DD's medical records on Friday.

(actually that doesnt make me sound 'ok' does it ) But I am thank you very much for asking

Why did you let your husband get away with insisting someone you didn't want in your house was allowed to visit.

Why do you not know anyone else - is this also to do with your husband.....

I too would find it strange if my friends came round and asked if their dcs could play with the toys.

There are 6 of us in our baby group and we take it in turns to go to each others houses. When they come to my house I have 5 babies drooling and biting dd's toys. I've never even thought about it.

I think it would be good for you to get out to some play groups and social things with other mothers. You'll soon learn to relax.

When our babies were six months old, my friend asked me if I still sterilised my DS's toys.

I was - I'd never even considered it. (DS preferred to play with old tissues, fluff from under the bed, cat's dishes - you get the picture).

Don't worry, OP, your baby won't come to any harm sharing toys. In fact it's a good idea to have a friend to swap toys with from time to time as they do get bored playing with the same things all the time.

OP you sound quite unbalanced. You don't seem to have taken on board any of the comments.
Everyone is telling you that you are PFB, over-anxious, asking about OCD etc.
Can you not see how ridiculous this is ?
Please tell us that you will try and relax, and give this some thought.Because you're really starting to worry me.

mrsdv Wow, honestly, you are remarkable. Keep doing what you need to do, I think you are very very brave. Sorry for the thread hijack.

E11a- I think maybe you need to try and make more friends that will help you relax. Babies and kids are gross. My friends little boy was picking his nose, and wiping his boogers on my sons hair!

Are you germaphobic in general?

"Unless the other mum decided her DD could share that too!" LOL that reminds me of when I told DH I was going to a Breastfeeding cafe. He got the wrong idea about what that meant

Anyway I do wish people wouldn't be quite so mean to e11a - thinking beyond the whole PFB thing, it does sound as though you're quite anxious or maybe even depressed if these things are worrying you, and you're struggling to make friends.

So many of us have been there (or still are) - e11a, if you need any advice, just ask, despite the flamings MN is really lovely...

Actually, now I am beginning to wonder if your husband's insistence on you having a friend over is because of some anxiety on his part about you, OP? Perhaps he is concerned that 5 months after the birth you don't go to baby groups, have no friends with babies, don't seem to have had anyone with a baby visit your house and are obviously rather anxious about cleanliness and germs?

I was just going to say what Annh just said.

I am not anxious about cleanliness or germs. But I never had interaction with parents with babies before I had my child and the only other person I know who has a baby is the mum whom I saw yesterday. All of my close friends in the past were single and/or without children.
I am not even overly worried about my son catching anything too bad this way, but it is not the issue.
I can give you an example. One Polish woman visited another compatriot (in the UK) and gave someone else's baby a sausage without asking a mother's consent. The baby chocked and died - it was in the news earlier this year.
In my and the other mother's country of origin it is polite to ask first, but it seems it is different over here judging from some of the responses.

Hello e11a are you Polish?

I am sorry about your friend, that is terrible.

What do you do all day if you don't mix with other mums?

Giving a baby food is very different though e11a. I would always ask before offering someone else's child of whatever age food.

This seems to be (forgive me if I am wrong) more of a cultural issue. If this is the case then I can begin to understand your OP.

But it will happen and I think you need to understand that this will not harm your baby. If you dont you will find yourself isolated and that will be a shame.

Food and toys are worlds' apart!

You're clearly not taking in the vast majority of replies, so why bother posting?

I met a mum like this.

She thought the grass in the park was too dirty for her baby.
She thought my pushchair was too dirty for her flat.
She fed her child vegetarian/vegan diet, and only wore certain clothes.
She restricted her behaviour and her child's and I think she may have been a little depressed.

So E11a, are you very worried about germs and don't you think your baby will expose himself to germs very soon? He might want to play with the wheels of the pushchair or try digging with his hands in the mud.
Maybe you should try to relax as you know that these experiences help strengthen your child's immune system.

It is not the other parent's fault, you can't make other parents change although when it comes to putting things in your child's mouth its not that wierd to stop someone and say you're going to rinse it first.

Look I know it is had at first with a baby and everything that goes with it, the groups and playdates and other mums coming over and doing weird things. It is hard but you truly are over reacting about this. It's only teething toys and toys it really is par for the course. Are you suffering from anxiety?

I think you do need to go to a baby group Ella. it will open your eyes but it will hopefully help you meet other mums. Some you will like. Some you won't.

But you baby will have fun so do it for your baby.