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Original poster

Friend's behaviour causes concern

105 replies

E11a · 03/11/2010 19:45

Hello,
About half a year ago my husband befriended a couple at antenatal class, and ever since we have been keeping in touch with them as our children are the same age (5 months) and they live locally.

Up until recently we only met in cafes, restaurants and once went to their place, but yesterday my husband insisted that we should reciprocate and invite the other mother with her daughter to ours.
I had my reservations but did invite them. As soon as these people got to my place, the mother decided to swap our childrens' teething rings without even asking me. She simply gave her daughters ring to my son and he started drooling and biting it immediately. She also took his teething rings and gave them to her daughter. During her short stay at our place she never asked for my permission to use any of our toys and got her daughter to drool and bite all of them she could find!
I wonder if anyone experienced anything similar and what's a tactful way to explain the other mother that you disapprove of such behaviour?!
I was so shocked yesterday that I watched her making herself too comfortable with our toys and possessions without saying anything...

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
ib · 03/11/2010 19:47

Are you for real?

nickytwotimes · 03/11/2010 19:49
Biscuit
MarineIguana · 03/11/2010 19:50

I know you're upset but it is quite normal for babies to play with each other's toys. If you give a 5-month-old any toy they will bite and drool on it, so the mother wasn't "getting" her DD to do that as such. She probably just thinks this is OK. I have to say I've never worried about babies sharing toys, unless one of them obviously has a nasty bug.

But, if you have reservations about her anyway, that's a separate matter and you should think about why. Instinct can be a good warning that someone is not a person you want to get too close to. It sounds as if you are not on the same wavelength re childrearing (not saying either of you is wrong) and that can be a pain IME.

BeerTricksPotter · 03/11/2010 19:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MarineIguana · 03/11/2010 19:51

Oh and are you for real? Blush if not!

QuintessentialShadows · 03/11/2010 19:51

Op, I believe you are either about to receive a plateful of biscuits, or quite the flaming....

{sits back, sips tea}

activate · 03/11/2010 19:51

what an odd problemGrin

Hullygully · 03/11/2010 19:52

I have never ever heard anything so appalling in all my born days.

You should have taken her out and shot her.

FreudianSlimmery · 03/11/2010 19:55

Ah bless.

It's really nothing to worry about.

Course if you're BFing your baby has extra protection against all the nasty germs anyway :o

GoldenGreen · 03/11/2010 19:58

I have a friend who gives her toddler my remote controls to chew on. And lets her ds take his clothes off and sit on my sofa naked. I do find that rather annoying.

You need to chill, though.

StayFrosty · 03/11/2010 20:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MarineIguana · 03/11/2010 20:02

Eww Goldengreen! I'm far from germ-phobic but I don't let my own DS sit on the sofa naked...

pastaplease · 03/11/2010 20:03

Ask permission to use the toys???? Eh??? Of course a teething 5 month old drooled on them.

Actually, I don't think this is for real either.

Original poster
E11a · 03/11/2010 20:04

I am for real. I am not sure why such comments?!
I have called a health visitor today and checked if it's OK to swap teething rings at 5 months, and the answer was "no"
These teething rings cannot be sterilised, only "wipe cleaned" according to instructions. Also, I am not sure how the other parent cleans her child's toys. In my view, to use another child's teething ring is like swapping toothbrushes with adults.
The children did not get the rings confused, oh no. The other mother quite deliberately took my sons rings and handed them to her daughter, and did vice versa with her toys. Her reason was that children get bored with their own rings so swapping them was a good idea. There were other toys in the room very far from the reach of children, yet the mother found even those, took them from the shelf and let her daughter to drool over those toys too.
I am not joking, that's what happened. I have no other experience of interacting with other mothers hence the question.
About my husband insisting... Well, it was his idea to befriend that couple in the first place, I just went along despite my reservations. They seem nice enough, but the situation yesterday made me think how to discourage the other woman from very deliberately swapping the rings?!

OP posts:
SandStorm · 03/11/2010 20:04

"Course if you're BFing your baby has extra protection against all the nasty germs anyway"

Unless the other mum decided her DD could share that too!

pastaplease · 03/11/2010 20:07

Then you need more experience of interacting with other mothers. I'm surprised you don't, as you have a 5-month year old.

Of course they're going to play with each others toys.

Crazy!

Lulumaam · 03/11/2010 20:09

that's not cause for concern

5 mths old bite and chew and drool

it's called teething

you need to unlcench

next !

Lulumaam · 03/11/2010 20:09

or even unclench !

Mumcentreplus · 03/11/2010 20:11

Hmm...E11a I'm guessing you don't interact the different types of people often?...

CommonSenseSuze · 03/11/2010 20:13

WHAT?? A mother came into your house and handed her baby your baby's toys? How incredibly rude!

The baby dribbled? That's awful.

You need to sever all ties with this family now. They are terrible people.

Yeah...

bearcrumble · 03/11/2010 20:14

The teething ring thing is a bit odd, but as babies do grab and gum everything they can get their hands on, it's no less unhygienic than sharing the toys which is normal behaviour.

OP, do you not like this woman? You seem to have reservations about her.

Are you maybe a little bit OCD - do you wash your hands a lot/sterilise everything/have routines that you can't break?

bearcrumble · 03/11/2010 20:15

I mean no more unhygienic.

Original poster
E11a · 03/11/2010 20:15

Well, I don't know any other mothers with young children hence I am asking a question here.
I would never take her daughters teething rings without asking her about it, and hand it to my son! To me, it sounds very rude.
The babies are too young to even acknowledge each other, let alone play together. The idea was to invite the mother for tea, have a chat with her, and let the children to use their teething rings. They did not reach out for each others' toys but were actively encouraged by another parent.
I would like to keep in touch with her, but I am against swapping the toys at 5 months- am I so unusual?! If they were older, then maybe, and if they confused the toys themselves - that would be ok too. But it wasn't the case.
The question is: how to put my point across to her without offending?

OP posts:
pozzled · 03/11/2010 20:15

Babies do like to have different toys to play with.

If you invite someone to your house it is expected that their DC will be able to play with your DC's toys- even babies.

You will not be able to prevent babies and young children from sharing germs, unless you isolate them completely.

If you prefer them not to swap teething rings, you say to the other mum 'Please don't swap the teething rings, I'm a bit worried about germs.' Job done.

GoldenHaze · 03/11/2010 20:17

Don't put your point across to her. If you do, you'll look like a total fool.

Get a grip and make some friends.