Friend's behaviour causes concern

[E11a]

Hello,
About half a year ago my husband befriended a couple at antenatal class, and ever since we have been keeping in touch with them as our children are the same age (5 months) and they live locally.

Up until recently we only met in cafes, restaurants and once went to their place, but yesterday my husband insisted that we should reciprocate and invite the other mother with her daughter to ours.
I had my reservations but did invite them. As soon as these people got to my place, the mother decided to swap our childrens' teething rings without even asking me. She simply gave her daughters ring to my son and he started drooling and biting it immediately. She also took his teething rings and gave them to her daughter. During her short stay at our place she never asked for my permission to use any of our toys and got her daughter to drool and bite all of them she could find!
I wonder if anyone experienced anything similar and what's a tactful way to explain the other mother that you disapprove of such behaviour?!
I was so shocked yesterday that I watched her making herself too comfortable with our toys and possessions without saying anything...

why are you against swapping toys?

believe me, once your baby is active, and you go to more mum & tot groups, your little one will do worse than gum someone else's teething ring

if you do not want her to share the toys with her baby then you need to pack them up and put them away in another room when she comes, as it is not unreasonable for her to think they are okay to share (its normal for people to share toys even if they are babies...)
next time why not select a few toys that are very wipeclean and disenfectable and put those out and anything else keep them away in a box in your room, to avoid you feeling so uncomfy about this so you can just get on with interacting rather than freaking about the toys

really i think you are overeacting though nothing is going to happen due to them sharing toys

I'm surprised you're not going to baby groups. Perhaps you really should.

Sharing's usually a problem for toddlers, not the mothers.

You don't sound like much of a hostess.

I personally would not have taken one teething ring from one child and swapped but I don't think its caused lasting damage..were the toys she drooled over special?..not to be drooled over?

Don't try and put your point across. It will make you sound like an absolute lunatic.

You really need to calm down about this. It is a massive non-issue.

And E11a wins the Mumsnet PFB award of the year (and the next ten years too)! .

Deary me, I do find my self wondering what my reaction would be to someone who approached me with this issue, do have a word with her OP and then come back and tell us all about it!

You are gonna be feeling some serious freaky pain when you DC starts getting mobile if this upsets you

Did you make her a brew, or would it be a problem if she used one of your cups?

i do agree with firwala's sensible advice too

WOWZA! you sound really tightly wound, and honestly, you have not met any other mums??? Really?

Liar liar pants on fire!

Pozzled,
thank you for considered answer.
I did think about asking not to swap, but did not want to offend the mother. My husband also didn't like the other parent's behaviour, but not sure how to handle this.
So... I feel that I either find a different approach how to discourage this (just asking not to swap the rings will be considered offensive) or never invite them to my house and keep seeing them out as I've done for the last half a year.

Does anyone come over to play at your house?

Do they have to bring their own toys first? Do they come through the door with big crates that you check through to ensure they are suitable for your home?

Jeezo...

was it just the drooling and toy sharing that upset you?...did they d anything else?

Swapping teething rings is like swapping toothbrushes, icky but not actually harmful.

If I invited someone over to play and they asked permission to touch the toys I would think they were nuts. Like if I asked someone over for dinner and they asked permission to eat.

Dear OP,

All the best with motherhood.

Yours,

Everybody.

Don't worry. You won't need to talk to your 'friend' about this, as there's no way she'll want to come back again if she had any hint of your ridiculous, weird attitude.

Why on earth have you not interacted with other parents? You've had a baby for five months! Poor little soul!

nickytwotimes are you scottish?

I am, thatsnot.

Are you ok Ella? This over-anxiousness about toys seems a little OTT. Any precious toys you can in future remove and 'hide' but I have a feeling you'd be removing nearly all.

I get the teething ring thing but babies do this. And nick each others dummies - oh gross. But they do it.

I am giving you side-ways glances and wondering if you are struggling a little with mummyhood. I could be barking up the wrong tree and apologies. Just seems very highly strung and if you are struggling - we can help lots.

Just stoppped laughing long enough to re read your OP.

Why were you so determined NOT to invite this mum to your house?

Do you have difficulties with having other people in your home generally?

I am trying to find a reason for your massive over concern about the teething rings. Do you suffer from OCD?

Because, I am sorry, but your really, really are being totally over the top here. You dont seem to have any insight about just how much.

Not because you think its a bit ick to swop teething rings but because:

You seem to be accusing the other woman of doing it for some sinister reason
You are STILL thinking about it
You are determined to have it out with her
You think it deserves debate with your OH and on the internet.

In the kindest possible way, if you think this is an issue you are really going to struggle as your child get older.

Hi E11a,

Gosh you are getting a lot of teasing for your question! I can remember being a little worried about sharing in the very early days. Before you all start laughing at me, can I just say that I had zero exposure to babies or people with babies before starting a family!

However, I know babies get a lot of colds the first year so I figured it would all help build immunity. I think also that all babies mouths are essentially clean because all they do is drink milk.

I never said anything to another mum about it, I just got over it. It's true when they are mobile they all share and drool all over each other anyway. My DS likes to stick his finger in people's noses so he's bound to get more germs that way .

I think you obviously had issues before the mother and child arrived, referring to them as "these people". I'm also not sure why your husband gets to "insist" who you invite over to your house when he is presumably not even around.

I am not surprised you don't go to baby groups or have people over if this kind of thing is going to wind you up. Deliberately swapping teething rings is a bit forward of the other mother (but you could have said you'd rather not) but asking for permission to use your toys is totally over the top! At the moment, the babies may not be actively seeking out these toys themselves but in another few months they will be pulling toys out of everywhere and they won't care who owns them or whether they are allowed to play with them! You will need to relax a bit or you are going to spend your child's entire babyhood in a state of high stress. What are you going to do when your child pulls their shoe off in the buggy and starts using that as a teething ring?!

Regarding my origin - no, I am not Scottish, but neither English.
Both I and the other mother are European, if it matters at all...