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Original poster

Dummy or no dummy?

234 replies

Empress · 11/09/2005 14:11

What's the current opinion on using a dummy? When I had my babies I thought they weren't good for them, so we never used them. Has that changed now? Are they in or out of fashion?

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Roxswood · 12/09/2005 14:41

I always wanted my little one to be comforted by a loving parent not a piece of plastic. I breastfed her whenever she needed comfort and still do. I love being there for her in that way, and believe me she hasn't been an easy baby but I would never use a dummy. Don't use bottles or anything either, don't see the point when I have the perfect equipment attached to my chest

weesaidie · 12/09/2005 15:17

I did and do comfort my own child. And I breastfed. I also have used a dummy at times. It is not either or.

I agree with Oldiemum and Eaney. Especially Eaneys point about thumb sucking. I sucked my thumb constantly until 12yrs, my parents found it nearly impossible to stop me, I eventually forced myself to. It was a nightmare, I couldn't sleep for a week! At least a dummy can be taken away.

MaloryTowers · 12/09/2005 17:27

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aloha · 12/09/2005 17:31

AAAARGH, Roxwood. Yeah, right, because my ds craved and needed a dummy I never breastfed him and of COURSE I never cuddled him. Duh.
But then of course we all know it's absolutely IMPOSSIBLE to be a loving parent and let your child have a dummy (which do no harm and can actually be good for babies in many ways). Infuriating.

MaloryTowers · 12/09/2005 17:34

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OldieMum · 12/09/2005 17:48

Roxwood - I'm a bit puzzled. DD used the dummy at night and in the car. I'm impressed that you manage to breastfeed and drive at the same time. Presumably you also co-slept with your child? As for your empathetic comments about bottles ...

MaloryTowers · 12/09/2005 17:49

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OldieMum · 12/09/2005 17:51

Just wanted to add - I get very irritated when some MNetters assume that what they do with their children is the right way to parent. We would not assume this about the way in which we do our paid jobs, cook, decorate our houses, listen to music or whatever. Just what is it about parenthood which makes some of us assume we are wiser than, or morally superior to people who do it differently?

SleepySuzy · 12/09/2005 17:53

Here we go again!

Can I say - "who are we to judge?"?

OldieMum · 12/09/2005 17:53

SS - that's my point. Exactly.

SleepySuzy · 12/09/2005 17:54

Agree.

weesaidie · 12/09/2005 17:58

Agree aloha (again) and all other recent posters. Just because you give a dummy/bottle or any other helpful to some item does not mean you will neglect your child!

I didn't want a dummy but dd was very suckly and at 6 weeksish I gave her one which meant she wasn't constantly on the breast (often not feeding) although usually still in my arms! This was helpful to me and in no way harmful to dd.

On the weaning note all is going well. No problems today, happy to have just for naps. Think I may attempt to put her down for the night without one though!!

OldieMum · 12/09/2005 18:07

As a joke, I tried to think about new topics we could invent for people to be morally superior about. Interestingly, almost anything I could think of IS a potential source of moral superiority and smugness (sweets, organic veg, TV-watching, number of books read etc). Parenthood really is a competitive activity, isn't it?

SleepySuzy · 12/09/2005 18:14

Why, though?

bosscat · 12/09/2005 18:19

I have to say I think the argument that they slow the child down verbally is frankly bollocks. ds1 had a dummy until 2.5 (mainly at night or when sleeping) and is now almost 4 and one of the most articulate children in his class. He never and I really mean never stops talking, even in his sleep. It drives me bonkers! This argument was put to me many moons ago, there's no research that I know of to support it, its just one of those urban myths which gets passed on as FACT. Although I'm sure someone will come and give me a link to some obscure third world web site to prove me wrong

weesaidie · 12/09/2005 18:29

It is very competitive.

I try VERY hard not to be bothered. Honestly, so many things that never worried me before suddenly seem a lot more important.

I think I was doing okay before I had dd (with all those things you mentioned oldiemum) and I am happy but you are under so much more scrutiny now.

Watched and judged by family, friends, friends of friends, etc...

marthamoo · 12/09/2005 18:51

Oh don't get aloha started on dummies - I remember the thread when she was just pregnant with her dd

Both of mine had one. Both gave them up at 3 without any problems. Neither have any speech/teeth problems. I found them rather handy, really.

If you don't like them that's fine - but there are worse things to do to a baby than give it a dummy.

aloha · 12/09/2005 19:05

those damn hormones!

trinityrocks · 12/09/2005 19:22

Well, I 'm a little frightened to post now as this thread seems to have escalated into a bit of an argument but here goes

I hate the site of dummies in kids of about 3,4 and 5 so I tried my best not to give one to my kiddies because I knew that I wouldn't feel like i could take away their "comfort" and they would end up having it for years and years. Having said that my first daughter used my boob as a constant comfort and that had it's own problems!! My second daughter was a HUGELY sucky baby and I had to try really hard not to give her a dummy. She was quite contented but def. very sucky. At about 3 and 1/2 months though she found her hands and started to properly suck her thumb from about 4 months. I know everyone is going to say that thumb sucking is worse but I don't agree. I'm not sure why that is just my feeling. Actually I was ecstatic that she was a thumb sucker as it meant that she didn't need to use my boob as 24 hr comfort and when she wakes at night...............she can't have dropped her thumb down the side of the cot lololol

Roxswood · 12/09/2005 19:24

Did I judge you for using a dummy? No.
Yes I was with my baby 24/7, I love being with her and decided that was more important than anything else. I avoided long car journeys and went by bus or train so I could feed when she was upset and I never needed to use anything else for comfort at night because she slept right beside me and fed whenever she wanted.
I did not judge, simply said I didn;t see the need to use a substitute mother object, and that is what comfort objects are. Of course its not all or nothing, but personally I wanted her to have all the comfort she needed from me.

marthamoo · 12/09/2005 19:26

Now I was really glad that neither of mine showed any inclination to thumb-suck as I was an inveterate thumb-sucker 'til I went to secondary school, my teeth were terrible as a result, and I had to have years of orthodontic treatment and endure all the "brace face" comments during my teens. But each to their own, trinityrocks (that's a my teeth aren't too bad now grin btw!)

marthamoo · 12/09/2005 19:27

But I did all those things too, Roxwood, and still used a dummy.

marthamoo · 12/09/2005 19:27

Sorry, Roxswood.

SleepySuzy · 12/09/2005 19:29

Sleepysuzy's addition:

Did I tell you why I used one?

I always had one with me as an emergency, but was determined never to use it.

I went to hospital for my Caesarian on the Tuesday, and got released on Friday. DP went in the same weekend for a biopsy.

Hence, he was in and out of hospital for the whole of dd's first year, and more.

On our way home from one of these hospital visits, dd started screaming. I could not feed her. I could not comfort her. I was driving.

I got out the emergency dummy, and it comforted her until I could breastfeed her at home.

She has had one ever since.

anchovies · 12/09/2005 19:30

Ds had a dummy until he about 5 months, tried on and off from about 3 months (was a pain when it fell out in the night) to get rid of it but 5 months was his right time and he said goodbye very easily! He was much harder work after we got rid of them though I have to say! Hope to do the same with the next one.