Dummy or no dummy?

[Empress]

What's the current opinion on using a dummy? When I had my babies I thought they weren't good for them, so we never used them. Has that changed now? Are they in or out of fashion?

[sausagedog]

I've never really looked to see how hard she sucks dollybird. I dont think it can be that much otherwise I'm sure I would have noticed. Theres hope for her teeth yet!

tbh she really only sucks when she has her ted, I'm trying to make sure ted stays in her cot but sometimes it seems to appear when I've got my back turned!

[dollybird]

DS was breast fed for two weeks - never had a dummy or sucked thumb (had a spate of finger sucking a few months ago - he's 3, but that's stopped now). DD was never breast fed but as I said before she thumb sucked as soon as she was born.

[OldieMum]

Spidermama - I don't follow your logic. People find all sorts of remarks offensive without there being a grain of truth in them, surely. If someone told me that I was stupid, ignorant and uncaring, bad at my job, a poor cook, or sang out of tune or I'd be offended, but I don't think any of these statements are true. What offends me is not the truth value or otherwise of the statement, but the assumption that there is something morally superior about a dummy-free life. Earlier on in this discussion, I commented on how ready people seem to be to extrapolate from their own experiences and choices to offer generalised statements about how people should parent. Roxswood's statement seemed very much in this vein, implying that she is somehow investing more in her children than other people are in theirs. That's what I find offensive.

[OldieMum]

Empress - DD had her first dummy at about three weeks. She was BF-ed exclusively until she was about 9 weeks old, then combined breast and bottle until she was 4.5 months old.

[Thomcat]

Don't know about what's in or out, but I had 2 in teh bottom drawer ready for Lottie when she was born and never used them. She never needed them and never sucked her thumb either. I've bought 1 ready for new baby but hope to God I don't have to go down that road. I wouldn't mind using it at night when he/she is tiny but don't want to go down the road of having a 3 year old walking round the house talking to me through one. I just not a fan of them personally and hopefully I won't have to use them on this baby to be.

[bobbybob]

Dummies are not the done thing in NZ for first children, I only know 2 people who used them and they both has severe reflux.

For second babies I only know 2 that didn't.

DS used one for a month on holiday, and now has a latex allergy

[Shades1]

Hi - I used dummies with both of mine, got rid of the eldests when he was 4 and the youngests when he was two - the reason - the dummy affected my eldest's bite and he has a space between the top and bottom teeth.

my advice - use if you want to but at times when they're needed and aim to get rid of them as soon as you can.

[Roxswood]

I just wonder now how babies managed before dummies?

[Shades1]

just read over this very long conversation and would just like to make a few statements of fact that happened to me.

I breast fed my eldest, developed mastitis, followed by a very painful breast abcess, which had to be surgically removed when my baby was six weeks old, so I had to spend 3 days in hospital when he was at home with DH. I physically couldn't be there - he got lots of love, attention and cuddles - in fact i was obsessive that he couldn't be left alone for a single second when awake.

When i had my second child - I physically couldn't breast feed on the recommendation of my midwives - who by the way are from a hospital that promote breast as best.

And I also had two c/s - the first because they had about an hour to get DS out before he died after having a very difficult 4 day labour - the second because I couldn't be induced due to the risks of scar rupture, and I was 7 days over my due date after waiting for as long as I could as i desperately wanted to give birth naturally and actually feel robbed that I physically couldn't.

It absoutely galls me the amount of media pressure, and self righteous parents who can do these things that try to make us that can't (not won't) feel like bad parents - it's as if if you don't it's because you won't ergo a bad parent.

BTW that doesn't mean I think anyone on this conversation has tried to do that

So in conclusion - use a dummy if you want if it comforts your baby - best advice my midwife gave me when I was getting very very upset about having to give up breast feeding - do what's best for BOTH of you - mum needs to be happy and comfortable as well as baby

[RachD]

I am exactly the same as Thomcat.
I basically don't really like dummies- just personally.
More than anything, I really don't like to see children - 2,3 or 4 year olds running around the playground, laughing with fun, yet having a dummy in their mouths permanently.
I thought it was supposed to be used as a soother ?

Saying all of that, I did buy a couple, ds was totally not interested - which deep down in my heart, pleased me.
But believe me, I do understand why people use them, it does not bother me at all and I certainly WOULD have used one, if ds had wanted it at all.

[ghosty]

Gosh, isn't MN argumentative these days?
My DD has a dummy so that I can ignore her

Seriously though ... I was the biggest 'dummy snob' before I had children.
When DS was 4 weeks old he needed life saving surgery and I was not allowed to feed him for 48 hours ... the only thing that kept him calmish was a dummy (which was suggested to me by the nurses in the hospital).
I gave DD a dummy when she was about a month old too as she really wanted to suck but got very distressed suckling at the breast when she wasn't hungry. She would have her feed then keep sucking but pulling off and crying all the time. As soon as I gave her a dummy she looked at me gratefully and went off to sleep. She was just that kind of baby ... if I tried to give her the dummy when she wanted feeding she would spit it out in disgust. If I gave her the dummy after the feed she would doze off within minutes.
She is now 19 months and still loves her 'Deedee'. They stay in her cot, we never take them out with us and she never has it in the car. As a result, when I tell her it is bedtime she literally runs to the bedroom as she knows she can then suck her dummy. BTW ... she doesn't have just one ... at the moment she is asleep clutching two in each hand and has another in her mouth ....
She is also the most affectionate and loving of toddlers and loves having her 'duddles' (cuddles), which of course are freely given whenever she wants one.
Strangely for as long as I breastfed DS he loved the dummy. As soon as he was totally bottlefed (not by my choice but won't go into that now) by 8 weeks he rejected the dummy.
DD on the other hand was breastfed for 10 months and never once confused the two.

[Lizzylou]

Pre-DS I was complete Dummy-phobe ( buoyed along by my Mother's stories about how she was found digging through the rubbish bin trying to retrieve hers at 3yrs old)....have to say was very relieved that we never needed one with DS, but wouldn't rule one out with the next one...we haven't got any and I do hope it stays that way but what will be will be!

[cashmeresox]

My tiny dd had a dummy from about a week old and initially I thought it was the best thing ever - I learnt to loathe it with a passion and at around 3 months when she found her fingers and could put a thumb in we went cold turkey. She was miserable for a day and then absolutely fine and has been a happy little lamb since!! I am expecting another little one in Feb and hate to admit that I would do the same again. I felt better about the whole thing when a paediatrician told me that they use them in SCBU - good enough for me. I think that taking them away as soon as is humanly possible worked for us...but everyone's different and my dh was terrified that he wouldn't be able to stick the crying. As it happened it was nowhere near as bad as we feared. Good luck and happy sucking

[aloha]

Roxswood, there almost is no 'before dummies'! Versions of dummies - obviously not like our rubber teat ones - were found in Roman and Egyption graves. And I'm pretty sure mothers have been sticking their fingers in their babies mouths to suck since the dawn of humanity.

[oliveoil]

dd1 - dummy = easy to settle BUT up every few hours in the night to put it back in .

dd2 - no dummy = my boob to settle [tiring emoticon] BUT settle herself easily .

Burberry dummies should be banned however or the parents arrested.

[edhj69]

tricked DS into using his thumb never used a dummy shan't say never will with anymore sprogs that come along but still dislike them. Previous threads on thumb sucking tell me that he's likely to be sucking his thumb well into his 20s but frankly he's been happy to suck his thumb at night and whenever he feels a bit shy. Yeah when he plays in the garden it's not hygenic but don't have to carry a cartload of the damn things round.

[muminlondon]

They probably all need some sort of comfort at some stage but are all so different. DD found her two middle fingers after a few weeks but stopped at about 2 years and hasn't needed it in 6 months. She hasn't really got a single comfort object although rotates several teddies, dolls, books, towel, etc. for taking to bed.

[spidermama]

At the risk of alienating around 80% of Mumsnetters ... I think dummies are revolting. It has never occured to me to get one for any of my kids.

I don't mean to offend anyone, but something tells me I will.

If someone were to post that they think people like me, who don't give dummies, are cruel to deny our babies these simple comforts, I wouldn't take offence in the least.

I love the fact we're all different. It's what mumsnet is about for me.

[weesaidie]

Okay spidermamma.

[hunkermunker]

I don't like dummies. Which is why I won't have one.

[spidermama]

You've managed to say the same as me Hunkermunker, only without being inflamatory and judgemental.

Welcome back.

[hunkermunker]

PMSL SM! That wasn't my original post...I censor myself

[weesaidie]

Why are they 'revolting' though?

God, why am I even asking. Where is aloha, she is better at this.

[triceratops]

ds had colic. I would have tried anything to shut him up and used to hold a dummy in his mouth. He never took to it though (he preferred me as a dummy). I get upset seeing older toddlers out and about with a dummy as it means that they don't talk. I also admit to being quite squeamish about them as they don't seem very hygenic to me.

[hunkermunker]

Did anyone see the thread I started last week re dropped on pavement at bus stop dummies being sucked and given back to the baby?