Frustrated father - advice please

[AnnaLies]

My wife is still breastfeeding and still has our baby in our bed every night. I've been pleading for months for her to be in her own cot, preferably in her own room for months now but to no avail. I think my wife's just very lazy. I can't even get a routine going and it's often past 10pm when they go to bed and often 10am when they get up. It's driving me mad!! Our baby is 17 months old!

So...... how on earth can we now get her in her own room? How can we get her to bed at a set hour each evening? How can we get her off her mums breast? I try often but she doesn't seem to be bothered. Fact is it's meaning we never get any time together..... we can't have a night out....... we can't even have a cuddle in bed. This really has to stop.

I've recently been trying to give her warmed cows milk with a little sugar but she's utterly uninterested. As she is also with hot chocolate or any other way i try and serve it. Can anyone give any suggestions please? I've tried giving in a beaker, a cup with a straw and even an adult mug. She just doesn't want to know.

So really asap i want her in her own cot, own room, off the breast, and in bed early evening. tips plz! :)

Did she want to sell the car?

And why post with a female name if you're a man?

And if it's advice she wants - why didn't she post it herself?

You wanted to sell the car for four years? You said you nagged her for four years about cleaning HER OWN car, then said the car needed cleaning because you were going to sell it. Get yer facts straight.

Yes she wanted to sell the car.

AnnaLies is a play on Analyze and encorporates my wifes name

Because she's never got round to it (i daren't say she's lazy or i'll be beheaded.)

math - i actually said 'She never cleaned her car out in 4 years'. Not that i'd been nagging her for 4 years to clean it. Get ya facts straight!! haha how childish u sound. I mentioned the car Because people don't believe me when i say she's lazy. How do you know you've never met her!!

Now please go away you man hating troll :)

Are you looking at yourself in all this?

Or are you more intent on defending yourself on an internet forum, filled with strangers you will never meet?

I've been in your situation. I was a stay at home dad for 2 years. I still do all of the housework, cooking etc and we both work full time.

I'm not a martyr, neither am I gay or hen pecked.

So I'm not totally unsympathetic.

Wow, you sound exactly like my ex. According to him I'm "lazy" too. And yes my son was still breastfed and in our bed at 17 months. (It doesn't mean you can't go out, by the way. If the baby's used to going to bed at 10 you can always go out at 7 and be back by 11, no problem)

I helped choose the colour scheme for the nursery but really if you've got to 18 months or so, you might as well carry on until age 2 and wait until the child actually wants to go into their "big boy bed". TBH I just went along with the whole nursery thing to keep XP happy. The truth was I didn't mind feeding DS and I didn't mind him being in the bed, so it wasn't an issue to me. In fact there are lots of benefits to breastfeeding up until the age of 2 and beyond, if both mother and child are happy to continue. Co-sleeping as well.

By the way, my "laziness" funnily enough vanished when I left XP. It seems it was after all a lack of motivation caused by being depressed by my situation.

I know you probably won't take this seriously, just wanted to post anyway. Good luck to you both.

You say how do you know, you've never met her. Of course not, we are going on what YOU have told us.

I am now unsympathetic.

Fuck off you utter prick.

She's not lazy when she doesn't do what you tell her to. It's not a question of never getting round to it.

She was actively resisting you and the idea that you are to be obeyed. It was a passive rebellion. But a rebellion none the less. And she is resisting you right now for the same reason. Hence the digging yourself a hole reference in my earlier post.

You have managed to alienate your wife and it's been going on for years.

You knew your wifes personality when you married her. Its not going to magically change because she has had a baby.

It is also very unfair to ask for advice and slag off your wife at the same time on the net.That isnt helpful to your situation or your relationship.

That said I suspect you need to have a chat about childrearing, from what you've said it sounds like you have very different ideas.

You think that lo should be in own cot and having more of a routine (not knocking that btw - thats my style too) your dw appears to think different and is more of the attatchment parenting style. nothing wrong with that either.

The problem seems to be that neither of you have actually discussed and compromised.

Tech - i'm not complaing about having to do nearly all the work in our household. I'm not complaing that my wife's lazy. If so i would have gone to lazymumsnet.com

I am asking for advice on how we can get her off the breast and into a cot. That is all! I want no medals or your friendship, i just want advice.

You don't want advice though, you're not listening to the advice you are being given.

I'm leaving this now, as you are wasting everyone's time.

I can completely understand why you want more of your old relationship back. But I think you may be mistaken about how your wife feels, and I think you need to have a very open conversation with her. I am getting the impression that you keep telling her what you want, and she is saying 'yes, yes we'll do it soon' even though it is not really what she wants. If she was really fed up with the co-sleeping and bfing etc she would be more active in trying to change things.

And while I do have some sympathy for you, I agree with others that you come across as very self-centred. Have you/would you be willing to show your wife this thread, given the terms you have used to describe her? I wonder how she would describe you?

Sit down with her, ask her how she feels about the bfing and listen to what she has to say. If she really feels as you do, then it really isn't all that hard to implement some changes, but you will both need to be firm.

Bored now. Silly rude man. If you genuinely want information, search the archives here, and ask a specific question about e.g. controlled crying or self-weaning. Don't jump in with a list of how much you do and how lazy your wife is - whether true or not it's got nothing to do with it.

You knew your wifes personality when you married her.

Yes i did, and it's why i love her so much. We have a great relationship believe it or not. I think some on here may be even jealous if they really knew.

I'm not here slagging her off, i'm just stating points of fact. If i was giving advice i'd want the full details before i offered any. Maybe i should have just left the 'lazy wife' bit out but it's in there now and i apologize if it offends people.

You observed her and judged her lazy for four years? You kept some sort of running commentary in your head for that long about how she kept HER OWN car? Why was it any business of yours how she kept her own car?

Now I see you are insisting she's lazy, having earlier backtracked when challenged about calling her lazy and called her lethargic instead, or inclined to put things on the long finger. Is she lazy or is she lethargic, prone to procrastination?

You brought up the car cleaning in order to prove she is lazy? You really have no idea how you might come across in so doing?

Is TechLovingDad a man hater too? Or is it just women who disagree with you who are ipso facto man haters?

Again, I'm writing all of this more in sorrow than in anger. You and your wife have problems that are so much bigger than the baby in the cot thing.

AnnaLies, as a separate issue... you know that you really are doing yourself no favours by saying things like "Now please go away you man hating troll".

Try to be a little mature in your responses and it could help you out. At the moment you are not being polite or reasonable and it's just gooing to get backs up.

Delusional
selfish
Twat
F* off
aggressive
Fuck off you utter prick
silly rude man

And i should be more mature in my responses? lolol.

Thats funny.

'Points of fact'? Like in some sort of debating society?

You are confusing facts with opinions, have been all along. It is your opinion that your wife is lazy, having lovingly observed her performance over four years wrt the cleaning out of her own car. It is your opinion that the two of you are operating as 'we' wrt the weaning, the cot, the nursery.

'If i was giving advice i'd want the full details before i offered any.' All anyone here has to go on is what you yourself have said. If there's a lot more that you feel would contribute to a different opinion of you and of what's going on here, why not share? Don't get mad with people for not knowing your wife or try to tell them that if they knew more, their advice would be different, when it is you who are providing what you feel is relevant information here.

What you consider is relevant has turned out to be very revealing about you, and it has also revealed more about your wife than you obviously know -- as TechDad says, look at yourself. Take a really long, hard look at yourself.

The 'lazy wife bit' doesn't offend people. Nobody is the least bit personally offended. It doesn't say anything about your wife, or about women, but it speaks volumes about you.

You do sound like a major prick, to be fair. My DH thinks so too.