This is what I don't understand.

[seeker]

You think of a name you want to use, but you are worried enough about the teasing potential of whether you are "brave" enough that you come on a the internet and ask a group of random strangers what they think.

Surely, if you have concerns (and posting about it means you do) then you just don't do it?

Yes, the chances are that your child won't be teased, but why run the risk?

Yes, by the time your child is applying for jobs maybe everyone will be called by a random collection of letters or a geographical feature so employers will no longer make judgments about people based on their names. But this may not have happened, so, once again, why risk it?

And yes, people will always find something to tease people about, but why hand them the opportunity on a plate?

Yes, your child might be a strong, confident person who can carry off their unusual name and love it, but he or she might be quiet, timid and unconfident, and may find it a burden to be called Basingstoke-Montmorency. Again, why risk it.

Of course there are risks involved in giving your child an unusual name, but I think there are far more risks in settling for a name you don't like as much simply for fear of other people's opinions. The fact that many people that post here continue to love a name despite negative responses from some mumsnetters is a far bigger indicator of their attitude towards it than the fact they sought opinions in the first place. Names are secondary to personality, and of course, people with unusual names can be very shy, but so equally can children with extremely common names. I was relentlessly bullied because I was quiet and academic at school, and I have one of the most common names in the UK. The point is you simply cannot know, whether you choose an unusual name or not, how your child will develop. The risks are ultimately equal for everyone, and we all have doubts and worries, so perhaps you could show some respect for other posters; they are in the same position as you.

One last try, LuluF.

I said I knew personally, 4 children who had been teased unmercifully because of their names. I said this because it is true. I do know 4 children this has happened to - two of them are relations of mine.

I have also said repeatedly that the chances area child won't be teased because of their names, but they might be, and why take such an easily avoided risk.

But if it amuses you to deliberately misunderstand me, then carry on.

I think there is a line, where unusual overlaps silly or risky. Minnie is an example of that. Tucker which rhymes with hooker and fucker. Lola or Honey which are quite sexualised imo...
I like unusual names, but there are things that should be avoided imo.

Teasing seems to be very much a British pasttime, preoccupation and worry. There seems to be very little interpersonal or intercultural sensitivity or respect going around, compared to the US for instance, where my oldest DD went right through school and never encountered much in the way of teasing or observed others being teased, despite being an academically inclined redhead with an unusual name.

What gives, wrt teasing?

Good point mathanxiety, I hadn't really thought about it before, but there was very little teasing and bullying at my school (NZ), but I guess I always thought it was more of a generational thing. I.E. More likely with today's kids / nothing something we oldies did.

Having lived here for a third of my life now, I have noticed that there is a real culture in Britain to take the mick out of people - it seems to be very ingrained into the sense of humour. And it's just expected that you take it, laugh back and be self-deprecating, no matter how harsh the teasing or bullying, otherwise you're no craic, and take yourself way too seriously. I guess it starts in childhood and continues right through adulthood.

In fact, it's no wonder, really, that bullying is quite prevalent. I know bullying and taking the piss are two different things, but it's a fine line and if children see adults behaving this way as normal, they're bound to do the same - and no doubt cross the line, not having the same awareness as adults of what is and isn't acceptable.

seeker - you're calling me obtuse? That's funny. No, it really is.

Children are not teased because of their names.

They are teased because teasing is tolerated.

They are teased because some other child decides to boost his or her flagging self esteem by picking on another child and gets away with it.

well i know more than 4 people who have been teased. all with very ordinary names

i also know plenty of pepole with unusual names who have never been teased in their lives

seeker, it's unfortunate that you know some peole who have been teased. however, these extreme cases have made you extremely biased against less popular names. and so you're the last person to be giving advice really aren't you

I do wonder sometimes, what type of person comes on a place like this and sets down their own "rules" and then sits back and expects everyone to agree with them, and argues the toss with those who don't. tis a bit odd

Mathanxiety, what about Phoebe Prince? The Irish girl who went to live in Boston and was teased so badly there was a tragic end to that story. I don't think it could really be said that there's no teasing in the US??

Although, she wasn't 'teased' as it was nasty. Teasing is kind of light hearted and not necessarily meant to be horrible. CAN be an ice breaker..

seeker there was no need for you to bring up a thread from a few months ago. Very strange that the way people name their children seems to bother you so much.

I was bullied/teased/whatever you want to call it because of my stupid rhyming name. Even as an adult people thought it hilarious.

OK, all this "call you kids whatever you want" stuff.

I had no idea what I DID want!

"seeker - you're calling me obtuse? That's funny. No, it really is. "

Where did I do that? You do seem to be making a habit out of misquoting me or misinterpreting me - but I have never ever said you were obtuse. Rather the opposite - the misinterpretations seem to be very deliberate for some reason. I have never suggested that you don't understand - you seem to be choosing not to!

The suicide of Phoebe Prince in Boston as a result of bullying made national headlines in the US. It was featured on the national news on all the networks, as was the vigil held in her honour. I think it did so because there's more of a sense of that kind of behaviour being unacceptable in the US than there is in Britain.

There tends not to be the kind of routine British teasing or nicknaming or calling attention to physical features (such as red hair) in the US. There's lots of drama in the tween years among girls, but I think that goes on the world over. And yes, "Mean Girls" and the book that inspired it, by Rosalind Wiseman ("Queen Bees and Wannabees") were based on experiences of girls in the teen years in US schools. It's more about cliques and power plays than about the everyday teasing that parents fear so much in Britain, that can make children's lives miserable but that can fly under the radar.

Well the way it was reported back home was that American high Schools are these terrifying places where teenagers ruthlessly categorise themselves into hierarchies of jocks and princesses and geeks and rich kids and nerds, and along comes this naive Irish girl who doesn't know what she is. She thought she was just a school girl. I know a lot of it is just perception but the way it was reported here made American High Schools sound like jungles.
Magaly
Apologies for the tangent there. But it's just interesting that you feel bullying more of a problem this side of the World. I mean, obviously you would know, having teenagers and living in US!

I'd say, having gone to an Irish secondary school in the 70s and 80s myself, that that poor girl had some experience of cliques and such.

What I saw of DD1's school was a lot more positive than the image the media often portrays of US high schools. The high school she attended was a big place (over 3,000 students) with its share of problems, but the everyday picking on people, and the expectation that this would probably be a part of a child's school experience from age 4 on, wasn't something I saw.

Agree seeker

Mind, I texted ds2's unusual name to sister / aprents and received blanket 'no!' repsonses. Did it anwyay PMSL.

Children etase for any reason. And a name is easily one of them. I have a stand-out surname and I know the boys get called names for it; tbh it's amusing to dh and I rather than offensive: ds1 disagrees.

Oh and DS2 likes his name, and people approach me to say they like it (I imagine the ones who don't just shut up). It's worked out POK and as he is almost 10 I am fairly sure by now it was right (he is shares his name withg someone famous but famous in teh sixties rather than now, not a Chipmunk or Akon PMSL)

Ah it's well known on here; he is called Stirling. Like Mr Moss.

A lot depends on how the child views the name. I had a surname that lent itself to strange nicknames when I was a child, but it was unusual- I never met another, and it didn't bother me. A child can only be bothered by teasing if it upsets them.
Having said that I wouldn't deliberately put a child in the position of being an oddity.

(I was surprised by the idea that there was no bullying in US schools! I had the idea that to get on you had to be good looking and sporty, with a very definite 'pecking' order.A tall thin blonde with dazzlingly white, straight teeth is going to have a much better time than a fat, spotty one with a strange name.)

Oh seeker - I do understand - I just happen to disagree with you, as do many, many, many people on this thread. But please feel free to take issue with what they've said, too - really, I don't mind.

By sophiesmummie Sun 04-Jul-10 16:29:17
"In my experience children do not get teased for having a less usual name. Children do not even know what names are popular and which ones aren't. They also don't care about whether a name is 'posh' or 'chav', or whether a name is foreign. And that is good! It seems that some of us adults have issues with anything less than usual - I can only hope that these parents don't pass on their prejudices to their children.

And if a child becomes targets for teasers/bullies then he/she will be teased regardless of her name, because almost ANY name can be made fun of with a bit of imagination."

I agree with you my name was very common where I was born but one day someone discoverd it rhymed with "banana". If you look hard enough I am sure every single name has something that rhymes with it and could potentially be used to tease.

I think we (adults) are the ones with the prejudice. Parent give a name to their children that to them is beautiful. I am sure that sometimes things get overlooked and it can result in unfortunate names (Ben Dover...) But, not every unusual will be be teased. We live in a world were people have parents from differents backgrounds, nationalities, cultures and it does transpire into the children names. It is something beautiful IMHO.

My Dcs all have unusual foreign names, sometimes they get mispronounced but it has never been meant to cause offence. They have so far never been teased for their names. DD1 starts high school this September, we will see how it goes but so far so good.

If you also think about people like myself who are expats from other countries, should we change our names to blend better or ovoid teasing? That is not really an option is it?

I think like another poster said, teasing happens because we let it happen. I do not think a more usual name is a panacea against teasing/bullying.

I agree that a baby name thread could be a precaution against hormonally challenged mothers-to-be not realising the implications of their chosen name.

When DS was born, the mum in the next bed, whose name was Weall had a boy called Christopher. When her mum asked her what she would have called a girl, she said 'Catherine' and was amazed when her mum said 'good job it wasn't a girl then!' - the combination of first & surname simply hadn't registered.

But then people starting baby name threads rarely give their surnames anyway, so maybe it wouldn't help....

If there is nobullying in US Schools I am totally confused at teh bullying evidence used inc ases such as school shootings are the like; are we saying the investifating officers were wrong then?

kids are apck animals; they bully. if you are in the upper echelons of the pecking order you might not notice it but it happens.

LuluF - so why do you keep on saying that I've said things I haven't? Of course you disagree - so do lots of people. But I don't see why I should put up with being misquoted!

I am not misquoting you seeker, just using alternative words (for example, you seem to think that the term 'tease unmercifully' is so different to the term 'bullying' - in my opinion it's the same and you are merely being pedantic to prove some kind of point). I prefer not to copy and paste - like you seem so fond of doing.

I don't understand why you don't direct your attentions to the other people who disagree with you - some posters have raised some really good and valid points which probably deserve a response from you - but you seem not to want to address anything that's been raised. Why is that?

Why not stick to your thread rather than only directing your comments at me?