This is what I don't understand.

[seeker]

You think of a name you want to use, but you are worried enough about the teasing potential of whether you are "brave" enough that you come on a the internet and ask a group of random strangers what they think.

Surely, if you have concerns (and posting about it means you do) then you just don't do it?

Yes, the chances are that your child won't be teased, but why run the risk?

Yes, by the time your child is applying for jobs maybe everyone will be called by a random collection of letters or a geographical feature so employers will no longer make judgments about people based on their names. But this may not have happened, so, once again, why risk it?

And yes, people will always find something to tease people about, but why hand them the opportunity on a plate?

Yes, your child might be a strong, confident person who can carry off their unusual name and love it, but he or she might be quiet, timid and unconfident, and may find it a burden to be called Basingstoke-Montmorency. Again, why risk it.

And, seeker, funny you should mention it, but DH and I were actually discussing 'Montmorency' only last night.

What I said was that if people feel the need to ask then the answer shouold probably be "no".

""children don't bully or tease because of a name, "

Want to bet? "

And I am prepared to bet because I know 4 children who have been teased unmercifully becaue of their names. My step-nephew became a school refuser because of his name. As I said in my original post, it probably won't happen, but it might, and why run the risk?

Sometimes people aren't actually asking for opinions - merely listing names they like - asking for more suggestions - but they get the negative comments all the same.

I was just talking to DH about this, about the children at our school who were picked on - there was a Robin, an Anne, an Esther, a Claire - nothing out of the ordinary. I don't know about the bullies the children you know have experience of, but as I said I've always found they go for the physical as it's easier. It takes a little bit of intelligence to pick on a name - and bullies aren't generally that clever or inventive.

A very good friend of mine was involved in a road traffic accident as a very young child, suffering very bad, obvious and permanent injury. It caused the bullies in her secondary school to focus on that and they tried to call her names because of it. Her response was 'It's true, and?' - and the bullies were disarmed. If she'd been less confident and happy in herself, I dare say it could've been a different story. She gave her second son a name that would be considered by some as ripe for bullying. Her opinion was 'if that's the worst he gets at school, she'd be happy with that'.

Bullies only bully because they are able to.

"Why run the risk?" Simple - because I don't want to call my child Grace, Emily, Jack or Matthew (not that there's anything wrong with any of those names, by the way) so they can be distinguished only by the first letter of their last name.

So, it's better to run the slight risk of being made utterly miserable because of a "unique" name to avoid the possibility of them not being the only X in the school?

I just think that's bizarre!

And you are welcome to your opinion, as everyone else is to theirs.

But not everyone is being picked on because they are the only 'X' in school. I'll bet (another bet that can't be won one way or the other) you know plenty of other children with unusual/unique names that aren't being picked on in school.

As I said - a slight risk, but an unnecessary one.

Actually, yes I am happy to run the 'slight risk' of teasing in return for a more individual name . In my opinion, the benefits outweigh the risks.

But, as others have said, we are all free to have our own opinion on this.

"Yes, your child might be a strong, confident person who can carry off their unusual name and love it, but he or she might be quiet, timid and unconfident, and may find it a burden to be called Basingstoke-Montmorency."

What if your child is a strong, confident person who hates being one of three Jacks in his class, and later in life wishing he had a more individual name than Jack Smith? He might find it a burden to have such a common boring name.

Yes - annasophia and mopsyflopsy - I agree with both of you.

I was just reading another thread about popular boys' names and someone asked the poster why they were limiting their choices and wanted to pick a name that thousands of other parents had chosen.

Thousands of other children with the same name. That makes me so sad.

They the poster spoke about, as children mature, and reach their teens, they clone themselves - all looking the same, all liking the same music, the same teen hearthrobs, same haircuts, same everything. Maybe if they hadn't all been given the same name as thousands of other children, they might have stood a chance of retaining a tiny bit of individuality.

And people who give their children unusal names - they're the bizarre ones? I don't think so.

Oh well, if you think individuality and uniqueness comes from a name, then good luck to you. I think that it comes from the personality of the individual concerned. I am confident that my children will remain the unique free spirits they are - and my dd will not be stifled by the fact that in her school of 1400 girls, there are another 3 with the same name as her. Ds is obviously less likely to become a drone - he is the only child with his name in his school of 421 pupils, despite the fact that it is a name with a proud history, is easy to pronounce and spell, no-one does a double-take when they hear it, and is not as far as I know a euphemism for the human genitals.(a reference to a thread where a mumsnetter was determined to call her dd Minnie)

I stuck with DD's name after a good response on here.

It's not very common and I wasn't sure if I only liked it due to bonkers pregnancy hormones. But the MN masses were largely in favour, and I chose to ingore the few who weren't so keen.

....and my RL name is the most common name (possibly the most common ever) for females. It's always in the most popular names and I really wish I had a 'better' name. I was bullied at school and a total wallflower.

Seeker - I do not think that individuality and uniqueness comes from a name - that would be ridiculous. Almost as ridiculous as saying that every child with an unusual name will be bullied. This is not a fact, it is an opinion, which I might add, many people on this thread have experience to the contrary.

My children's names, though unusual, are also easy to pronounce and spell, no-one does a double-take when they hear them and neither are they a euphemisism for genitalia. They just don't happen to be one of thousands born every year and given the same name.

I (and many others on this thread) happen to have a different opinion to yours, that's all. As I said - I am entitled to mine opinion, you are entitled to yours.

"Almost as ridiculous as saying that every child with an unusual name will be bullied"

That would be a ridiculous thing to say! Thankfully, I didn't.

It depends on the DC. As OP says -

'Yes, your child might be a strong, confident person who can carry off their unusual name and love it, but he or she might be quiet, timid and unconfident, and may find it a burden to be called Basingstoke-Montmorency. Again, why risk it.'

That is the one thing that would stop me. You can't look at your hours old baby and know that they are strong enough to handle it. You and DP may be fun loving, confident extroverts but it doesn't mean that you will produce one!
As the quiet, timid child an unusual name would have been an unnecessary burden to me.

Personality will give them individuality and uniqueness.

I never know why people ask for opinions anyway -unless people point out things that they won't have thought of-but very often they totally ignore the advice anyway.

I am convinced that some people post the silliest name they can think of just take bets that someone will say it is lovely! I'm sure that if I asked about Dandelion as a name most people would say 'don't be stupid' but at least a couple would say 'how lovely'!

' "children don't bully or tease because of a name, "

Want to bet? " '

If you actually read my posts properly, LuluF you would see that I said several times something similar to this sentence in my OP

"Yes, the chances are that your child won't be teased, but why run the risk?"

The post you quoted was a respomnse to someone saying categorically that children do not tease or bully because of names. I was not saying that AlL, or even most children, with unusual names will be bullied - that would be silly. I was merely saying that from my own experience I know 4 that have been. And that's 4 too many and it is a risk that you don't need to take so why take it?

Thinking back to school now, if you don't want your child to be teased at school, make sure they're not fat, make sure they don't have hideously embarrassing clothes, make sure their glasses aren't too disgusting, and make sure they don't have hair like a big wig. The boys who were teased in my school were called John and Crispin.

I was bullied and I have a very normal name. I was very poor and people called me madusa to my face because I was so ugly. That and four eyes. Then there were all the jibes about my clothes because I was poor. Often a name is the least of your worries.

I just had a nosy at your pics and you're not ugly. The picture of you and your siblings all lined up against the wall in brightly coloured machine-knitted jumpers - I think I have one of those in my own album! Your wedding dress was lovely.

I did read actually read your post, but thank you for the condescension.

So, based on the fact that you know 4 children who were bullied for their names (and can you be sure that, in each case, this was the only reason?) in a population of I don't know how many school children, you are happy to be openly judgemental and criticise parents who don't name their children the same as thousands of other parents because you think it's 'bizarre' for them to not want their child to be one of many in the school with the same name?

valiumSingleton and DuelingFanjo are completely right - an unusual name will most likely not even enter into it.

It's just a thought, but if you don't like the list of names that people have offered - don't read it. Better still, don't write a negative comment, rebuke the poster for their choice and offer nothing else.

If you read my poss you would know that I never said "All children with unusual names will be bullied." I have said repeatedly that they probably won't be, but they might, and why risk it?

If people ask opinions on the names they are planning to call theri children, I will give them. But actually, this thread is about why people who have doubts about a name still choose to use it. If they were 100% happy and confident about their choice they would not be asking opinions.

And it is statistically wrong to say that there will be "many" with the same name in a school if you choose a more "ordinary' name. My son for example is at a primary school with 421 pupils. There are no Graces, 1 Olivia and 3 Emilys. 1 Jack, 2 Toms and 1 John. Interestingly, 3 Trinitys and 2 Autums. Make of that what you will.

And, to finish, if you want critical and judgemental, I suggest you re-read this

"They the poster spoke about, as children mature, and reach their teens, they clone themselves - all looking the same, all liking the same music, the same teen hearthrobs, same haircuts, same everything. Maybe if they hadn't all been given the same name as thousands of other children, they might have stood a chance of retaining a tiny bit of individuality."

Hmm. Just like all those clones - John Lennon, Mick Jagger, Richard Dawkins, Margaret Thatcher, William Shakespeare, Florence Nightingale, Jane Austen, Richard Branson, Alan Sugar, Clare Short, Kirsty Walk, Tracy Emin, Andrea Dworkin, David Attenborough, Charles Darwin, George Best, Gary Sobers, John Cleese,....shame they had the same first names as thousands of other people - they might have made soemthing of their lives otherwise!

Seeker, no one is saying that ALL people with popular names wish they had more unique ones and cannot succeed in life, that would be ridiculous! Some do but others do wish that they had more unique names. And I am speaking from experience.

We are simply responding to your OP: Rather than discouraging people from choosing less common names, we should be supportive and encouraging of their choices, we should show more openness towards less common/usual names. Hopefully our children will grow up to be more accepting towards different cultures and names as well.

I asked about a name (under a different name) and the responses included things I either hadn't thought of or didn't know about. We have actually changed our minds about what to call our baby if it is a girl. In addition asking on here anonymously has been much more useful than asking friends/family who have their own agendas.

So thank you!

I stand corrected, seeker, you didn't say bullied, you said 'teased unmercifully', that's completely different.

And - thank you for re-quoting me, but if you'd read my post, you would understand that I was paraphrasing. But you're right - it does sound judgemental and for that I apologise. It's not nice being on the receiving end of a judgemental generalisation, is it?