So we've chosen our name then found out a friend who's just had her baby has already taken it? what to do?

[mrswee]

Found out this morning that our chosen name that we are dead set on has already been taken by a friend who has just had her baby.

It's not an overly popular name. Our friend didn't know we had it in mind it's just a total coincidence, she doesn't live in the same city but has lots of mutal friends with us and is hoping to move back here soon.
Our baby is due in a month so they will be very close in age.

so do you think we can still use the name??

thanks!

My son is 8 and in the aqua natal group someone else had a child 2 months before me and called the child my son's name. They were known as big name and little name as they were huge differences in size. Never occurred to me not to use the name and the other mum didn't mind.

LadyGlencoraPalliser, my father is an historian, archivist and now a genealogist, so I know perfectly well that it was done in the olden days. Now, however, two first cousins with the same name is not just unusual, but shows no regard for still living grandparents.

I refer to Jellybean's post. A voice of reason amongst a string of people arguing day is night.

Are you a relative of Michael Jackon's I wonder? Cos he was the bench mark of all that is sane and reasonable.

FabBaker, friends in a circle of acquaintance is one thing, first cousins is another! I am genuinely shocked by the total lack of regard for the grandparents that other people on this thread have shown. "who would consider the grandparents?".

I wouldn't have chosen my mother's favourite name to suit her, but if there was a name which was inappropriate for some reason, like the name of my father's second wife eg, then I wouldn't choose it for her sake.

Sometimes people want to please their family. Other people think, screw the family, I'll do what I want. OR, they don't think at all. Different strokes for different folks.

maggieleo - you are making a MASSIVE assumption that "grandparents" - what, all of them out there? would object to two DGD being given the same name.

You are doing nothing less than projecting your personal opinion onto "grandparents" everywhere.

Unless you or your "historian, archivist and now a genealogist" father have completed a sociolgical study of grandparents to prove your point.

I would be interested to read it.

MaggieLeo, I wasn't talking about the "olden days" whatever they are. I said a relative NOT an ancestor. And as your father has such impressive qualifications, you should know better than to use such a meaningless and imprecise term to refer to the past.

I'm saying that most Grandparents, given a choice would probably prefer that their grandchildren had different names.

The parents may not care, as to them a nephew is peripheral, and a son is central. So there's not the same scope for confusion.

For the grandparents, the two samename grandchildren would be equally important.

Have yOU polled all grandparents? can you prove that all things being equal they would say "that's fine, we have two grandchildren with the same name, but that is FINE", cos if you can prove that, I would be very interested to read it.

for fucks sake.

The bottom line is, you name your kids what you want to name them. Nobody can force you to think about it from grandparents' persepective.

MggieLeo, I'm not the one making a claim to know what GPs do or don't like or prefer. I was simply asking for you to back yours up.

It would seem to be common sense to me.

But if you can honestly say, hand on heart that YOU, when the time comes, would be perfectly happy to have two grandchildren with exactly the same name, then that's great for you that you are so laid-back. Of course what matters is that they are healthy and happy.

I am not the only one who would like to think (or hope) that the second of my children to produce a grandchild would show the imagination and consideration to pick a different name.

Is this a joke argument Maggie?

Surely you can't actually think this. I'm a genealogist and it gets my goat when I see names 'used and abused' though of course traditions have changed now and it's none of my beeswax if half the nation now seem to think that 'Jack' is a real name etc.

But I spend so much time arguing in favour of traditional names and traditional naming patterns, to see somebody arguing against it 'because of the grandparents' is truly bizarre.

GPs will almost certainly have grown up in a world where there were twenty or so 'main names' for each gender that everybody in their community will be called. They will be able to cope very well with many people having the same name - and will very possibly have the same name as other family members themselves.

In many large families there will be a cousin to each sibling named after a grandparent. So if Alfred Henry Smith has ten kids, then each of them will have a son called Alfred Henry Smith, or if Alfred has daughters Smith will be the middle name.

To my knowlege this has never caused problems or confusion - it is what it is. I love the old naming patterns and I think it's a shame they have been mostly lost in favour of modern names that sound like a joke or nickname to my genealogist's ear.

But even if you think all this is codswallop, who in the name of god expects their children to 'think of them' before naming their own kids? My parents are GPs many times over and have never once expected any of their kids to 'consider their feelings' when choosing a name.

Bizarre.

I cant believe that this has turned into an argument when all omeone did was ask for advice. lets be sensitive here to someone who is pregnant and possibly a little disappointed that someone else has chosen the name they love. they are NOT relatives and just because you choose a name does not mean you are horrid uncaring selfish people. tut tut to mumsnetters who come on here being rather harsh and abrupt!!!!

Don't even get started Morris on Jack not being a proper name - ok so it started out as a familiar version of John but that doesn't mean that it can't, years on, be considered a name in its own right.

My son is called Jack and we picked it despite it being popular, despite it being a "new" ie non-traditional name, and without asking anyone else's permission. It suits our son perfectly and he doesn't mind having another Jack in his class, nor a cousin called Jake!

So please can we all agree that names are personal things and leave each other alone, this thread has become ridiculous, thoughtless and inconsiderate to people's very personal choices for their children.

am provately pmsl over maggieleo's arguments. She is so sure and yet there are so many instances just on this thread that go against what she has said.
Never mind.

My MIL lost her first DS, almost at term. She then named her 2nd DS exactly the same name (1st & 2nd) names as the first. This I find slightly odd.

MY DH's paternal family are Irish Catholics - there is a Mary in every single branch and most generations of his family, bar the current generation. He has about 3 Auntie Marys.

And most bizarrely: George Foreman has named all 5 of his sons and at least one of his daughters after himself:
Foreman family
Spouses, partners, and ten children:

Mary Joan Martelly (27 March 1985 ? present): 5 children ( George VI (Joe), George V (Red), George IV (Big Wheel), Natalie, Leola)
Andrea Skeete (28 April 1982 ? 4 February 1985; divorced): 2 children (Freeda George (born 16 October 1976) and George III (Monk; born January 1983))
Sharon Goodson (15 September 1981 ? 23 April 1982) (divorced)
Cynthia Lewis (6 October 1977 ? 3 August 1979) (divorced)
Charlotte Gross (no marriage): 1 child (Georgetta (born 26 August 1977))
Pamela Clay (no marriage): 1 child (George Jr. (born 1974))
Adrienne Calhoun (24 December 1971 ? 13 February 1974; divorced): 1 child (Michi)
He has joked that naming all five of his sons George was because: "In this career, you have to prepare for long term brain damage." His son George III (Monk) is his business manager.
(from Wikipedia)

The only reason I would ask my parents/family about a name I was wanting to use would be to make sure that it didn't invoke any horrendous memories for them (e.g. perhaps they were bullied at school by a Tom, then I wouldn't use Tom).

tbh OP Elsie is so commonly used round here that she'll likely end up with several other Elsies in her/your friendship group over the next few years anyway.

I've just found this thread hilarious.

Hopefully, the op has too

I actually really like the name elsie..... had chosen alice for a girl but may now change my mind...... is this going to cause any problems.... i am in the north of england. noone within 50 miles better call their little girl by the same name!!! ironically my dd is called molly and there is not a single other molly in her class school family friends brownies..... but there is one in swimming which is funny cos they never know who is being shouted.

jbb, we're each entitled to our own opinion about names. I know loads of Jacks and I wouldn't dream of having a go at their parents for liking the name. None of my beeswax, as I said.

I was just saying that times change and so do naming patterns. I'm a fan of traditional names myself but each to their own, and it's totally up to you what you name your DC and why.

Speaking of families sharing names, following on from last weeks news about Ted Kennedy, anybody ever seen a Kennedy family tree? They use the same handful of names over and over, naming children and cousins after themselves, their ancestors and deceased family members.

Thumbwitch -my dh's grandparents did the same thing, after losing one of their babies at a few weeks of age, they called their next baby the same name. It was quite normal to do that I think.

If Jack isn't a real name I surmise it has no connections with the very traditional French name, Jacques? I hope I'm not pouring more oil on troubled waters but living in France with a father in law named Jacques after 3 generations (and it's one of my husband's many Christian names) I was curious to hear that Jack is a just a familiar version of John in UK.

Elsie is a lovely name. Go with your heart.

MorrisZapp, you have totally misunderstood what I'm saying.

I'm not arguing against using classic names. All I've said is that given the choice I believe that most grandparents would prefer that their two grandchildren were not named the same name.

That's it. I can't prove that with links. But nor can anybody else prove that most grandparents would be 100% fine with having two gc with exactly the same name. Whatever the name is. That point is very far from bizarre

I would be annoyed if I had two grandchildren with the same name. Out of all the thousands of names to choose from.

My DH has a cousin with the same name as him, my brother has the same name as one of our cousins, and two of our other cousins have the same name as each other. No one thinks it's strange and the relevant grandparents were not annoyed.

I really hope that one day I have grandchildren. It's not something I take for granted and if it happens I'm pretty sure the joy I feel will far, far outweigh any irritation I might feel about what they're called. (Remind me of this when I have a granddaughter called Pippin Galadriel Moonchild. )

NoHotAshes, that is a LOVELY name - I liked it when I saw it in Good Omens and I have it on my list should I ever have a DD.

Ok, so given the choice I do accept that they'd probably prefer their GCs to have different names, that's one thing.

But to say that parents should think of this when naming kids is entirely another. There's loads of stuff that I'd prefer in this world if I was given a choice, but I don't expect anybody else to make decisions based upon my preferences.

My point is, that most GPs don't expect or want their kids to think of their preferences when naming their babies.

My own parents have been a bit 'er, what?, ok then!' about most of my nephews and neices names (in private of course) but I can't imagine them for a milisecond thinking 'why didn't my selfish DD think of me before naming her baby' etc.

Absolutely, MZ, that is the difference. Of course they would admit to it being slightly easier on a practical level but never anything deeper than that and I certainly cannot imagine many GPs thinking their children to be selfish for choosing a name already in the family.

"Ok, so given the choice I do accept that they'd probably prefer their GCs to have different names, that's one thing."

That was the only point I ever really wanted to make, I caught caught up with all the arguing though. Somebody on another thread even accused me of being a stealth-grandma, spying on her DIL's name choices.

My parents were a bit at my kids names, but they're used to them now... You can't 'get used to' two children with same name though. That one doesn't go away.

In the past it was very common to have the same names used within the family, and even more recently it is not uncommon. In larger families this definitely occurs.

My dad is one of 7. So, my nana has 7 children, 14 grandchildren, over 15 great grandchildren and 3 or 4 great great grandchildren. Then throw in all the inlaws, realted through marriage (allt he hubands and wives). A number of those relatives have the same names, particularly within the boys. Never been a problem at all.