Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Original poster

So we've chosen our name then found out a friend who's just had her baby has already taken it? what to do?

153 replies

mrswee · 29/08/2009 14:47

Found out this morning that our chosen name that we are dead set on has already been taken by a friend who has just had her baby.

It's not an overly popular name. Our friend didn't know we had it in mind it's just a total coincidence, she doesn't live in the same city but has lots of mutal friends with us and is hoping to move back here soon.
Our baby is due in a month so they will be very close in age.

so do you think we can still use the name??

thanks!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

piscesmoon · 31/08/2009 08:52

Does anyone know an old lady Elsie who likes it? In my experience rosietoes Nana's response is fairly typical! I was about 6 yrs before I knew my great aunt was Elsie-it was her dark secret! The other one I knew has now died but she hated it too.

lou031205 · 31/08/2009 09:18

You could call her Elspeth, and nn her Elsie?

clairesimpson · 31/08/2009 09:22

Everyone has their own opinion and you will never please everyone so think about who is most important here i.e. you and your husband. We had the same issue with my little boys name. Virtually the only name my dh and I both liked was Daniel which is my nephew's name. We tried really hard for months to find an alternative but just kept coming up with names we both thought were OK rather than really liked. In the end we decided that we were the ones that had to use the name hundreds of times a day and it would only become a potential issue half a dozen times a year with my nephew. We asked my SIL and she was fine with it and my nephew was actually really excited. Now I am so glad we did. Daniel is over 2 now and its never been a problem. At family get togethers we say "Big Daniel" and "Little Daniel" and for the rest of the time we have a name we both really like. People get very carried away with superficial things where babies are concerned. Just remember naming a child isn't a competition to come up with the most original exciting name ever and shouldn't be approached as something you do to keep everyone else happy. Its something very personal which has to last you and your child a lifetime. Don't regret not choosing what you wanted you might never get the chance again.

MaggieLeo · 31/08/2009 09:27

JessicaSimpson, I think that's really weird. Sorry. You have given one set of grandparents TWO grandsons called Daniel. If my brother called his kids the same names as my kids, MY parents would find it quite odd and hard to keep track of.

fiver · 31/08/2009 09:40

IT's not weird at all Maggie. Loads of families have members with the same name ie. fathers/sons.

I have a brother and a cousin with the same name. There's about 20 years difference in age between them though. No ones cares that they have the same name, least of all my Grandparents.

Indicently I married a man with the same name so now there's 3 peeple with this name in my family. But it's a very popular name.

Original poster

mrswee · 31/08/2009 09:42

clairesimpson - thanks, you are right about it being personal and not about what everyone else thinks! I will try to remember that!

I almost wish I hadn't started this thread now!
I may be being all pregnant and overly emotional but I do think there are a few people on this thread being unnecessarily harsh both about my choice of name ( which my OP didn't ask an opinion on just what you would do if someone used the same name as you first) and for instance calling others weird for choosing to do things their way.

OP posts:

Original poster

mrswee · 31/08/2009 09:43

Fiver - is his name Dave by any chance ;) I am married to a Dave and we have 3 in the family!!

OP posts:

piscesmoon · 31/08/2009 09:50

I just can't help getting prejudiced about the old ladies names! My mother has one that is much loved on these babyname threads and has hated it all her life-when she started school at 5 yrs she tried to pretend she was known as Jane but didn't get away with it!

Ignore me-you have the name you like!
My DSs names come up on here as dull and boring-it doesn't worry me at all-I love the 'dull and boring' names. If you and DH love Elsie nothing else matters.

IdontMN2makecopyforlazyjournos · 31/08/2009 09:51

Oh by the way, my nan also hated her name.

But if you love it, use it. It's not exactly "out there" in the normality stakes - if you were planning to call your daughter Moon Unit then she might have cause for complaint.

disneystar1 · 31/08/2009 10:27

you use whatever name you like its your baby girl and its so special the name choosing, especially when shes older and she knows mummy and daddy loved the name elsie and it
was as special as she was/and is now

take no notice of some people on here they can be harsh and some have been as well
enjoy the rest of your pregnancy
you both must be so excited by now

MaggieLeo · 31/08/2009 10:55

Fiver, so if YOU had two grandchildren called Daniel, you wouldn't wish that one of them was called Jack??

I think it's a very insular way of looking at it. It may not bother you the mother in the slightest that your child's cousin has the same name, but somebody in that scenario is going to have a son AND a nephew called Daniel, AND somebody else TWO gc with the same name.

That lack of consideration for the wider family is weird.

sparklycheerymummy · 31/08/2009 11:36

My friend had a baby Hilda recently..... we all thought it was a strange choice but now she is here everyone adores her and her name fits her perfectly!!!!! Bugger what anyone else thinks. I am pregnant and hormonal too and feel like taking on the world!!!!!!!!!!!! I love 'older' generation names!!!! In fact i walk through a graveyard on my way out sometimes and often glance at the 'old' names for ideas!!!!!!!!

clairesimpson · 31/08/2009 11:43

Hi MaggieLeo

For one, you obviously have a problem keeping track of names as my nickname is clairesimpson not jessicasimpson. Secondly, how dare you suggest my choice showed a lack of respect to family members when I discussed this with all those affected and they have never had a problem with it. What is so terrible and inconvenient about having 2 family members with the same name? I have the same name as my sister in law, maybe to save any inconvience my husband and I shouldn't have got married! Thirdly, I don't know why you are being so unecessarily agressive and scathing about other people's personal choices in life. This is supposed to be helping mrswee make a balanced choice with her dilemma. I think you may be right mrswee, its time you stopped looking at this thread and try and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy. Good Luck with your decision!

MaggieLeo · 31/08/2009 12:00

Claire, I dare say it because it's my opinion and it's common sense, and it seems that unlike you, I'm able to put myself into the Grandparents of the two Daniels shoes better than you are.

If you believe that given a choice (which I'm sure they weren't) the grandparents in question would have said, yes, yes, that's fine, perfect! TWO grandchildren called Daniel, that is FINE.

I think you're totally deluding yourself there. Nobody had the nerve to say to you what they were really thinking.

And MsWee, it is a balanced discussion. some people say it's fine go ahead and do it, and I am saying, that it's not always fine. You can't say it's not balance, look way if you don't agree with all the posts!!
MsWee, your Elsa and hte other Elsa wouldn't have relatives in common though, so it's not like the Daniels situation.

thehappyprince · 31/08/2009 12:11

Oh for gods sake MaggieLeo, get a grip. Loads of families have the same name crop up, just because it doesn't happen in yours doesn't make it wrong. I agree that Mrswee should close this thread, horrible to see a name you've already chosen panned and lets face it no matter what name you choose there will be people who don't like it.

clairesimpson · 31/08/2009 12:25

Hi MaggieLeo

To help mrswee, instead of making unfounded emotional statments it would be more balanced for you to explain what you think is so bad about having the same name in a family is. What terrible problems do you think it will cause grandparents which outweigh you being able to call your own baby a name you love day in and day out? By the way, contrary to your statement, we did sit down with my in laws and discuss this with them and they said they were perfectly happy and it wasn't a problem for them and it hasn't been. If it were your child with this dilemma would you really mind?

clairesimpson · 31/08/2009 12:30

BTW totally agree with thehappyprince good summary

fiver · 31/08/2009 12:32

MiggieLeo

I wouldn't care one little bit whether my children wouldn't to give my grandchildren the same name. Why would I? It is totally their decision and I would respect that.

MaggieLeo · 31/08/2009 12:52

I like the name Elsa and I have said nothing to upset the OP.

Sorry that my opinion upsets other people, but it still stands. First cousins with the same name shows no consideration to the grandparents.

clairesimpson · 31/08/2009 13:15

Hi MaggieLeo

If you can't actually explain why this would be a problem to grandparents it really can't be considered as a mature opinion worth considering. Also this suggests as a grandparent in that situation you would put your needs before your childs.

iliketrees · 31/08/2009 13:42

Just like to say that having people with the same name in the family happens all the time without any problems. We are Greek and grandhcildren are often named after grandparents - therefore same name often used and no-one minds - easy to differentiate between people. Naming a child is such a personal decision - best left to the parents with everyone else butting out.

preggersplayspop · 31/08/2009 13:57

I'm in the situation where my cousin has the same name as me in a fairly small family. I was a teenager when she was born. I think my uncle asked my mum at the time if she was ok with them using the same name, but I don't remember them asking me (or if they did, I probably just said yeah it would be fine without really thinking what it would be like to live with it). The grandparents are fine about it, it really doesn't matter to them whether they have 2 grandchildren of the same name, but to be honest its always bugged me a little bit!

I am referred to as 'Big Preggers' and she is 'Little Preggers' in the family which I am not particularly keen on.

Back to the OP though, if its a friend and I had chosen the name already then I wouldn't change. Friends lose touch, family don't. I am pg with DS2 and have chosen a reasonably popular name for him. We are telling everyone what our name choice is to pre-empt any problems if one of my circle of friends chooses the same. If they do, I'm not changing now, but I wouldn't be too concerned either. Its a reasonably popular name so it's unreasonable for me to expect no other children of the same name!

lovelylullaby · 31/08/2009 14:06

Could you keep the name but use a different spelling?

lottiejenkins · 31/08/2009 15:15

When my cousin wanted to call her daughter by the same name as mine, she got her Mum to sit me down and asked if i minded, i said I didnt. When she was small we had big Charlotte and little Charlotte!

disneystar1 · 31/08/2009 16:31

oh ladies really have you all so little in your life that you have to argue over this the OP is very pregnant and she asked a simple question, she must hate logging on here now,
mrswee close it down call your baby elsie its beautiful it really is.
good luck and enjoy your new arrival to be soon x

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Swipe left for the next trending thread