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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

So we've chosen our name then found out a friend who's just had her baby has already taken it? what to do?

153 replies

mrswee · 29/08/2009 14:47

Found out this morning that our chosen name that we are dead set on has already been taken by a friend who has just had her baby.

It's not an overly popular name. Our friend didn't know we had it in mind it's just a total coincidence, she doesn't live in the same city but has lots of mutal friends with us and is hoping to move back here soon.
Our baby is due in a month so they will be very close in age.

so do you think we can still use the name??

thanks!

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weegiemum · 29/08/2009 19:25

This happened to us, 7 years ago!

We called some good friends who lived 400 miles away, to tell them our ds had been born. His name is Aidan. We chose it for many reasons, we like the meaning, it has links with Iona and Lindisfarne, 2 of our most fave places, etc etc ....

When we called them, she just went quiet.

Then said "that's the name we liked".

I said "cool! 2 Aidans. 400 miles apart, thats lovely!"

She went ahead and called her ds Aidan too.

Since then, due to divorce etc, she has moved a lot closer to us - and the 2 Aidans are friends. They LOVE the fact that they share a name. She is a good enough friend that I think the boys will see each other until they are at least 18.

No-one who is a good friend would really bother about this. So what if they have a friend with the same name. When they go to school, this could well happen anyway (dd1 is Katherine - I didn't know any others till she went to a big city primary for P2 and ended up one of many!!)

MissSunny · 29/08/2009 19:59

Message withdrawn

EyelinerOfTheTiger · 29/08/2009 20:27

This happened to us too. My line manager at work had a baby whilst I was about 6 months pregnant with DC1 and used our boy name which was pretty unusual. I had told work colleagues that was our name before he announced his son's arrivual and a few commented on it, asking if we would still use it. I didn't really know what to do as DH was dead set that he wasn't changing it, but thankfully we had a girl.

I think if you are close enough to be seeing each other regularly - every couple of weeks or more - then it might be worth thinking on another name but if not then I don't think it matters at all. DD is now 2.8yo and among our baby friends of the same age there is an Isobel and an Isabella, it is pretty confusing for us and them, but I'm sure by the time they are a bit older they'll be used to it.

weegiemum · 29/08/2009 20:32

Could you give your child a more formal version (Eleanor? etc?) and use Elsie as a nn?

I (personally) prefer children having a 'formal' name and she may want to do something different with it in the future.

that would avoid the 'same name' thing while still having the same name, IYSWIM?

TsarChasm · 29/08/2009 20:32

I would choose something else tbh.

Would you have minded if your friend had had her baby after you and still used it?

loobylu3 · 29/08/2009 20:45

I really like it but personally wouldn't choose it if a close friend has just used it for her DD. I expect she will assume that you have copied her as it is still quite an unusual name.

thehairybabysmum · 29/08/2009 20:50

Sort of happened to us too, Our ds was 1st out of our anetnatal group to be born. " weeks later friends had their ds and named him the same. Names had never been discussed and im glad they used it for their ds as it was their pick too IYSWIM.

Agree witht the prev poster ...both boys think its dead funny they have the same name (age 3.5)...we all just call them Name Surname, rather than just Name.

malung · 29/08/2009 21:39

There surely must be more beautiful names that Elsie.
Apart from it being a friends DD name, it is quite popular. Nice as it is,I think you should choose another name.

justbeenforapromenade · 29/08/2009 21:39

I have a similar dilemma with the name Pearl which is my favourite girls' name as there is a little Pearl who is about 6 months younger than dd in our extended social circle I have loved the name for years, for much longer than I have known the little girl, but, feeling that it is such a distinctive name, would feel very reluctant to use it. I'm secretly hoping the family will move away

So I'm trying to find names I love as much....it just goes so nicely with dd's name, Violet...sigh

justbeenforapromenade · 29/08/2009 21:42

I am also sure you can find something prettier than Elsie, how about Elfie, or Delphi, or Effie...?

blueduck · 29/08/2009 22:36

Difficult one this isn't it....you don't want them thinking that you've just nicked their name but it sounds as though you've approached it the right way.

We had a name we loved for a girl when we were expecting our first baby and like it was the only one that DH and I could agree on. Two of my close girlfriends (friends for life type friends) were also pregnant at the time - we had a name chat one day when we were all out and I said in a very casual way that the name we'd chosen (and I told them what it was) was the only name we could agree on just so that it was "out there" - I couldn't care less if anyone else also used the name but I really wasn't budging on it. We weren't so fixed on a specific boys name.

In the end, we had a boy, my girlfriends both had girls (one had "our" name on their list but didn't use it) . Another friend of mine who I'd never had that discussion with had a baby just after ours and chose a variation on the name. When we had our second child - a DD - I know that friend would have not been amused if I'd used "the" name but in fact we felt that name had been for that baby and it sort of didn't feel right for us to call it DD.

It was quite funny though as when DS was born he was the third child (and third boy) from my NCT group to be born. We'd decided his name one evening about 2 weeks before he was born (we just couldn't agree on boys names). His first name was the same as the first boy who was born and his middle name the second boy who was born. The DH of the mum of the second boy said "couldn't they have thought of something more original" ....

scottishmummy · 29/08/2009 22:42

no one owns or has dibs on a name.you like it use it.as for asking?you don't need their permission to use a name

thumbwitch · 29/08/2009 22:49

I have 2 cousins named David. My mum would have called her son David too but sadly lost him around 6m pg; and by the time her next baby came along, there were these 2 other Davids in place, so she changed to something different. Mind you, that's because they would all have had the same surname as well!

I don't think I would mind with the friend so far away (although I don't particularly like Elsie as a name, prefer Elsa).

wobbegong · 29/08/2009 23:33

Round here Elsie isn't a particularly unusual name TBH. I know at least two. So go for it.

SweetApril · 29/08/2009 23:47

Well, I once knew of a family where the two sisters had the same first name! Plus I have two friends whose children both have the same, unusual first name and it wasn't a big deal really just more of a surprise coincidence. So I say go for it.

Weegiemum's story is lovely. It has the potential to make any future friendship the two Elsie's might have a bit more special.

YummyorSlummy · 30/08/2009 00:22

I would just go for it and call her Elsie- it's lovely! It's not like your related so I doubt your friend would mind
When I first started going out with dh his ex gf (of not very long) was actually pregnant with his child and when little boy was born she called him the name I had planned in my head for years for any future son I had- I was devastated!
Its funny how one name can stick with you and mean so much!

LongtimeinBrussels · 30/08/2009 01:05

I'm very old and Elsie will always remind me of Elsie Tanner in Coronation Street! Like thumbwitch, I prefer Elsa (name of one of dd's best friends).

I wanted to call dd Emma but dh didn't want to as emmer is bucket in Dutch. I asked my sil what she would have called dn if he'd been a girl and she said Eleanor. As Elena (pronounced E-le-na rather than E-ley-na in the French-speaking part of Belgium) was also on our list, we decided to go with this (sil didn't seem to mind when we asked her). When their dd was born four years later they called her Emma! Gps get them mixed up all the time!!

nappyaddict · 30/08/2009 04:04

What about Elsa rather than Elsie?

vanloadtovenice · 30/08/2009 08:11

hear hear for Elsa! Then you can shorten it to Elsie, and she'll be able to choose which she prefers later on.

savoycabbage · 30/08/2009 08:16

You should definitely have the name that you want to have for your own child.

Oblomov · 30/08/2009 08:35

Don't do anything. Take the name you want. Years down the line you will regret it if you don't. It isn't a crime anyway. this friend may not remain a friend or may move away. And then you will wonder why you made yourself take your second choice.
Are you THAT set on it ? If so, just do it.

Oblomov · 30/08/2009 08:36

Or phone her. Congratulate her and tell her that you too had decided on this name a long time ago. Sorted.

Oblomov · 30/08/2009 08:37

Elise is my favourite. Isn't Elsie a bit old fashioned. I think of old coronation street actors.

saintmaybe · 30/08/2009 10:12

It's completely fine to use it. In 3 months time you might make a new friend with a baby with the same name. what would you do, decide not to get to know them?

And it's a lovely name.

wook · 30/08/2009 11:36

I agree with Oblomov- Elise is a really good way out of the dilemma, and no Coronation Street baggage (Elsie Tanner!)

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