Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Original poster

So we've chosen our name then found out a friend who's just had her baby has already taken it? what to do?

153 replies

mrswee · 29/08/2009 14:47

Found out this morning that our chosen name that we are dead set on has already been taken by a friend who has just had her baby.

It's not an overly popular name. Our friend didn't know we had it in mind it's just a total coincidence, she doesn't live in the same city but has lots of mutal friends with us and is hoping to move back here soon.
Our baby is due in a month so they will be very close in age.

so do you think we can still use the name??

thanks!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

MaggieLeo · 31/08/2009 17:11

People in families do sometimes have the same name, fathers and sons.

They are of different generations.

TO have two children of the same generation and only two years apart with the same name in the same family is definitely more unusual.

As the parent of one of them, you may not notice any problems, as one is your SON (a massive part of your life) and one is your husband's nephew (a peripheral part of your life). So, I can believe that it doesn't bother you. You've said it doesn't.

There is though a set of grandparents who have to explain to all their friends and relatives of their own generation, yes we have two grandsons both called Daniel. I'm sure that causes a few raised eyebrows. A few exclamations of surprise. A few questions like 'oh, did they run that past you?'

I think it must be a little embarrassing for them as it spells out fairly clearly that their perspective on the issue meant nothing when you were choosing the name. You didn't give it a thought.

But, I'm guessing it's not CS's own parents who have the two grandchildren called Daniel. Well, that's all right then, pretty far removed from you, not your problem!!

Somebody on a website making you feel uncomfortable about it?! I can only guess that's because I'm making you think. And that's what you didn't do before when you gave these people a 2nd gc called Daniel; think

tom57 · 31/08/2009 17:46

We chose Tiana 10 years ago for our daughter and Disneys new film Princess Tiana comes out this autumn(angry) Even so would not change ,it really suits her.Not that relevant to the thread, but feels good to vent that!

nappyaddict · 31/08/2009 18:05

clairesimpson How many years difference is there in age between big and little Daniel? I presume your nephew lives a fair distance away from you and I think in that case it is absolutely fine for cousins to share a name. I don't think I'd do it if you saw a lot of each other though.

lottie do you see much of your cousin's child and are they a similar age or is there a big age gap?

teachpeach · 31/08/2009 18:35

Just wanted to say fab name- I love 'older' names, my niece is called Thora and we have sometimes had comments about Thora Hird, but who cares!!!

lottiejenkins · 31/08/2009 18:58

I dont see little Charlotte very much she has just left school and I am 40!

MaggieLeo · 31/08/2009 19:19

nappy, they are two years apart.

ihatemyjob · 31/08/2009 19:34

I have been doing family history and its so common to call cousins the same name; not at all weird. I have found 3 siblings in my family who all had Davids (and they were all known as David). This was over a hundred years ago and they all lived in a the same Welsh valley! They were all names after their Grandfather. There were similar incidents in other branches of my family too.

How bizarre that someone would think the grandparents would be upset. Why should you think of the grandparents when naming your child? Surely thats the couples decision.

By teh way I love the name Elsie. (I also relaly like Eloise, Elodie, Ella, Elsie and Evie, I must have a thing about the e sound) but I only have boys. I have bought them the Eloise picture books though to sort of brain wash them into naming their girls if they have any.

MaggieLeo · 31/08/2009 19:42

My Granddad was upset when he had two granddaughters called Susan. I remember it well.

It's been over a hundred and fifty years since cousins were given the same name, and if that happened, say two Margarets, one would be greta and one would be Margot. They didn't have the same day to day name.

MaggieLeo · 31/08/2009 19:43

"Why should you think of the grandparents when naming your child? Surely thats the couples decision."

I think that shows a selfish lack of consideration.

If you end up with two grandchildren with the same name, you may not be upset, but I bet you'd wisht they could have been a little less insular when they named their child. YES, it's the parents decision, but thoughtful people think of the wider picture.

ihatemyjob · 31/08/2009 19:44

they did in my family. I have done the research.

I think your Grandfather must have been a very sensitive man. Most people feel blessed to have a grandchild.

ihatemyjob · 31/08/2009 19:47

I would never feel like that. I would want my children to have their own independent minds and not feel they had to have me second guessing their every decision. I have no idea how it shows lack of consideration at all. Its not something that is anything to do with the grandparents.

DesperateHousewifeToo · 31/08/2009 20:26

How very bizarre to have to think of your parents/in laws when thinking of your child's name

Maggieleo, I agree, I think that your grandfather must have been overly sensitive about these things .

My parents wouldn't care about what I called my dcs and they certainly wouldn't apologise to their friends for the fact that 5 boys in 3 generations have some form of the name 'Edward' in their name!

Op: dd's middle name is 'Elsie', so I obviously think it is great

MaggieLeo · 31/08/2009 20:33

My granddad was not a sensitive man. he was a very practical down to earth farmer.

having two grandchildren with the same name made it chrystal clear that the parents of the second Susan didn't give him a thought when they named her.

How very bizarre of you all to be so obtuse as to argue inceasantly that given a choice, most grandparents would not choose DIFFERENT names for their children.

DesperateHousewifeToo · 31/08/2009 20:42

I still don't get it, maggie.

If you argued that he got confusd between the two and it caused all sorts of difficulties within the family because of this confusion, I could understand it.

However, to say that the problem was because no-one thought of him when naming their child Susan and that it showed no consideration of him just seems odd.

What does it have to do with him? Did he expect to make all the decisions within the family?

MaggieLeo · 31/08/2009 20:53

WEll Desperathousewife, if you don't get it, you don't get it.

NObody would ever call their own children the same name. Daniel one and Daniel two.

#The mother of the 2nd Daniel saw his paternal grandparents as totally inconsequential in the naming process. BUT I'm sure they feel close and involved with both their grandchildren. Both of their grandchildren called Daniel, both under 3.

If you don't get it, it's cos you can't put yourself in somebody else's shoes.

over and out. I can't MAKE you see things from somebody else's pov, especially the "in-laws".

gottasmile · 31/08/2009 21:04

What about Elise? Very pretty too?

myredcardigan · 31/08/2009 21:21

Maggie, I think you are the one being obtuse.
I have two first cousins with the same first name as me. We had the same GPs. Never seemed a problem. They also had two grandsons with the same name. They had 10kids so it was gonna happens!

MaggieLeo · 31/08/2009 21:25

No I am not being obtuse. The people who think it's ok have said "why would they consider the grandparents?" as though this were utterly ludicrous... so, their default starting point was not to care if the grandparents found it odd.

If you ended up with two grandchildren with the same name, you would wish that one of them were called something different. There are so many names in the world.

Hiding thread now, as it's become ridiculous.

myredcardigan · 31/08/2009 21:38

So by the same token, if they had two grandsons they would wish one was a girl, right?

Babieseverywhere · 31/08/2009 21:55

"NObody would ever call their own children the same name. Daniel one and Daniel two."

Interestingly, in the recent npast there was a kind of informal rules about the names given to children. Children would be named after parents and grandparents. If the child turned out to be sickly, the next same gender child would be given the same name.

It was very common to have two children of the same name and sometimes three !!!

Our daughter shares a name with her cousin. It was a name I wanted to use forever and everyone including the cousin knew this was a name we hoped to use. The cousin's daughter was born a month before our child and she choose the same name.

I was upset at first (heavily pregnant and hormonal) but decided to still go with the name we choose.

We only see the cousin and baby maybe twice a year and they live in europe, so not that confusing to UK family.

Mummygoesohh · 31/08/2009 23:11

Elsie is lovely..... And yes i think you should use it! Your DC will have it for what will be a long and happy life!
Just goes to show that you and your friend both have great taste!

jellybeans · 31/08/2009 23:22

I think it is abit much with 2 GC of the same name, surely the 2nd named ones parents is always seen as the 'one who copied' (or didn't consider) the name? I liked loads of family names for DS but never seriously considered them as they were already 'taken'. But friends are different, I considered using the same name as two (not close) friends much older children (common name, top 20) but went against it as wanted DS to have his 'own' name.

AnTeallach · 01/09/2009 00:21

My sister and I had our DS's (my first, her third) less than a day apart. I named mine first - she decided on the same within hours. Luckily we were happy to use Jamie rather than James, but my DS has often had birthday presents/cards written sent to him, but intended for his cousin. Subsequently had DD. Same sister decided that if ever she had one, she'd give her the same name. Mmmmnnnn!! As expected, she never did - gave up on sprogging - probably just as well!Would she also have named any subsequent child after our third?!!!

This happened to anyone else?

tryingtokeepcalm · 01/09/2009 01:03

friend of mine had daughter called Holly then had hissy fit when BIL was planning to call child Molly because of the twee rhyming cousins.

2 years later friend had son they named Oliver, where's the sense???????

LadyGlencoraPalliser · 01/09/2009 10:13

Nobody would ever call their children the same name.
Actually Maggie, you are very wrong. I have a relative who named ALL her three sons after her husband so Daniel Sr and Daniel Jr 1, 2 and 3 and the daughter is called Danielle.
(Not their real names obv).
I don't think it is at all unusual to have counsins with the same name; there are many families who do it. The fact that you haven't come across them is neither here nor there. And as for the question of the grandfather's feelings the mind boggles.
I am sure most grandparents wouldn't be at all bothered. In fact I promise here and now not to be even slightly upset if two of my children decide to give a child the same name. Why would I be?

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7