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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

Baby name regret - do you ever get over it?!

77 replies

LittleMissWorryHead · 12/03/2009 22:57

Ever since my youngest was born nearly 7 months ago, i have been OBSESSING that I have given him the wrong name.

dd loves his name, ds1 loves his name, dh loves his name.

But I just can't seem to put a proper full stop on it and forget it.

Does it ever get easier? Am i destined to forever think, I should have called you....?

Has anyone been through anything similar?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

TheBreastmilksOnMe · 12/03/2009 23:00

He will grow into it don't worry! Somebody told me that we all ahve a naming angel at birth who helps our parents decide what name to give us so you probably have given him the right name. Just a nice thought.

LynetteScavo · 12/03/2009 23:04

What is his name?

Do you think it doesn't suit him, or do you just prefer another name.

All mine have grown into their names.

Lizzzombie · 12/03/2009 23:07

I know 2 people who are known by their middle names instead of their first names. Is this a possibility?

lockets · 12/03/2009 23:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Concordia · 12/03/2009 23:45

I changed my child's name (at the age of 3 months). I too had been obsessing about it, although DH and DS liked the original name and were not keen to change.
I feel so much better since I made the change. We had been talking about it for two months beforehand so we hadn't really let the old name 'settle in'. I'm sure if we did have her name would have 'become her' but i still think I would always have regretted it. DS called her by the old name for a while but hasn't done for the last few weeks (the change was 3 months ago now). I didn't correct him but just used the new one. DH was a bit reluctant to change and tends to use a (rather ridiculous) nickname rather than either name.
But i feel like a weight has been lifted off me and i can move on. I guess you just need to decide to put it all behind you and stick with what you've got, or to make the change. For me it was the indecision on the subject that caused lots of problems in our family and obsessing on my part, not the change itself.

choklit · 13/03/2009 02:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chefswife · 13/03/2009 02:34

little are you the mom that called her son Geronimo? just kidding. (man, i hope not or i just put my foot in my mouth)

i don't regret what i named my DD but i find myself on occasion calling her by another totally different name or the name of a cat i had many years ago. (i don't know what the cat thing is all about). i'm not going to change her name; i love it. but i think i will call the next DD, (if there is one) the other name because it is clearly on my mind. if you really don't like it, there's no harm in changing it. just the initial hassle of telling everyone, but who cares?

TinkerBellesMumandFiFi2 · 13/03/2009 02:35

I think it's odd naming your own child. When you meet someone they have a name and you don't give it a second thought, that's their name. When a baby is born they don't have a name and you have to choose it. I feel like I am calling them by the wrong name - afterall of the millions of possibilities what's the chance I hit the right name? - and it took me awhile with both to refer to them by their name, it seemed much more comfortable to other people which seemed odd to me (but that comes back to my first sentence). My children's names aren't "me", I'd have expected them to have names that reflected my scifi/fantasy side like I've planned for the last ten years!

You'll get used to the name as long as you dn't have any major objections to it.

savoycabbage · 13/03/2009 02:35

my dd is two and a half and every day I regret not giving her the name I wanted to give her. Instead I let dh have the name he wanted and the name I wanted is her middle name. I just got her some labels for her pre-school and instead of her first name and surname I have put her first name and her middle name. She doesn't not suit her name and it's not an awful name.

nereidesinthemist · 13/03/2009 03:55

Dear Littlemiss - I did the same, wanted to swap dd's first two nanes round. At 7 months I started calling her by her middle name, which I had grown to much prefer - like you this occupied my every living thought - and finally convinced dh to change things round officially on her birth certificate just before her first birthday - am so glad we did! Everyone might have thought it a little strange at first - but now she's nearly 3 and it seems as though she was never anything else. So glad we did as I know I would still be regretting it.

boodleboot · 13/03/2009 09:37

you do get over it i guess....i name my DD Ellie and wish that i had called her Elizabeth....i didn't at the time as my mum was pretty overbearing about the fact she thought Ellie should only be a NN and Elizabeth was the natural first name....i dug my heels in and totally regret it now...DD actually gets called Boots for the majority of her life by people anyway....don't feel blue...x

Original poster

LittleMissWorryHead · 13/03/2009 09:47

Thanks for all messages.

ds2 is Jacob - we chose it together, after months of indecision as the "right" name never seemed to just click.

His middle name is Luca - can you see where this is going?!

I have only spoken to dh, dd, ds1 and a close friend about this, haven't spoken to grandparents or anyone for fear they think I am a lunatic.

If it were up to me, I think i would have changed it a long time ago, but as the rest of the family are so "he is Jacob" I feel i have to drop it.

Makes me sad though, and i would hate to feel like this about his name forever. I know before he is one we could amend his birth certificate and that is hanging over me to be honest..

And i did the other thread - jacob or luca and everyone loves Luca!!

OP posts:

FAQinglovely · 13/03/2009 09:49

I wasn't keen on DS2's name for a long time - it just "felt" wrong - DH had chosen the name as it was an unplanned pg and despite me wanting another baby I just couldn't get my head around the fact it was happening.

I LOVE it now - can't remember at what stage it stopped feeling "wrong" when I said it it just happened.

Prosecco · 13/03/2009 09:57

I answered that thread and I liked both! He already has both names. We had 2 names ready for my ds and I occasionally wondered if I should have called him the other one.I do think you will get over it , and in a few years he and his friends may well call hinself by something totally different anyway.

And the rest of the family love it!

dizzydixies · 13/03/2009 10:54

our DD3 is know by her middle name, why not start using it to see how it feels !

swissuk · 13/03/2009 13:03

My cousin is known by her middle name too. After a few months, that one seemed to suit her better so they began to use it instead. Didn't need to change it legally.
He is only 7 months - it won't take long to get used to it if you like it more

macherie · 13/03/2009 13:15

If you want him to be Luca, then that is what he should be. You don't need to change his birth cert, lots of people are known by what is 'oficially' their middle name.

If it makes you happy do it

SIL wanted a particular name for her ds, her only child. BIL insisted he be called after his grandfater, to carry on the family name . She has always regretted not calling him what she wanted. They subsequently divorced, and it's big cause of resentment to her.

RubyRioja · 13/03/2009 13:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mumcentreplus · 13/03/2009 14:17

I named my first DD and it was agreed my DH would name DD2 ...but I didn't like the name at all tbh...but a deals a deal ..but now 5 yrs on I couldn't think of her as any other name she's Bethany or Beth Beth and it suits her.

poppysocks · 13/03/2009 14:35

My DD2 is also 7 months and I've struggled with her name too. We always joked after DD1 was born that if we had another DD she'd remain nameless and DD2 almost did. It's a very long story, but we ended up with DH's favourite name which, although I objectively really like, doesn't feel right. As it didn't go with the middle name (family name) that we had to use, we ended up adding another name with the idea that we could use it instead of the first name. The result is an overlong jumble. In reality, once people had been told the name, they all congratulated us on the birth using her first name and that was that and it would be too much upheavel to change it, confusing for DD1 and DH absolutely loves the name.

I'm starting...I think... to settle into it. I just have to really. What has helped me is that I can't think what else she should have been. Doesn't stop me from wondering though.

Also, is this your last baby? A friend suggested that the reason I can't let this one go is that as DD2 is to be my last I won't name another. And the fact that the full name doesn't work at all, it's unfinished business. She may have something.

Comewhinewithme · 13/03/2009 14:38

My dd is 3.4 and I still feel a bit pushed into her name .

It suits her and is a pretty name but it is not the name I would have given her IYSWIM?

deckchair · 13/03/2009 14:47

I always post on these threads when I see them....
Regret not calling my ds my favourite name. 18 months on, I regret it even more.
I am going to add my favourite name into his name, but then he will have 4 names and his surname which is really silly....

AtheneNoctua · 13/03/2009 15:06

Just call him Luca. You don't need to amend the birth certificate. Besides, you never know. He might grow up and change it back. Some things are not up to you after they grow up. I say this because I did it. When I was 20, I aup and declared I was from that day forward going to be called by my middle name. I have a couple of stubborn aunts who refuse to convert. But, for the most part, I changed my name -- much to my parents' surprise.

MakemineaGandT · 13/03/2009 16:30

well, can I just say that I MUCH prefer Jacob to Luca

Jacob to me is a more "manly" name, less "of the moment" (think Luca might be a real passing phase and will mark out babies born at this time), plus Jacob lends itself to lots of shortenings - Jake, Jack, Jay etc as he gets older

But, only you know what to do - if he is a "Luca" then you can just change it round - I know plenty of people known by their middle names, or another name entirely to their official name!

Strawbezza · 13/03/2009 16:41

It wasn't until after my friend's dad died that she realised he'd always been known by his middle name, nobody knew he had a different first name.

Don't like Luca - sounds like 'looker' said in a Stoke-on-Trent accent.

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