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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

Baby name regret - do you ever get over it?!

77 replies

LittleMissWorryHead · 12/03/2009 22:57

Ever since my youngest was born nearly 7 months ago, i have been OBSESSING that I have given him the wrong name.

dd loves his name, ds1 loves his name, dh loves his name.

But I just can't seem to put a proper full stop on it and forget it.

Does it ever get easier? Am i destined to forever think, I should have called you....?

Has anyone been through anything similar?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

branflake81 · 13/03/2009 17:52

FWIW, my sister is 25 and my mum still bleats on about how she wishes she had called her something else. So maybe you don't ever get over it.

thisisyesterday · 13/03/2009 18:03

if you're really not happy with it then change it round! it's not that big a deal and people WILL get used to it, whatever they say now.

When ds2 was born we were choosing between Nico, Lars and Gabriel.
DP LOVED Gabriel. I liked it, but wanted to call him Lars. he looks soooooooo much like a Lars.
but dp wasn't that keen on it

it came down to either having a name that he didn't like and I loved, or a name that he loved and I liked.
so we went with Gabriel

it did take me quite a while to stop calling him Lars in secret, just to see what it was like but he is definitely a Gabriel, and I do like the name.
he really, really does look like a Lars though lol

thisisyesterday · 13/03/2009 18:04

branflake, my mum wishes she had called me something else too!
She wanted Lucy, my dad wanted Laura, and they settled on Claire

Lastyearsmodel · 13/03/2009 18:12

I had this with DD - we couldn't agree on my first choice so went with the one name we could agree on. For months I wished we'd gone with my first choice but eventually I realised that if we had, I'd probably only wish we'd chosen the other name instead. Grass is always greener and all that.

MsBeauregarde · 13/03/2009 18:16

I don't know if this would affect your decision/feelings at all, but Luca is so of the moment. There are TWO in my son's playschool.

MsBeauregarde · 13/03/2009 18:18

I wish I'd called my DD Phoebe but my Mum HATED that name, so I allowed my x to choose a name, and my Mum didn't hate that name.

I'm not normally a pushover, so I don't know how that happened. I still think she seems like a Phoebe.

Original poster

LittleMissWorryHead · 13/03/2009 19:04

Thanks all - Poppysocks, it sounds so similar!!

Jacob is my last baby (definitely, dh in for the snip next month) and his name also has a family name in there as well as Luca and I don't think it flows that well - in fact I think it would flow much better with Jacob in the middle name...

I have moments where I feel fine about it and like I am over it - but I keep coming back to the moment when I "got" it....

I had just fed him and I looked at him (he was about 8 weeks old and I was still writing name lists?!) and I literally gasped and my hand flew to my mouth as I knew I should have called him Luca!

I called dh home from work - poor bloke - and sat him down, fully expecting him to say "Oh you are so right" but no...

I think the issue is: The whole of the family LOVE the name, I don't hate it, I am just not sure its the right one. So if I don't hate it and they love it, then Jacob its got to be?!

Thanks for all replies, its good to know its not just me and I am not a lunatic (in that respect anyway....)

I will keep trying to get over it (surely one day I will stop calling him Luca in private..)

OP posts:

Lonnie · 13/03/2009 19:46

Little

I have 4 children and I regularly call them all by both their first and middle name simply because I like the sound of their names together.. would that be an acceptable compromise for you? Jacob Luca?

I still at times look at dd2 and think you could have been Millie.. I look at dd1 and think no your definetly NOT an Elizabeth.. and I have moments of regret that I didnt go with dd3's middle name as her first name however it would have been so hard for her (its a Danish name with a letter that doesnt exist in the English alphabeth)

PistePrincess · 13/03/2009 19:54

I wish that ds 3 had been called William, Its his second name but I think he looks like a Will.. hes 4 now ! got pushed into making a decision high on morphin e after the sections because dh wanted him named. His first choice was Hector which I like, but I wanted to call him William ! so we compromised... still dosnt feel quite right though !!

poppysocks · 13/03/2009 20:12

So similar isn't it LittleMissWorryHead! I also try to take comfort in Lastyearsmodel's point that if I hadn't agreed to using DD2's name, I'm sure I would always have wondered. At least this way, DH is happy.

MsBeauregarde - DD1's alternative name was Phoebe. Still wonder about it for both of them. If it hadn't been for Friends, we'd definitely have a Phoebe.

angrypixie · 13/03/2009 20:17

I adore my daughters name, I chose it before she was born (possibly before she was conceived!) However it didn't seem right when she arrived. It just didn't suit a newborn baby. We called her a whole variety of bonkers nicknames, and it wasn't really until she was about 18 months and a real little girl rather than a baby than it all fell into place.

It is now 100% perfect for her and I'm glad that although I had a wobble I stayed with it.

FairLadyRantALot · 13/03/2009 20:25

OP, Jacob Luca is a lovely name, I think....but that isn't really the point, is it!

Well...es is 12, will be 13 this summer, and I have never been really happy about his name....it was a total compromise....but well, it is his name and that s that.....stopped ponderiing it a long time ago....
Still wish he was called Noah...but as dh hates the name I have 3 sons but no Noah

slowreadingprogress · 13/03/2009 20:36

Go with the name you love. He's still tiny; if your DH will accept it, that's all that matters. absolutely and completely sod everyone else - you are the parents and you decide on the name.

i think it's worth it; I mean, I really love my ds' name and it is a source of joy and satisfaction to have your gorgeous boy with a name you wholeheartedly love to hear and to use and are proud of Go for it and don't let people overly influence you.

kittykat21 · 13/03/2009 20:36

Hi Littlemissworryhead I feel the same way as you, my DD is 6 months and i wish i had her second name as her first one! When i was pregnant i had a dream about my DS and my (to be) DD and called her this name in my dream... ever since then i wanted to call her this name but my DH doesnt like it so we settled on it as a middle name, but i kind of regret it! Her first name is lovely and it does suit her, it just doesnt allways feel right!

wibblewobbly · 13/03/2009 20:45

My mum had the same problem when naming me. It was my dads turn to choose the name and mum never really liked it. When I was approx 7 months - she changed my name - to something a little similar but not very similar. She didnt even change it to middle name either.

However, the old name is still my official name - still on birth certificate etc. TBH - it is a bit of a pain as you can imagine - I cant even say 'i go by my middle name' - I just have to say 'everyone calls me ___ instead'

But I must say, Im glad she did change my name - I hate my real name! It is just not me at all!

MsBeauregarde · 13/03/2009 21:46

Apparently my parents wanted to call me Kerry Anne which makes me wince I hate it so much. They were on their way to register me when my Granddad said "are you still intent on calling that child Carry on?". They said Kerry Anne, and he said Carry ON!!

Thank GOD they decided that if he came up with that other people might too,so I was called Rachel Anne. What kind of a close call was that ??

CHOCOLATEPEANUT · 13/03/2009 23:10

We called our ds Joseph as we both liked it but everyone calls him Joe and we call him Jo-Jo

At least he can choose.Its difficult.

I do prefer Jacob to Lucas though

nappyaddict · 13/03/2009 23:19

choklit did you swap to the middle name or a completely new name?

treedelivery · 13/03/2009 23:36

I'm only ever known by my middle name. My whole family used my middle name from when I was tiny.

In rural Ireland it was fairly common to completely change the name used, or use other variations of the name. So Owen, Jack, John, Seamus would be fluid, same for Liam, William, Willy, and loads others I can;t think of. I think it's because several languages and dialects [sp?] existed together at the same time.
Oh, Agnes to Winifred.

I am not settled with dd1's name - Jessie. I sort of feel better with Jess, but it's all academic as she is and will always be Boo [Boober juicer as thats what she did lots of]

Mary - Maisy - Molly were interchangable where my mum is from in Ireland too.

choklit · 13/03/2009 23:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nooka · 14/03/2009 06:33

Names have to be the choice of both parents. Changing your mind is a little problematic if one of you wants to and the other doesn't, because when you are thinking up names you would (generally) compromise until you found something you both liked. If you are really unhappy but your dh is not then I would have thought that you would need to find a completely new name that you both loved, just the same as an initial naming. Are you sure there isn't some other reason why you are unhappy? Is your ds not quite what you had expected, or are you maybe not sure about your dh having the snip? I was very unsure about dd's name when she was born, mainly because we just hadn't expected a girl (and her birth was quite traumatic). Both Luca and Jacob are fine names (I prefer Jacob) but that's not really the point. Could you try out a nickname perhaps and move away from both names for the moment? If you are calling him Luca in your head then I think that is bound to lead to trouble over time if change is not possible (and it doesn't seem likely).

TeamC · 14/03/2009 07:53

2 DDs and hubby and I struggled to agree on even one name ... My favourite is DD2's middle name and his favourite doesn't even appear!
But girls are now just 3 and nearly 1, and totally suit their names - took about 8 months for each before I got entirely comfortable but can't imagine any other names now - not even mildly tempted to call DD2 by her middle name!
So ... no real regrets, I really think kids do grow into their names.

Madmentalbint · 14/03/2009 07:59

My son got his name because it was the only name that DH and I could both agree on - even though neither of us loved it. I hated all the names DH loved and vice versa. I've always had a bit of a gripe about this as it just didn't sit right, but finally, after 9 years he truly has grown into his name, and I love it. It really suits him and I'm so glad that neither DH nor I got our original choices as they just wouldn't suit him now.

nappyaddict · 14/03/2009 10:55

choklit didn't DS find it odd to have a new name? Did it take him a while to respond to the new name when you called him?

MsBeauregarde · 14/03/2009 12:37

Treedelivery, So true. I saw Lawrence on the gravestone of somebody I knew and it turned out to have been his real name, he was known as Lorcan. Liams and Williams in the older days you wouldn't have known which they had on their bc, william or liam. A Seamus would have his head read to answer to James as well.

This has gone really now. It was an older generation thing.

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