Having a crisis about my chosen girls' name and the fact that it has negative connotations for half my family - help!

[PicassoNorks]

I am feeling rather foolish and I'm sorry this is so garbled (baby brain).

For the past near-decade I've known what girls' name I would pick for my first daughter, and now, with two months to go, I'm having a crisis!

The name is actually my grandmother's name, though I decided I liked it after seeing a character in a film with the same name (), which was the first time I'd kind of appreciated it as a name in its own right iyswim. Anyway, I got pissed and told my gran that I'd name my daughter after her and neither she nor the rest of my family has forgotten. It's one of those old lady style names that is becoming more popular again.

I like the name and my gran is very fun and glamorous. However, she also has her negative side - she's very needy, manipulative, selfish, demanding, etc etc - and I'm worried about giving my child a name which most of my family probably have mixed feelings about. Argh. DH is non-committal, but I might quiz him some more. We've never really discussed other girls' names, so I think it's come out of leftfield for him a bit.

The alternative I guess is to have my gran's name as a middle name and find something else as a first name ... At the moment I like Agatha and Agnes (though not Aggie), Martha, Magda - any more suggestions along those lines?

Or do I just go with the name we've had in midn for the past few years anyway?

What is the name?

You do know you're not going to get any sensible answers until you tell us the name, don't you?

Tricky one. I had to give up on the name that I'd always had in mind because it's my cousin's name and family objected. I think if you really like it, then stick with it. Your dd will soon be associated with the name in her own right.

They will soon get over it and see the child in her own right. A name is a name, the child does not become the other person(s) carrying a name. Soon the child will own the name and the name will get new connotations. If you love the name, GO for it!

If you like the name use it , I like Asnes a lot though aswell .

Ha ha - yes, thought as much! The only reason I haven't is because I know a few people on here in RL and we're keeping names secret ... I may cave though. It's not unlike Lilith.

My mum has already told me that she won't be able to use the name while my gran (her MIL) is still alive - I think it's because it would be confusing but I know that my gran has put her through a lot of crap, so can't help feeling a bit guilty about making her call her grandchild the same name.

I am sure she can find a nickname for it.
Unless you KNOW she would be really hurt by it.

My mum was really quite hurt by my uncle. I was considering calling a girl Maya. But my mum said she could not bear if I called a girl this name, as my uncles name started on MA....

I don't think she would be really hurt but it wouldn't be great ... from my own POV as well I'm a bit reluctant to give my child a name that has quite a lot of negative connotations for me! Argh. I'm just worried I'm making a huge mistake. I might come up with a shortlist and grill DH/decide on the day.

They'd have exactly the same name btw (gran is known to family by her first name).

Is it the name of a long standing character in the Archers?

your naming your daughter a name you like.

she is a totally different person to your gran.

Rose is a beautifull name that is becoming increasingly popular. im quite sure that people don't look into prams at beautifull innocent babies and think of Mrs West!

seeker I just had to Google to check! but no, I don't think so.

Thanks for all the replies even though I'm still confused (pregnancy hormones probably!)

I would use it as a middle name.

What was the film?

wait until you see your DD - see if the name suits her.
she'll be her own person anyway, so the connection with anyone else will soon fade as her personality comes out.

is it lillian? elspeth? can't think of anything else similar to lillith at the minute.

dilith?

it will be her name, not your gran's

I really want to know what the film was. Go on - give us a clue!

Is it Edith? If it is, I love it and she may wind up an Edie anyway. Edith on my list for non existant DD.
Other similar old school names - Dorothea, Mabel, Theodora, Nancy, Dulcie, Bessie, Florence.

If you love the name then go for it - your mum and the others will thank you eventually as they will associate the name with dd rather than anyone else

shortened to Edie - Lovely.

PicassoNorks (great name)

trust your instincts

It's too big a thing to get wrong!

Middle name much safer imo.

dh slightly bullied me into ds's name when I faltered in the 2 weeks after he was born. I love the name now but it really upset me to be so railroaded when I was very vulnerable.

Don't compromise if you can avoid it. You should, if you can , LOVE the name! And if dh is amenable you choose. Frankly, the family can stuff it, this is a really important decision, they'll accept it and move on.

good luck!

Go with the name you chose in the first place, you are only having a crisis cos your brain is addled due to baby hormones.

I remember being convinced there would be a war b4 I gave birth to ds2 and there wouldnt be any pain relieving drugs and I would have to give birth on my own. Looking back brain had completely gone weird

Stich with the name you always wanted, everyone will get used to it I promise.

Sorry - I have been away at my mum's so no internet.

The name has been mentioned, but that's not the right film (I'm not that classy ).

Anyway - an update ... I had a brief chat with DH after posting on here and he said that he'd kind of got used to it and had always thought of our DD having that name, so I thought we might as well leave it and liked the idea of "reclaiming" the name!

Then I went to see my mum because my aunt (her sister so shared MIL) was staying. Unfortunately aunt turned up very upset but something unkind/tactless that potential-namesake-granny had said to her which then led on to a rehash of some of the many unkind/tactless things that potential-namesake-granny has said and done, including not speaking to (kind, selfless, but sadly badly-named ) other granny for a couple of years over an imagined slight, which obviously upset my mum and her sister a lot.

Afterwards my mum came up to me and said outright you can't call DD name X you know, and said again that she would call her a nickname instead. I'd been thinking about asking so it was quite useful to know.

I then mentioned this to DH, who said that it wasn't up to my mum! He's right of course, though that's not the kind of thing he would usually say, and I'm still nervous about causing upset in the family I know it's up to me and DH but also feel a certain amount of loyalty to my mum, who obviously feels loyalty to her mum too, so personally I think a middle name might be the way to go now. Who knew all this would get so complicated?!

Thanks for letting me witter on - this is a great sounding board