How do diminutives work in everyday life?

[KellsBelk]

This may seem like a stupid question, but how do diminutives work in everyday life? When someone who goes by a diminutive (or really any name that is not their actual first name) sends an email, do they use their full name or the diminutive? When they’re meeting someone new, do they introduce themselves as their full name, diminutive, or both? Which name do they give for takeaway orders? We’re considering a name that will probably inevitably be shortened (even if we don’t shorten it ourselves), and I’m curious what this will look like. I’m not close with anyone who has a name like this, so I truly do not know.

My DD (now age 28) goes by a diminutive of her name. At work her profile and e mail address etc are all in that name. She always introduces herself as that name. She really only uses her full name on official documents.

They just introduce themselves as Tom, Sam, Ellie, Billy, Liz etc and everyone uses that name.

Actually so does my DD1 but we call her her full name (which she prefers) and we call DD2 by her diminutive (which she prefers)

My dd has a name like Danielle but always been known as Danny, for example. In the register and on her books at school, at the GP surgery etc she is Danielle but absolutely no one calls her Danielle. She will most likely sign off emails as Danny but ive always told her if she wants to use her full name or a different nickname then that's fine. She loves her name though

DH is called a longer name I’ll say Matthew but it’s not that. His Mum calls him Matthew and it says Matthew on all his official stuff, driving licence etc.
At work he is Matt, his work email and all company documents say Matt.
When I met him he introduced himself as Matty and all his friends call him Matty.

I think this is entirely dependent on the person. I happen to know a lot of people with variations of the name Catherine for instance (must be my age/generation). Some are always Kate or Katie, even professionally, and others use Catherine in most instances but are called Catie at home by family. One is always Katherine except when ordering a coffee, where she says Kate because it’s quicker for everyone.

I also know a Rebecca who legally changed her name to Becky because literally no one called her by her full name and she hated it.

You will find you have no control over what your child chooses. Personally I chose to name my kids things that couldn’t be shortened for simplicity, but lots prefer to give options.

I suppose it’s a mixture.

Thinking about the emails I receive (a good example as it includes people thinking about how they want their name presented in a slightly permanent way via their professional web address)…

Some people use ‘Eleanor’ in the email address but sign off as Ellie, but others would use ‘Freddie’ in their email address despite really being Frederick. Just completley random.

My ‘real name’ I only use on official documents, my credit card etc. Everywhere else I’m the diminutive.

I work with three Olivers. The older one (50s) answers to Ollie but has email address and sig as Oliver.

The one in his 30s uses Olly on everything.

The one in his 20s uses Ollie on everything.

When you join a company they ask you what name you want to known as. You can specify anything you like. Our old very senior boss went by a completely different nickname that was actually a normal name (think Bob) when his birth certificate said a totally unconnected name eg Steve. Bob wasn’t even his middle name, there was some long story re why he’d got the nickname in the Army.

They use the name they want to be called in that situation. It differs for everyone. My DH never uses his full name. My mum is only called the diminutive by my dad and her siblings really.

So sometimes that might be their full name, sometimes the shortening. Just like you might sometimes sign a letter (if you had to send something formal for example) as “Ms xxxx”, or whatever title you use, because that’s how you want to be referred to in that situation.

I now put my full name with the shortening in brackets next to my full name after I was told that it was unprofessional to sign off as Liz. 🙄

When working in schools, at the first calling of the register I would ask them to tell me if I was mispronouncing their name, or if they preferred to be called by something else. I did have some pupils who went by a diminutive with their friends but preferred teachers to call them by their proper name. I had one awkward parents' evening where the child preferred a different diminutive to her parents.

I had a colleague who called their son Sam rather than Samuel; they didn't see any point in a longer name if they weren't going to use it. On the other hand, it does give a useful indication of gender!

The biggest problem, in adulthood, is when they don't sign their emails at all. I work online with new people each year. I am given their details, including full name. I address them by their full first name initially, and take note of how they sign themselves for future use. Some don't ever sign their emails, which means I address them as Benjamin or Christopher all year. Sometimes their personal email address uses a diminutive, and I'm never quite sure whether that indicates that they are happy for me to use that name or not. They may just have been searching a gmail address not already taken, and presumably the ones with emails like sexykitten@ presumably don't want to be addressed that way! If it's a work email address then I think it's clearer that that's what they want to be called.

You’re overthinking this. It’s not as deep as you’re imagining.

Everyone’s different. For example, my DP and I both have very easily and commonly shortened names - obviously not saying what they are, but think along the lines of, eg, Alexander and Rebecca.

In DP’s case, his professional email address, work ID etc all say Alex. He introduces himself as Alex. Throughout his career as a journalist, his byline said Alex. He books restaurant tables in the name of Alex, etc. Obviously his passport and hospital records and his driving licence all say Alexander. All his social media says Alex. His mum and his one surviving aunt and uncle call him Alexander but nobody else does. His sibling calls him Alex.

In my case, my professional email address and work ID says Rebecca, as does all my social media. But I might often sign off with ‘Regards, Becky’ and lots of my colleagues call me Becky. Others call me Rebecca. Sometimes people ask me if I prefer Rebecca or Becky and I give the honest answer that I really don’t mind. My friends call me Becky. How I introduce myself depends on the situation really. My mum calls me by either name, my brother always calls me Rebecca and my sister usually calls me Becky. In my normal daily life I never give any of this so much as a second thought - it’s just not anything I’m even conscious of. It never causes any problems or confusion.

I mostly completely forget that I have a 'full' name - my diminuative is my name to me. It was a surprise to most of the guests at my wedding that it isn't my full name. The only places I have my full name are my passport and driving licence. Nothing at all at work.

I have experienced exactly this (though my preferred diminutive is Lizzie). I've been told it's a "silly name" and I should only use the full version at work etc. I was only allowed to have Elizabeth for my work email and pass. But Jim, Cathy and Tony were all allowed their diminutives "because those aren't silly names".

Sorry, I digress. I have full name on official docs but sign off and introduce myself by the diminutive except when I'm meeting an opponent (solicitor), then it's definitely Elizabeth!

But if you would introduce yourself by Elizabeth to an opponent then isn't your boss right that Lizzie doesn't have enough gravitas for a solicitor, and really you recognise that too?

I introduce myself with my diminutive unless it's a professional situation (also a solicitor). My work email has my full name in my details but I'll sign off with my diminutive on internal emails.

Personal emails it depends on how formal I want to be.

I use a diminutive and hate to be called the full name. I only use it at the doctors etc

I expect they will just use whatever they prefer to be called

You just must know someone who is a Tom, Becky, Matt, Chris, Pam, Liz, Mike, Tim, Sam, Vicky etc. It’s so common.

People will just use the name they want to be called. I use my interchangeably, depending on who I’m speaking to.

It’s a bit grim, but this thread has me wondering which name would be used in court if someone were arrested.

I'm all over the place with my name haha
At work I am Samantha, always full name. Most of my non work friends call me Sam. I was out with a colleague recently and bumped into a non work friend who said "hey Sam" and my colleague was like nooooo you don't look like a Sam!!
Then there is a small group of people who call me Sammi (started as a joke, kinda stuck, now thats my name in that group!)
I introduce myself as Sam, unless in a work context. But I actually really like Sammi so thats also my Starbucks name as it makes me happy when someone calls it out!

I hate the idea that if I was murdered or something, they would use my full name in the papers!

Don't assume your child will want to be called a shortened version of their name. My daughter has a name that has several diminutives, but prefers her full name and everyone calls her that.

I’d say we have a mix at work, some have their diminutive as their email and others go by it but have their full name on emails and official systems e.g. my friend Liz is always Liz, never heard anyone call her Elizabeth and she’d never introduce herself as anything but Liz but she’s Elizabeth on the system and email. It’s probably just the default setting when they register new accounts for people joining.

Yes I do recognise that and that's why I play the game. It still annoys me though that is other people who decide it doesn't have gravitas. Everyone's chosen name should be equally respected.

My partner’s name is similar in style to Jamesjerome (not hyphenated, no capital letter on the second name… I know…).
He introduces himself as “James”, people still shorten that to “Jay” for example.
Anything short of a legal document, he’ll sign off as “James”.
His family call him “Jamesjerome” or “JJ” and he hates it.