Would using my mother-in-law's name upset my own mum?

[Dallief]

We're having our second child and plan on giving her the same name as DH's mum. I am worried that my mum is going to get upset when we announce, but I love my mum, and the decision isn't personal. I'm hoping that she'll understand. My mum has a strange name that is almost always misspelt and mispronounced. It is a diminutive/NN of another name that is never used in the UK but is rarely used in Spanish-speaking countries (that we have no connection to). I would never tell her this, but we just don't like the name much and don't want to burden our DC with a name like that. DH's mum has a name that is old-fashioned (dated) but easy to pronounce and spell. We both really like it. I have thought about making the middle name my mum's name, but I almost think that would be worse than not using it at all. Would you be upset if your child had done this?

You don’t need to justify to anyone why you don’t want to use your Mum’s name! You sound like you feel obligated in some way?

I'd pick a different name for the first name and then use both Grandmother's names as middle names (or the combination name as the middle name).

This is a much better idea

I’m Irish and pronounce Cara to rhyme with Tara and Lara.

Yes, but I think the other poster just meant that if you’re saying ‘friend’ as Gaeilge, it’s not pronounced like that.

It depends on what part of Ireland you are from @ShepherdsBlanket
The pronunciations are different depending on the area.

Do you mean the pronunciation of the name Cara varies within Ireland@deeahgwitch? It seems it must if pp is correct? I’ve only heard it to rhyme with Tara/Lara personally, but I’m guessing pp must say it differently.

The word cara (friend) doesn’t actually vary much by Irish language dialect. Some Irish words vary a lot depending on which dialect you speak, but others don’t really.

www.teanglann.ie/en/fuaim/cara

I should add…it’s possible of course that some sub-dialects say the word cara a bit differently, more like the name. I don’t know them all!
It’s definitely not the more usual pronunciation of the word though.

PP seemed incredulous that everyone in Ireland doesn’t say cara and Cara the same and I was surprised by that.

We used FILs name, which is a family name, no one my side has commented on it….

I’m shocked at how against family/honour names PP are. It’s a common custom. You don’t need a reason to want to use your MIL’s (or anyone else’s) name. Liking the name is reason enough.

A child can and will be their own person even if they are named after someone else. It’s ridiculous to think they can’t. It’s almost as ridiculous as the people who think a child needs to be given a ‘unique’ name in order to be an original or interesting person.

I hate when threads get derailed. Not to be rude, but is it truly relevant to this thread whether someone pronounces Cara the Irish or Italian way or how Cara is pronounced in Ireland? I’m sure the OP knows how she wants it to be pronounced…

I was named after my Grandfather. To be honest, I never liked it. The name itself is fine, but as a kid it always felt like pressure, like I was meant to be a little him, have this extra connection with him compared to my brother and cousins.

None of this came from my parents or family by the way, it was entirely self inflicted, but kid me just felt like "Well I'm named after this person, so I should feel closer to him than my other grandparents, and I just don't"

It felt like a bit or my identity, my name, wasn't really mine. I was just borrowing it from someone else. It's an unpleasant feeling.

So I'd advise not saddling your kids with a relatives name. Pick something thats theirs, that you chose for them, rather than for the person you want to honour.