Would using my mother-in-law's name upset my own mum?

[Dallief]

We're having our second child and plan on giving her the same name as DH's mum. I am worried that my mum is going to get upset when we announce, but I love my mum, and the decision isn't personal. I'm hoping that she'll understand. My mum has a strange name that is almost always misspelt and mispronounced. It is a diminutive/NN of another name that is never used in the UK but is rarely used in Spanish-speaking countries (that we have no connection to). I would never tell her this, but we just don't like the name much and don't want to burden our DC with a name like that. DH's mum has a name that is old-fashioned (dated) but easy to pronounce and spell. We both really like it. I have thought about making the middle name my mum's name, but I almost think that would be worse than not using it at all. Would you be upset if your child had done this?

My name was common enough in the 60s when I was born, but it's no longer used for babies, in fact it's officially extinct according to the Office for National Statistics. I don't expect my DC to use it for their own children, even as a middle name, because it isn't trendy. I think I'd feel sad though if my DD used her MILs name to honour her.

Cara means friend in Ireland

If my DDs used their MILs name for their child I think I’d be absolutely gutted. Because it would signal to me that they thought more of her than me. It’s a gut feeling rather than logical.

Cara is an excellent compromise! It means “dear” in Italian and you can say that they are both dear to you. Love the Irish meaning too.

Personally I would forget the idea, if your Mum is hurt by it then she'll be reminded of it every time she says the name forever more.

Cara is a beautiful name. It's Irish for friend 🧡

She might hate her name. But to “honour” one when they are both here seems unfair.

Cara is lovely.

It’s spelt the same but the word for friend isn’t pronounced like the name, it’s said corr-a.

This is a much better idea and Cara is lovely

It isn’t personal???

Of course they're pronounced the same 😬

That's like saying the girls' name Ivy isn't pronounced the same as the Ivy plant.

And yes, OP, agree with everyone else, there are many beautiful names in the world, choose one of those! Bit odd you felt obliged to name her after one of the grandmothers. Feels like a dilemma from the 1930s.

Have you ever asked your mum what she thinks of her name? I know mine didn’t like hers and would have been horrified if we had used it for her grandchild. I also had a friend who wanted to use both her mum’s and MIL’s name for her daughter. When she told her MIL - after the child was born - MIL’s reaction was “think again dear”.
so it may not be the problem you think it is. If you like the name go with it.

No, of course they’re not!

The word cara, which means friend in the Irish language, isn’t pronounced the same way as the name Cara.

With Ivy (name or plant) you’re not swapping between languages, with Cara/cara you are. The name pronunciation is Italian in origin I think. Definitely not the Irish pronunciation in any Irish dialect anyway …I’ve linked those below.

https://www.teanglann.ie/en/fuaim/cara

What Irish person pronounces Cara any differently from, ummm, Cara? It's literally the same word. I'm afraid you're not making any sense, mo chara.

I don’t pronounce the name Cara as corr-a, like I do the Irish word.

I have a friend Cara (she’s Irish as am I) and it’s pronounced to rhyme with Tara or Lara.

As I said, the usual name pronunciation comes from Italian, not Irish.

I thought that since our kids got my husband's last name, I wanted their first names to honour my family. My mother didn't like her own first name, so we named our daughter after my mother's best friend (my husband's suggestion).

Will the child’s surname come from you or your husband?

since dd had my surname, we made sure any family name connections were from dh’s side. If we had gone with his surname, we would have done the reverse.

And the Caras I know (one is in her 40s, two are teens and one is 8) pronounce their name just like the Irish word cara. How unsurprising! 😂

As I said, you seem confused. But carry on pronouncing the name in the Italian style if that's your preference. One must find amusement in this world.

Well, I linked the Irish pronunciation of the Irish word cara upthread. Maybe others can weigh in if they think that’s the usual pronunciation of the name Cara?

Where I’m from in Ireland it’s most definitely not 🤷‍♀️
I am in no way confused about this.

Presumably you have a different accent than I do. As I said though, I don’t think the Irish pronunciation as given upthread is the one most people use for the name, but things can vary a lot depending on accent I know.

My mum would be upset. Even if it was a middle name.

Cara is a lovely name. I wouldn’t give my child the same first name as someone else close in the family who was still alive either tbh.

Almost certainly

I’m not sure I would feel ‘honoured’ to have my initial plonked on someone else’s name to make a mix of our two names.

Fine, call your child Cara if you love the name per se, but don’t expect your Mum and MIL to be elated that you have blended their names.

I wouldn’t be upset, just bemused and a bit eye rolley.

I want my grandchildren to have names that their parents love and that hopefully they wil enjoy being called.

Your mother will love that you honour the child's other grandmother. That is lovely. I can't see jealousy at all.

I would certainly add a middle name for your own mother. Use her actual name or her second or surname. or her mother's name.

It used to be common to name a first daughter after both grandmothers.

That’s really harsh, I think it’s a lovely gesture.