Should we prioritise our baby name preferences or his family tradition?

[daiilyah]

My partner is Hindu, Indian and I am white British, we live in the UK. His family lives in India

I am not fussed about having an Indian name and neither is DH but his family feel it's important for them to be connected to their roots.

In their family the paternal grandmother gives the name and they have no middle names. My MIL is lovely and was disappointed when we said no but understood. We will have middle names but want to also choose these ourselves.

I have looked at tons and tons of names that work in both cultures but none have stood out for me.

I'm not looking for more suggestions of these as I have spent a long time looking.

The names DH and I like are longer slightly more elegant names like Liberty or Alexander.

Most seem to have greek routes

Should I stick to our preferences or consider his culture?

So my best mate chose a name that the longer version is an Indian name, but shortens to a European one that he goes by every day

You and your husband choose the name.

If you wish to involve MIL, you could wait until the baby is born and choose two names you both would be very happy to use, then allow MIL to have the final say.

agreed. i was raised with a name that is not my legal first name and it’s a PITA. every time i changed schools or uni or jobs i revert back to my legal name and then have to convince everyone to use my given name. some people would react with visible disapproval like i am ridiculous and essentially think i am just using a fake name, so i gave up eventually. now some people know me with one name, others with my other name. it’s awkward and i find my whole name situation embarrassing.

I am white British and my husband is Malaysian Chinese. I think it is important to acknowledge both cultures. Both my kids have a (western) 1st name, both have a middle name after my grandad/dad, a Chinese name chosen my mother in law and Chinese surname. They are older now and they are proud of their names.

I understand. My mother is Indian albeit not Hindu. I get that Hindu naming has cultural and religious significance.

So also everything that's major milestones (oh the stress on seemingly innocuous things for our wedding, when I got pregnant, etc. etc.).
Do listen and take on board suggestions, but know and lead by the fact that as two individuals meeting in the middle across cultures, religion, etc.etc. in modern times, you have to do what suits you.

Where my mother was getting really annoying, I countered with our (OH and my) view and stuck with it. The wedding was terribly stressful as I took a while to draw a line in the number of issues she kept raising....and learned to counter things as 'this is what the priest has requested, the church is only available at 3pm on Friday (yes, the time Jesus died on the cross! And a time that no one gets married at apparently,) etc., etc.

Apparently, Alexander was a low class / caste name (she was worried about 'Alex' which is not good enough for our family...in the specific state /culture she comes from in India)... I still stuck with it. My son is Alexander / Zander (to those who are close) has a name that absolutely suits him.

I’d still make them Indian middle names as it’s the children’s heritage, and I’m sure they’d feel more connected to it with an Indian middle name than with a western name and no middle name.

Nah, they don't get a say. They got to decide for themelseves when they had children. Now it's your turn.

What is it?

i would choose the name you both like, but as a respect to his mother i would allow her to give her a nickname that she uses for her as a special bond for her and the granddaughter. it would be informal but may make his mother feel involved respected etc

As it's your husband's family (only) applying the pressure AND their reaction to middle names is so strongly negative that your husband wants to keep them a secret, then only the first name and surname are relevant to their request. You've already decided to use the dad's surname. That surname is a very strong link to the dad's culture whether other people from outside the culture automatically know it or not; it's a closer and more personal link than a random name chosen because it's Hindu. That leaves the first name as a link to the mother's culture. Sure, it would be nice if you could find something that works equally in both cultures, but you've said you've looked hard and found nothing. I wouldn't feel guilty at all using an English name that you and your husband both like; maybe just choose one that doesn't present a big pronunciation problem for your husband's family if they have a different native language.

This. Pick a middle name from his culture (if you want to honour that side). Or don’t.., how is this an issue if you’re both in agreement?