Should we prioritise our baby name preferences or his family tradition?

[daiilyah]

My partner is Hindu, Indian and I am white British, we live in the UK. His family lives in India

I am not fussed about having an Indian name and neither is DH but his family feel it's important for them to be connected to their roots.

In their family the paternal grandmother gives the name and they have no middle names. My MIL is lovely and was disappointed when we said no but understood. We will have middle names but want to also choose these ourselves.

I have looked at tons and tons of names that work in both cultures but none have stood out for me.

I'm not looking for more suggestions of these as I have spent a long time looking.

The names DH and I like are longer slightly more elegant names like Liberty or Alexander.

Most seem to have greek routes

Should I stick to our preferences or consider his culture?

MIL picking the name, even a middle name, is bonkers. If your husband isn't bothered about choosing a name that reflects his culture, then I don't know why you would be. Just choose a name you like together.

Choose 2 names and let her pick a third which probably will never get used!

Normal in your culture though, and where the child will grow up, presumably. Tell your ILs that (or get DH to). I think it will be nice for your DC to have a middle name that reflects his/her Indian heritage.

I also had to deal with family name tradition, and a culturally/ethnically mixed child. So - we chose the names of our children ourselves - taking into consideration the heritage, and balancing it with our desire that the names are easy to pronounce and don't have complicated spelling (i.e. not needed to be spelled out)
Personally - don't see the point in middle names. If a child wants to change their name when they grow up, it's not difficult. And they'll most likely chose something themselves, rather than the middle name their parents picked years ago...

Liberty is a stripper name to me. Far from elegant...

Could you give grandmother a list of names you like and ask her to pick one for the baby?

Use the mil or Indian name as the first name, the name you like as a middle name but that’s the name you use day to day? Eg John David Smith but called David day to day.

Tell then our royal family always have a heap of middle names!

Can you let MIL choose from a (very) shortlist? I have Indian friends who’ve done it this way.

If neither your or DH are fussed and MIL understands, then I think you need to think about why you are even asking the question.

No idea where they get that from, I work for an Indian organisation and half the board have multiple middle names. In fact one has so many he is just known by the initials of his 5 last names! Definitely not low status individuals, it’s a $3B company!

Such as Liberty?

Liberty is lovely. I would do what you and your husband like, it's your family after all and the perfect opportunity to make new traditions.

Liberty is lovely. I would do what you and your husband like, it's your family after all and the perfect opportunity to make new traditions.

There are some gorgeous names that work for both - could you find one?
Jasmine
Kaia
Ananya
Naima
Asha

There's no way I'd let the grandmother pick the baby name, what if she chooses a name that you and your partner don't like? Are you expected to disregard your feelings and keep the name anyway, and then is your baby when it grows up expected to not choose it's own children's names to keep the tradition going?

Give the baby two names, one from your own culture, one from your partner's culture so that it honours both sides of its family and culture and that way you both get to choose names that you both like and that feel special to you

I would choose names that you both like.

How interested is your partner about is own roots/culture?

Pick the name you like for your child

My kids are random first name/ surname from my heritage /DH's surname. I think middle names are a nice way to reflect both families, especially when baby has their father's name.

If it's a DP will thr baby have a different surname to you? I wouldn't like this.

I think do what you are both happy with and show respect with the middle name.

Grandma lives in a different culture and country and unfortunately needs to understand that her grandson’s country’s ways are not hers. She won’t get all the power she would get if you were living there or if he had married into his own culture and that is going go to be an adjustment for her. Not for you.

Sorry I find the whole “family name” thing slightly cringe. Who do they think they are the Royals?! And it’s often followed up with a solemn “culture” reference meaning you have to do as they say 🙄. Name her whatever you want!

Whatever name you DO end up picking, just don't let it end up being Liberty. That's awful

What’s wrong with Liberty? Perfectly nice name and Libby is a nice shortening.

Please don't do this. My father and both my uncles did this and it's such a pain for them all.

My MIL is Indian and my daughter has a classic British first name and MIL's name as her middle name.

We'd choose two or three middle names from my spouse's culture and ask their mother to pick one. We'd be firm on our preference for the first name.

Its personal choice but we are a French English family (my husband being the French component) and my surname is Polish (grandfather) so I can share what we did. We agreed we would choose a name that worked well in both cultures - and sounded similar in both accents - for the first name. It was neither English not French and for middle names I chose a polish middle name because she would have the French surname. I have reflected since that maybe for another child I would actually say using an English or Polish name would be nice because they would again have a French surname. Will it be the same for your child? If so, then I would highlight that as a reason for having a name from your background (or at least a name you both like that goes with the surname)