Should we prioritise our baby name preferences or his family tradition?

[daiilyah]

My partner is Hindu, Indian and I am white British, we live in the UK. His family lives in India

I am not fussed about having an Indian name and neither is DH but his family feel it's important for them to be connected to their roots.

In their family the paternal grandmother gives the name and they have no middle names. My MIL is lovely and was disappointed when we said no but understood. We will have middle names but want to also choose these ourselves.

I have looked at tons and tons of names that work in both cultures but none have stood out for me.

I'm not looking for more suggestions of these as I have spent a long time looking.

The names DH and I like are longer slightly more elegant names like Liberty or Alexander.

Most seem to have greek routes

Should I stick to our preferences or consider his culture?

You can honour his culture with a middle name, surely? You are both happy not following the family tradition so I would stand firm on that.

Pick a name you both like, this is your child so pick the name yourselves

I would chose a middle name from DH’a culture as it’s also the child’s culture. Perhaps you could ask MIL for some suggestions.

Let mil pick a middle name.

I'd let MIL choose (or at least suggest) a middle name.

Will the child have your or your partner’s surname, or both?

this is what I'd suggest

I'd use the name you both like best, and a Hindu middle name.

I’d be careful of this. What if OP/DH don’t like the name chosen and don’t want to use it. That’s then really going to cause bad blood. I’d just leave it as it is now personally and they choose both names.

Definitely a name you both like and then why not have two middle names - one picked by his mum and one related to your family

I’d let MIL choose and use for the middle name. Someone I know who is half Indian is called Surina so works well for both cultures. I’d prioritise the names you like though for first name.

in their family having middle names is seen as 'under class' don't know how else to put it. So we're not actually going to tell them about the middle names

I think the child's surname is relevant here as that might signal their heritage.

FWIW 'Liberty' sounds a bit America and not elegant.

the surname is Indian but doesn't necessarily sound it

I would do middle names only and let both MIL choose, it’s about your culture too

Ultimately, it’s your child so you get to choose, especially as your DH agrees with you.
Have you heard any of MIL’s suggestions? You might like them! Or maybe tweak them?

A name isn't really something you can compromise on as you'll have to use it every day for the rest of your life. The parents should decide, no matter what culture.

I would tell them, purely because just as it is useful for you to learn about traditions and cultural norms, it is useful for them to learn about yours.

I was in a similarish situation and chose to go with names that would work everywhere.
They got middle names that were more nods to that heritage.
And no one named them but their own parents!

Use names you love and pick middle name yourself.

They want you to respect their culture but can't they have any respect for yours? Tell them in England it would be an honour to select a child's middle name.

Surname definitely counts though you said the heritage isn't obvious. My husband is Nigerian and we agreed (I'm very on board) at least one name from his family's language as well.

I think it's worth discussing with his family and saying we're not going to go with an Indian first name but we'd love you to help us consider a middle name if you have any suggestions? If they say no and don't like the idea of middle names then don't bother.

I do think though you have to love the name as parents but also important to keep the child connected to their heritage in some way especially if husband's family aren't nearby.

I would have a middle name from his culture, one his mum chooses unless it’s hideous!

Why not explain to them that in British culture, the more middle names you have, the posher you are - just check out King Charles' string of middle names (Charles Philip Arthur George Mountbatten-Windsor)!

DP has asked that we don't mention giving middle names. He finds them pointless but for me their an opportunity to select alternative names should our child grow up to not like their given one