Should we prioritise our baby name preferences or his family tradition?

[daiilyah]

My partner is Hindu, Indian and I am white British, we live in the UK. His family lives in India

I am not fussed about having an Indian name and neither is DH but his family feel it's important for them to be connected to their roots.

In their family the paternal grandmother gives the name and they have no middle names. My MIL is lovely and was disappointed when we said no but understood. We will have middle names but want to also choose these ourselves.

I have looked at tons and tons of names that work in both cultures but none have stood out for me.

I'm not looking for more suggestions of these as I have spent a long time looking.

The names DH and I like are longer slightly more elegant names like Liberty or Alexander.

Most seem to have greek routes

Should I stick to our preferences or consider his culture?

Quite so, and if as adults they decide to move to the other country, they can simply not use the middle name.

My husband and I are between 2 cultures. Our kids have western and Chinese names. They were only called by their Chinese names at Chinese school, apart from the youngest because her name works as a cute nickname. Everybody is satisfied and the kids feel they have a link to part of their cultural identity, whether it is used frequently or not.

My brother was given a middle name from our mother's culture (Eurasian) and his christian/first name is English traditional. I have English/French (grandmother) names. My brother hates his Eurasian name with a passion. I dislike both my names. We had absolutely no interest in learning about our mother's culture when we were young. We wanted to be like everyone else. So do what you and your partner want to do - your child will probably tell you you should have done the opposite!

We’ve got mixed culture kids we picked the names ourselves. Traditionally there isn’t middle names used in his culture but we gave middle names. I liked quite a few names from his country and wanted something that wasn’t overused here in the uk hubby wanted to honour his relatives by using their names but we comprised and used those names as middle names. (I’ve got a middle name but never use it so presumed my kids would never use theirs!) I thought their names would link them to dad’s side as they don’t follow his religion and we live in the U.K.

they will have his surname, as will i. It's not like 'Singh' or 'patel' where you immediately would think Indian. I have heard it used in the uK as a boys first name (even by JK Rowling in Harry Potter)

So they will have an Indian surname. I'm really excited to pick all the names including middles and don't want a name I'm underwhelmed with

I've always been known by my middle name and it's getting very difficult now, so make sure you like the first name. It's due to things being all automated and security, it's really awkward as I don't always recognise my own name when it's called out or whatever.

I’d only see this as an issue if your husband cared. Sounds like you’re on the same page with what you like so decision made.

I’m mixed white & Indian and my brother and I have Indian first names and British middle names. The Indian first names were specifically chosen to be easy for English speakers - to the point where non Indians didn’t necessarily clock it was if they didn’t know my very Indian maiden name.

My family has no such issue with middle names (my dad has 3). Given that middle names are normal in your culture, I don’t think it is a problem to use them although they perhaps you don’t want to make a huge deal of it to them. I do think you should ensure that any name you use is pronounceable in the language your in laws speak, and doesn’t inadvertently mean something rude. I think your name preferences are the most important though. All of the next generation of babies in my family have non Indian names.

Both my DC have middle names representing my own culture (they are actually my grandparents names).
As first names we chose something we both liked.
I'd do this if you want to honour his culture and family in India.

Stick to your guns OP. Naming children is the privilege of mum and dad. Since you and DH are on the same page there is no issue. Luckily MIL seems to understand!

I think for the child’s identity they’d probably like to have an Indian name at least a middle. I like having a name linked to my non English parents country.

serena, Sheena, Nina, shereen all good neutral names tha work for both.

The main thing here is that you and your husband agree. It’s easy to say when not pregnant and full of hormones but I really think you are over thinking here.

Choose the names you and your husband love.

In your position, as long as my husband was not bothered by tradition, then I’d just pick names we both like.

Bit surprised that so many people are saying let MIL pick a middle name, as normally people on here seem to be against in-laws picking anything, or even commenting on names, never mind picking one. And that's even when they're objecting to names like Tradjedeighhhhhhhhhhh.
But it is nice to do it, but I don't know about only letting one of the grandparents pick a name?

Not that it really matters, but if it's the name I think it is, it's very noticeably Indian when it's a surname.

It's reasonably common-ish as a first name in the UK; but it would never be a 'traditional British' surname.

All that matters is that it is what you and DH feel happy with

British first name and Indian surname to honour both of your child’s cultures. Your husband and his family shouldn’t be allowed to choose both. One culture is not more important than the other.

Why do your DH’s family traditions weigh heavier than yours?

Choose your own names, but personally I would include an Indian name - or will your child have an Indian surname?

My extended family members of Indian Hindu culture are not called by their registered names anyway, they all have alternative names used day to day, at work, etc.

Could MIL give suggestions of names? There may be one you like. I would follow the family tradition by asking MIL for a list and striving to choose from that, but I wouldn’t accept a name I really disliked or that has connotations in the UK that MIL may not know.

Why shouldn’t they pick a name from mum’s culture, which is just as much the child’s culture (and probably more given where they live).

Stick to your guns. If you cave in on the name. Next it will be statues in the room, religious nonsense etc etc. your MIL had her chance to raise a child and do what she wanted now it’s your turn

Let her pick one name, you pick the other, then choose which way around sounds best, you then can choose to call via first or second name day to day. You can have a veto on the Indian name but it’s a lovely family tradition to continue but modify

Id say, you and DH together make a list of Hindu names that you would be happy with, and let MIL pick your baby's middle name from that list. It can't all be one culture, especially when the child will grow up more in the other culture, so it's just not your problem that they don't like middle names.

@AWeeCupOfTeaAndAnIndividualFruitTrifle I didn't know that as I hadn't heard of it other than a british boys name before I met DP