Taking someone else’s baby name

[mondray]

So hear me out here.

I’m due to give birth to my third boy in about 4 days. We’ve been struggling with boys names and really stuck up until I spoke to a mum from school.
She’s had a baby a couple of months ago and mentioned what she named him.
Now I knew immediately if I said this name to my husband it will be a done deal, as it’s the same name as his favourite tv-character. And that’s exactly what happened.

Now the boys will be in the same year mostly likely when they get older. The name isn’t unusual, but also isn’t super common.

Also to mention apart from this one conversation I’ve had with her, we’ve not spoken since. So don’t really know her and we’re not friend.

I feel really guilty, but love the name.
What’s everyone’s opinions?

Should we find another name? Even though we’ve struggled the whole pregnancy to find we both agree on?

Should we stick to it and apologies for stealing it? Might be a bit awkward, as mentioned previously we’ve only had that one conversation.

Any help would be amazing.

It's the name of a TV character so surely she would anticipate others using the same name as that's also likely where she got her inspiration from.

Use the name and if she asks all you need to say is yes DH loves the show and that's why we used the name.

You have no real relationship with this person. It doesn’t count as reusing a name.

the only issue is two children with the same name in a class. Some children find it very annoying. It depends on personality.

If you feel this weird about it then I think you need to find another name. There’s nothing inherently wrong in what you’re planning but you have misgivings, she will definitely raise an eyebrow and you will feel guilty every time you see her. Unless you can make peace with it choose another name.

Why would they be in the same class? One of them isn’t even born yet, anything could happen in the next 4/5 years.
Even if both families stay in the area, there are surely more than one class in a year group?

I don’t see an issue and I’m not sure why you would apologise for using a name. Lots of children have the same name in classes, it’s not like they will be joined at the hip for the rest of their lives. There are multiple children called Theo and Jude at our nursery. Unless it’s something completely out there, then I don’t think it would be an issue.

What is the name? I may steal it 😁

When DD was in preschool, there were 4 boys in the preschool/reception class with the same name. Not top 100, but not unknown.
None of them had been born in the area.
In 4 years, one of you might have moved, or just chose a different school.

Use a name you like. Ignore everything else.

@SilverChampagne It’s a small school with only 60 kids per year. We’re definitely not moving anywhere, no idea about them, but she’s got two older kids that also goes to the same school. One of which goes to nursery with my middle.

They all go to nursery together and then they split them into two groups from reception onwards.

@McNicey It’s Jesse. I’m assuming you can guess what tv-show my husband has binge watched 5-6 times over they years 😂😂.

@TickingAlongNicely I think you’re right.
I shouldn’t worry about it too much.
I mean I named my eldest Oliver and it’s by pure miracle that there’s not two of them anywhere at school or around us.

I thought the name was going to be something really uncommon and thought it would be a bit of a jerk move to steal it. Jesse is super common and I wouldn't worry about it.

@Ggmores No it’s not out there in any way. The name is Jesse, so not one you hear every day, but definitely not crazy.
I guess I just feel bad as the one and only conversation we’ve had was about baby names and then I go and just take the one she used 😂.

But like people have said previously. Circumstances change, people move and there’s plenty of kids with the same names.

@caitlinsjoy This is my problem. I’m an over thinker in general and will definitely feel bad.
Not looking forward to that inevitable first conversation we will have once we see each other after the baby is born.
But doubt she’s the kind of person that would make a big deal about it. She’s fairly quiet.

My gut is telling me to go with it and deal with the guilt. Which I’m sure will go away eventually anyway.
I just needed some reassurance and I guess if everyone thought it’s able bad idea, I would have had more of a second thought.

There were 5 Oliver's in my son's class when he started reception 9 years ago!!

Fantastic you managed to by pass any others!

I love the name Jesse because it's come up with a huge story behind it in my family history. If it was a girl called Jessie no one would bay an eye lid at there being more than one.

You can always say you thought you were having a girl and chose Jessie, but then got so attached to the name you decided to go for it anyway! 😆

I understand all of this. I’m not sure how pregnant you are but there’s no harm in putting this top of your list and seeing if anything else catches your eye between now and baby’s birth. If you like Jesse and Oliver then perhaps you’d like Rory or Jamie or Archie or Harry.

You are really over thinking this. A lot could happen between now and school age and here are often people of the same name in a class. Someone you can get very uncommon names get doubled up, no one think anything about it.

Harvey
Henry
Joe
Quinn
Elliot

These names have a similar sort of vibe I think.

@caitlinsjoy I’m very very pregnant 😂. As in going in for c-section on Tuesday, kind of pregnant. It’s been going around my head for months, but I think we’re quite set now. So we will probably be sticking to it.

She is not a friend. In 4 years time she won't even realise you had this conversation. One of both of you may have moved by then. And your kid will have the name his whole life....If you like the name take it.

I would go for it. If you love the name, use it. A lifetime of you loving your son's name versus someone you don't really know being a bit miffed (and probably still would never tell you so to your face). A good friend of mine who lives abroad asked a mutual friend to tell me that she ashamedly took the same name as my daughter for her daughter (born 3 years later), and I felt so sad my friend was scared of telling me herself, as I was just really flattered she loved the name as much as me. And given we live so far away from each other, I thought it was a lovely thing that we were bond daily by our daughters' name. Maybe that mom will be flattered too?

If you both love the name then use it!

If they're going to be in the same class I wouldn't, I don't think it's fair when you know it's a probability and he'll spend his school days being Jesse J (whatever surname is)

It’s fine, don’t think twice.

There were two Jesses in one class of 30 kids at DS's last primary. (In the one he was at before, his class alone had two Alices, two Harrisons and a Harry, two Georges and two Imogens.)

It’s only stealing a name if there’s a name that you know a close friend or family member plans to use, so you use it first, making it weird if they use it too because then there would be two children with the same name in a close circle and it would look like they copied you. You’ve just heard the name acquaintance has already used and happen to like it. She’s not even your friend. She can’t expect the name never to be used again just because she’s used it. I really doubt she’ll care and if she does she’s being ridiculous.