Taking someone else’s baby name

[mondray]

So hear me out here.

I’m due to give birth to my third boy in about 4 days. We’ve been struggling with boys names and really stuck up until I spoke to a mum from school.
She’s had a baby a couple of months ago and mentioned what she named him.
Now I knew immediately if I said this name to my husband it will be a done deal, as it’s the same name as his favourite tv-character. And that’s exactly what happened.

Now the boys will be in the same year mostly likely when they get older. The name isn’t unusual, but also isn’t super common.

Also to mention apart from this one conversation I’ve had with her, we’ve not spoken since. So don’t really know her and we’re not friend.

I feel really guilty, but love the name.
What’s everyone’s opinions?

Should we find another name? Even though we’ve struggled the whole pregnancy to find we both agree on?

Should we stick to it and apologies for stealing it? Might be a bit awkward, as mentioned previously we’ve only had that one conversation.

Any help would be amazing.

Go for it, it sounds like you barely know this woman so to me, there’s just no reason why you wouldn’t have your chosen name.

After I gave birth to my son I was put into a side room as the post natal ward was full upstairs. Another woman was wheeled in a while after with her husband and could hear them arguing over what to name their baby, eventually husband storms off and the woman starts talking to me. She of course asked what I had and what I called him and the moment i told her , I could see her eyes light up. She was gushing about what a gorgeous name it was and how much she loved it. So I told her to use it if she loved it . She was moved soon after but I always wonder did she use the name. I'd be delighted if she did because I love the name and the world needs more people with that name.

It’s not us you need to convince it’s you. You’ve hammered home how you’ve only spoken to her once to convince yourself it’s ok but you’ve also mentioned stealing it and feeling like apologising. You feel uncomfortable about out it so it’s not really opinions your looking for here its people to make you feel better about something you feel shitty about. I don’t think I personally would want all that ties to a name. It it’s your husbands favourite tv character of all time etc you’d think he’d have thought of it. Either pick it or don’t but you need to let of of guilt etc attached to ‘stealing’ your own child’s name!

It's fine - people hear names, like them and use them - it's normal.

What's the TV show? I'm wracking my brains

Go for it.

@MammaKel It’s breaking bad. One of the main characters is called Jesse Pinkman 😂

Was her baby born before school year cut off?
You say he is a couple of months old, so there is a chance, they wont be in the same school year

We ruled out Arthur for DC2 because DC1's very best friend at the childminder was called Arthur, plus there was another friend called Arthur who was one of our neighbours that we used to hang out with in the park etc. Fast forward a few years and childminder Arthur went to a different school and the boys lost touch, and neighbour Arthur has moved away and we've lost touch with that family too. Not met any other Arthurs since!

Happily DC2 was a girl so it wasn't a problem in the end 😂

My point is, just use Jesse if you love it.

"it’s the same name as his favourite tv-character."

You can't call your child 'Inspector Morse', regardless of this fact. IMO.

If they're going to be in the same class I wouldn't, I don't think it's fair when you know it's a probability and he'll spend his school days being the second Jesse. He'll spend his school days as Jess or Jesse Surname.

It's good for kids to have one or two people in their svhool with the same name. It helps then identify with their peers.
Your friend will thank you in her mind.
Two boys and their friends who know how to spell the name.
It won't be odd; they will be normal.

I don't see this as 'stealing'. There will be two Jesses in the class that's all. One of you might even move away so I really wouldn't take this level of acquaintance into consideration.

Jesse is an ancient, well known biblical name as well as popular now so it's not as though she's picked something unusual you'd never heard of until now. It could easily have been on your shortlist anyway.

If you see her you could maybe say 'i had another name in mind before but we've always liked Jesse and it just suited him when we saw him!' it would be true!

I was one of six kids with my name in my class. I didn’t love it but it wasn’t really something I could control, so I didn’t hate it either? It just was.

Jesse isn’t unusual enough that it’ll draw any comments. If you love it, use it, and don’t think any further about it. You may have no plans to move now but anything can happen, same for her. It’s really not worth stressing about.

Jesse is great, I love it but felt it was a smidge too popular for us - so you definitely shouldn't feel weird about using it!

Also, unless your DC's school is very small, with only one intake class in reception, it's not a given they'd be in the same class. I imagine a school might try to avoid having multiples of one name in a class if they can.

@user1492757084 eh?!

As an alternative, how about Walter, Hank or Gustavo?

Use it! You'll have your son all your life and this other person could move away tomorrow only to be replaced by another person with the same name (not that they'd have any right to be annoyed anyway). :)

Gilmore Girls?

I'd use it. I wouldn't not use a name because a vague acquaintance also used it.
Unless you have a specific wish for your child to not have children with the same name as them in the class I guess - I know that's something some people aim for.

when you see her post having your baby, you don’t have to admit the name was from her.

with two classes in a year group, you might not be in the same class, there may be another little Jesse as well!

Could always go for Walter instead 🤣 or Saul!

Jesse is lovely… it’s not up to her and no big deal.

It's good for kids to have one or two people in their svhool with the same name. It helps then identify with their peers.
Your friend will thank you in her mind

I assume you're being ironic

I hated being one of several in my school and was envious of the girls with beautiful memorable names!

No one owns a name.

I think you should get ahead of the awkwardness so it doesn't run into stress over your baby, worrying when you tell anyone at the school the name etc.

On Monday, find the mum, chat a bit about how it's C-section tomorrow. Then say that you actually wanted to talk to her - your DH has an absolute favourite name, loved Jesse since breaking bad but you are worried she'll mind if you use it too, will it be weird if they are at school together etc.

I think if she reassures you now, it'll be a nicer few weeks and easier time for you all.

Good luck on Tuesday.

Too much overthinking here. Use the name. It doesn’t matter one jot that there may be others with the same name when they get to school. Neither does it matter that a conversation you had with an acquaintance from school led to you choosing it.
I have four children in different classes and in every one there is at least one girl or boy that shares a name with their classmates